"Hey, do you have a moment?"

"Yeah, what's up, Homura?" I asked.

My bishonen roommate winced, and then sighed.

"Shit, right, sorry. Kagari. What's up?"

He was of what I considered to be average height for a man, standing about 173cm tall, which was about 5'8, to my readers from Liberia and Myanmar. But then, Japanese people tended to be a bit shorter than Europeans, so maybe he was a bit taller than average.

Anyway. Height aside, he was, like I implied from 'bishonen,' a very good-looking guy, with just enough feminine soft edges to really get a straight woman's motor running. He wore his button-down shirt with the sleeves artfully rolled up to the elbow, exposing his forearms without making him look unkempt in the process- a trick I'd learned and utilized heavily back when I was still presenting as masculine. His hair was short and silvery-grey, and his eyes were a dark orange.

"Well," he said. "It figures you know about that. What with Matsu and all..."

"Matsu didn't tell me shit," I said. "I told you last night, at dinner- this world, your lives? They're the events of a manga that got a two-season anime adaptation. I know your twin identities because that was a thing that was featured in the story. And..." I sighed. "I think I've got a good idea of what this is about, but I will not be pre-empting that, because I do still have some manners. So..." I hummed. "Actually, I should take a moment to ask what you'd like me to call you- Kagari, or Homura? The cat's out of the bag now, but you may still have a preference."

"I do prefer 'Homura,'" he assured me. "Kagari always felt like a fake name to me, because... well, it was. You're fine to use my real name." He sighed. "Especially if... well." He ran a hand through his hair. "Christ. You're making me nervous, here. Haven't had that happen in a while."

"Take your time," I said. The two of us were alone; while I wouldn't call this conversation private, on account of Izumo Inn's traditional Japanese construction- interior walls made of paper in a thin wood lattice- I would say that nobody was within line of sight of us, so it felt private enough.

He sighed a bit more deeply. "Alright," he said, having steadied himself, as he looked up to meet my eyes. "So, I've been looking for a female Ashikabi for a while, now. That's why I work at a host club- I meet women there all the time. Oh, uh, actually, I suppose you don't know what a host club i-"

"People come in and pay for dates with handsome men with good manners and grooming," I said. "There may be weird aspects of Japanese culture I'm not familiar with, but Ouran High School Host Club started like twenty years ago, and was very popular."

"Huh," Homura said. "Well, fair enough. Anyway... met a lot of women, hoping to find an Ashikabi, but... I didn't." He shrugged. "But now... well. You're a female Ashikabi, aren't you?" He flashed a roguish grin. "Don't suppose you've got room for another, do you?"

"Trust me," I said gently. "You don't want any of this."

"Ah," he said, deflating a little.

"You want a heterosexual female Ashikabi," I continued. "Because you, Homura, have a particularly unstable body, that's particularly responsive to your psychic nature as a Sekirei. Don't you?"

"That's... one way to put it," he said, averting his eyes.

"You know that, if you tie yourself to an Ashikabi who likes women, your body is going to feminize itself against your will, to appeal to that Ashikabi," I continued. "And if I recall correctly... You're not exactly euphoric at the idea of 'getting to be a girl,' without it being your fault. Are you?"

"Not exactly, no," Homura said. "I do enjoy being a man. It's got its perks."

"Then no, I ain't winging you," I said. "I'm gay as fuck, and given that I'm trans, too, I know what kind of pain I'd be inflicting on you if I made you live in a body that was all wrong for you."

"Well, fair enough," Homura said. "Thank you for being honest. At least it's nothing personal-"

"You also smell like an ash tray, but that's secondary," I added.

"...You just had to twist the knife, didn't you?" he drawled.

"I did, yes," I said, nodding. "Anyway. I'm pretty sure there's someone you're overlooking, and... well, if that fails, I do know of one heterosexual woman who's an Ashikabi, and might be interested in you. She's a bit young, just graduated high school, but..." I shrugged. "Don't be a creep about it, and there won't be a problem."

If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

"It's not nothing," Homura said with a shrug. "What's her number?"

"No idea," I said. "I just know her name- Sahashi Yukari."

Homura's face went pale.

"...I think I'll pass," Homura said quietly. "God, you had me going for a minute there..."

"What her mother doesn't know won't hurt her," I said.

"Sahashi Takami very much would know if her daughter winged me!" Homura protested. "She's one of the highest-ranked employees at MBI! That's why she sees me so often, to leak information!"

"And if she trusts you to be a good man capable of behaving himself, then I don't see why she would actually have a problem dating her daughter," I said. "I mean, the two of you would be about the same age, right?"

"There is the fact that I've had sex with Takami," Homura pointed out.

"...Okay," I said. "That is a sticking point, isn't it? Uhhh... hrm. Okay, I'm out of ideas again. Good luck with that?"

"I'm gonna fuckin' need it," Homura muttered, before he walked off.

Finally, I could go join Uzume in the bathhouse, and get myself cleaned up.

----------------------------------------

"So, fair warning," I said, walking into the bathhouse with a towel around my waist. "I am transgender, and I did keep my dick. I'm a shapeshifter, so I can get rid of it on a moment's notice, but-"

"You're fine," Uzume said, not even looking at me as she scrubbed at her forearms. "I'm pretty online, and I live with your girlfriend. I'm pretty sure I can be normal about trans people. Besides." She looked up, finally, and grinned. "As much as it's secondary, I doubt that's going to ruin the eye candy for me."

I snorted.

"So, just to make sure I understand properly," I said, taking the towel off and hanging it from a peg. "We shower and scrub ourselves and rinse off, just generally get clean before getting into the bath itself, right?"

"Eyup," Uzume said, going back to actually scrubbing herself. As hot as she was, and as much as my gay heart raced to see her naked... well, she was actually bathing, and you did have to put actual effort into making that look sexy. Effort which Uzume was not putting in, currently. "Looks like your years of weeb training are paying off."

"Now, as someone who's written a lot of fanfiction for one particular harem anime back in high school," I began, auspiciously, "this may sound weird, but... I don't actually think of myself as that much of a weeb? I mean, I will sometimes watch some anime, but I don't really keep up with the state of the industry except through osmosis, and I sure as hell don't watch a show from every season."

"Counterpoint," Uzume said, as I turned on my own showerhead and wetted myself down. "You're an American who speaks fluent Japanese."

"I do that for practical reasons," I said. "After all, I gotta live here, now. For only a year, on the dot, but that year is probably going to involve some important conversations with Japanese people who don't speak English, so..." I shrugged. "Can't exactly rely entirely on people translating for me, y'know?"

"True," Uzume said, nodding. "Anyway. What harem anime did you write a ton of fanfiction for, back in high school?"

"The one you live in," I said dryly.

"...Right, we live in an anime," Uzume said.

"Don't sweat it too much," I said, squirting some body wash onto a washcloth and beginning to scrub myself down. "Apparently I'm from one, too. I won't tell you the name of the show, but I am from one."

"Hrm..." Uzume hummed. "You know what could be an interesting experience?"

"Hot nasty gay sex?" I asked.

"You know what else could be an interesting experience?" Uzume asked.

"No idea."

"Watching the shows we're from," Uzume said. "What's the show I'm from called?"

"Sekirei," I said with a shrug. "Very creative, I know."

"And I'm guessing there was some lame-ass dude as the protagonist who you've replaced?"

"His thing was that he cracked like an egg under even the slightest amount of stress, and so kept failing his entrance exam to Tokyo University," I explained. "Well, one of the modifications made to this timeline on my behalf was that, this time, he didn't fuck it up, and did in fact get accepted into Tokyo U. Which is, I think, probably the least sociopathic way to get him out of the picture?" I shrugged. "Anyway, the other special thing about him was that he's secretly Minaka Hiroto's bastard son, but his mom, Sahashi Takami, didn't tell him jack shit about anything MBI was up to, or even that she worked for MBI."

"Huh," Uzume said. "Sounds juicy."

"Anyhow," I said. "I don't want to watch my own show, because it sounded insufferable when described to me. And you probably shouldn't watch your own show, either, on account it was... well, a show, and so is probably going to play out a lot different to reality, even in ways that aren't directly my fault, because now we are in reality, and not an anime trying to sell titty figurines to otaku."

"Heh, fair enough," Uzume said, grinning. "Can I still get some of those titty figurines, though?"

I sighed.

"I'll see what I can do."