For the longest time, my mind simply did not accept what had happened. There was absolutely no possibility that a human turd plopped into my garbage can mouth, right?

Hummmm.

"Recipe unlocked: Potassium Nitrate."

What? Apparently, getting shit in my mouth meant unlocking a recipe. Why this was a thing, I didn't know. It seemed that the more time I spent in a garbage can body, the fewer sense things began to make. I brought open my status screen to look for some answers--anything to get my mind off the stench and the mushy texture.

Unnamed Recycler, Level 8

HP: 0/0

MP: 1000/1000

Skills:

>Sensory

Sight

Hearing

Touch

Smell

Taste

>Utility

Vend: Paper

Vend: Metals

>Efficiency

N/A

Disciplines:

Smithing

Alchemy

Cooking

Crafting

I glanced over at my recipe list and found the newly obtained alchemy tab. A list of strange names stared back at me as my eyes--or mind's eye--slipped down the waterfall of shit I didn't understand. Nitrates, Sulfates, Potassium Hydroxide, like twenty kinds of acids, novice-level alchemical projects, tons of stuff that simultaneously bored me and fascinated me. Could I use any of this? Probably not.

I expanded the description for Potassium Nitrate and gave it a look over.

>Potassium Nitrate is an alkali metal nitrate, often referred to by its trade name, Saltpeter. It is used in fertilizers, as a cooking ingredient, a food preservative, and a component of gunpowder.

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Gunpowder. Whoever knew that the secret to gunpowder was literal shit.

Click.

+5 Fire Element

+1 Earth Element

+30XP

Oh? If the components of gunpowder only amounted to just a handful of fire and earth elements, bomb and gunsmithing weren’t far away. I considered the infinite wisdom of the Grand Magi when they designed such a convenient system. It was honestly pretty amazing.

But it still didn’t change the fact that poop fell in my mouth.

If I could find a way to craft gunpowder, maybe I could also create a gun to insert into that guy's bootyhole. Yes, this is excellent. It must be done. Next time I see that asshole, I’m gonna stick a rifle barrel up his ass.

I felt hands tapping at my lid. It was the girl, with a grimace and an apologetic look in her eyes. "Sorry, sorry." She was petting me.

She was petting a garbage can.

"Jenna!" Assface said. "Stop touching that, it just got popped on!"

"I feel terrible!" she shot back. "Poor thing got poop in it, and there was nothing it could do!"

A look of sheer disbelief fell upon Assface. He shook his head. "It's a garbage can."

"But it probably has a human soul," she argued. "Imagine if that guy pooped in your mouth?"

"How about no." He stepped toward me and nudged me with his foot. "You alive, shiteater?"

I needed to communicate somehow. I desperately needed some way to tell them that I was human, that I was real, that I was listening to any and everything and that guy, in particular, can go eat shit and fuck himself.

My garbage can mind raced for a solution, then I found it.

Wrrrr-Click.

"The hell is this?" asked Assface. He reached into my vending slots and retrieved a napkin. It was cut into odd shapes with sharp angles and curves--writing.

The message read, "FUCK YOU."

"He is real!" squealed the girl. She wrapped her arms around my masculine, metal body in a hug. She was hugging a garbage can. "I knew it!"

Assface tossed the napkin message back into my bin. "Well, at least you understand me, but I'm still not convinced you're not just an AI. An AI with a shitty attitude."

Wrrr-Click. "GO. FUCK. YOUR. SELF," I told him.

He tossed it back in, then a faint smile emerged across his face. He might've been a masochist, as many beta-males such as him were.

"Make potions," he said. "No more knives."

Wrrr-Click. "NEED. RECIPE."

The girl walked over to the nearby crate and pulled out an aqua colored vial. A dull glow emanated from it. She popped the cork off and dumped it into me. It was unearthly cold against me as it splashed around, and it tasted like chilled electricity.

+ 100 Water Element

+ 10 Blood Element

+ 550 XP

Blood element. I wasn’t 100% certain what it really was, but it certainly had something to do with, you know, blood.

"New Recipe: Regeneration Potion."

I recycled the fluid and glass and made another.

+1 Regeneration Potion (Uncommon), Level 10

+50MP and 200HP per second for 10 seconds.

This was not an assassin's tool. This was a tool for open combat. This rebel group was apparently trying to pursue some operation in the near future.

Assface took the potion and gave it a look over. With a nod, he put it with the rest. "Well? Make more."

Wrrr-Click. "NEED. BLOOD."

"Right," the girl said. "The apothecary said something about blood shipments."

"Yeah," said Assface. "They use it for a lot of things." He turned to me. "I'll visit the butcher. When I come back, look forward to working the rest of the night." He waited patiently for my reply but was only answered with silence. After an awkward moment, he left.

I looked over at the girl, who stared back with a smile--a hungry, mischievous grin.