The portal opened, and Vicky and Amy trudged through it, into the house where I'd linked their travel tokens to.

"Hey kids," I said. "Rough day?"

"Carol is fucking pissed about the lack of villains in Brockton Bay," Vicky said. "You remember when Magpie was in town?"

"That was a little hard to forget, given that she stabbed me," I said.

"Well, Coil was only the first one on her list," Vicky said. "She tore through Empire 88 like a pit bull with a chew toy."

"Nobody mentioned it around you," Amy added, "because by the time anyone realized what happened, Ouroboros had already disappeared, and the few people that Joe Norman was talking to had other shit on their mind."

"Yeah, that sounds about right," I said. "Also, it probably made the news, which people expect me to watch, so." I shrugged. "Anyways, what about Lung?"

"He's still around, but..." Vicky coughed nervously. "Well, that's the thing. The PRT knows that Carol's your lawyer, and that you two talk, and... she got a letter offering you a job, to take down Lung and finish rolling up Brockton Bay's organized crime, and she did not take it well."

"Said something about how she refused to have her life's work wiped away just so she can be the secretary of the boy who's banging her daughter," Amy said. "Oh, and also how Vicky ruined everything by breaking up with Dean and removing the chance of bringing the Stansfield fortune into the family, so."

"Joe Norman never dated either of you," I pointed out.

"I'm pretty sure Carol thinks I was cheating on Dean with you," Vicky said, giving me 12d6 psychic damage. "Either that, or she thinks you and Amy were dating just because you're both healers, but..."

"Carol doesn't usually call me 'her daughter,'" Amy said bitterly.

"Yeah," I said quietly. "Look, I try to be charitable and treat people with mercy and gentleness, but... your mom kinda sucks as a person. She's dealing with a lot, but that's a reason, not an excuse, and a grown-ass adult should've made the effort to move past all that for the sake of their dependents, and she didn't."

"I hear you're pretty decent at this whole 'mom' thing," Vicky said.

"Hm?"

"Evelyn came to talk to Vicky, check up on her," Amy said. "Ended up spilling the beans about being your daughter. I guess you do have a girlfriend you didn't tell us about."

"Oh, that," I said. "So, yes, I am married, but no, Eve is not my biological daughter... well, she wasn't originally, anyhow. At first, she was adopted- a teen superhero with shitty parents, and after she had a nasty breakup that her parents didn't really respond well to, she came to me, her older coworker and erstwhile mentor, and asked if she could crash on my couch just so she could get away from home." I shrugged. "Then, a month or so later, we signed the adoption papers."

"So..." Vicky said. "...You'll take us, too?"

"Of course," I said. "Now, I'm gonna be honest, I'm leaving this universe at the end of the calendar year, but... if you want to come with me..?"

"Leaving the universe?" Vicky asked.

"Also, what do you mean Eve wasn't originally your biological daughter?" Amy added.

"Those are both the same long story, so... take a seat, girls, and make yourselves at home."

---

At the same time, Dean activated his travel token, and arrived in a different house, where another clone of me was waiting for him.

"Rose, can I join your Jumpchain as a Companion?" Dean asked. "I know you're not leaving for a long time, but... I just... I need to get out of this place."

"...Sure, why not," I said. "Although, I am leaving sooner than you think- the end of the calendar year."

"Oh, huh," Dean said. "I thought it'd be longer..."

"Anyhow," I continued. "Each Companion gets to choose a destination, so... think of somewhere you'd like to go."

"Chain of Thorns," Dean said.

"Somewhere else."

"RWBY."

"Also no."

"...Homestuck."

"Why are you like this."

"I'm trying to be more like you, which involves razzing people's berries," Dean said.

"Well, son, lemme know when you're done with that, and have picked an actual destination that won't make me want to claw my eyes out."

"I make no promises."

---

"This is getting ridiculous," I said. "I mean, fuck, at this rate, I might as well go back in time and grab Reginald Splode, while we're printing out all these adoption forms."

"He did ask for parents that loved him," Clover pointed out.

"Yeah, but I arranged for someone else to do that," I said. "Doing that myself wouldn't've helped either of us- I felt bad for the kid, but I didn't love him, and frankly he kinda got on my nerves a little."

A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

"Fair enough," Clover said, nodding. "So... when're you going to deal with Cauldron?"

"Hm? What do they- oh. Oh, that's... That's embarrassing. Sorry, there was this one discord server I was in for a while that was also called Cauldron, run by the most insufferable people I have ever met, but... well, you're not here to listen to me relitigate old internet slapfights. The actual Cauldron, which was fictional for me but is also now wholly real here, will be... uh..." I hummed. "...Fine, I'll go talk to them, but god am I not looking forward to it."

"Why not?" Clover asked.

"Because they're so boring," I said. "Oh, secret shadowy conspiracy of heroes who are actually bad but they're actually good maybe because they're doing the bad things for a good reason! Yawn. They're a vehicle for exposition about the setting's lore and also injecting even more needless conflict that mostly doesn't actually go anywhere interesting or resolve in any way, and that's it. Oh, also they have Contessa, the multiverse's least charismatic and interesting Italian, whose power is to plot and follow a perfect path to victory, except when she can't, except yes she can, and it all depends on how the author feels about it at the time." I shrugged. "It's all stuff in the back half of Worm, where Wildbow finally found his style, and I wish he'd put it back where he found it because the back half of Worm dragged like a dead body."

I sighed.

"Whatever. Maybe after I'm done dealing with that I can do something more interesting, like watching paint dry."

"Acrylic or watercolor?"

"I've got time to kill, so let's go for oil."

---

"Morning, Vicky," I said. "Morning, Amy. I've got news for you two, vis-a-vis my family that keeps growing through no deliberate effort of my own."

"Yeah?" Amy asked, sitting down at the table right as a floating plate of pancakes landed in front of her.

"How many more daughters are you adopting?" Vicky asked, before digging straight into her own breakfast.

"Well, there's Lisa, who was the minor supervillain Tattletale, because she got kidnapped by Coil and forced to work for him, yadda yadda, they're litigating all that in court right now," I said. "However, she's, like... kind of an object lesson in 'criminals are people who are sometimes sympathetic,' which is a lesson I've been trying really hard to teach you two, so I don't expect you two to have a problem with that."

"Is there something you do expect us to have a problem with her about?" Vicky said. "Or. Uh. Fuck. Words. It's early. Fuck you."

"Well, Lisa's kind of annoying, in a way that I find endearing, but which you will likely find annoying," I said. "No, no, there's also the matter of my first adopted son, Dean Stansfield."

"...You're kidding me," Amy said, as Victoria simply froze. "Rose, I- why?"

"Dean is a person who did a very bad thing, and he did it to Victoria specifically," I said. "It's not my place to forgive him for what he did there. However. Dean deeply regrets what he did, and Dean also has his own crappy home life to escape, and..." I sighed. "Well, we were friends. Maybe it's misplaced sentimentality, but... I've got a bit of love in my heart for that dipshit, too."

"Yeah, makes one of us," Vicky muttered.

"You don't ever have to see him again if you don't want to," I continued. "I can be in a million places at once, and my pocket dimension has a whole inhabitable galaxy inside it, if you're unwilling to even be on the same planet as him. I'm not bringing him along because I want you to forgive him, and kiss and make up. Honestly, he doesn't deserve it. But..." I sighed, again. "But, well. I've been informed that you deserve to know about this, and that I shouldn't keep something this big from you."

"...But," Vicky murmured, "if we both join you on the same Jump... we might run into each other there. Won't we?"

"Most Jumps take place on a single planet, and usually within a single city on that planet, yes," I said, nodding. "There're Jumps where you two can both run around for years without seeing hide or hair of the other, but..." I shrugged. "There're also Jumps where you can't. It's all up to you to make your own choices; I'm your mother, not your owner."

I blinked, and then thought for a moment. Sure, I was very definitely a woman, but like... there was an asterisk there, for reasons other than me being trans. I wondered if I'd like it more to be called Dad rather than Mom... Iunno. It's something to think about. Apparently Karasuba's import identity was Eve's import identity's biological mother, and the father was my import identity, through time travel bullshit... Hrm. Was I gonna have to go back in time and knock up pre-import Karasuba?

"Mmph," Vicky grunted.

Right, I was in the middle of a conversation with people I cared about.

"Anyway," I said firmly. "On a lighter note, do either of you have any ideas of where you want to go for your Jumps?"

"I don't know," Amy said. "Star Wars, maybe?"

"Hrm... We've already done a Star Wars Jump, but we might be able to do a Jump to a different time period," I mused. "Could be interesting. Vicky, you got anything?"

"...Most of what I consumed was cape stuff," Vicky admitted. "Which is... not quite nonfiction? But not quite fiction, either. Fanfiction, I guess."

"So, you're still at a loss, and also maybe want recommendations of stuff to watch and or read?" I asked.

"Yeah," Vicky said, nodding.

"Hrm..." I stroked my chin. "...Hrm. You know, a thought occurs to me."

"Yeah?"

"I've been doing one-year Jumps out of impatience, and a desire to get this stuff over with and move on," I said. "However... now that I've got a gaggle of teenagers in my care, it... might be a bit more responsible for me to, y'know... stay in the next Jump for the customary ten years, and let you guys grow up. Achieve some of the life milestones of adulthood without being uprooted and starting over every year. Fuck, Eve went to college last year, and now she's back in high school."

"I don't think she'll ever forgive you," Amy said, dryly.

"Maybe not," I said. "I'll talk to her later. Right now, though... I'm gonna make you two watch some shows with me. If you're fine with cape stuff, there's this one I really like."

"It's fine with me," Amy said. "Vicky?"

"Sure, but... after that, can we watch something that isn't cape stuff? I think I need to expand my horizons a little."

"Of course, Angel," I said, patting her head. "Get comfortable, I'm gonna go grab some snacks. It's family movie night."

"We are literally eating breakfast right now."

"As Ouroboros and also the owner of this pocket universe, I can and will physically rearrange this planet in its orbit just to make myself correct in a throwaway comment."

"...I think I'll just watch TV with you instead of nitpicking."

"You can multitask, but... Baby steps. We'll get you bantering like a real member of the family soon enough. For now... let's watch some fucking cartoons."