"Well how was I supposed to know that?" Zash demanded.

"By fucking asking!" I shouted. "Fuck, you could have, at any goddamn point, just called me up, and said, 'hey Rose, I need you to bring me a force-sensitive body for a ritual, preferably young and healthy, and one you aren't attached to.' But noooooo, you had to use my fucking apprentice!"

Zash folded her muscular, red-skinned arms, and sighed. "I'm sorry I bodyjacked your apprentice. I suppose I owe you a new boyfriend."

"Oh, ew, fuck no," I said. "I am not into men. Your old body was way more my speed."

"Oh?" Zash asked, quirking an eyebrow. "Well, there's a fascinating tidbit. Might as well grab a sample; that ship of yours has a cloning vat, doesn't it?"

"...And you never thought to try that?!"

"I did think to try it, but then it occurred to me that the persona of Darth Zash was accruing far too much heat for me to tolerate," Zash said, shrugging. "Looking like someone else was a far more appealing option. But..." Zash grinned slyly. "Well, I suppose I can repeat the ritual as-needed, when my master so desires it."

My brain short-circuited.

"I'm sorry," I said, blinking, "did you just insinuate that I'm in charge now, and that the benefits of this include you turning back into a fuckable blonde whenever I wanted?"

"'Fuckable' is a word I haven't heard before, but yes, more or less," Zash said, shrugging. "I've fulfilled my grand ambition, Rose. I've successfully developed immortality. Now I simply have to stay alive, which should be fairly easy. After all, I'm no longer Thanaton's hated underling; I'm just some miscellaneous apprentice to Zash's old apprentice, who she'd promoted to Lord shortly before my death."

"I see," I said. "Well..." I sighed. "Alright, let me grab this sample real quick. Damn lucky I'm a geneticist..."

"What's the story there, by the way?" Zash asked as I collected tissue samples from multiple locations on her corpse- largely excluding blood, as human red blood cells lacked genetic information.

"Why am I a geneticist?" I asked. "Well, I was lucky enough to grow up in a pretty academic place, but I'd started life as the child of farmers. Then our community was ground zero for an infestation of k'lor'slugs, and the whole place had to be glassed from orbit to keep them from spreading."

"Ah," Zash said.

"And so I had wanted to study genetic engineering, and create a bioweapon that targeted k'lor'slugs," I said. "A virus or a parasite or maybe even just a hyper-specialized predator. Something you grow in vats and keep in stasis, then you throw one or two into a k'lor'slug nest and wait a week for everything to die."

"So..." Zash hummed quietly. "Did you? Create the bioweapon, that is."

"I did not," I admitted. I put the last sample in a vial. "I got distracted by the science of cloning, which happens to be the subject of my thesis. I did manage to create a k'lor'slug specimen that was an attractive mate by k'lor'slug standards, but had a gene that'd render its children sterile, but..." I shrugged. "It would severely harm a k'lor'slug population in a year or two, but conventional solutions annihilate k'lor'slug populations in hours, and that's just the time it takes to evacuate the civilians. I never got to use it for real."

Of course, now that I was thinking about it, Old Rose had also been trained as a geneticist with a focus on cloning; admittedly, she acquired that training at a vastly accelerated rate and did not spend eight years in a university to acquire it, and had also acquired it for entirely different reasons- to grow a clone body for someone she barely knew- but, well. She was, ultimately, still a geneticist as well.

"More's the pity," Zash said. "Hrm... Have you ever heard of Sithspawn?"

"Creatures made in vats with Sith Sorcery and Alchemy, right?" I asked. "Because I've met several of those, and killed about as many."

"Ah, excellent," Zash said. "Would you like to learn to make them?"

"...Might as well," I said with a shrug. "It's as good an idea of what to do next as any."

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After hurrying back to the ship to put the samples in a culturing vat, Zash and I made our way back to Zash's office, where we started going through her things, collecting them as she saw fit.

Then her office communicator started ringing, and I sighed, walking over to it and answering.

"Darth Thanaton," I greeted the Dark Councilor. "To what do we owe the pleasure of your attention?"

"Where is your master, Apprentice?" Thanaton asked.

"Darth Zash is dead, my lord," I said. "She attempted a ritual, but it went wrong, and disfigured her body in the process. I can show you pictures, if you so-"

"That won't be necessary, Apprentice," Thanaton said. "I trust, now, that you see why we Sith have our traditions? After all, you did witness your master's downfall at the hands of her... heteropraxy..."

"I suppose so, Darth Thanaton," I said. "However, it may have escaped your notice, but I am Lord Rose now, not Apprentice or Acolyte."

Thanaton frowned for a moment as he checked his dataslate. "Fascinating," Thanaton murmured. "A terrible shame for you that I do get to override that, Apprentice Rose." He set his dataslate aside. "Congratulations, however, are in order as well- you are now my apprentice, not Zash's. My first assignment for you is at a newly-discovered tomb here on Dromund Kaas- meet me here within twenty four hours."

Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

I sighed.

"Careful, Apprentice," Thanaton warned. "Sith tradition may permit the betrayal of your master, but it does not permit disrespect."

"Yes, my lord," I said dryly. "Over and out."

I hung up before he could countermand me, and groaned loudly.

"I guess we're still in his crosshairs," Zash remarked.

"Can you behave yourself around him, or do I have to leave you on the ship?" I asked.

Zash considered this carefully.

"You're staying on the ship," I said.

"That's fair," Zash admitted. "I did want to see the look on his face, but..."

"Also," I continued, "a stickler for tradition will probably not approve of me having an apprentice."

"Very probably not," Zash agreed.

"So... let's do this as diplomatically as I can."

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"It's simple, really," Thanaton said, standing outside the tomb. "Go in there, and retrieve the lost writings of Darth Andru from the central sepulcher."

"Has anyone attempted this before?" I asked.

"Once, a week ago," Thanaton confirmed. "Afterwards, I declared the tomb off-limits, and began searching for an experienced tomb-raider."

"And they say the Academy doesn't prepare you for real life as a Sith," I said dryly.

"That's the spirit," Thanaton said, clapping me on the shoulder. "Oh, and if you come out of there without the texts in your hands, I'll kill you myself."

I sighed. Yep, Thanaton wanted me dead, and was just too chickenshit to do it himself.

"Understood, my lord," I said, trudging into the tomb.

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"I got them," I said, calling Thanaton with my communicator.

"...I beg your pardon, Apprentice?" Thanaton asked.

"I got 'em," I repeated, pointing the camera at the lost writings of Darth Andru. "Lemme tell ya, that ghost was really fucking angry. No wonder the last guy died in there. Thankfully, I'm pretty strong with the Force, so I was able to overpower it and make it fuck off."

Zash had walked me through a ritual to calm the angry ghost, and once I'd done that, I managed to convince it that, actually, it'd be great for his legacy for his writings to turn back up, and he should in fact be grateful I'd come to get them, now that his enemies were all too dead to benefit from them.

"...I see," Thanaton said quietly. "...Well, Apprentice, as it turns out, I have another assignment for you."

"Naturally," I said, nodding.

"The Republic is attempting to retake Taris. Go there and assist the military in ensuring they do not succeed."

"As you command," I said.

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"Interesting," Darth Gravus said. He was a powerful Sith, a big mover and shaker, and most importantly, the guy in charge of sabotaging the Republic's efforts at rebuilding Taris. "Your master must have annoyed Thanaton greatly, Lord Rose."

"Oh?" I asked. "You're willing to recognize my title?"

"Not all of us are so hidebound as Thanaton," Gravus said. "For myself, I find it pays greatly to be more... flexible. Nonetheless! Apprentice or Lord, you are, ultimately, now my subordinate, who I shall direct as I see fit."

I grunted in recognition. "Alright, what do you need? Supply runs? My ship's cover as a mining vessel isn't just a cover, I'll have you know. I've got onboard refineries and fabricators capable of turning asteroids into mil-spec blaster rifles."

"Useful, but no," Gravus said. "I have an apprentice of my own, by the name of Thana Vesh. Strong with the Force, and fiercely competitive. You'll be working in parallel with her, to goad her into doing her best." Gravus grinned a little. "Do be careful with her, as she does bite."

"Fantastic," I said. "Well, I've wrangled one blockheaded apprentice before, what's a second one?"

"Oh?" Gravus asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"There was a spare acolyte in my group," I said with a shrug. "I abhor waste, and convinced Lord Zash to let me keep him- I told her he'd be a minion, but really... he's my own apprentice."

"Interesting..." Gravus said, stroking his chin. "Very interesting indeed... Well! If you can manage to impart any discipline onto my apprentice, I'd be grateful for the help. There's only so much I can do without disrupting our delicate dynamic."

"Duly noted," I said, nodding.

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"Alright," I said, looking at the terms I'd reached with the Jedi Master and the Republic Governor. "This'll work. Right?" Legally, Taris was now territory of the Sith Empire, and the Republic's rebuilding efforts were now illegal, leaving them with a two-month grace period to pull everything back out, after which the Sith would respond with a real military force without being the ones who breached the original armistice.

"It's better than nothing," the Republic Governor muttered.

The question of what the Republic got out of this was pretty straightforward: the Sith sabotage was significant enough that the promise it would stop for two months was enticing enough to get them to give up and leave.

"It is disappointing, yet it fills me with hope," the Master said serenely. "For one such as yourself to come to the table and negotiate in good faith... It is rare, and yet, it is growing more common by the day. Perhaps the Sith are experiencing a change of heart..."

"Oh, hell no we aren't," I said. "This is the same backstabbing chicanery we always do, except this time it's not directed at you. All I have to do is convince Darth Gravus that I stopped the Republic from rebuilding Taris, and then my new boss, Darth Thanaton, will either get off my goddamn back or he'll just try to kill me, and then I can kill him back in self-defense."

"...It is now merely disappointing," the Master said, sadly.

"Apologies, Master," I said, reaching out and Force Patting his shoulder. "But, well... change takes time. Maybe one day."

"One last order of business," the Governor added, before turning and motioning someone in. "I believe this belongs to you?"

Thana Vesh snarled and snapped like a rabid wolverine, impotent and restrained, all trussed up in steel shackles and chains, and yet still needing to be escorted by a Jedi with a lightsaber. Her behavior was an interesting contrast from the conventional-yet-great beauty she otherwise was.

"...Yeah, we'll take her off your hands," I said, nodding. "Leave the restraints on, though, I don't trust her to not bite me either."

"Good riddance."

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Zash grunted and rubbed at her joints as I unshackled Thana's body. "Much better," Zash said, starting to stretch. "A man's body simply does not suit me, I fear."

"Yeah, well, now we're done with it," I said, tossing Ffon's body out the cargo bay door and into the swamps of Taris. "Now c'mon, let's get moving before we find out how Darth Gravus takes the news that I used his authority to sign a treaty and poach his apprentice."