They were at the entrance of Harem City. Eira led the two newly changed women to the entrance guarded by two knights.

Knights was a very broad definition. Both of them did not wear armor that covered their torsos, but instead wore pink bikini armor.

Though they had both turned to women, both of them leered at the two knights like dogs in heat.

“My word. They’re so sexy,” Malcolm said. It was a very disgusting statement to be heard in a woman’s voice. “If I had my tools, I would take them to the back of the bathroom and get them-”

“Enough,” Eira said.

Riot wiggled her fingers lustfully. Her mouth had been moving, but no words came. It was a noted improvement. She may have to do the same to Malcolm.

“Now listen here.” She pointed her fingers at them. “Both of you will go in and be evaluated by the Harem Lord. He will no doubt want to sleep with both of you. When he does take you to his bedroom, make sure you slit his throat, and stab him a few times.”

Malcolm put her hands on her hip, returning a frown to her. “That is incredibly dark. Wouldn’t it be better to just shoot him in the head. With my magic underwear-”

“You’re not going to wear that,” she said deadpanned.

“But it’s my magic underwear.”

“No man will want to sleep with you if you wear an underwear that is brown but used to be white.”

“It’s from my blood.” Malcolm tried to explain.

“That’s what makes it even grosser. Do you know what a woman does once a month?”

“They turn into werewolves.” Malcolm’s eyes glinted.

Riot opened her mouth, shocked at this revelation.

“No. That’s not what happens at all. Who told you that?”

“My mother. It’s why she always locked me in my room, and had a man go to the bedroom with her to tie her down so she wouldn’t eat me.”

She was feeling a storm of a headache come.

“Just go to the city. Kill the Harem Lord. Rescue Dalton. And wear different underwear.”

“No.”

There was no sense in talking to him, not without having her head feel like a can of rattling nails. She took a moment to calm herself down.

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

“Just go!”

“You don’t need to say anymore.” She moved to the guards.

“If you wish to enter the Harem City, you must take off your underwear,” the guard immediately said. “Such a disgusting thing must be incinerated and disposed of.”

“I refuse!”

“You must also fill out these forms.” The other guard handed them clipboards. “The questions will go through your personal history. Please make sure you answer truthfully.”

“You want to know my sexual history?” Malcolm looked up at the two of them. “If that’s so, I’m going to need more paper.”

Riot was crying for some reason and handed back the clipboard to the guard. The guard looked at the clipboard.

“Why does your sexual history simply say lumberjack? Is that not your class? Are you saying you’re only partner was with a lumberjack?”

Riot’s silent cry became even worse. The guards looked at each other and the other one shrugged.

“Okay, well, please go through the door to the left. It will lead to the castle, where our great master shall choose one of the many women that has come to the country.”

Riot went through the door.

Malcolm was still writing on his forms. The guard came over to hand Eira a form.

“If you wish to enter you will fill out these forms.”

“Oh, I think not.” Eira gave the guard a smile. “After all, you owe me Matilda.”

She gave her a weird look. “What are you talking about?”

“When you were seven you signed a contract with me.” She opened her grimoire to the page with her signature. “You wished that you would be able to go out with a boy in your village. I remedied the match, and you did go out with him, but for a price.”

The guard opened her mouth, pointing a trembling finger at her. “That was you?”

“It was, and what you signed was not only a legally binding contract, but it is also a contract of which you owe me one thing. That favor is to allow me in the city with no paper trail.”

“I cannot allow that to happen. Plus, it did not work out with Lee. I am married to the Harem Lord Zulo.” She held up a ring, which emanated a putrid aura. It was clearly a cursed ring to make the user unconditionally love its master.

“That has nothing to do with that…” She stopped for a moment. “I’m sorry did you say Zulo?”

“Yes, my lord and savior.” The woman’s eyes went dark. “He is my everything.”

Zulo was Ozul. Only he would be dumb enough to have a stupid sounding name like that. Plus, he had continually told her that if he died, he would be known as Zulo. It was in his contract.

“I see. Well, if you do not allow me through, then I will simply have to punish you.”

“You can try, but my love-oh my god!”

Tentacles grabbed the guard pulling her deep within the pages. It would digest her, using her soul as fuel to perform even more powerful attacks.

The other guard glared at her with anger, pointing a spear to her.

“What did you do? Bring her back.”

“You also owe me something, Tita.” She smiled. “When you wanted a home a couple of years ago, I granted you that.”

Tita’s eyes widened. “That was you?”

“And if you wish not to follow her fate, you shall grant me access to the city with no paper trail.”

Tita was biting her lips, looking at the ominous grimoire in her hands. After a few minutes of considering, she relented.

“Take the right door.” She lowered her spear.

“Your contract has been completed then.” Her name was crossed out, and she closed the grimoire. “I hope to do more business with you soon.”

“Here. I’m done.” Malcolm slapped the clipboard in the guard’s hand.

“It says here you have experience using a tuba in your sexual history.”

“It is my secret technique.” She winked at her. “If you, want to know, I can always take you back.”

“My only lover is the Harem Lord.” Her eyes went dark, and the way she said it was robotic. “Please take the left door to the Harem Lord so he may evaluate you.”

As they were being led through the door, the tower in the castle exploded. Someone flew through the smoke and fell.