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The Lucky Cat Dungeon
Chapter 42: Life, the Universe and other BS

Chapter 42: Life, the Universe and other BS

“FUCK!” I swore as the [greater stray] I was piloting slipped off the roof and sunk into a two foot snow drift.

Winter had indeed come early that year and apparently winters were quite aggressive in Harmony City.

Selina had explained that it had something to do with our proximity to the ocean, but the snow was especially dense and wet.

“House, I can appreciate your new found enthusiasm for going after Rex and the Skisfinks, but even the greater strays are going to die from cold if you keep pushing like this,” Midnight said as he telekinetically lifted me out of the snow.

“We just need to keep trying,” I said angrily, “what if you and Carmen lifted each other with telekinesis and floated over the snow?”

“I don’t think that’s going to work the way you think it’s going to,” Midnight said with an odd look on his face.

“Have you tried?” I said, my voice rising to match my temper.

“House,” Midnight said firmly, “You’ve been at this for at least fifteen minutes and we’re a block and a half away from the casino.”

I paused and looked back the way I had come.

The casino was still clearly in view.

“Sorry Midnight. Let’s go back,” I sighed as I jumped back into my core.

The [greater stray] ran inside and shook himself off inside the warmth of the casino as Midnight followed closely behind.

“Did you talk Mr. House out of his foolishness?” asked Carmen as she closed the door behind Midnight.

“Whatever,” I muttered to myself before pulling up the menu and tuning out my scions.

With the streets turning into a walking hazard, business had slowed down to a crawl. Even Midnight’s burning desire for revenge had cooled off in the wake of the snowstorm that had threatened to overwhelm the city.

“Maybe there’s something in all of the stuff I scanned from the Necropolis core,” I muttered as I shifted through the section of my inventory that I had sequestered hundreds of blueprints to.

Some of the blueprints were benign if not outright helpful such as a few recipes for new potions as well as tiers two and three of an alchemy station.

Other blueprints made my stomach churn and I could see why the former dungeon had gotten the name Necropolis as I passed by a few blueprints that had names like “Organic Slurry Storage Tank” and “Tier Four Fleshcrafting Table” the latter requiring a “still beating heart of a sapient being touched by divinity” among other things.

“Yeah I’m pretty sure Amanda would change her tune about me real quick if she knew that I even had some of these blueprints,” I thought as I quickly scrolled past the horrific items.

Unfortunately, the lack of business also translated into a lack of resources, so even if I had some of the more exotic material for any of the things like the higher tier alchemy stations, I wouldn’t have the mana necessary to make any of it.

Even if I did, I’d be running dangerously low to the point where I might not be able to repair myself if something happened.

Winter had come and now everything was more or less at a standstill and I hated it.

I doubted that even the Skisfinks could do anything besides plot.

“Maybe I can make winter clothes for the cats,” I thought as I opened up the cat clothing catalog and got to work.

Several hours and several failed attempts later, I realized that we were going to be stuck like this until the snow melted.

The only thing that really stopped me was when I noticed that everyone was starting to whisper behind my back, which was somewhat impressive considering that I didn’t actually have a back.

Ultimately the day passed with only a handful of people coming by to drop off scrap or to have lunch.

Later that night, everyone had settled down for the evening and once again, I was left alone with my thoughts.

The silence was deafening, inaction was painful, and the nervous energy crawled around my mind looking for some way out.

I decided that I was going to try to see Mr. Serendipity again tonight even though he said that he wasn't sure when he would be able to see me next.

It was easy, right?

All I had to do was find a dreaming [cat-kin] and find that novelty Garfield phone.

I looked over the sleeping cat-kin to see if any of them looked like they were dreaming.

The head chef S'more appeared to be sleeping somewhat restlessly.

“Perfect,” I thought as I jumped into his head.

I expected to land at some point, but I passed through a kaleidoscope of shapes and colors.

I fell for what felt like a lifetime before being jolted awake by an annoying buzzing sound.

With a practiced response developed over several mornings, I reached over and shut the alarm off on my phone.

Groggily, I rolled out of bed to a sight I hadn’t seen in months.

My old studio apartment was just as I had remembered it. Cheap plywood cabinets, a stainless steel sink that didn’t deserve it’s namesake on account of the rust spots, a stove that would trip a breaker if you had too many of the burners on at once, and a living room that had a concerningly low dip in the middle.

“What the hell…” I muttered as I looked around and noticed a stack of envelopes on my piece of crap coffee table.

“Just as I left it,” I thought as I picked up one of the many bills that I didn’t have the money to pay.

I stood around taking in the state of my old apartment and sighed.

“I think I read somewhere that you can wake up by stepping through a door,” I thought as I focused my mind and walked through the threshold.

In front of me was the familiar sight of the inside of my old job at the diner. Apparently I had just stepped out of the back and was now behind the counter.

The familiar scent of decades of fry grease residue that was older that I was clung to the air and followed you home in your clothes every day after work was just as I remembered it.

“God damn this is weird,” I thought to myself before the ding of the bell over the door drew my attention to the front door.

I locked eyes with a man in a hoodie who had just walked in.

Something about his body language or his expression immediately put me on edge and my right hand curled around the familiar grip of my baseball bat I kept behind the counter.

I had been robbed often enough over my time at this shit hole that I had learned how to recognize the signs.

Apparently, this robber had done this often enough that a look of recognition crossed his face and he knew that I knew.

“Hey… don't…” I croaked as adrenaline surged through my body.

“Open the register,” he said slowly, his right hand in the front pocket of his hoodie where I noticed the tell-tale outline of a handgun.

With a trembling left hand, I hit the sequence of buttons that opened the register.

Before either one of us could do anything else, a police siren started up in the distance.

Both of our eyes went wide and we acted in the same moment.

He pulled the gun out of his pocket.

I ducked behind the counter and screwed my eyes shut as a gunshot went off.

There was silence and then cold.

I opened my eyes and found myself in the back of my shitty car wrapped in several thick blankets.

“Well at least I didn't have to dream about getting shot,” I thought to myself as I tried to take stock of my surroundings.

On the floorboard beneath me was a crumpled up piece of paper that I didn't need to smooth out to know had “eviction notice” printed on it in big bold letters.

“Ah hell, not this again,” I muttered as my breath fogged out in front of me.

If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.

I looked outside and saw nearly nothing but white.

Apparently, in my attempt to park my car someplace discreet, I had wound up somewhere that was a prime location for snow to pile up.

Combine that with what the forecast called “the largest snowstorm in twenty years” and my car got buried in the snow while I had slept.

I remember I had tried everything I could to stay warm.

Trying the door was useless, because by the time I had woken up the snow was pressing in from every direction.

I remember that my car wouldn’t start no matter how much I had tried to crank it.

I had yelled myself horse on the off chance that someone might hear me, but my out of the way location and the snow would have muffled my voice to the point where someone would have needed to be right on top of me in order to hear me.

“This is just a dream, right?” I asked myself as I tried to calm down and wrap myself in the blanket again.

“House? House? HOUSE!?”

I snapped awake and found myself back at the casino.

It was mid-morning the next day and Selina was staring at me with a concerned expression.

“Huh?” I replied as I tried to regain my senses.

“Oh good, I couldn't speak to you for a moment there Mr. House,” Selina sighed in relief.

“Yeah sorry, I was off in my own world,” I said, “what did you want to talk about?”

“HEY WHERE DOES HOUSE WANT THE SOLSTICE FOOD?” shouted Jasper from the front of the warehouse accompanied by Zee and Duke.

“I maaaay have invited a few people over to throw a Winter Solstice party,” Selina said with a wince.

There was a tense pause that hung in the air.

“Selina, you're in big trouble,” I said.

Selina’s expression dropped.

“Since we've got people in the casino, I can't decorate. You're going to need to do it manually,” I said as I began crafting and deploying things in the core room from my latest loot box.

Selina's grin returned with a vengeance and with a flurry of activity, began decorating the inside of the casino with the help of my scions and the cat-kin.

***

S’more, Gram, Marsh, and Choco all got to work on the food as everyone gathered around a group of stones that were giving off enough heat for a fire, but no smoke.

The rocks shimmered with an internal glow as my first three customers stood around the fire stones.

“Kind of nostalgic, isn’t it?” asked Zee.

“Yeah, all we need is some stale temple bread and some water to really bring everything together,” quipped Jasper.

“Yeah, this is the first Winter Solstice that we’ll actually have a full stomach, won’t it?” remarked Duke.

“Amen to that,” Zee agreed.

The loading door slid open to reveal Spreen carrying a box almost as big as she was.

“Happy Winter Solstice!” She cried.

“Hey Spreen, didn’t expect you to be a big Winter Solstice fan,” Jasper said.

“Are you kidding?” Spreen said, “Everyone who is looking for a last minute present can find something in my shop and they don’t question it much when the prices go up a little.”

“Ah that explains it,” Jasper nodded.

“So what’s in the box?” asked Zee.

“Ah ah ah, no peaking until everyone is here,” Spreen said as she put the box down by a wreath that had become the centerpiece of the decorations.

There was a knock on the door before it was opened from the outside.

“-a casino, Edwin. You don’t have to knock,” said River accompanied by a familiar group of cadets.

“Yeah, but it still feels weird to just stroll in when there’s not a line at the door, River,” Edwin replied.

“Hurry on in and shut the door, you’re letting the cold in!” Jasper shouted.

The four Cadets quickly made their way inside and shut the door behind them.

“Woah, what’s that,” asked Edwin as he got closer to the fire stones.

“Looks like a bunch of rocks alchemically imbued with the essence of fire,” Odez observed.

“Wow, Odez, you could tell that just by looking?” asked Morgan.

“Yeah, my practicals were pretty lousy back in the academy, but my grades in theory were top notch,” said Odez proudly.

“Maybe if you picked up another spell or two…” Edwin quipped.

Odez, shot Edwin a glare, but before he could respond, Zee jumped on the chance to ask Odez about his time at the academy.

Meanwhile, Duke decided to strike up a conversation.

“So, I believe your companion said your name was River?” asked Duke.

“Yep, that’s me,” River replied, “who are you and how did you meet House?”

“People around these parts call me Duke. As for how we met House, Zee, Jasper, and I took shelter in here from a thunderstorm before this place was even a casino,” Duke chuckled.

“Wow, you guys got lucky the dungeon wasn’t dangerous,” River noted.

“Well we got chased back out into the rain, so maybe lucky isn’t the right word,” Duke said.

“So, is Duke a nickname?” River asked.

“Yeah it’s a bit of a dumb nickname,” Duke explained, rolling his eyes, “people come up with all sorts of crazy stories.”

“Well you certainly came in and helped clean up the place,” Jasper said, butting in.

“I only showed everyone that there was a different way of doing things,” sighed Duke.

“Sure thing, your lordship,” teased Jasper.

“Wow, sounds like a hell of a story,” River said, looking expectantly at Duke.

“It wasn’t anything special,” Duke began, “I know how to handle myself in a fight and I know some basic medicine. People tend to come to me for help and I had the skills to do so.”

“You stopped a street gang and you helped out the sick when nobody else would. Just be glad that people didn’t start calling you a saint,” Jasper said.

“Medicine and fighting? Sounds like adventurer skills,” River noticed.

“Yeah, I did a bit of that before I wound up here,” said Duke noncommittally.

“Oh really?” asked River with excitement, “the four of us are cadets in the delver’s guild. Maybe you could teach us something.”

“Ah, it’s been a while since I’ve done anything like that. I’m probably too rusty to show you anything worth while,” said Duke with a bit of a nervous tone.

“Hi everyone!” Selina beamed as she walked up to the group, decorations having been taken care of, “I see you all have met each other. Does anyone want anything to drink?”

Everyone got their drink requests in, and after a quick delivery by a few of the [cat-kin], everyone was enjoying themselves.

“Ah, the guildmaster wanted us to say that she couldn’t make it, but would like to send her regards,” River piped up.

“I hope she’s not working on Solstice?” Selina asked.

“No, she’s got a big family gathering going on this year from both sides of her family,” River replied.

“Both sides? Oh dear,” Morgan said with concern.

“What’s wrong?” Edwin asked.

“Well, if her human family and her elven family are both getting together, that could be a problem,” Morgan explained, “Granny has plenty of stories about elves and humans clashing when it comes to funeral arrangements.”

“Um, Mori, I think there’s a bit of a difference between a Winter Solstice party and a funeral,” Edwin suggested.

“Not really. There’s a big crowd you have to arrange food for, there’s a lot of family that might not get along with one another, there’s a lot of stress to pull it off well, and there’s also a lot of pressure for it to be expensive in some cases,” Morgan said as she counted off the reasons on her fingers.

“I guess that makes sense,” Edwin replied halfheartedly.

“Don’t get me wrong, we offer several options for low cost interments, but some people will insist that we go with the most expensive option they can afford as if their dead relative is going to judge them for the rest of eternity for getting the wrong lining,” Morgan explained.

“I - yeah, fair point,” Edwin conceded.

The funeral talk was interrupted by the door opening once again.

“Good heavens! It’s really coming down out there,” Hilda exclaimed as she cleaned her boots with magic before stepping inside.

“It’s a good thing we’ve got the recall stones for the trip back,” Alma added before likewise cleaning off her boots.

“Hey you guys glad you could make it!” Jasper exclaimed bombastically as he scooted over, “come warm up Hilda. I saved you a spot.”

“Oh thank you very much Jasper,” Hilda said as she accepted the open space and put her hands out over the fire stones.

Alma stepped in next to Hilda, which to Zee’s realization, put her right next to him.

Zee shot Jasper a glare to which Jasper just grinned.

“So how was the trip?” asked Selina.

“Not too bad,” replied Hilda, “it could have been a lot worse if it wasn’t for our snow gear.”

“That modified water walking enchantment definitely comes in handy,” Alma agreed.

After Hilda and Alma got their drinks, the conversation resumed.

“So Zee when were you thinking of applying to the academy?” Alma asked, “You’ve been doing well on the practice tests.”

“I think I’m going to apply for the spring. If I keep putting it off, I’m never going to try,” Zee said resolutely.

“Well good luck to you Zee. I know those tests can be nerve wracking,” Hilda said.

“You planning on taking out a loan for school?” asked Jasper.

“Yeah, if my scores aren’t good enough for a scholarship,” Zee replied.

“If you want, I can help out with some of that,” Jasper offered.

“No offense Jasper, but I’ve seen how ruthless of a businessman you can be and I’d rather not be in debt to you,” Zee said.

“Eh, consider it an investment. Having a mage on staff always comes in handy,” Jasper shrugged.

“What do you need a mage for? You run a cart rental business,” asked Duke.

“I run a cart rental business for now,” Jasper corrected, “It’s going to be a few years until Zee gets out and by then I’ll have expanded.”

“Confident, are we?” Spreen piped up.

“You bet. With the money House is dumping into the slums, more and more people are going to be spending money on things other than bare essentials,” Jasper said.

Spreen looked like she was about to say something, but stopped and began to consider the possibilities.

“Oh, I think the food is ready!” exclaimed Selina before leading everyone over to a large table that had been set up near some more fire stones.

***

Even though I couldn’t exactly join in on the conversation, I was still enjoying everyone else’s presence.

After dinner, Spreen handed out presents to everyone, which seemed to be something that she just so happened to have a complimentary thing back at her shop.

Fortunately everyone took it in good humor with a promise to visit her in the future when they had a chance.

“How are you doing, House?” asked Selina.

“Warm,” I replied happily as I watched everyone enjoying themselves.

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