Walking In Circles
Carefully moving through the front yards, Phesx Caolia held 'his' rifle to his chest and slightly crouched. He went towards the house where the dogs were barking. He could've jumped over the wall separating both houses' courtyards, but something told him, deep within the sides of his body, that that might not end well.
Arriving at the door, he softly opened it with his left hand, doing his best to hold the rifle, trembling, with his right one. Only at these moments did he realize the ridiculousness of the situation. He pushed the thought aside and did his best to silently step inside.
He immediately saw a young man in military uniform grabbing a few things and putting them in black bags, with some white bags near the entrance, at the side. The young man wore the same military uniform as the others.
“Ah, I’m coming! What were those sounds, anyway?” The soldier looked up and saw a ‘comrade’ trying to see if the house was safe. The soldier immediately ‘friended’ Phesx Caolia and hurried to the entrance, grabbing towards his gun. On the other hand, that ‘comrade’ was awestruck by the soldier’s cluelessness. It was pretty much sincere.
“Ah-” Bang!
However, as the soldier hurried over, and grabbed his rifle from the barrel, he tripped and slammed the floor with the rear flatness of the butt. At the same time, his body fell, with his face directly aiming at the muzzle. The rifle suddenly shot under the soldier’s face, sending a few flocks of hair upwards and destroying a portion of that head’s front and back.
“…” Phesx Caolia looked with incredulous but calm eyes. He wasn’t really that calm, but he was in a bit of a shock after the things he lived for the past several minutes. What’s more, he also immediately felt this was good for him.
After a few seconds of watching the motionless corpse in the middle of this house’s living room, Phesx Caolia walked forth and peeked at the courtyard. Like other houses, this one wasn’t larger than 6×2 m big.
The two small breed drugs looked up at him silently, almost like kids whose naughty endeavors were finally successful, and they looked at their partner in crime contentedly. Making an approving nod and curling his mouth’s corners downwards, Phesx Caolia opened the door and let the ‘kids’ out. They bypassed the corpse, smelling it a little before pissing on its back before finally rushing out.
‘What kind of people leave their dogs behind in such an obvious incoming civil war situation?’ Complained the kid with a rifle and blood all over his body, from clothes he stole from corpses.
Afterwards, Phesx Caolia walked to the entrance to also leave. He couldn’t find any medical supplies in the soldier’s backpack or pockets, so he simply took the backpack and headed outside. However, when he stepped with his right foot near the door, he felt pain and stopped.
The knife freeloading in his abdomen never stopped hurting, keeping him the hell awake, and he didn’t know how long he could endure. But this sensation was strange. It was like his right leg and spine weren’t well-connected. It wasn’t too painful, but the thought of moving more to ‘fix it’ made Phesx Caolia believe he could just end up paralyzing himself.
Even breathing made the connection where his thigh and torso meet feel like it could dislocate, or something. While in pain, waiting for it to subside, and with trembling, numb arms, Phesx Caolia’s eyes darted to his right. The white bags seemed to make more sense now.
After feeling a bit better, but still with some pain and that ‘dislocation’ sensation when walking, Phesx Caolia grabbed some white bags and took the essentials, and some junk food. Thus, the young boy walked into the open streets with thin white bags in his backpack.
Just as Phesx Caolia walked towards the main street, he stopped. Something clicked in his mind. What about his other family branches? He didn’t care about them all, but what about Salas and her family?
Phesx Caolia decided to check their house.
Walking about 5 minutes, with his injury and the sensation from his right side, Phesx Caolia saw a sight that made him feel a little hopeless. The door was forced open, with the railing around the front yard showing it was broken apart by something heavy, either a car or a heavy tool.
He silently sighed before walking into the front yard. Phesx Caolia felt his arms a little heavy as he lifted the rifle to his hurting, numbing right chest and crouched a little. He waited at the door for some time, hearing a few hushing words and something like a device beeping.
At last, he moved his left hand to knock with his palm once and pushed the door open right after. His body remained collected, and cooled off, as he raised his voice. “I’ve heard gunshots but have only seen corpses. Is there anyone here?”
“Who go-” - “Wait.”
Phesx Caolia heard a panicked voice before a calm, more mature one interrupted the former after he spoke. Opening the door, he revealed his bloodied face and his military equipment. Although the white bags’ thin contents caught the 2 soldiers eyes behind an island table, they softened when seeing one of their comrades. As for his face, while they couldn’t figure out how familiar it was, they felt a sense of camaraderie when seeing his poor state.
“Oh, is it only you two? I saw other 8 dead in another house.” Phesx Caolia commented, slightly standing up, but kept his presence reduced, slightly bending his knees. He saw a relatively small corpse half a meter before him but refused to look at it for now. It looked familiar, though.
“Yes. We came here alone, just the two-” Just as the more mature soldier opened his mouth, the younger one answered while lowering his rifle. Phesx Caolia casually lifted his muzzle a little and shot twice at the young man before barraging another 3 at the shocked, mature soldier.
Bang, bang! Bang bang bang!
The younger soldier was shot slightly to the right side of his collarbone and at the forehead. The more mature one had just taken his pistol out, when his stomach became a puddle of blood and his back slammed against the kitchen counter behind him.
“Hawwf,” Phesx Caolia restrained his breathing as he heavily exhaled out. He stepped forwards twice before looking down. Immediately, his tired arms slumped, and his light black eyes uncomfortably concentrated, as if they could zoom in and increase image detail on their own.
However, they began blurring after a second. Phesx Caolia’s light black eyes looked at Solas’s face after looking at her body. Her lower body’s clothing had a roughened appearance. It was obvious she was about to suffer, but then, the quirky, ugly knife injury, embedded into her left chest, showed she didn’t want to.
Her dull-purple shorts weren’t taken off, and her sleeveless shirt was bloodied. Despite being dark gray, it was wet and even darker around her left breast. Her face seemed fierce yet relaxed now, but who knew how she felt and was like whenever ‘this’ happened.
A few tears started spilling from his eyes before a torrent silently slid down his cheeks. He dropped the rifle, with the safe on. After watching that other soldier accidentally kill himself, he no longer thought he was controversially more clever than ‘the rest’ by having it off at all times.
The noise it made when it fell to the floor fell on deaf ears, as Phesx Caolia cried and cried tears without moving an inch. His face became uglier, and his throat began making guttural, embarrassing sounds. But he couldn’t stop it; himself.
Looking farther into the living room, towards the kitchen, he saw 2 pairs of feet coming out of the bathroom, peeking out from a wall positioned before him, and closer to him. Phesx Caolia felt heaviness in his head, and his hands and feet felt heated. He looked at his cousin again before falling to his knees towards her.
His arms found their way to weakly hold her left shoulder and head, placing her lower back on his bent knees. With his back bent, Phesx Caolia lowered his head, and with tears falling down his cheeks and chin to her clothes, he whispered near her right ear.
“Why- you… I’m sorry…”
Phesx Caolia closed his mouth into her forehead and lightly kissed it. He didn’t stop there and repeatedly kissed her many times, shutting his eyes but still flooding tears out, ignoring how cold she was as her face became a little wet with them.
Forehead against forehead, Phesx Caolia caringly held the back of her head. They had barely talked a few days ago, and when she came to his house to deliver news, they at least glanced at each other if they couldn’t catch up. Since he dropped out, Phesx Caolia didn’t have anyone he wanted to talk to, except this cousin ‘nowadays’.
Step, step… Phesx Caolia let her down gently before raising to his feet. He walked to the bathroom and saw his aunt and uncle’s corpses. His uncle had a bloody wound on the side of his head. Comparing it to what he’s done, Phesx Caolia figured it came from a heavy tool, maybe the same one to break open the metallic railing around the courtyard.
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His aunt had a bullet wound in her intestines, but her clothes weren’t taken off. They probably weren’t in the mood after everything that happened anymore, nor were they mentally unstable to ‘get something at least’, as Phesx Caolia has read about before.
‘I can’t figure out if you two died after her, but at least you tried.’ Phesx Caolia’s eyelids dropped when looking at his family members before staring at the 2 soldiers he just killed behind the island table.
He ignored everything else and returned to Salas. He grabbed a large mantle from one of the white bags’ contents before wrapping them around her. Phesx Caolia carried her outside before returning inside, he took a shovel out from their courtyard and began digging. He thought about lighting up a fire, but he didn’t know how to create a proper one to burn corpses to ashes. Besides, it was cold and humid lately, it might not even work.
After digging for at least 3 meters, deep in the night, Phesx Caolia didn’t notice the lights in the distance of vehicles moving about and away from here. Luckily, he didn’t run into any soldier comrade of those he killed. Or they ignored him, thinking he was burying some comrades instead.
His weakened arms were numb and fragile after he was done, but he still knelt, painfully straightened his back, and lifted his cousin before cautiously falling down the hole. Placing her body in peace in the little tomb he made, thankful he didn’t meet any tube or infrastructure hidden beneath, he returned to the house after staring at her white mantle-covered self for long.
Phesx Caolia returned to the tomb with several more large white mantles. He fell down the tomb again and placed them atop her one after another, doing what he thought was best to safely send her off. Once he was finished, he began returning the dirt to where it belonged, but not without leaving a few words on a tablet atop the white mantles.
An hour later, the young boy felt very numb everywhere around his arms, barely feeling when his hands tapped and slapped them. But, at last, he had finished burying his cousin.
“Sigh…” Phesx Caolia lifted his chin, closed his eyes, and enjoyed the suddenly piercing cold breezes of the night against his face. He wished he could fall asleep, but he wasn’t able to. Maybe fall backwards and lose consciousness, but he just couldn’t.
Before leaving, Phesx Caolia went back into the house and searched the 2 soldiers. He couldn’t find any medical supplies again, leaving him dispirited, before taking some more food and drinks with him. Most were water bottles, but he knew how substantial they could be in moments like these… It was like humanity’s always present, hidden nature was unfolded. It just happened to be before his very own eyes.
Walking into the night, Phesx Caolia weakly went into the main street, before heading east. He entered the fields, but he didn’t look ahead and kept staring at his feet. His eyes were lost, yet he kept the heavy backpack behind him on his back.
An unknown amount of time later, still far from the morning, he stopped. Slowly, he lifted his head. ‘I think this is enough.’
There was a mid-tall vegetation and many trees around him. He could try and see if he could rest here. Wanting to sit on his butt, the young boy slowly fell backwards, but he lost balance and the backpack fell first before his back hit the solid ground.
“Hahh…” Phesx Caolia squinted his eyes and knitted his eyebrows before slowly relaxing. He looked down and traced half a handle of a knife embedded in his abdomen. It was dried with blood, like his face. He forgot to wash up, but… it wasn’t like he would care.
His lost eyes moved down and stared at the left side of his abdomen, where the knife had stabbed him deeply. He wondered if it was normal to last this much with such an injury before his head was emptied. Then, so suddenly, his right hand grabbed the handle and pulled.
It was surprisingly easy to pull it, but it hurt like hell. Phesx Caolia almost felt he would vomit, but endured. He hit the ground with the back of his head, somewhat cushioned by the long grass. He licked his dry lips but refused to move and grab a water bottle.
Phesx Caolia felt his legs resting, ignoring the pain a little, and his shoulders at ease. He looked towards his left without a care. He no longer worried about what to do tomorrow to survive, if to seek help or anything else. A small toothy smile showed between his lips when closing his eyes and facing upwards.
‘Ah. I’m so tired… Why do I have to face this? Mm… You know what? Might as well. It doesn’t matter.’ Phesx Caolia’s eyes barely opened, looking indifferent and dreamy. But then, he began breathing in and out hard, gasping for air and perhaps entering shock.
The notion made him frown, hard. But a few seconds later, that expression relaxed. He continued breathing hard and disorderly, but now, he felt unbothered.
… Several hours later, feeling like his head and nape were full of mud from within, Phesx Caolia gradually opened his eyes. He was in the exact same position as before, only with a peaceful, sleeping posture and eyes that broke apart when he lifted his eyelids.
The lights further awoke him, but he felt his body refreshed, as if he was on vacation and was a tiny child again, not bothering about every little thing, and not worried about… others.
Phesx Caolia spent minute after minute like that, feeling the cold, morning air and slightly warm sunlight on his skin and clothes. At last, like a machine, he sat up and looked around. He saw no one, only nature. He remembered his wound and lifted his shirt a bit.
Phesx Caolia looked down, only to find his wound wasn’t magically cured, and it had gotten purplish instead. Sweat accumulated at the sides of his forehead and face, as if activated when he looked at them. He sighed and let go of his shirt before struggling to get up.
He looked down at his backpack and remembered the small bread and some milk he picked. To not waste it, or to avoid eating garbage, he took them out of the white bags and ate them. Since yesterday, all he ingested was a bit of cereal for breakfast, nothing else.
The young boy ate standing, wolfing down while feeling his wound moving, feeling like cracks spreading within, reminding him of his horrendous situation. Once he felt like choking, he took half the milk he brought with himself before eating more bread. When he felt like choking again soon after, he lifted his chin to drink some more, but realized it wasn’t the food.
His cheeks were circled by tears. Phesx Caolia stopped and looked vacantly ahead. But he had to eat, his body and heart told him to. Crying even more and feeling pain as his light black eyes were wetted, he ate his bread and drank sips of milk in between to let it all through.
15 minutes later, he picked his backpack up and confirmed the safe switch on his new pistol and the rifle before walking further to the east. There were a few houses there, from poor people who formed their own residences after the Centralized Government no longer ignored them about 80 years ago, after the tragedy and the matter with the biological weapons subsided.
Today, Phesx Caolia felt better than yesterday, physically. His mentality was a mess he hadn’t noticed yet, and might not even in the following years…
… Phesx walked for a bit, almost an hour, before finding a road in the distance. He saw some remnants of the battle he saw before, smoked spots on the grass, some shells, and even cartridges here and there. Some limbs were also found, although they were covered by insects, maggots, or had attracted some birds.
Phesx Caolia knew he wasn’t the only one to think of coming here, as he got the idea from the information his cousin brought him one of the previous days. People, even those living up north, had moved towards these places, outside the populated residences, but still a little away from the factory districts. Phesx Caolia didn’t know if many successfully did it amidst the battle, but he believed these ‘villages’ and their ‘villagers’ should be aware of the situation by the people who moved here during those days.
Step after step, Phesx Caolia crossed the dirt road and followed natural paths leading towards a village. It wasn’t too small or impoverished, but it did seem a little desolate. When he entered its perimeter, it suddenly dawned on him. Maybe these people also knew about the congregation points and went there. He still didn’t know if something occurred back there.
But with how he suffered in just under an hour back home, Phesx Caolia figured they could’ve gone through something, too. However, his stakes were on that they were fine. After all, with his luck…
Looking around for a minute, not entering any house, he moved around with his backpack and rifle, not realizing how scary he could look like with the ‘enemy’s’ uniform on his body.
At last, Phesx Caolia decided to go to the largest residence in this semi-village. It had pavement roads, albeit of a lower quality, and it still had many rural facilities that should’ve been improved at least somewhat, but didn’t.
“Hm?” When Phesx Caolia entered the large house through a front window, seeing the front entrance gates seemed to protrude forwards, and might be barricaded, he was stunned. Maybe it was because the lavish places would be ‘ownerless’, or mere human instinct to search for an authoritative location in case of help. But he and many others would’ve chosen to go to this large residence no matter the case.
“Who are you?!” - “Kyaa!”
Such was the case. Phesx Caolia looked at a few people in front of him. A male and a woman who seemed unrelated to each other. One was a mother, with her children close to her, a girl and a boy, while the male had a little girl hiding behind his right thigh.
“No, I- aw-” Phesx Caolia’s throat, after so much, had clogged with some phlegm and become hoarse, but only now did he notice. He cleared his throat and lowered his rifle, which he accidentally lifted like yesterday, whenever he found something moving.
“These aren’t my clothes, I stole them from some…” Phesx Caolia said, but he stopped and looked at his rifle, not really wanting to imply what he did. However, the man spoke, while the woman covered her baby boy in her chest and turned around, giving him her back. “Are you from a rich residential district?”
Phesx Caolia looked at the man who frowned when asking. He nodded and said, “Mhm. I just rested on the fields.”
“… … …” Helplessly, they fell into silence. The man was startled, waiting for Phesx Caolia to say more, and the woman was terrified, but Phesx Caolia didn’t have anything else to say, so he just kept quiet.
“I’m moving north to see… well, just to move, I guess. I only wanted to look for medicine and then leave…” Phesx Caolia said and looked at their expressions. The woman turned around slowly and looked at him. Her eyes widened a little, realizing how young he was.
With the words he said earlier, but being at that age… Her motherly heart was struck, something Phesx Caolia couldn’t understand even as he saw it happening.
“Can I?” Phesx Caolia’s questioning made them startled a bit more. The man and woman looked at each other before nodding. The woman instinctively took a step forth and said, “What do you need?”
“Ah, uhm… this.” Phesx Caolia hesitated to show it, but seeing the mother ask, and remembering the helitaxi ride, he lifted his shirt.
“!” The woman was stunned. After staring for 10 seconds, she turned to the man, who hurriedly extended his arms. The baby seemed begrudged, but the little girl walking around her mother smiled and went to the other little girl behind the man.
“I’ll bring you there.” The mother said, grabbing Phesx Caolia’s left hand and bringing him away. Phesx Caolia didn’t have time to react. He almost retracted his hand, remembering the image he thought he saw before killing his first enemy, those ‘nails’ protruding strangely, sharp and dangerous. However, he looked at his right hand’s nails. They were normal, albeit somewhat damaged, and relaxed.
‘That’s right. It was another illusion, another… Hmmm.’
…