“Come on Jasper, stop screwing around,” Zee moaned.

“The - HUUUUGH - door’s stuck,” Jasper grunted while pulling with all his might.

“Here, let me help,” Duke said as he grabbed the door.

“I’m not opening up until you apologize,” I said to no one as Duke similarly struggled.

“What in the nine hells is going on,” Duke panted after giving up.

“Maybe it’s renovating again,” Jasper suggested.

“That’s concerning,” Duke said before turning and pounding on the door, “hey dungeon, we need to talk!”

“Well I guess charades will have to do for now,” I thought before sending Tom out to meet them.

“Any ideas Duke?” Zee asked before the door opened just enough for a bobcat sized feline to trot through.

“Uh, hi?” Jasper said to my cat with a confused tone.

“Hmm try tapping your mouth with your paw,” I ordered.

“Oh look it’s doing something!” Jasper exclaimed as the three of them stood in rapt attention.

“It’s tapping its mouth, so talking?” Zee suggested.

My cat meowed in confirmation.

“Ok so it wants to talk out here,” Duke inferred, “are you building something inside?”

My cat hissed.

“Probably a no,” Zee guessed.

“Ok so why are we talking outside and not inside?” Duke asked.

I ordered my cat to start tapping its head.

“Um head? Ear? Mind? Zee guessed.

My cat meowed again.

“It want’s to talk about it’s mind?” Jasper asked.

My cat glared at Duke.

There was a moment of silence before Jasper burst out laughing.

“What’s so funny?” Duke asked.

“The dungeon wants an apology from you for calling it stupid!” Jasper exclaimed between bouts of laughter.

My cat meowed in confirmation and tapped Jasper on the leg to emphasize the point.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Duke said with a deadpan expression.

“Well Duke, I guess that means it’s an intelligent dungeon,” Zee said with a shrug.

Duke sighed and turned to the door, "dungeon, I'm sorry I didn't realize you were intelligent."

"Was that so hard?" I asked and opened the door.

"Definitely understands us," Zee remarked before heading inside.

"You might want me to do the talking in case you put your foot in your mouth again, Duke," Jasper said with a smile before following Zee.

Duke stood in the entrance for a moment before quietly stepping inside and shutting the door behind him.

The next few hours were spent with a small degree of success trying to negotiate by way of pantomime. And by small degree of success I mean it was like trying to thread a sewing needle with a carpentry hammer.

By the end of it, I had pretty much managed to convey that I had no intention of killing anyone and I just needed the lumber to fix up the place.

Jasper had suggested that I could also use some extra stone and bricks for some foundational and structural support. However, I suspect that the price he suggested was not the current market rate.

Well whatever. It's not like my living expenses were high and [Fortune Magnet] was providing me with plenty of money. Not to mention, a hefty payout would really draw people in and I'd be able to fix up the place that much faster.

I'd need to keep an eye on him so he didn't rip me off in the future.

Negotiations were going well up until I made my final request.

"Absolutely not," Duke nearly exclaimed.

"Duke come on," Jasper moaned, "it's not even unreasonable. The dungeon just wants to meet the people who are going to be trading with him"

"Before we get into our second or third argument today, maybe we should see what other people might think," Zee interjected.

Duke looked like he was about to start arguing again, but after a moment he deflated.

"Yeah we can't go around making decisions for other people," Duke admitted.

The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.

"How about this," Zee began, we take the cat on the main streets and Duke can go ahead of us and see who's willing to talk?"

Duke ran his hands through his hair.

"First time I've been a scout," he admitted.

"Eh not really a scout, more like an envoy," Jasper said.

"I'll take the cat," Zee offered.

"Alright [Lucky Cat] you're up," I said as I assigned them to Zee.

The [Lucky Cat] jumped into Zee's arms as the three of them made their way out the door.

"You know, you could have just let the cat walk?" Jasper said.

"I like cats," was all Zee replied as they walked out the door.

"Well that could have gone better," Midnight remarked.

"I think that went rather well," Carmin countered.

"I guess we'll find out soon enough," I said as I followed my [Lucky Cat].

***

“So how are we going to get the word out?” asked Zee as he pet my cat, “It's not like there's a central location or meeting place to talk to everyone at once.”

Duke and Jasper immediately looked at each other.

“Spreen,” They both said in unison.

“Who’s Spreen?” asked Zee.

"Goblin lady who owns an unnamed junk shop," Jasper stated, "don't call it a junk shop around her though."

"Why is it unnamed?" Zee asked again.

"It's part of her schtick. People who don't know her go in expecting to pull one over on a dumb goblin, but she's great at turning it around on whoever she's negotiating with," Jasper explained.

"Sounds like you admire this Spreen," Zee said with a hint of a tease.

"I admire her skills as a merchant, but she's got a nasty temper," Jasper explained.

"Sounds like there's a story there," Duke said.

Jasper gave a smirk, "she tried to pull the wool over my eyes with her 'dumb goblin' act, but I saw through it. Nastiest scowl I've ever seen when I walked out with a fair price for that elven silverware set."

"Jasper, did you use this person as a fence for something you stole?" Zee groaned.

"Well she doesn't ask too many questions and her inventory cycles out surprisingly quickly for how few people are in her shop on a given day," Jasper replied.

"So why are we starting with her?" Zee asked.

"Because she treats everyone with the same level of respect as long as you don't look down on her for being a goblin," Duke replied.

"And she has a way of getting information out surprisingly quick," Jasper added.

The rest of the walk there was punctuated by disagreements that fortunately never quite boiled over to a full blown argument.

The shop itself was pretty much how Jasper had described it. Plain, unassuming, and tucked into an area that was easy to miss.

Stepping inside however was another matter entirely. Stuff lined the walls to the point that it looked more like a storage unit rather than a place of business.

Trails rather than isles criss crossed haphazardly through the store at odd intervals.

“Damn, this place is more of a dungeon than I am,” I thought as I looked out at the labyrinth of stuff through my cat’s eyes.

“Welcome to shop of Spreen!” A high pitched voice called out from behind a pile of clothes as a goblin wearing a Frankensteinein jacket popped out from around the corner.

She looked around the room and immediately dropped the act when her eyes fell on the gnome.

“Oh it’s just you Jasper,” she said with a deadpan expression, “who are your friends?”

“Nice to see you again, Spreen. This is Zee and Duke,” Jasper said with a grin.

Spreen seemed to take notice when Jasper introduced Duke and gave him an appraising look.

“Duke huh? Never thought I’d meet you here in my shop,” Spreen commented, “so what does slum royalty need with the likes of me?”

Duke rolled his eyes.

"I'm not royalty, slum or otherwise," Duke said with a tired tone.

“So humble too,” Spreen teased, “but still doesn’t explain why Jasper dragged you all the way out here.”

Jasper took a step forward and spoke, “We have stumbled on a wonderful business oppor-”

“Not you,” Spreen interrupted before pointing to Duke, “you tell me why you’re here.”

Duke was silent for a minute before replying.

“It’s not without risks, but a potentially gentle dungeon has appeared in the warehouse district that is buying scrap,” he said, “I think this could be a good opportunity for the slums to turn things around.”

Spreen stopped everything she was doing and stared intensely at Duke.

“A dungeon in the middle of the city?” she asked.

“An intelligent one too,” Duke replied.

“So what does the exchange rate look like?” Spreen asked as a big grin spread across her face.

Jasper stepped in again and the conversation began to move to the finer points of economics.

Needless to say, I quickly tuned out of the conversation and my eyes began to wander around the shop before eventually landing on a clock.

A clock that was presumably full of gears and springs.

“Hmm the menu worked with me when I was trying to combine things, maybe it’ll work with me when I’m breaking them down,” I thought, “but how am I going to get the money over there?”

There was a bit of a tugging sensation like a rubber band as I was focusing on one of the chests of gold.

Suddenly a handful of coin materialized in Zee’s arm before spilling on the floor.

Zee gasped in shock.

“Quick, jump up next to the clock!” I exclaimed.

My cat jumped out of Zee’s arms and onto the shelf before putting a paw on the clock and meowing.

“Looks like the dungeon wants to buy something off of you, Spreen,” Jasper said as Zee picked up the coins off of the floor.

The coins were quickly counted before Spreen turned to my cat.

“I’d be happy to sell you that clock, but you are one gold and four silver short,” she said with a glint in her eye.

“You know, I know you’re taking me for a ride, but fortunately for the both of us gold is useless to me and you can get more people to sell me scrap,” I thought before sending over the gold and silver.

“The clock is all yours,” Spreen said as she pocketed the coin.

“Let’s see if this works in reverse,” I thought as my cat put their paw on the clock.

The clock disappeared in black smoke before the [Lucky Cat] jumped back into Zee’s arms.

“Is the dungeon going to do that every time it takes something?” Spreen asked.

“More than likely,” Duke replied as he stared at my cat.

“Let’s talk details,” Spreen said, “for starters, we should tell people that the dungeon is a wizard instead…”