Lightsaber clashed against lightsaber, as slowly, inexorably, my strength began to wane, while his waxed. And yet, I wasn't that upset about this. I had a plan, after all.

I'd spent months in a cave with artificially masterful Force Adepts who had nothing better to do than to teach me everything they could. I was possibly the most powerful Force Adept in the entire galaxy, surpassing even the Emperor himself. I could read the ebb and flow of the Force like a fucking billboard.

"The ritual side of Sith Sorcery interests me," I said casually, even as I parried a thrust that nearly broke the sound barrier. "The myriad considerations involved, all the factors... How, precisely, rituals are even made or discovered in the first place- why, the mind boggles!"

"I appreciate you appealing to common interests," Thanaton said, spinning on his heel and deflecting a riposte with extreme force. "However, perhaps the time for pleading was before the battle began?"

"A ritual to create a permanent effect, centered on a person- the person, doing the ritual," I mused, ignoring him. "All those wonderful things that make it so useful would probably also make it pretty intensive to actually carry out. Sucks, if you wanna make improvements to it."

"Now now, young lady, you are still Sith," Thanaton chided while trying to eviscerate me. "Considering the feelings of others is beneath you."

"But, well, if you're willing to substitute the ritual caster for an inanimate object for the emanating target," I continued. "Why, that'd make adjusting an existing ritual's effect far more practical."

"Are you going somewhere with this?" Thanaton asked, before bringing down his lightsaber in an overhead woodsplitting chop.

I caught the blade in my bare hand, and with my other hand- my lightsaber left levitating in space for just a moment, I punched Thanaton in the goddamn throat, sending him flying and hooking the chain of his Force Focus amulet on my fingers, snapping the chain and leaving the amulet in my hand.

"I am going," I announced, striding forward, "to kill you so thoroughly, so messily, that it will take the Corellians fifteen years to stop finding your body."

Thanaton popped his larynx back into shape with a quick burst of Force, and got back up, holstering his lightsaber- turned out they'd overload and shut off if you managed to put enough pressure on the blade- while his loyal minions covered his retreat.

"This isn't over, Thanaton!" I crowed, blasting those minions aside with lightning and telekinesis- enough to knock them off their feet and out of their minds, but not enough to outright kill them. "Can't run forever!"

Still, I didn't bother to chase him; I'd just kicked his ass, where everyone could see it, in a traditional honor duel he challenged me to and then broke the terms of, choosing to run away instead of seeing things through.

"Pardon my absence for a few days," I called to Jedi Master Jax. "I need to return to the capital. Politics, you know how it is. Commodore Cho is in charge until I get back."

And with that, I strolled casually towards my landspeeder.

Time to head back to Korriban.

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"-she is a tremendous threat to the very Empire itself!" Thanaton said. "Look at what she did to Vengean!"

"She plays rough," Darth Marr said. "That does not make her a traitor; that makes her a Sith. If she can disappear for three months and return with a fleet large enough to intimidate us and the Republic, I fail to see why I should discard such an asset."

"You know, Thanaton," I said, announcing myself to the Dark Council as I entered their chambers uninvited. "If you're going to plead for your life, you should plead to the person considering killing you, and not your coworkers who don't even like you."

"You," Thanaton hissed. "You- you mongrel wretch! I don't know what it is you've done that keeps them from sniffing our your poison, but it ends here!"

"We've already had a duel," I informed Thanaton. "I won. This is nothing more than a victory lap." I inhaled deeply, and sighed, looking around. "Dark Councilors. Thanaton has debased and shamed himself, and your selves by association, by fleeing from what he called a mere apprentice, not even a fully-fledged Sith Lord." I drew my lightsaber, but didn't turn it on. "Fortunately for all of you, by the terms Thanaton himself laid out, I get to kill him. Should I take this outside, or would you like to watch?"

Thanaton drew his own lightsaber, and did turn it on.

"It seems the choice has been made for us," Darth Vowrawn said over hologram. "Do put on a show for us, won't you?"

"As you wish, my lord," I said.

Thanaton and I approached each other, him at a dead run, and myself at a casual walk.

The author's narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

He swung at me once more- like he couldn't believe I'd parried his lightsaber barehanded before- and this time, I caught the handle in my hand, stopping the blow dead, and then turned on my lightsaber, spearing him through his heart.

He went limp, collapsing to the floor, and I turned off my blade before it came out through his shoulder.

"Aw, over already?" Vowrawn complained. "I didn't even get a chance to get popcorn."

"At any rate," I continued, ignoring Vowrawn as I levitated the corpse into a corner. "Per the terms publicly set by Darth Thanaton the First, what was his is now mine."

"The First?" Darth Mortis asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"Fellow Councilors," I began, "you look upon the new Dark Councilor of Ancient Knowledge, Darth Thanaton, Second of Her Name."

"You are bold and presumptuous," Darth Marr said. "But you are not incorrect. Welcome, Darth Thanaton, to the Dark Council." A pause; he was probably grinning under that helmet of his. "We were just talking about you."

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Nobody on the Dark Council liked that the Archaeology Bitch dug up an ancient fleet that could crush their personal flotillas, and sure, the Councilors running the military- which was split into Offense, Defense, and Strategy, for some goddamn reason, instead of something more reasonable like Navy, Army, and Marines- did swear vengeance against me, but that hardly mattered; I could kick their asses, and they all knew it.

"Alright," I said, reviewing the terms of the treaty that had been hammered out. "From this point forward, Corellia- understood here to mean the entire star system and everyone who lives in it- is to be an independent, autonomous, and self-governing state, separate from both Republic and Empire, and free to conduct commerce and cut deals with anyone they please. Pursuant to that, Corellia's seat in the Galactic Senate is hereby revoked. The Republic military presence in Corellia System will need to remove itself within one month, or secure a new treaty with Corellia permitting them to continue being here, with these same terms applying to the Imperial military presence." I looked up from the dataslate. "And we have all been sufficiently browbeaten into accepting that this is the best we're going to get?"

"I can live with that," Master Jax said casually.

"The Republic will honor this treaty," the Admiral said.

"This isn't over," Darth Vengean ground out through his new cybernetic jaw.

"This is very much over, Vengean," I said firmly. "State your objections or your assent; nothing else is relevant."

"...The Empire assents," Vengeance growled.

"Fantastic," I said, clapping my hands and rubbing them together. "Right, well, Master Jax, you've got a hell of a job ahead of you, considering your last system government tried to join the Empire and sparked open rebellion. Try to make a better one this time, but, uh... well, you're on your own."

"You're not going to help?" Jax asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"Fuck no, I want nothing to do with this system anymore," I said. "I'm taking my fucking fleet and I am going home. You wanted us gone, didn't you? That's what the fuckin' treaty was for."

"...Well, fair's fair," Jax said, shrugging. "Get going, then, if you're going."

"I'd love to, but you are still on my ship," I said. "So..." I looked around at the gathered... 'dignitaries' implied that they all had dignity, and I'd done a good job making sure I was the only Sith escaping this situation with any of that intact. "Y'know. All of you out. Get off my ship."

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After I'd made sure that the Republic and the Empire left Corellia, I left myself, leaping back up above the galactic plane to return to Hoth. I'd... well, okay, no, I'd never really thought it'd be a disposable, temporary base. It was home for literally all of my creations, and that home happened to be a pretty nice one, filled with friendly people, good food... and, I'll admit, fluffy ears to pet.

Naturally, I had made it all the way to taking off my boots and sitting down in my home before my communicator rang, alerting me that the Dark Council was convening, and my attendance was required.

"Alright, what the hell is it this time," I said wearily as the council chamber formed around me, holographically.

"An announcement of great import," a Sith I didn't recognize as a Councilor said. "Darth Vengean has, alas, been taken from us, leaving me, Darth Baras, to ascend to his seat."

"Fantastic," I said. "This could've been an email."

"Furthermore, I would like to make it known that, at long last, we once more have a Voice of the Emperor," Baras said.

Voice of the Emperor... That was a real title, I remember that much, but... Why the fuck did the Emperor need a Voice? What, he couldn't be bothered to show up to these meetings?

"The Voice, of course, being myself," Baras continued.

Real position or not, that was irrelevant. No way in hell was Baras' claim legitimate.

"Are you sure about that?" Vowrawn asked.

"You doubt the will of the Emperor?" Baras asked.

"I doubt the words of the Dark Lord before me," I said dryly. "I do not recognize you as the Voice of the Emperor, Baras. Cry about it."

"...Hrm," Darth Baras said. "There really isn't anything I can say in response to such a juvenile statement that doesn't degrade me as well. It'd be rude to engage you in a battle of wits, when you are so clearly unarmed."

"Yes, yes, you're very smart, but we all went to college too, Barry," I said. "If you're the real Voice of the Emperor, then prove it. Choke me over the communicator, if you're that vested with the Emperor's might." I waited for a moment. "Yeah. That's what I thought. See your assassin real soon, buddy."

I hung up, and groaned loudly. Why, oh why, did I want to take this job, again?

Another call on the communicator, this one from... Karasuba. Huh.

"Hey, Karasuba," I said, before realizing something was different about her. "Uh... huh. Horns and red skin, huh?"

"I died," Karasuba said flatly. "How do I change back to normal?"

I sighed. "Alright, so..."