“Well, what are you waiting for?” Mr. Serendipity began, “ask away.”

I noticed the familiar sounds of several people murmuring in the background of the call and the unmistakable sound of dishes clattering against each other.

“How did you know that River would run into those thugs that worked for the Skisfinks after they tried to get back the circlet?” I asked.

“You’re not starting off with an easy one are you, House?” Mr. Serendipity chuckled, “do you believe in fate?”

“What are you talking about?” I deadpanned.

“It’s a bit of a roundabout way of answering your question, but I’ll get to it. Now, do you believe in fate?” Mr. Serendipity asked again.

I sighed, “no, not really. It’d be damn depressing to know that someone was behind all of the shit that goes on in the world. You’re not about to tell me that everything is predetermined, are you?”

“Hmm not exactly, but there are… people who have their fingers on the scales,” Mr. Serendipity replied with a pregnant pause, “let’s just say that I happen to have a backstage pass to everything that goes on behind the scenes.”

“Kind of a non-answer,” I answered snarkily.

“I could waste your time giving you a lecture on quantum mechanics, neurology, and thaumaturgic forces if you prefer,” Mr. Serendipity countered.

“Uh, nevermind,” I hastily replied, “so my next question, why am I here?”

“Ah, the big question. Why are any of us here?” Mr. Serendipity said wistfully.

“No, I mean why am I a dungeon. Why did I wake up as a core?” I asked.

“Oh, that one’s much easier to answer. Hang on,” Mr. Serendipity said as someone began speaking in what sounded like Chinese in the background.

Mr. Serendipity replied in the same language before he spoke to me again.

“Where was I? Oh yes, you asked about why you’re a dungeon. It’s kind of simple. Do you remember what happened between when you died and when you got here?” he asked.

“Vaguely,” I replied, “there was a lot of white light and I felt like I was naked in front of a crowd.”

“That would be The Judicator. He’s responsible for reviewing the karma of the recently deceased and sentencing said dead person to the appropriate afterlife,” Mr. Serendipity said, “you in particular are a somewhat rare case.”

“Rare how?” I asked.

“Completely neutral karma,” replied Mr. Serendipity, “your average person doesn’t really do anything that would be considered heroic, but tend to be good hearted people. You however lived out your life as a coward and a bit of an ass, but taking your circumstances into account, your karma is basically even.”

“Okay one, fuck you, and two what does that have to do with becoming a dungeon?” I asked.

“That would be the compromise that ol Judy and I reached regarding how to deal with your ultimate judgment,” Mr. Serendipity answered.

I was suddenly aware of how clammy my hands were and how dry my mouth had gotten. The memories between my death and my rebirth as a dungeon were hazy, but they had felt undeniably real. If Mr. Serendipity was able to bargain with that thing…

I took a steadying breath.

“Who or what are you?” I asked with a slight tremble in my voice.

“I’m a god,” he replied as though he was commenting on the weather.

“A god,” I repeated in disbelief.

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“Of luck specifically,” Mr. Serendipity clarified.

“So does that make me your chosen one or a champion or something?” I asked.

Mr. Serendipity laughed.

“Oh House, the process of creating a champion is long and drawn out. I won’t bore you with the details,” he chuckled, “I just thought that we could help each other out.”

“What could I possibly do for a god?” I asked.

“Ready for another roundabout explanation?” Mr. Serendipity asked.

“Go ahead,” I sighed.

“So,” he began, “when a pitcher and a batter have a disagreement on whether a pitch was a ball or a strike, who determines the outcome?”

“The umpire,” I replied.

“Exactly,” Mr. Serendipity said excitedly, “the umpire is a higher authority in baseball. They are able to determine the outcome of a pitch. Now considering that Judy and I are gods, who or what would be the umpire?”

“I don’t know. Another god?” I asked.

“So would you trust another player to referee a game even if the player was for a different team?” he asked with a grin in his voice.

I took a moment to think.

“No, they could favor the weaker team so that they could have a better chance at going against them later,” I replied.

“Exactly!” Mr. Serendipity exclaimed, “Now considering all of this, how would gods settle a disagreement?”

“You could flip a coin?” I suggested.

“Not quite, but you’re on the right track,” Mr. Serendipity said, “I could call the result of a coin toss while it was in the air even without my divine influence.”

“Wait, you said that there were people who had their fingers on the scales of fate. And the way you’ve been talking about things makes it sound like this is a game…” I said.

“Go on,” Mr. Serendipity said.

“Do gods gamble on the actions of people?” I asked with trepidation.

“I knew there was a reason I liked you,” Mr. Serendipity said with a hint of pride in his voice, “In short, gods make bets on the outcomes of things like wars or natural disasters. Then gods influence the actions of mortals. Gods have greater influence on certain things that are in their domain, or a mortal that’s particularly devoted to them.”

“So what, am I just one of your pieces?” I asked.

“You’re my first piece actually,” he corrected.

“I- what?” I asked lamely.

“You got me. The god of luck hasn’t been participating in the grand Game of Fate,” Mr. Serendipity said.

“What changed your mind?” I asked.

“At first I was against influencing mortal’s free will and I was content to be a pain in everyone’s ass for a while, what with luck being the antithesis of fate, but eternity is a long time and I get bored, so I decided to play by the rules for once,” Mr. Serendipity replied.

“So what do you need from me?” I asked.

“Just keep doing what you’ve been doing. things will come around in due time,” He said before the same voice I had heard earlier said something to Mr. Serendipity.

A sound that sounded suspiciously like a plate being sat down followed by Mr. Serendipity replying could be heard over the receiver.

“This is… not what I expected,” I muttered.

“Mmhm, I tell you what, how about a divine prophecy. Hell, I’ll make it two prophecies since it’s your first time,” he said between bites of food.

“The thing with River didn’t count?” I asked.

“Details, details,” Mr. Serendipity said dismissively, “now where to begin?”

“This aught to be good,” I thought to myself.

Suddenly Mr. Serendipity’s voice seemed to come from all directions at the same time.

“THE TWO JOKERS WILL HAVE THE DECK STACKED AGAINST THEM. WHILE A NOBLE IS BESIEGED, THE JOKERS WILL LIKEWISE BE BESIEGED. ON THE TURNING OF THE WHEEL, THE JOKER’S PATH WILL BE BARRED, BUT THEY SHALL ADVANCE. THE TWO JOKERS SHALL THEN BECOME THREE AND IN ORDER FOR LUCK TO REMAIN ON THEIR SIDE, LUCK MUST BE STOLEN FROM THEM,” Mr. Serendipity’s voice boomed around me and withing me, shaking me to my very core.

“Oh, this isn’t part of the prophecy, but your going to get your hands on a flawless diamond in a circular brilliant cut with an enchanter’s point. I’m sure you know someone who could help you figure it out. Did you get all of that?” Mr Serendipity asked, his voice once again coming from the telephone.

“Huh?” I replied as I tried to recover from the shock.

“Great, here comes the next one,” he said.

“AT THE CROSSROADS, TWO INTERSECTIONS WILL BECOME THREE AND THE PEN SHALL PROVE MIGHTIER THAN THE SWORD. A CAT WILL BE INVITED INTO THE DEN OF A LION. THERE, THE CAT WILL BE REFLECTED IN A DARK MIRROR. BUT THE CAT WILL NOT DESPAIR AND INSTEAD OF BEING WATCHED, THE CAT WILL BECOME THE WATCHER,” Mr. Serendipity’s voice thundered once again.

I had stumbled without remembering exactly when I had done so and just noticed that I had been using the wall to brace myself.

“Sorry to drop that on you and run, but I’ve got stuff I need to do. We probably won’t be talking for a while, so I hope you got all of your questions in,” Mr. Serendipity said before I heard a click on the line and without warning, I was staring at the inside of the dungeon.

The sun was just barely creeping out over the horizon as the rest of the casino continued to sleep.

“Oh shit,” I thought as a realization dawned on me, “I didn’t get to ask what the win condition was for his match with The Judicator.”