The ceiling shook, Riot looked up, seeing specks of dust and dirt float down on the ground. She wondered what was happening upstairs. She was hoping it would be cooler than just drinking whatever the Drug Lord made, because no matter what she drank, nothing happened to her.

None of the cool things that the Drug Lord said would happen, happened.

Riot wrote a note to the Drug Lord to call him a fraud. The Drug Lord took the note and ate it.

“I am a genius! I was the top of my class! I made many advances in medicine, even one that cured cancer! So, why can I not do anything to you!” His frustration could be felt to even Riot.

So, she wrote another note, crumbled and tossed it at the back of his head. The Drug Lord picked it up, straightening the paper, and read it.

“Sometimes, it’s performance based….” The Drug Lord crumbled the note and turned to Riot. “This isn’t about my dick! Your blood, for some reason, is resistant to change. It’s like, you were smacked with a wave of energy that is for some reason resisting anything I put forward. I even poisoned you! Several times! I’m even doing it right now!”

Riot looked down at her arm. He had stuck another needle and was pushing through an ominous black sludge in her body. He tossed the empty syringe behind him and looked at his watch.

A minute later he looked up at her and threw up his hands. “You should be dead! That poison was enough to kill five dragons!”

Her stomach gurgled. She fell to her knees. It was hurting. The Drug Lord saw and ran back to the cell.

“Oh my god! Did I finally do it! Are you finally going to die? Praise me! I did it! I killed this immortal mute woman!”

He threw up his hands to be praised by the heavens.

But Riot didn’t feel like she was dying. No, it felt like she was giving birth to something.

She farted.

The Drug Lord sniffed the air and then immediately covered his nose. “What is that putrid smell! Never have I smelled something so putrid!”

That comment made Riot’s heart swell. A man’s smell was one of manliness. If that came out of her butt as a woman, well, what happens when she’s a man?

Her jubilation was short lived, the feeling rumbled from the top of her stomach to the end of her small intestines. Something big was coming, and she was afraid she couldn’t stop it.

“Wha-are you doing more?” He turned behind him. There was a gas mask on his desk on the other side of the room. “You gotta hold it. Okay. Hold that in. If you don’t, I-”

She couldn’t. A black gas escaped her bum and engulfed the Drug Lord as he screamed and wilted under the wave of miasma.

#

SIGNAL SENT FOR ASSASSINANTION REQUEST.

TARGET: RIOT LABYRINTH

VIOLATION: RULE BREAKER

ASSASSINATION ACCEPTED.

PAYMENT WIRED.

ASSIGNED TO: CHAD THE LUMBERJACK

#

Eira knocked on the side door to the castle, specifically for deliveries. She was holding up an order of coffee with the name Zulo written in a black sharpee. The o was formed as a heart. The owner, like the rest of the fools here have been drugged hard.

She had found the taste of the water quite…pungent in her mouth. Whatever drug they were pumping through had gone through the water supply. It was a good thing she used another favor to have someone to make an antidote to the love potion.

But she was getting quite unhappy that she had used quite a few favors just for this mission. She would have killed him already if she could, but there was a barrier surrounding the castle. She couldn’t break through it as much as she could move a mountain.

Once they let her in, it wouldn’t matter.

A very skimply dressed woman wearing a chef’s hat and an apron opened the door. She narrowed her eyes when she met Eira’s.

“Who are you? You’re not the usual coffee girl.”

“No, she’s sick today. She requested me to take her place.” Eira held out her hand, giving her best smile. “I’m Eira.”

“Okay, Eira, I’m not letting you in. You may be an assassin.” The woman closed the door.

Eira stopped it, placing a well-timed boot in the crack.

“I was told that this coffee must be delivered no matter what. Our reputation would be on the line if you simply just closed it,” Eira said.

“That doesn’t matter. My job is to keep my lord safe. You are not the same person. I don’t know you. For all I know you could have killed the real coffee girl, taken her clothes, and are impersonating her.”

That was almost on the mark. This woman was incredibly cautious, despite how she was dressed. Eira had thought of her as an idiot, but she reevaluated her as intelligent.

Eira rummaged through her pockets. Finding and then handing a letter to the chef.

“I have a proper letter of introduction here.”

The woman snatched the letter and ripped it open. She pulled her hand back and looked at it. She got a paper cut on her index finger. She wiped the small drop of blood on her apron and read the letter.

“Okay, so.” She dropped the letter. “You could have threatened the coffee lady and made her write that letter. Nothing proves that you are not an assassin.”

That actually was true. She did make the nice coffee shop owner write this letter to her exact design. She did not expect rudeness, but she did expect pushback.

Suddenly, the chef shook, and took a step back. Her nose was bleeding, and she touched it. She looked down at her hands and then to the letter.

“You laced it…”

She fell to the ground like a cut marionette. Eira stepped over her body and closed the door behind her. She then pulled the chef into the cold storage and locked it so she would not be able to break out. The poison would course through her body leaving in her a paralyzed state. She would not die, but the nosebleed was a symptom of a bad reaction.

This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

The chef may be crippled, but Eira did not care. Rude people did not deserve her sympathy.

#

Malcolm was led down the steps in tow with Zulo and his harem battle squad. Malcolm checked their specs. It was made easier because of how skimpy there were dressed. Malcolm approved, all of them were high spec women with very dangerous weapons.

“So, how did you become the Harem Lord for this world?” Malcolm asked Zulo.

The women around him were angry that he spoke. One of them stopped and slapped Malcolm. She bared her teeth, making the face of a demon.

“Do not speak to our master like you are friends! You are nothing but a hole to him! You should go ahead and bend down and-”

Zulo turned her towards him, plunging his mouth and tongue deep down into her own. It was a long kiss, one that made the other women look longingly at it with envy and hunger. Malcolm was turned off by it. This was Ozul after all.

When they broke apart, the woman collapsed like a wet towel. She looked like she was ready for more.

“Enough Joann. She is my guest, and potential partner. She may speak to me as she wishes.”

Joann could not respond. Her brain was still puddy. She just gave a dreamy nod and then they continued their descent into the basement, leaving her behind.

“To answer your question,” Zulo said. “I made sure to keep assurances that I wouldn’t be a vegetable if I died. After all, I did do terrible things.”

“Like being possessed by a yandere ghost girl. By the way, what ever happened to her?”

“She has been sealed in a bottle.” He jingled a bottle that hung from his neck. It was wrapped with many little paper seals. Just from here, Malcolm could feel evil seep from it. “How is Louise?”

“Louise?”

“You know, the girl that I loved. The one that would never go out on a date with me because she was too busy with family stuff. What happened to her?”

Malcolm turned his head. “Did we have someone like that?”

Zulo stopped right in his tracks and turned around. His eyes were still covered by his bangs, but Malcolm could sense worry. “Are you messing with me? She’s the pink haired girl. The one that loved me.”

Malcolm placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “Zulo, or Ozul, there was no one in the office that ever loved you. It was wonderful that you died. It was super hilarious that you died from Dalton when he was weak.”

“I swear if you keep this up, I will choose you to experience banging a man that turned into a dude. It’s been my dream since I saw the anime Fanma fall into the spring of deceased boingy women.”

“I’m sorry, but I still don’t remember who the hell you are talking about, please do not bang me. I am still a man on the inside.”

“As long as you know.” Zulo pulled at his school jacket and then led on. “It’s astounding that you cannot remember your own subordinate. You know Dalton is currently being tortured by a witch. She’s making him play an eroge.”

Malcolm snickered. “Really? Which one?”

“Doki Doki Adventure: Wet Wet Happy Days.”

That made Malcolm suck in a breath. “That is not an eroge. That is a masterpiece in storytelling that transcends all.” He paused. “But it also has some of the best sex scenes. In fact, there is one where the priest uses a gun to-”

“We’re here.” Zulo cut him off. They stood at a giant metal door.

His harem women pushed open the door, and immediately a black miasma engulfed the two knights. They screamed and everyone else had taken a step back away from it. Even though they had not suffered directly from it, it burned Malcolm’s nose making him drop down to his knees and covering his mouth and nose.

“What in the fuck?” It felt like his nose hair had burnt off.

“What putrid scent is this. Holly!”

The knight with blonde hair ran up to him and bowed. “Yes!”

“Go into the lab and turn on the industrial fan.”

“Yes!”

Holly ran into the miasma.

She was gone for a couple of minutes. Malcolm turned to Zulo. “You know she’s dead.”

“Quiet, you don’t know Holly. She is a survivor. I know because we play a game where she holds her breath in the bathtub-”

“Please, do no scar me more than I have to! Do not make me use this gun to blow my head.” He showed a revolver.

Zulo frowned. “Where did you get that gun?”

They heard the fan turn on. The miasma started to clear, and Zulo gave a smug smile. “See! I told you she-”

Holly stepped out. Her face had been melted it off from contact of the miasma. She opened her mouth, and miasma puffed out. Then she fell right between the two women that had the unfortunate job of opening the door.

Zulo was visibly shaking.

“So, she looks dead.” Malcolm noted.

“That’s because she is dead!” Tears were falling down his face. “She gave me the best-”

“I do not want to hear it!” Malcolm snapped. “That was your last knight, wasn’t it? C’mon and let’s go see if anyone is even alive in there.”

The lab looked just like any lab. There was tubes and vials and liquids that went through the tubs and into other vials. Very mad scientist like. There was also a black, burnt body sprawled on the floor, reaching for the table which contained a gas mask.

“This poor bastard,” Malcolm shook his head. “If only he had reached that mask, he may have lived.”

“Wow.” Zulo covered his face. “Satoshi is dead.”

“Your scientist guy was called Satoshi?” Malcolm blew out a snort. “I remember Satoshi. He was a good man. We used to go on potion dives all the time.”

Zulo just stared at him, hard. “You do know that this is the same person. Like the same exact person. You do understand that right?”

“I would like to think Satoshi and I are bound by heart like the same person.” He clutched his enormous chest.

“Did all of your brain go into those oversized tits? No, this isn’t some sort of metaphor, like literally this black crispy jerky laying in front of us is Satoshi.”

“He also liked eating black crispy jerky.” Malcolm wistfully thought.

He lifted his finger. “I’m going to go ahead and ignore you now. I’m going to go to that cage, to see what I’m about to bang, and if it isn’t up to my standard, then you might as well bend over right now.”

“Satoshi would have totally said that same words you just said,” Malcolm took the gas mask. “We made a pact, that if one of us turns into a woman, we would totally bang.”

“Your relationship with that man is more disturbing than I thought, I’d very much love to forget anything I heard, but now its stuck in there.” Zulo turned away. “Well, let’s see this man-woman you claim to know.”

He walked towards the cage, peering through the bars. Malcolm followed suit, tiptoeing on his toes to see over Zulo’s shoulders. He did not like that he was now shorter than him, it made him feel weak and scared.

There was no woman in there, just a black, burnt corpse of a woman.

“Well.” Zulo turned to him, his pants fell to his ankles. “It looks like you are going to please me.”

Malcolm pressed the gun’s muzzle in his face. “Over my dead body. You think I’m gonna bend over and let you have your way with me.” He cocked his gun. “I’m going to give you so many holes.”

Zulo snorted. He smiled as if he had already won.

“What’s funny?”

“I am the Harem Lord. The protagonist of this game. Behold my sight!” He moved his bangs aside. It was the first time Malcolm had seen his eyes.

It was sudden, like an arrow of love hit him. Malcolm gasped, falling on the ground. His heart was beating hard, and when he looked up at Zulo, he felt the world come to a standstill.

Was this love?

Something conked him at the back of his head. His vision was shaking, and he turned around to see four Eiras at the door.

“What is this?” Anger laced her voice while a darkness took ahold of her eyes. “What are you doing him?”

“Oh great. The one woman I would never sleep with is here. I can’t get into the mood with you here, it’s like my mom watching me.” Zulo sighed. “Get out of here, I’m trying to go along with this gender bender thing right now.”

Eira opened her grimoire. The tentacles grabbed him, pulling him to be consumed by the grimoire. His screams filled the void, while a light suddenly lit underneath him. He was shoved into the fire, and his body melted reforming. It felt like he was an ore, being shaped by a hammer. His whole body was struck repeatedly over and over again.

He was spat out by the book and he was still shaking.

“You changed him back to a man!” Zulo yelled. “Now how am I supposed to check off the gender bender list!”

The tentacles blew through the door to the cell, and then consumed the burnt body. A few agonizing cries later, Riot was spat out right next to him, shaking like a little baby who had just been birthed.

“I am…” he sat up looking his body over. “A man again!” A clenched a fist. For some reason, he pulled out an axe…from somewhere. He was not wearing any clothes, so Malcolm wasn’t sure from where.

“Oh Ozul, I must say, I feel positively happy that I have the chance to murder you.” She had a crazed smile. "How do you want to die? Perhaps drinking this coffee? Or do you want me to kill you with my grimoire?"

“You’re not feeding me to your grimoire.” He looked so confident, so dreamy. He looked down at Malcolm. “Attack.”

“Yes my love.” Malcolm pulled out his hand cannon and shot Eira.

She looked surprised, not expecting what had just happened. She touched her chest where there was a hold the size of a silver coin. Malcolm gave her more holes, shooting her multiple times through the chest. She fell back against the wall, leaving a bloody streak.

Riot screamed, holding up the axe to strike Malcolm. Malcolm turned and shot him through the shoulder. He spun backwards, his axe flew out of his hand and clattered on the stone ground. When he caught himself on the table, Malcolm shot him again.

He fell face forward on the ground, a puddle of blood forming underneath him.

Malcolm then turned to Zulo and kneeled. “My love what do you wish for me to do?”

The ceiling shook, and his believed Zulo smiled as he had an idea.

“Bring me the witches. I wish to be pleasured by them.”