“Ah-“

“Oh…”

Monday rolled around and I once more looked for a place to eat my lunch. Luck once again turned its nose up at me, and I found myself at the dismal abandoned storage closet from last time. As fate would have it, there again sat the silver haired beauty that had battering rammed her way into my life recently.

For a moment, the two of us simply looked at one another wordlessly. I wish I could say there was some high level mind game behind those blank stares, but in reality I was just calculating what would likely cause me more stress: eating there with my least favourite club member, or talking the walk of shame all the way back to class.

“Uhhh… are you planning to take a seat any time today, or are you contented with gawking at me like a simpleton?”

Before I could make my decision, Sai cut in with one of her usual snide remarks. My bitter side wanted to turn and leave without a word, but my conflict-averse side had a feeling that it’d make future club meetings awkward, thus I wordlessly stepped into the oversized closet and took a seat in the corner.

“Hiding away from the world again, are we?” She asked, see what derisively.

“I just prefer the peace and quiet. And besides, you’re far from one to talk. You got here before me.”

“I’m an outsider. It’s better both for myself and everyone else to acknowledge that and remove myself.”

“Could the same not be said for me?”

“Do not presume to compare your childish misanthropy with my ostracisation. I’m respecting the social order. You’re just a hateful coward.”

“Well I can hardly argue with that.”

With the obligatory insults out of the way, I opened my bag and got to silently eating my lunch. From that exchange, anyone would be forgiven for thinking we loathe each other, but despite the harshness of her words there was no sting to Sai’s tone. I felt like I had come to somewhat understand her better in the past week or so. She voiced her honest thoughts and opinions with little hesitation, but when her voice lacked that same venom I had heard in it before I knew she bore no legitimate ill will

Well, that’s what I assumed at least. Perhaps it was presumptuous to make such judgements in the short time we had known one another, but as someone with equally poor communication skills I felt I somewhat understood her thought process.

“Friends is perhaps too strong of a world. Acquaintances perhaps not strong enough.”

When I had said that in the last club meeting, I hadn’t actually thought it through too much, but the more the words echoed in my head, the more I believed they were the truth. To say Sai and I were friends simply did not sound right. If you were to ask me if I’d rather be alone or with her, I would choose to be alone in almost any situation, and I believed she felt the same. But to say we were simply acquaintances didn’t exactly seem right either.

I cursed the human obsession with labelling relationships. With my habit of overthinking, it caused no shortage of problems. This is why I avoided personal relationships when possible. How troublesome.

“Peppi-san seemed to pick up chess quite quickly on Friday,” said Sai suddenly. “I was quite surprised. Considering your apparent frustrations in trying to teach her in the past, I was expecting a more stressful experience. I dare say I actually had fun.”

“I’m surprised, I thought your kind only derived enjoyment from the suffering of others,” I replied between bites of food. “Besides, we were kids when I tried teaching her before. She didn’t care enough then to pay attention.”

“Considering her hyperactive nature, I had expected her pay little attention even now.”

This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

“You underestimate her. Pep may have poor grades and all the decorum of a wrecking ball in a rage room, but when she invests herself in something she almost always excels. It’s just rare that she actually finds something to apply herself to.”

“For a misanthrope who whinnies and whines to no end about how awful humanity is, you seem to put a great deal of stock in her.”

“I may hate human society as an institution, but that doesn’t mean I hate each and every individual person. I wouldn’t even say I hate you, despite your ability to get under my skin with every snide remark. For Pep in particular, I’ve known her long enough to realise just how impressive she really is, even when others underestimate her. She’s pretty amazing when she cares to be.”

I thought back on the years I had known Peppi, and how she had always reserved her effort for things that interested her. I was still a little bitter that she played classic Tetris for all of a week and beat my high score. It had been six years but that wound on my pride had never healed.

Of course, she was always too busy chasing her next two-week relationship to commit herself to anything like that for a long time. The love-struck fool, she never seemed to grasp the value in being alone.

Damn, I should have saved that monologue for the end of the chapter. Boom, title drop, roll credits. Absolute cinema.

Still, of all the romantic partners she’d had up to this point, none had had one quarter the intelligence of Sai. Even if I couldn’t say she and I exactly got along, I certainly approved of her more than the musclebrains and airheads Pep normally pursued.

Maybe I should give her a little assist.

“Hey, Sai,” I said, “you ever dated anyone? Guys or girls?”

“Haaaa?” She looked at me incredulously, as if I had just told her the Earth was flat. “I’m unsure if you’re horribly bold, unabashedly stupid or some unholy combination of the two. To sing the praises of one girl in one breath, then hit on another with the next, do you crave a violent reaction? Is this some advanced form of masochism? I must ask you to leave me out of your depraved fetishes, and perhaps to go die while you’re at it.”

“I’m not asking because I’m interested in you, special case.” I rolled my eyes so violently I could practically hear it. “Pep’s chasing a new partner every other week, and I’ve never bothered dating at all. I was wondering if at least one person in our club sat somewhere other than the complete extremes.”

That was a lie. Just from talking to her I could tell she was likely the sort of person who had never dated, just like myself. But if I could get us onto the topic I could potentially talk Pep up to her. If those two got hitched I’d never have to deal with another of her braindead partners. Every boyfriend she had looked down on me, and every girlfriend she had hated my guts. Even if Sai did both, I at least knew how to deal with her.

“Well, I’m sorry to disappoint, but you and I are much in the same boat. As I’ve already said, I hadn’t so much as a friend growing up, let alone a romantic partner. Not that I can say I’m all that interested, to be honest. Teenagers in relationships, what an utterly woolly concept. They rarely last more than two weeks, and are more like play-acting than actually dating. Completely asinine.”

Ouch. Poor Pep. Not even here and she’s taking random crits. I was impressed that Sai managed to completely sum up every single one of Peppi’s relationships without even realising the conversation was about her. Sorry Peps, looks like your chances aren’t great.

“Well, I can’t exactly say I disagree. Rampaging hormones and a desire to seem grown up makes people do stupid things. But we are eighteen now, the excuse of ‘it’s childish’ no longer holds up, unfortunately.”

“Are you trying to convince me to change my mind on dating?”

“No, I’m looking for a new excuse to not change my own.”

Sai looked at me with an eyebrow raised. I hated when she did that, I always felt like she could see straight through me even if I wasn’t exactly hiding anything.

“I must say, I’m surprised to hear you say that. I had assumed you were romantically interested in Peppi-san.”

“Oh for god’s- not you too.” I shook my head, somewhat annoyed that this topic had come up yet again. “First my sister tells me she thinks Pep is crushing on me, now this from you.”

“Oh, make no mistake, I am under no illusion that you could stand a snowball’s chance in hell with a conventionally attractive social butterfly like her. I had just assumed you were pining over a hilariously tragic unrequited love. Perhaps you’re simply in denial?”

“Oh, bite me.”

I was completely exasperated at this consistent misunderstanding. Pep and I could never work as a couple. That was a fact I had known for a very long time. It was irritating that others seemed unable to come to the same realisation.

I was also coming to notice that a fear of mine had begun to come true: my involvement in her life had now started to affect her romantic prospects. If Sai had come to such a misunderstanding, there was no telling how many others would. If people came to think there was some unspoken romantic connection between us, Pep would start finding trouble in dating. And if I knew Pep, she was happiest when she had some to fawn over.

My existence was denying her that.

“Sorry, Pep…” I muttered under my breath.

“Hmm? Did you say something?” Asked Sai.

“Ah- no, just talking to myself. I think there’s a problem I have to solve.”

That problem was myself.