"Lookin' good, Chiho," I said, staring appreciatively. "The cosplay's a nice touch."

"It looks familiar," Matsu added. "But I don't know where from..."

"It's a real obscure reference," Uzume said.

"I try," Chiho said, preening.

"...Okay, am I taking crazy pills, or is that not Yang Xiao-Long, one of the four main characters of popular web-animation series RWBY by Roosterteeth?" I asked.

"Ooooh, you even know her name," Chiho said. "You must be a Chain of Thorns megafan."

Oh no.

"She's from another universe," Matsu said. "The media is different there. Rose, in this reality, RWBY is a background joke in Roosterteeth's animated series Chain of Thorns."

"It's a meanspirited joke, really," Uzume added. "It's basically the writers pointing at some coworkers they don't like and saying, 'hey, wouldn't it suck so much ass if these bozos got to make this show instead of us?'"

"You're quiet, all of a sudden," Chiho said, narrowing her eyes. "Why, was RWBY bad in your timeline, too?"

Uzume blinked with realization.

"You shut your filthy whore mouth," I said, at the same time Uzume said,

"Oh my god, Rose said our universe is an anime, and she's from one too!"

"Rose is from Chain of Thorns?!" Matsu cried.

"I'm going to fucking kill myself," I said.

----------------------------------------

"So, Kazehana," I said, idly playing with Homura's hair as she laid her head in my lap. "You're a therapist now?"

"I've been wanting the training for years," Kazehana said. "It's just only now that it's really practical for me."

"Why'd you want to be a therapist?" Homura asked.

"I've been collecting the stories of people and places for a long time," Kazehana said. "But, these days?" She shrugged. "Well, we're all doing our part for a better tomorrow. Why not learn to change those stories as they happen, and give them happy endings?"

"Well, fair enough," I said. "It's not a form I'm used to love taking, but... well, damned if it doesn't suit you."

"Awww, thanks!" Kazehana said. "Practicing on you and your relationship anxiety was a big help."

I rolled my eyes at her.

"Anyway," I said. "How're Musubi and Tsukiumi holding up?"

"Very well," Kazehana said. "Musubi's still feeling a bit off, but she swears she'll get used to it soon enough. She says she wants a spar with you, Ashikabi-kun. See if she's still got it."

"Hell, I don't have anything better to do tomorrow," I said. "What about Tsukiumi?"

"She's not very bothered by it at all," Kazehana said. "Says now it'll be a fairer contest between the two of them."

The door to the doctor's office opened, and we all turned our heads to see...

"Hi, Yume," I said. "Good to see you in your own body again. Sorry it took so long to grow it; my own medbay didn't know what the hell to do with you."

"It's okay," Yume said, smiling softly as she stepped into the hallway, wearing a fuzzy pink bathrobe and matching slippers. "Thank you for your help, I... I hadn't ever expected to be a full person again."

"Well, hell," I said. "I can't really consider myself as having done a good job if I haven't brought you back. Now... who do you want to visit first?"

Yume's smile widened. "I think I have an idea."

----------------------------------------

"I think I have it," Matsu said, her eyes bloodshot. "C'mere, Rose. Need to test this."

"Well, hello to you too, Matsu," I said, setting a tray of food on the desk in front of her. "When's the last time you ate something?"

"Doesn't matter," Matsu said, shaking her head.

"Yes it does," I said, folding my arms. "Eat first, Matsu. Then celebrate your victory."

It'd been a month or so since we took over MBI, and Matsu had been very, very deep in her studies. She'd been using her wildly-enhanced regenerative healing factor, plus her ability to both create slime ex nihilo and expend slime to regain energy and health, to neglect basic self-care.

Before, I could've simply ordered her to take regular breaks to eat, shower, and sleep. But, well... when a psychic supergenius was using alien technology to study the psychic bond between Sekirei and Ashikabi with the intent of making it healthier and more equal, one of the first things she found was a way to take away my ability to give her orders she couldn't refuse.

"But-" Matsu began, looking up at me and meeting my eyes. "...Yes, Mommy."

This didn't mean I couldn't still tell Matsu what to do, of course. But now, when she did it, it was because she felt like it.

"You're a brat," I said dryly.

Matsu shoveled food into her mouth, and vibrancy slowly returned to the candy red slime she now spent so much time as. As much as being a Sekirei enhanced the durability of one's body, Matsu found "being a slimegirl" to be the perfect solution to the aches and pains of living at a desk.

"Ah," Matsu said, once she'd finished the extra-large serving of chicken soup and inarizushi I'd put in front of her. "Okay. Now gloating."

"Go on," I said, nodding.

"So!" Matsu declared. "What we are keeping is, really, most of the Sekirei winging bond. It really is nice to have!"

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"And those parts would be?" I asked.

"A general sense of how compatible people are with you as potential partners," Matsu said. "A general sense of how they feel and what they want once they are your partner. In fact, those have been expanded, to become a two-way street, broadcasting these senses to Ashikabi in turn."

"Alright," I said. "And the parts you're removing?"

"First," Matsu said, "permanence. Sometimes, our senses our wrong. Sometimes, people change. Sometimes, circumstances change. And when these things happen... now, Sekirei and Ashikabi can say goodbye, and go their separate ways."

"Good," I said. "Second?"

"Second, coercion," Matsu said. "The original Sekirei bond..." Matsu sighed. "Well. Karasuba wasn't wrong that it could reduce Sekirei to an accessory to their Ashikabi, rather than a full-blown life partner. So now..." She shrugged. "Well, we've had that modification for a while, not that you've got many chances to notice. You can still tell me what to do, but now I'm the one who decides if I get to say no."

"Thank fucking christ," I said. "Anything else?"

"The third thing," Matsu continued, "is that now, Sekirei can be winged by multiple Ashikabi, and by other Sekirei. With this, Tsukiumi and Musubi can be each other's Sekirei in truth, and I can keep Akitsu company when you leave."

"Excellent," I said, nodding. "Any news about the artificial Ashikabi idea?"

"You'll want to talk to Takehito about that," Matsu said. "One of these days, he'll be coming back in to work."

----------------------------------------

"Seo was, in fact, an artificial Ashikabi," Asama Takehito explained to me. "It was... a selfish experiment, I'll admit. But... I told myself it'd be good for others, too. Seo was a smart kid; I thought he'd make a good Ashikabi, who could take good care of his Sekirei."

"And how'd that work out for y'all?" I asked, visibly sweeping my gaze across the meeting room at Miya, whose love was the reason he wanted a process for making artificial Ashikabi in the first place; at Seo, a slacker who was all too happy to make the women in his life take care of him; at Hikari and Hibiki, who either did in fact find him endearing or were simply in a run-of-the-mill abusive relationship they didn't feel they could leave; and at Takami, who was angrily chewing nicotine gum.

"Not... all of my choices were good ones," Takehito admitted, nervously.

"Aside from the human experimentation," I continued, picking up a sheet of paper, "I also have records of you experimenting on Sekirei, and not always in the more beneficent sense of trying to fix unfamiliar problems."

"Well-" Takehito began.

"Dear," Miya said, her voice as sweet as poison, as she gripped his arm like iron. "Is there something you need to tell me?"

"The number tattoos were also his idea," I continued, "and boy howdy does my Jewish ass have some objections to that. They had different hair colors and talked, Takehito, was it really so hard for you to tell them apart?"

"Get his ass," Takami called.

"Sahashi Takami, hiring a former student slash patient as an escort and having sex with him," I said.

"Uh," she began intelligently.

"Quite frankly," I continued, "I stabbed a man in the stomach and left him to bleed on the floor, and somehow my hands are the cleanest of everyone in this room who's worked in a lab. All of us should be in prison."

"What, even me?" Seo asked.

"No, not you," I said. "I may not like you, but you're not a bad person." I paused. "Well. I don't have evidence that you've committed crimes against humanity, at least." I sighed.

"So, what now?" Hikari asked.

"Matsu's already made the call," I said with a shrug. "I'm just the bearer of bad news. Takehito, you're under house arrest, until Miya and Matsu both are satisfied you've learned the error of your ways."

"What, just house arrest?" Hibiki asked. "Didn't you say he did unethical experiments on Sekirei?"

"That's not just anything," I said. "I'm telling Miya that she's responsible for giving him a remedial course on medical ethics. Frankly, I'm a little worried it's cruel and unusual."

"I-I can explain," Takehito said, panicking. "I-it was Minaka, you know? He made me do it- it would've been a lot worse if I hadn't-"

"You'll have plenty of time to explain once we're home," Miya said sweetly. "Now, please stop interrupting Rose, and let her finish."

"Takami," I continued, "you are also being remanded into Miya's custody."

"Like hell I am," Takami protested.

"Would you rather go to actual prison?" I asked. "Because that can certainly be arranged."

It said something about how downright unpleasant Miya could be that Takami really had to think about this one. I could tell- she was not just stalling, she legitimately didn't know whether she'd rather be in prison or in Miya's custody.

"...That won't be necessary," Takami said, sighing. "Can I at least have visitors?"

"I don't see why not," Miya said.

"By the way, Seo, as reparations for damages caused by MBI's reckless endangerment of your life, we're cutting you a generous pension," I said. "Don't go betting on the ponies with it or anything, but otherwise, feel free to never work another day in your life and still never go hungry."

"Dammit," Takami hissed.

"Now, if y'all will excuse me," I said, standing up, "I have another goddamn meeting to attend."

----------------------------------------

"Penny for your thoughts?" Homura asked.

"It's messy," I said, looking up at the night sky, and not liking what I saw. After so long in the Warehouse, where light pollution was for squares, the night sky in the city was... barren, and empty. "Things are getting better, bit by bit, but... it's messy. Everything fucked up about this whole situation, there are people who liked it that way, and people who helped make it that way."

"And?" Homura asked. "You've stabbed a bitch before, haven't you?"

"Unfortunately," I said, turning to regard Homura. I'd winged her, and we'd had a few tumbles in the hay, but... well, after that, when we got to talking, we just... didn't have much in common. We stayed friends, and sometimes lovers, but, well... we'd both accepted that actual love was off the table. "Not all of these people are monsters, but they do want a return to a monstrous status quo, because they just can't be made to see how monstrous it really was. So..." I sighed. "I get to be the loud, rude American who tells them no, while Matsu's little whisper network get to come to them afterwards and smooth over some ruffled feathers, while still working them around to our way of seeing things. Classic good cop bad cop, y'know?"

"You're not a fan?" Homura asked.

"I am not," I said dryly. "I do it anyways, because... well, it needs to be done. But..." I sighed. "...Never go into business with someone you love, Homura. Your love or your business may survive. Pick one."

"...Ah," Homura said, quietly.

"Yeah."

I turned my eyes back to the sky.