Friday began the same as any other week day: with a pink-haired menace making her presence known to the entire western hemisphere.

“Gooooood morning, Kabucchi!” said my persistent headache and only friend.

“Pep. You’re loud and energetic early in the morning. Again.”

“You’ve already used that bit once this week, loser.”

“Die screaming.”

Peppi came to end my blissful solitude, as if a messenger sent from god to punish my hubris. Leaning with her elbows on my desk and grinning like an idiot, she launched into a conversation I did not want to have.

“Sai-chan is soooooo pretty, I can’t believe you weren’t gonna introduce me to her. Is it cos you want her all for yourself? You were worried I’d steal her away? Well challenge accepted, mister. Consider me your new love rival. It’ll be a battle for the ages, and the victor shall earn the heart of the fair silver-haired maiden. Oh, the songs they’ll sing of our great dee-“

“Pep.”

“Yeah?”

“You’re an idiot.”

“What?!”

“That girl is an egotistical self-righteous arse. What do you see in her?”

“A pretty face and a fat ass.”

“I suppose I should have guessed that much.”

I knew Pep’s taste in both men and women pretty well. A handsome guy or a pretty girl could have her wrapped around their finger in no time flat. I often worried she’d get herself into trouble because of it, but she tended to completely exhaust her partners in no time flat with her constant energy, so no problems had yet arisen. Honestly my sister and I were probably the only people that could handle her hyperactivity. One look at Sai’s face when they met told me she was no match for the pink-haired human golden retriever.

“So… if you don’t want her, can I have her?”

“What is she, cold pizza? I’m not the person that gets to decide who ‘gets her,’ you fool.”

“But you wouldn’t have a problem if I tried?”

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“Knock yourself out.”

“And you’d be okay if she and I started dating?”

“Would not care.”

“And if we got married and left you behind completely?”

“No skin off my nose.”

Expecting a snide comment, I was surprised when I was met with silence. When I looked back up, Pep didn’t meet my eye. She had an expression that was hard to read, but it almost seemed disappointed.

“S’pose you would say that…”

“Sorry?” I said as she muttered something under breath.

“...nevermind.” She huffed like she was seriously annoyed with me, though I had absolutely no idea why. “Anyway, I’m gonna ask her to teach me chess in club later, since my last teacher was useless.”

“Oh come on, you asked me how the knight moves six times in one game and I’m pretty sure you tried to eat one of the pawns.”

“I was five!”

“Most five year olds do not eat chess pieces.”

“Most five year olds don’t play chess!”

“I never claimed to be normal. Just not an idiot.”

“I hate you.”

“That’s fair.”

I had indeed tried to teach Pep chess when we were kids. The game had always come naturally to me, so when she failed to understand even the most basic of moves, I must admit I got frustrated. But it had been over a decade since then and she still held a grudge for some reason. I guessed that her declaration that she’d learn from Sai was an attempt to get back at me, but I could not say I truly cared. Though it did mean I’d be likely unable to play a game against Sai today. It wasn’t until then that I realised that I had already begun to surprisingly enjoy our games. Having someone of similar skill around made chess far more fun.

“Guess I really should apologise to her…” I muttered to myself under my breath.

“Apologise? Well it’s 11 years late but I suppose the magnanimous Peppi-sama can hear you ou-“

“Not you, special case. I had an argument with Sai yesterday, and it may have kinda been my fault.”

“Why am I not surprised?” Pep sighed and rolled her eyes. I guess I deserved that much. “You better not make things awkward in the club, Kabucchi. This girl seems really cool and I seriously wanna be friends with her. I’ll be super mad at you if you screw it up.”

“Friends? What happened to dating her?”

“Oh, Kabucchi,” she said, taking a big step back with a spin, putting one hand on her heart and the other out in front of her face, “doth every beautiful romance not begin with beautiful friendship?”

“Ugh, do you two have to flirt in the middle of the classroom?”

Pep’s dramatics were interrupted by the arrival of a snide voice that belonged to a friend of hers. She was unimportant, so I failed to recall her name. In my head she was called “bitchqueen.”

“Flirting? No, no, you misunderstand, Ranchan. I’m only interested in hot guys and pretty girls, not the souls of the damned trapped in the body of a recently dead corpse,” said Pep, seemingly very proud of her insult.

“Yeah, and I’m only interested in girls with an IQ above room temperature.”

“…Kelvin?”

“Celsius.”

“I’ll kill you dead!”

I stifled a chortle over her Pep’s reaction, but the bitchqueen didn’t seem too impressed at our meaningless patter. The look she gave me was nothing short of disgust. ‘How dare you say such a thing about someone so much higher than you in the social cast’ is the message I got from her glare.

“Tch. Come on, Peps. Let’s leave this shitwhistle and go sit down,” she sneered.

“Kaykay!” replied Pep, seemingly glad for a chance to rid herself of me. Though, as she was walking away, she turned back to me and signed ‘see you later’ in JSL with a big grin.

“Heh. What an idiot,” I said to myself, feeling a rare smile curl onto my face.