"Alright, so," I said. "Darth Baras really isn't the Voice of the Emperor, and simply claims to be such because he's managed to trap the real Voice of the Emperor somewhere they can't escape from."

"That's about right, yeah," Karasuba said.

"Furthermore, you have been selected by the Hands of the Emperor- a position that I, a Dark Councilor did not know existed-"

"Well, someone skimmed the orientation packet."

"-to become the Wrath of the Emperor, a position that, according to my predecessor's notes, is real, but existed entirely for one guy who defected very, very recently. And as the Wrath of the Emperor, your job is to kill the real Voice of the Emperor, followed by the fake Voice of the Emperor."

"That's about the size of things, yes," Karasuba said.

"Well," I said. "At least now I don't have to worry about you trying to kill me for telling Baras where to shove it. Vowrawn and I were the only ones bold enough to deny his claim at being the Voice of the Emperor, at the meeting I was just in."

"Yeah, that sounds like you," Karasuba said, nodding. "Anyhow, I don't suppose you can offer me a hand, can you?"

I hummed quietly, tapping my chin. "Tell you what," I said. "You remember where my home base is, on Hoth. I'm probably going to be gone on other business, but the locals can let you in and get you all hooked up with whatever you need."

"Can't be seen going out of your way to help me?" Karasuba asked.

"Not by you, no," I said. "You're pretty tetchy about feeling like you're receiving unearned help. Remember when we first met, back on Korriban?"

"I'm a different person now," Karasuba said. "Literally. I'm back to being the old Karasuba, whose whole personality was shaped by the trauma of growing up a Sekirei. That other Karasuba who was just some random human bitch is dead as a doornail. That happened to you too, didn't it?"

"Kinda, yeah," I said. "You wanna talk about it?"

Karasuba hesitated.

"...Not now," Karasuba said quietly. "Let me... get this goddamn mission over and done with, first."

"Got it," I said, nodding. "My door's always open to you."

"Thanks."

She hung up, and I sighed.

"Alright," I said, standing up. "Time to look through some goddamn notes."

---

Originally, looking through Thanaton's notes- pilfered from his private office on Korriban back when I was visiting to become the next Dark Councilor- had been done with the simple purpose of figuring out what the hell else he had going on, which was now my nominal responsibility.

Naturally, what I instead found was something insane that nonetheless made perfect sense.

"So, Zash," I said, holding up a sheet of paper. "Says here that body-jacking rituals were declared illegal and forbidden by Emperor Vitiate himself. And then, Thanaton guesses at why that might be. The obvious and innocuous answer is that Vitiate hated the practice for some personal reason, but according to Thanaton's own notes, that's extremely unlikely."

"The Emperor has never been known to have a weak stomach about anything," Zash agreed. "No, if Vitiate banned it himself, then it was to protect a secret of his."

"Enter the Voice of the Emperor," I said. "A weird position to create, when you're a particular person who can just show up to meetings yourself, but a much more practical position to create if, say, you have reason to believe that people won't recognize you as yourself."

"A reason such as being a body-snatcher, who has not learned how to shapeshift," Zash said, nodding.

"Now," I continued. "Karasuba, the Wrath of the Emperor, was ordered by the Hand of the Emperor- both of which I'm tentatively willing to assume are not simply more of the Emperor's snatched bodies- to go kill the real Voice of the Emperor, who we suspect is, in fact, simply the Emperor, in this particular body." I sighed. "There are two plausible explanations for this: one, this will in fact kill the Emperor, and the Hand has turned traitor. Or, two, Vitiate can survive the death of his body as a spirit, and go find a new one to take over."

"Interesting," Zash murmured. "I wonder how he learned that little trick..."

"Thanaton wondered the same thing," I said. "I'm not totally sure, but I think he aspired to become the same sort of being as the Emperor, while knowing that this was, uh... kinda heretical, and very much against Vitiate's will. Hence why he projected all that shit onto you and me, to deflect suspicion."

"And then you killed him," Zash said. "Proving that no plan is completely foolproof."

"That is true," I said, nodding. "Anyhow, uhhhh... fuck a duck." I sighed. "...The hell am I going to do with this, anyhow?"

"Oh, I have no idea," Zash said cheerily. "That's what makes you so fun to watch, Darth Thanaton."

"Yeah, yeah," I muttered, sighing. "Well... Hrm." I tapped my chin. "...I'm already immortal," I continued, starting to pace. "Both in the unaging sense and in the 'I can recover from death' sense; this new body of mine has, like, three different Cheat Death instances on it, and one of those is a rebirth that'll refresh the timer. But!" I clapped my hands once. "I do still want to understand this fucking mess Vitiate has going on... because I want to kill him."

Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

"And here I thought you'd run out of superior officers to murder," Zash said wryly.

"Now, seizing the throne afterwards will be tricky," I continued. "A lot of the Dark Counselors just, like... straight up hate me. They'll need to go, first. I wonder..." I hummed quietly, then grinned. "...Hey, Zash. How easy do you think it'd be to insert some sleeper agents into someone else's Sphere? Like, say, someone from this base. Some random elf- who is probably gonna have to shapeshift into a human for the duration of the plan- becoming a legitimized part of the Sphere of Military Offense."

"Hrm..." Zash considered this carefully. "...That... could be easy, if they can identify a weak point. You'd want more than one agent per Sphere, though."

"Oh, of course," I said, nodding seriously. "That's no problem- I'm hardly short-handed."

"You're also going to want some of them working for you," Zash continued. "A Sith Inquisitor hardly makes any progress on their research if they work alone. You'll want someone to do the legwork and wetwork while you and some other assistants work through the more metaphorical legwork."

"Probably, yeah," I said, nodding. "Right! Well. Let's get cracking, huh?"

---

My first lead pointed me at Dromund Kaas.

"So," I said, frowning. "This is the seat of the Empire. The planet where Vitiate reigned for a thousand years after the Great Hyperspace War, growing his Empire's strength in secret. This is... well. This is where he lived, for a thousand years."

"And yet," Zash said simply, "we aren't finding anything."

I groaned. Phenomenal psychic power via the Force, and yet I could barely even find evidence Vitiate actually lived here. You'd think that his Sith Sorcery would leave obvious marks that one so attuned to the Force as I could possibly detect, but nope! He apparently didn't do any Sith Sorcery of note on this planet!

"Alright, well," I said, sighing. "One last tomb, and then we're back to the drawing board."

---

That tomb had proved to be a veritable fucking jackpot, thanks to the dead Sith's friendly acquaintance with Vitiate. He'd been to Vitiate's house, received his hospitality, even gotten a few bits of guidance on the finer points of Sith Sorcery- Thanaton really had not been kidding when he said there were dozens of rituals to consume a defeated foe's power.

However, the most important detail in the Sith's journal was that Vitiate, naturally, did not just have one residence. Vitiate had apparently mentioned, over dinner, that certain rituals simply weren't safe to perform on planets you liked, and that he had dozens of remote locations that he went to before trying anything big. One planet he was particularly fond of using as a testing ground- there was a transcribed joke about how soon, Vitiate was going to have to stop doing rituals there, because he was starting to get worried he'd blow up his vacation house- even had a name and some coordinates:

Yavin 4.

Of course, naturally, life refused to be just one damn thing after another, and instead, the damn things insisted on overlapping. I got another call from the Dark Council.

"Darth Thanaton," Darth Baras said, beginning the meeting. "Why are you... I was going to ask 'on Dromund Kaas,' but now I'm more curious about the tomb."

"I am the Dark Lord of Ancient Knowledge," I said simply. "I go into tombs, and ruins, and other ancient places, and I extract that Ancient Knowledge. And then I go back to my office, supervise my staff in collating everyone else's Ancient Knowledge, and evaluating it for veracity." I shrugged. "I am in a tomb, on Dromund Kaas, because it is my job to go into tombs on Dromund Kaas. But don't worry about looking foolish for asking beginner questions- you're new here, we understand. We don't expect you to act with the Emperor's wisdom and speak with his voice, after all."

"You continue to insist on your heresy, then?" Baras asked.

"You continue to insist on yours," I said. "Don't want you feeling lonely, is all."

"You tread on thin ice, Thanaton," Baras warned me. "We accepted you as a Dark Councilor. We can just as easily expel you."

The door to the Dark Council's chambers opened, and Baras swore quietly.

"Oh, hey Karasuba," I said as she stepped into (holographic) view. "What's up?"

"Oh, you know," Karasuba said. "Being appointed Wrath of the Emperor by his Hands, and coming to deal with this false Voice. The Emperor isn't mad, Baras, he's just disappointed." She drew her darksaber, flicking it to life. "Now, me? I am very mad."

"Seize her!" Baras ordered. "Put down this pretender!"

"No," Darth Marr said simply. "Voice and Wrath... Fight it out. Whoever survives was clearly telling the truth."

Karasuba simply swung her darksaber in a simple downwardly diagonal slash, without so much as taking a step forward. She flicked her darksaber off, and Baras burst like a watermelon with too many rubber bands around it, superheated chunky salsa spraying from where she'd sliced him in half.

Now, see, why couldn't I have had a final boss like that, who was a complete pushover once you got him cornered? Nooooo, I had to deal with Thanaton, who was politically pretty straightforward, but also probably the second most powerful Sith Sorcerer alive before I killed him. Oh, and there was also Karasuba's Force-improved Sekirei power, of cutting people in half from across the room, whereas my own unique Force power, of copying other Force powers, was basically useless because rituals weren't powers, and the only unique powers I'd encountered were Karasuba's ranged slash and Jaesa's uncanny character judgement.

It just wasn't fair, I tell you.

"Well," I said dryly. "The truth seems evident to me. Congratulations are in order, Emperor's Wrath. Thank you for removing the impostor in our midst."

"And now," Darth Mortis said, sighing wearily, "we will have to find another Dark Lord of Military Offense. Again."

"Might I suggest something unorthodox?" I began.

"Ooooh, please do," Vowrawn said.

"Darth Marr, you seem to be handling the Sphere of Military Defense competently enough," I said. "Would it not be wise to consolidate the management of our military under a single administrator, who will know what it is doing both offensively and defensively?"

"Hrm," Darth Marr said. "Perhaps. However, the Sphere of Military Offense is quite the den of vipers, and I do not enjoy the prospect of having to clean it up in the process of merging it with my own Sphere."

"Tell you what," I said. "If you take the job, I'll lend you my fleet. That ought to keep them in line."

"...Very well," Marr said. "All in favor? ...All opposed?"

"It's settled, then," Darth Mortis said. "Does anyone else have business for the Dark Council? ...No?" He grunted. "In that case, session adjourned."