Bits of the ceiling fell as the ground above him continued to shake more violently. It was becoming more and more obvious that staying underground wasn’t the safest place to be, but it was better than being up top. Zulo tried to imagine Malcolm somehow holding his own, but to do that, he would have to suspend his connection with reality.
He had once seen Yome blow a hole through someone’s chest from accidentally sneezing. He absolutely wanted to sleep with her but was also afraid that she would just kill him.
Honestly, it made it even hotter.
Riot coughed and his attention was hooked by the two people bleeding to death on the floor. It may be better to end their lives right there, but then that would end the fun. By keeping them alive, he could try to coerce Eira to turn Malcolm back into a sexy big-titted womanHe still needed to check that gender bender box after all.
But that was also suspending his connection to reality. Eira would never do what he asked her to do. Zulo had seen this many times. If he asked for a pen, she would crush a pen in front of him and tell him to eat shit.
That memory had been enough for him. Zulo stood up from his seat. They would be executed by him.
He crouched near Eira bringing his knife to her face. Her eyelids were quivering with pain, and her face paler as blood kept on leaking out of her wounds.
Then a big gigantic barrel chested man walked through the twin doors.
He only wore a tank top, and pants. It allowed for his bulging muscles to be seen. His hand hefted an axe, and he scanned the area, going from Zulo and Eira to Riot.
He skulked his way past Zulo and to Riot.
“Hey, what the fuck are you doing here?”
The lumberjack stopped in place.
“Well, my name is Chad. I’m an assassin hired to kill the man over there.” He pointed at the dueler with his axe. “I plan to chop his head and leave so I can go back to my wife.”
“Chop off his head? No, no, no.” Zulo stood up. “That is unacceptable. That would mean that he would die without pain.”
Chad rested his axe on his shoulder. “Yeah, that’s my intention.”
“Well, why in the fuck would you do that? You’re an assassin aren’t you? Why don’t you use the axe and cut off his limbs and let him bleed out?”
Help support creative writers by finding and reading their stories on the original site.
“Because I don’t torture my victims. Plus, I’m not sure if you know this, but if you torture a guy, there’s always a chance they can escape. I knew a few assassins that enjoyed torturing their targets, they were killed by their targets. It’s much easier to just end their life immediately. Like right now, he’s bleeding out, unconscious, I use my axe here, behead him, he’s dead, and doesn’t know who or what killed him.”
Zulo could not believe what he was hearing. “That is unacceptable. As a serial killer, killing someone so easily is not fun. It is boring. I planned to tie them up, cut their ankles, and maybe make him eat his toe or something.”
“Now why would you do that?”
He looked around. “Was I not clear. Okay, then picture this.” He held out his hand as if he were showcasing something grand. “You cut off that man’s little toe. He thinks it cannot get worse, but then you feed them their toe.” Zulo started to snicker.
Chad waited. “Is that it?”
“Yes, it’s funny because you’re feeding them their toe.” He burst out laughing.
The lumberjack scratched his beard, deep in thought. He turned his head one way and then to another. Then, he put his axe down and leaned against it.
“Yeah, that’s not funny at all. Funny is being hit by a pie, or having an eraser fall on your head when you open the door. Things that don’t physically harm the body.”
Zulo’s expression darkened. “You just say that because you’re not funny. None of what you said is funny. What would be funny is if the pie had poison in it, and a knife fell on a person’s head when they opened the door. There I fixed it.”
“Agree to disagree.” He pointed at Riot with his axe. “I suggest you step out of the way, so I can do my job of killing that man over there and then go back to my wife, tell her the sad news that I killed her former lover.”
Lover?
“Riot is a virgin.”
“Yes. Yes, he is. He still was dating my wife…well, not really dating. More like created. Still, I’m sure she won’t take the news well.”
“Pretty sure she’s going to celebrate his death.”
“Wait!”
The two turned over to the origin of the voice. Riot’s eyes were wide and wild. His eyes were fixed on the lumberjack.
“You…you married my waifu?”
“See.” Chad motioned with his hand. “Now I have to kill him while he’s awake and knows I married his ex. Are you happy?”
“A little bit yeah.” Zulo crossed his arms. “I feel I can enjoy this much more.”
“My waifu…has been deflowered.” Riot laughed uncomfortably. He was in his own world at that point. “I…must be a lumberjack.”
Chad sighed. The big man cracked his neck. His hand tightened on his axe, and then he took a few heavy steps forward to the mumbling Riot.
“Sorry.” He hefted the axe over his head.
Then he brought it down.
“My waifu…was deflowered!” He swung up his hands, and their axes clashed at the axe’s neck. He bared his teeth, his eyes wild with delusion. His breath heavy and unstable. Even still, Zulo was surprised that he could even stand. Blood was gushing out of those bullet wounds.
“My name is Riot Charles Grandcrest Thirteen Labyrinth!” He wrenched his axe aside and chopped mid-waist. Chad stepped back but his midriff and shirt were still cut shallowly. “I will defeat you and become the Lumberjack!”
The lumberjack touched at his wound and winced. He brought up his hand, seeing the tips of it stained with blood. His eyes closed, and he took a deep breath. When he finally opened his eyes, they were filled with determination.
“Then come.”