"Hey, can I ask you two for some relationship advice?" I asked, after Chiho finished kicking Uzume's ass in Guilty Gear.
"I can go to the bathroom on my own because of you," Chiho said. "You can ask me for literally anything."
Hidaka Chiho was, to hear her tell the story, half American, and had retained her mother's hair color, "and not much else." Indeed, she was a runt of a woman- I thought Uzume was short, at five foot four, but Chiho didn't even clear five feet. She had griped about it to me at length, about how unfair it was that her mom got to be a tall blonde bombshell, and Chiho got to be mistaken for a middle schooler at the age of 21, and then demanded that I use my Medbay to perform bone-extension surgeries followed by a boob job.
I still wasn't entirely sure whether or not she was kidding.
"Okay," I said. "After we're done with the relationship advice, would you mind putting bunnysuits on yourself and Uzume along with collars and leashes so I can walk you both through Akihabara?"
"The leash bit would probably cause some trouble," Chiho said. "But you did stab a guy for me, so..."
"She's not kidding about doing anything for you," Uzume added. "You wanna know why I'm such good friends with Matsu? She reminds me of Chiho."
"I hear you're pretty freaky too," Chiho continued, "but you've gotta delve real deep into e621 before you find something that'll gross me out."
"I'm a shapeshifter," I said. "What if I turned into that Higa guy and demanded you kiss me?"
Chiho blinked.
"Wow," Chiho said, tilting her head. "Uzume was right- you do not fuck around when it comes to cursed ideas."
"They're something of a specialty of mine," I said, nodding back at her. "Anyway. Relationship advice time. Considering that we are in the Warehouse instead of Izumo Inn, I am... reasonably confident that this won't get back to anyone other than Matsu, who I trust to be capable of handling the news that I had worries about our relationship and independently went looking for advice."
"Makes sense," Chiho said. "So, trouble in paradise?"
"Truly, my life full of beautiful women whose greatest joy is warming my bed and wetting my lips is a blighted one," I said. "But, um. It's more..." I sighed. "I've winged three Sekirei by now, and the only reason Akitsu doesn't make it four is because of some mystic hoodoo I won't go into right now. And yet, despite one of those Sekirei being Matsu, someone who's a lot like you and I in terms of being a shamelessly horny gremlin of a woman who also has a sense of humor about it?" I shrugged. "That 'power of love' I keep hearing about, I just... don't really feel it. I still think of Matsu as just... y'know. My horny friend, who sometimes kisses me. And that's a category that Uzume fits into, as of yesterday."
"So what you're saying is," Chiho said, "if I give you advice for building an actual romance with the redhead, you're going to use it to fuck my girlfriend?"
"You can hold the camera," I said. "We'll start up an OnlyFans, and strike it rich."
"Shit, that's a good point," Chiho said. "But, more seriously... well. Okay, what prompted you to come talk to us?"
"It's complicated, but, the ghost of a serial killer's quasi-girlfriend who lives in Musubi's body hijacked Musubi's body to tell me I'm a shitty Ashikabi," I said. "Who doesn't love any of my Sekirei, and in fact the only person I could be said to love is Uzume- which does, on reflection, make some sense, considering that I was pretty eager to stab a man on Uzume's behalf."
"Love you too, Rose," Uzume said, grinning.
"And then she told me to talk to Uzume, and examine my relationship with her, how I feel about her, how I got to this point..."
"Okay, first of all," Chiho said. "I want you to consider how bad your relationships must be if the Ghost of Valentine's Day Past possessed your girlfriend to come tell you off. Next, I want you to please, please elaborate further on that ghost shit. I am so confused."
"Like I said, it's complicated," I said.
"More to the point," Uzume said, rescuing me from explaining how Yume's ghost-ness worked, only further cementing our love, "I've got an idea for you: fuckin' spend time with 'em. Don't just sit there doing nothing, waiting for love to happen. You think I fell in love with Chiho because she made me horny and I kissed her? Hell no!"
"I mean, it helped," Chiho added.
"I fell in love with her because I spent time with her," Uzume continued. "I hung out with her, we talked, we did stuff together- well, kinda, to the limit of her ability, but- But!" Uzume lifted her hands up. "Your girlfriends aren't chronically ill and bedridden! You can just take them on ordinary dates! It'll be easier for you!"
"I should note that I'm not complaining about Tsukiumi and Musubi," I said. "Don't get me wrong, they're hot, I would love to motorboat Tsukiumi's fat fucking knockers-"
"Join the club, bitch," Chiho said.
"-but I don't even like either of them as friends," I continued. "I think they're kind of annoying, and also, they seem like they're dating each other, now. So, like, I'm just gonna leave them be. But! Akitsu and Matsu..." I hummed. "...Well. Matsu's my friend. I know what she's interested in. Akitsu, however... that's going to be tricky."
"Help her find her interests," Uzume said with a shrug. "She's not even a fugitive, you can take her out in public just fine. Matsu... is going to be tricky, but..."
"Well, that brings me to the Warehouse," I said. "Which I've kiiiiiinda made into something so vast and intricate that it can't really be called a Warehouse anymore, can it? See, Uzume..." I got up, and pulled back the curtains, revealing a glittering skyline across a bay full of ships. "There's a whole galaxy in this place." I turned back to look at her. "And now it's a plot device I can use to go on a cringe date with my fail girlfriend."
Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.
"I have a question about this galaxy of yours that I guess I just live in now," Chiho said, raising her hand. "Are there hot bitches?"
"Chiho, my friend," I said solemnly. "There are only hot bitches."
"Will you marry me?" Chiho asked.
"No, but I will let you crash on my couch while you and Uzume sample the galactic variety of hot bitches on offer, here," I said. "With... one condition."
"Which is?"
"You can't leave the planet," I said. "This planet has been yanked out of the normal flow of time, so that you can live here but still go back to Tokyo and visit people you know and love besides Uzume. The rest of my pocket reality, you see, has a time dilation factor of a hundred, relative to the world you were born in. And while, sure, I'm only here for a year- well, ten months, now- it's still pretty simple math that one year times a hundred is longer than you'll live without drastic medical intervention."
"Huh," Chiho said. "...Uh, hey. You... have talked to your girlfriends about the fact you're leaving the universe in a year, right?"
"I've told them that's happening, yes, but..." I grunted. "...Well. I don't think we've properly talked about it, no. That... would cause some issues, wouldn't it?"
"Rose," Chiho said. "You beautiful dommy mommy of a bimbo. I love you. But. You have to talk to your loved ones about important life circumstances and changes to them."
"Yeah, I know, I know," I said, sighing. "I mean, Musubi figured it out, but... Musubi is apparently smarter than she looks, so... I'll... I'll practice that talk with Tsukiumi, first. She and I are going to be spending some time with just the two of us, to prepare for the experiment, so..."
"Good luck," Chiho said. "And let me know what her tits are like!"
----------------------------------------
"Before we bring everyone back in to begin the experiment," I said, "I'd like to talk to you privately, Tsukiumi."
"I- I! You honor me with your attention, Ashikabi-sama!" Tsukiumi declared.
"I've told you I'm not from this reality, and that I'll be leaving it in a little less than a year, right?" I said. "...Oh. No, I didn't tell you that. I told the others that, but... you weren't here yet."
"...You..." Tsukiumi blinked a few times, then nodded. "You have mentioned this, actually. Yesterday, when we thwarted the villain, Higa."
"Well, this is going to have serious implications for our relationship," I continued. "See, what I'm doing here is planting trees whose shade I will never get to sit under. And I was kind of expecting that- and I'm honestly pretty alright with it. It wasn't my yard I planted those trees in, after all. But, Tsukiumi, it is your yard, and you very much will sit under the shade of these trees you're helping to plant... if, and only if, you do not choose to come with me when my year is up, and I have to leave."
"I... I see," Tsukiumi said quietly.
"You have ten months left to make your decision, before I have to leave," I said. "And... well. As much as I might want you to come with me-" That was a lie, I don't like you and won't let you come with me. "-I wouldn't be too sad if you chose to stay and sit in the shade of the trees I planted for you."
She nodded, chewing on this.
"After all," I continued, grinning a little. "It wouldn't do for Musubi to stay and beat all your records because you weren't here to defend them."
She snorted in amusement, and smiled back at me, weakly.
"I... have a request, before we begin the experiment," Tsukiumi said.
"Go on," I said.
"I..." She sighed. "I... know, I have not been your Sekirei in truth, and... I wish to... to correct that, if I can."
"...Oh?"
"When you attempt to wing me a second time," Tsukiumi said, blushing and trailing off.
"Now, I'm usually not one for giving direct orders," I said. "Abrogating someone's will and volition like that? That's just not something you do to people you like, let alone people you love. But... I think, this time, I can make an exception." I placed a single finger under Tsukiumi's chin, lifting it up and forcing her to meet my gaze. "So, darling. Swallow your pride. Out with it."
"...I want you," Tsukiumi said quietly, "to kiss me... like you mean it. Like I see you kiss Akitsu, and Matsu."
"Thank you, kitten," I said gently, bringing my hand up to caress her cheek. "I'll do that for you, no problem. All you have to do is ask."
Tsukiumi just nodded mutely, lips clamped closed, and face burning red. And while I did enjoy the look on her face, and the experience of overcoming her reticence and making her admit to what she wanted...
...It did have a few rough edges that didn't quite sit right with me.
"Alright," I called. "Bring in the observers."
The door to our room opened, and my other three Sekirei traipsed in, with Musubi being a pack mule for some laptops, folding desks, and camera gear.
"Observers are ready?" I asked, as Akitsu closed the door.
"One moment..." Matsu said, waiting for the laptop to boot up. "There we go. Ready!"
"Alright," I said. "Beginning trial one of the experiment. Tsukiumi, how do you feel?"
"J-just fine!" Tsukiumi blustered.
"Subject is nervous, but too prideful to admit it," I said for the record. "Tsukiumi, are you ready?"
"Yes," she said, closing her eyes and nodding.
I pulled the Jinki from its pocket, and gently touched it to her. With a simple mental command- growing easier to issue every time- I severed the bond between us, and she gasped loudly, staggering backwards.
"How do you feel, Tsukiumi?" I asked, sticking to the script. It wasn't as assuring as 'are you alright?,' but... well, getting good information was more important than her feeling assured right now.
"I- empty," Tsukiumi said. "Like... Like I had before being winged, but... now, I know what is missing. I- Do I need to remain this way for long?"
"Do you think you can be winged again?" I asked.
"Yes," Tsukiumi said, nodding firmly. "I... Rose, please... Please wing me again. I don't like feeling like this."
"I understand," I said, nodding. "Trial one, winging attempt number one. Here's hoping there doesn't need to be an attempt two."
I lifted my arms, and almost immediately Tsukiumi threw herself into my grasp, mashing her lips inexpertly against mine. I grabbed her shoulders, and took control of the kiss, putting the passion into it that she'd asked for, with one hand moving to the back of her head, and the other to the small of her back, both working to press our bodies tight against each other, to relish in each other's warmth. I even dipped her low, something I'd done once or twice, when I was feeling dramatic, and then...
...Then it ended. I set her back on her feet and pulled back, looking her in the eyes.
"The winging was a success," Matsu noted, and I nodded, still staring into Tsukiumi's vacant eyes.
My telepathy had continued to improve, so I could see how, in her head, sure, she'd enjoyed that, but she just couldn't help but wish it had been Musubi instead.
Well, that's them just about guaranteed to not come with me.