After an awkward lab session, and a subsequently awkward club meeting, I was never more glad to get home than I was that day. But the unstoppable flow of time marched on, and before I knew it, I was back in that hellhole yet again.

The day always started with a meeting in our tutor rooms, though I doubted a single person in the school actually gave a shit what our tutors had to say. As per usual, our tutor rushed through the session and left early for a faculty meeting, leaving us sat there with nothing to do before first period. You’d think that’d be great, but we weren’t actually allowed to be dismissed until the bell rang, so the entire tutor group just hung around and chatted. I’m sure for the social butterflies it was wonderful, but spare a thought for lonerkind who had to listen to their yapping instead of recluding away in our sanctuaries.

Well, even if I could tune out everyone else’s insufferable din, it’s not like tutor time would be peaceful for me anyway.

“Gooood morning, Kabucchi!”

“Pep. You’re loud and hyper early in the morning. Again.”

“Yep, ready for the day ahead!”

“It was not a compliment.”

The voice disrupting my brooding and self-pity came from the pink ball of energy with whom I happened to grow up. An annoying pest who’s pink hair acted as a beacon that signalled my imminent irritation.

Well, despite my snideness, I couldn’t say I actually scorned her company. From almost anyone else on the planet, her ADHD-fuelled jumpiness and excitability would annoy me to no end, but since I had known Peppi pretty much since the day I was born, I had come to find it somewhat endearing.

Oh, yeah, her name is actually Peppi. No, it's not a nickname, that’s on her birth certificate. Either nominative determinism is real or god has a strange sense of humour.

“So, to what do I owe the displeasure?”

“Well I jus- wait, didn’t you just say something super rude, you jerk?”

“You’re imagining it. Finish your thought.”

“Hmph. Well I just thought you looked all lonely and sad over here, so I was gracing you with my presence. You’re such an ingrate, y’know that?.”

“Yes, yes, I’m an evil ungrateful bastard, woe be thee. But I wasn’t lonely. I was alone. There’s a difference.”

“That’s a cope and you know it.”

“I know where you live.”

We must have had this same conversation (or thereabouts) a thousand times at this point. It was almost routine for us. That was mostly because Pep was really the only person in the school that I willingly tolerated, and the only one who tolerated me in turn. Despite her ability to get under my skin, she was more or less the closest thing I had to a ‘friend.’

“Ooh, ooh, Kabucchi, did you hear?”

“My hearing is pretty good, yes.”

“Shut up and die. I meant did you hear the news?”

“I did. Global temperatures are now expected to increase by 2 Celsius by 2050. Worrying stuff”

Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author's consent. Report any sightings.

“I don’t mean boring shit like that, I meant the news that we got a new transfer student!”

“Your priorities need serious work.”

I should have known that Pep would be excited about this. She made a point of befriending literally everyone she found interesting. And in a school like this, a new transfer kid showing up halfway through the year was bound to have some interesting circumstances.

“I wonder what she’s like. Maybe she’s cool. Or smart. Maybe she can help me with my homework. Or maybe she’s hot. God, I hope she’s hot.”

“She’s a cunt.”

“You’ve met her?! What’s she like?”

“Did ‘she’s a cunt’ not sound like enough of a ringing endorsement to you? Don’t get tangled up with her. She’s insufferable.”

“You say everyone is insufferable.”

“I mean it this time.”

“You’ve called me insufferable.”

“I meant it that time too.”

I knew exactly where this was going, and I wanted to avoid it. Unfortunately, one of the only things in the universe stronger than my stubbornness was Pep’s determination.

“You have to introduce me to her.”

“I have to do no such thing.”

“Okay, you should introduce me to her as a favour for a friend.”

“Which friend?”

“The only one you have, now give up and let me meet her, dammit.”

“Tch.” I knew there was no point arguing. She would eventually wear me down one way or another. “Fine, I’ll introduce you to her.”

“Yes! I love you, Kabucchi!”

“You shouldn’t say things like that to a guy. A lesser man would get the wrong idea.”

“Can there be a lesser man than you?”

“I regret this decision already.”

***

“What is this… blindingly bright and cheerful creature?”

“This is Peppi. She’s the newest member of the club.”

“Newest member? So she beat you in a match?”

“Hmm? Wasn’t it obvious that I made that rule up to get rid of you?”

“You’re just admitting it now?”

Against my better judgement, I had told Pep that the transfer student was a member of the chess club, to which she immediately decided to join.

When I first opened the club I actually invited Peppi to join and she declined because ‘chess is for nerd losers, like you, Kabucchi.’ I stopped helping her with her homework to force her to apologise, and the bitch actually just took the failing grades instead.

“It’s great to meet you, Saichan! I’m Peppi, but everyone just calls me Pep or Peps. I hope we get along!”

“…chan? Uh… yeah, name’s Sai. Let’s get along.”

Completely ignoring our immediate bickering, Pep introduced herself with the same zeal as she does practically everything. The more subdued Sai immediately seemed unable to keep up.

I couldn’t blame her. I doubt I’d be able to stand Peppi’s over the top bubbly nature if I hadn’t known her my whole life.

Still, if I got to see Sai suffer, maybe letting these two meet was a good idea.

“You’re super pretty! I love girls with silver hair, it’s so hot. Is that your natural hair colour or do you dye it? Is it naturally that straight? I wish my hair was naturally straight, curly hair is such a pain in the ass! Your eye colour is really pretty too, you don’t see blue eyes in Japan very often. Unless they’re coloured contacts. They’re not coloured contacts, right? If they were I’d feel so embarrassed for falling for it. Are you foreign? Which country are you from? You look kinda European, but kinda Asian too. Are you half? Oops, sorry if that’s rude to ask, I just thought your complexion looked super nice. Are you bilingual? What languages do you speak? I’m trying to learn German, do you think you could help me? Not that I associate blue eyes with Germany or anything, I don’t think that’s been the case since the ‘40s, but I figured I’d ask just in case. By the way, can you text me a pic of all the makeup you use, especially your mascara because yours looks so good and I can never find one I like. And why did you join the chess club? Surely a girl as pretty as you could be doing something like modelling instead of spending your time here. Oh, not that I think chess is lame or anything, if you’re smart enough to be good at it that’s really cool too! Kabucchi- oh, that’s what I call Kaburi by the way,- has tried to teach me before but I totally suck at it, so maybe I can learn better if you’re the one teaching me, since Mr Crabby Pants over here always gets frustrated and gives up on me. Sorry if he annoys you by the way, as his childhood friend it should have been my job to straighten him out a little but unfortunately he’s been a lost cause for years at this point, so thanks for putting up with him cos I know he has no friends other than me so I hope you two can get along well and I hope you and I can get along well too!”

“…yeah.”

Incredible. I was the only human witness of the very first cross-species conversation between the elusive Genki Girl and the much more common Insufferable Bitch. It was a historical moment that anthropologists would have loved to see.

Unsurprisingly, Peppi did not play a single game of chess that day.