"Fuck!" I yelled, as a teacup shattered, along with the wand in my hand.

"...I don't even know what you're trying to accomplish, here," Karasuba said, frowning.

"Invincible is a setting where magic exists," I said. "And I decided that, y'know what? It'd be pretty cool if I learned how to use it."

"And in that process," Clover added, "she is learning that she has zero aptitude for magic."

"That's not completely true," I protested. "I'm still doing stuff with magic, it's just not the stuff I want to do."

"Just incompetently?" Karasuba asked, smirking.

"I am a psychic of godlike power," I grumbled. "There shouldn't be a single goddamn reason I can't cast an incredibly basic spell to warm up a cup of tea."

"Aside from the fact that, as a psychic, you're accustomed to there being very little distance between the weight of your will and the desired effect on the world, which is a deeply unhelpful mindset for performing this kind of magic," Clover said.

"Okay, maybe there are a few reasons," I admitted.

"So..." Karasuba said. "Are you... done with recreating Viltrumite powers, or..."

"The Perk that lets me multithread has a scaling-over-time factor," I said. "I only started with ten threads; right now, my limit is slightly over a hundred, and ninety of them are in here, doing research. This thread is the only one messing around with magic... partly because it is incredibly frustrating just how bad I am at this."

"So, you aren't, but you're still working on it, even as we speak."

"Eyup. Anyhow, I forgot to mention this at the time, but the real importance of the 4D bullshit being behind Viltrumite powers is that now, there's a possibility of developing a countermeasure to just... straight up turn that shit off. Something to create a barrier across that dimension, separating a Viltrumite from their powers."

"It's a lot more complicated than you're making it sound, isn't it?" Karasuba asked.

"A big part of the problem is that Viltrumite powers are inherently quite resistant to this sort of bullshit, and also figuring out how to move stuff along that fourth dimension has been infuriatingly difficult, so. Uh. Yeah, we're gonna be in here for a while. Good thing we're supernaturally resistant to boredom, yeah?"

"If it had been anyone else saying we wouldn't get bored of being locked in a box with each other, I'd think it was innuendo," Karasuba said. "But no, you meant that completely literally, at face value."

"There's only so long we can fuck before we get bored of fucking. We haven't hit that point yet, but that's because I am, in some limited regards, capable of exercising restraint."

Karasuba rolled her eyes.

"Anyhow," I continued. "If you wouldn't mind giving this whole 'magic' thing a try yourself, I'd like to figure out what, exactly, I've been doing wrong."

"She'd also like to spread the misery," Clover added.

----------------------------------------

"I've made a terrible mistake," I said, flopping onto our couch.

"Which one?" Karasuba asked, even as she reached over and patted the back of my head.

"I've committed to spending seventy three uninterrupted years in here, and I'm realizing that I'm going to need to take a break and unwind for a little while."

"Well, you're in luck," Karasuba said. "This little pocket universe has a lot of resorts and retreats we can go to. And, well, it's occurred to me that I never got a time-dilated Warehouse date with you."

"Counterpoint: we spent our inter-Jump intermission in the Warehouse fucking like rabbits in whatever spaces we could get away with it in."

"That was a honeymoon, not a date."

"Our honeymoon was on Hoth. We'd been together for a little over a year by the time we got back to the Warehouse."

"Spoilsport."

"I mean, don't get me wrong, I will happily take you on another date in the Warehouse, or really anywhere, it's just that I am also going to be a horrible pedant about the fact it won't be our first."

"You're the worst," Karasuba said.

"And you still made me wing you."

----------------------------------------

"Hey, Rose?" Karasuba asked, as we settled into our beach house for the week.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Am I a good person?"

I blinked, then set down my screwdriver and turned to face her.

"What, uh... what brought this on?" I asked.

"Because I'm a fucking titninja, that's why," Karasuba said, closing her book with a snap. "I kill people and I look pretty. That's it. That is my sole contribution to the human experience. You're doing research, and using some of your threads to try improving the world, but all I'm doing is working out and reading books and waiting for the moment I'll be obliged to go out and start killing people. I just... is that it? Is hurting people all I'm good for? Am I just another one of your pet monsters, whose only special quality is being your favorite pet monster, who gets lots of headpats and kisses from Master? Is that really the full extent of who I am?"

Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel.

Silence hung in the air as I digested this.

"...So, obviously, I think you should see a therapist about this," I said. "But in the meantime, as you try out a bunch of different therapists and try to build a rapport with at least one of 'em, I think we need to find you a hobby. Something that isn't martial."

"Going back to that day camp you took Akitsu to, huh?" Karasuba asked.

"Oh, she told you about that?" I asked.

Karasuba floated the book over towards me, pointing the cover at my eyes.

"Broken Chain, Book 1: Winging For Godot," I obligingly read aloud. She opened the book to a page near-ish the end, and I blinked rapidly. "Would the lady Quixote Miya like me to find her an alternative windmill?"

"I still can't believe you said that to her face," Karasuba said, grinning weakly.

"When you get to the Star Wars Jump, you'll get a better idea of just how much of a cunt I can be when I don't feel like suppressing it," I said. "Huh. So, my Jumps have been written up as books, and you're reading them?"

"Mainly because mine haven't," Karasuba said. "I asked someone about it, and she said it's because the Jumper is the protagonist and viewpoint character, and I'm just a Companion."

"I would've thought you weren't reading your past adventures because you were there for them," I said.

"I like to see myself on TV," Karasuba said with a shrug.

"That does suggest a few likely things you'd enjoy," I said. "Maybe taking up acting, or writing self-insert fanfiction- which is something we could bond over, and possibly even do together."

"Yes, honey, I'm definitely going to write self-insert fanfiction about an orphaned first-generation immigrant who's also a magic alien ninja who dates the genderbent tragedy AU version of a fucking Roosterteeth character. That'll definitely make me feel better about myself, and not make me want to cringe myself to death."

"Look, where I'm from, wanting to fuck Roosterteeth characters was only shameful insofar as it implied that you enjoyed Roosterteeth shows," I said, folding my arms. "Besides, you're allowed to be as cringe as you want, because you're my little pogchamp."

She dry-heaved.

"Besides," I continued. "From my perspective, I'm some scrawny American nerd who got to become a transdimensional shoggoth and then exclusively used those abilities to become a hot chick who can have tentacle sex with anime babes, and then married the most tsundere of the anime babes who laid out a solid ideological argument against us banging and then changed her mind because of my correct opinions about politics and raw sexual magnetism."

"I want a divorce," Karasuba said.

"If you become a lawyer, that would be counterproductive to feeling like you're good for more than just hurting people."

Karasuba rolled her eyes.

"Anyhow," I continued. "We're actually very close to one of those camps, so we can spend a month or two- or as long as you need, really- trying new things, and you can find yourself a hobby that makes you feel better about yourself."

"And you genuinely think this will help me?"

"I genuinely believe that, right now, one of the biggest problems you're facing is that you're bored as hell. Having nothing worthwhile to do for long enough can cause some pretty bad psychological problems, especially when someone has untreated mental trauma lurking under the surface- and boy howdy are you ever traumatized."

"That's-" Karasuba paused, and began to rifle through my head again, apparently aiming to borrow my perspective to examine her own life- I saw flashes of her covered in blood and shaking and standing completely motionless in the shower for two and a half hours- yeah, that was- "...Okay, maybe I am," Karasuba admitted.

"So... Therapy, and also a hobby," I said. "Anything you wanna do before we get started on that?"

"I don't particularly need to sleep, so... fuck it. Let's go."

----------------------------------------

"This is, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the nerdiest thing I have ever seen the Force be used for," I said.

"You did Sith Alchemy, didn't you?" Karasuba said, eyes locked on a block of blue polymer, brows furrowed in effort.

"I used Sith Alchemy to make things that killed people," I said. "You, meanwhile, are using the Force to degas a resin pour."

"Well it'd fucking suck if the cast had bubbles in it, wouldn't it?" Karasuba said.

"Oh, for sure," I said, nodding. "Frankly, my only real complaint is that vacuum chambers do exist, and there were other ways for you to achieve this goal that didn't involve using the Force."

"Those are more complicated than using the goddamn space magic I paid good points for," Karasuba said. "Also, you're missing the part where I'm also using the Force to make the resin cure faster. Should be ready for demolding in three... two... one... now."

She slowly, carefully, separated the blue block into two halves; she'd used the Force to degas the silicone she poured to make the mold, as well, and the mating surfaces were, frankly, absolutely goddamn immaculate. Between the two halves, pristine and perfect, were a pair of sprues, one cast in black resin and one (much smaller) cast in white.

Quickly yet carefully, Karasuba clipped the parts free from their runners, and pressed them together with a series of satisfyingly clicky snaps.

Using the Force to hold tools and materials so you could assemble a model kit without a table was also pretty goddamn nerdy.

With a grunt of satisfaction, Karasuba slid the final piece into place, and triumphantly held in her hand a black-and-white action figure, modeled after none other than herself. Wearing her old Disciplinary Squad uniform- a black minidress, thigh-boots, and a grey haori. These days, she didn't wear it all that much outside of hero business; her Sith outfit had been similar, a version made by a different culture, but we were on vacation right now, and she'd ended up stealing from my extensive wardrobe of powder blue button-down shirts and blue jeans.

"You know, as far as hobbies go," I said. "I gotta say: sculpting model kits is a very easy one for me to support and engage with."

"I know," Karasuba said. "I saw that Gundam on your shelf. Speaking of which, in fact..." Karasuba pulled a copy of that Gundam's sprue out of a portal, and with a bit more clipping and assembling, her figure had had its head replaced by a Gundam's head, which somehow managed to be perfectly proportional to the rest of the body.

"Oh," I said quietly. "Oh that is good."

"Hey, if there's a standard for model kit figurines, why would I not adopt it in my own work?" Karasuba asked. "So... I trust you'll put any additional kits I churn out to good use?"

"I very much will, yes," I said, nodding. "In fact... I've got some requests, if you don't mind?"

"Hit me. I wanna stay busy."

I just grinned.