Things had been going well.

Progress had been ahead of schedule even with a few last minute additions. Southpaw the dealer had experienced his first actual game of cards, Mittens the alchemist had a nice stockpile of potions, and other [cat-kin] had even gotten in on serving drinks and running other games that Southpaw or Carmen couldn’t get to.

So needless to say, this was the perfect time for a distraction.

The distraction in particular came in the form of Hilda and Alma banging on the door and practically demanding the opportunity to interview me.

Fortunately, I wasn’t busy with renovations at the moment and seeing that it was two days before the grand re-re-opening, this was probably going to be the best time to do it.

Selina greeted the two of them and led them to the ‘bar’ area in the back where I had set up several tables and chairs where I could serve customers.

“I would offer you something to drink, but unfortunately all we have at the moment are potions of inebriation,” Selina apologized.

“Really? I didn’t think anyone made those outside of the academy first years,” Alma said.

“I mean it’s not freshman hooch. I got Mittens to try some while I was in his head,” I muttered.

“Mr. House would like to assure the quality of the potion, especially it’s safety, purity, and taste,” Selina said.

“Oh I’ve no doubt about that,” Hilda said, “dungeon potions tend to be of a higher quality than most alchemist's potions.”

“I’m sure Mr. House appreciates that, but I believe you had some questions for him?” Selina asked.

“Ah yes, there are several theories about dungeons in academic circles about dungeons. We would like to ask Mr. House some questions. For example, how does a dungeon generate mana?” Hilda began.

“Oh that’s easy. I get mana whenever someone gambles or I chase out an invader,” I replied.

“Mr. House receives mana whenever someone gambles or whenever an invader has been repelled,” Selina replied.

“How interesting,” Hilda nodded while Alma furiously took notes.

“Are there any other instances where Mr. House has gained mana?” Hilda asked.

“There were those rats,” I said.

“At one point, Mr. House did receive mana from killing rats,” Selina said, “but that was a long time ago before we made repairs to the building.”

“I see,” Hilda nodded.

“Any other questions?” asked Selina.

“I don’t want to come across as rude, but is there any way to prove that Mr. House is dictating these responses without your input?” Hilda asked.

“This is about that giant plant theory, isn’t it,” I groused, “hmm, I guess I can move the gates if she doesn’t believe me.”

“Mr. House assures you that he is the one answering your questions and can harmlessly activate some of the security features if you would like to ask him yourself,” Selina answered.

I triggered the mechanisms in the floor and a gate shot up on either side of Selina like two signs.

Hilda and Alma seemed surprised for a moment before Hilda regained her composure.

“Very well,” Hilda said, “if you could raise the left side for ‘yes’ and the right side for ‘no’ for my next few questions please.”

I lowered the right gate, leaving the left one up.

“Mr. House understands your request,” Selina said with a grin as I lowered the left gate.

“Do you know what an apple is?” Hilda asked.

I raised the left gate.

“If I had ten apples and gave you six, would I have more apples than you?” asked Hilda.

“It’s for academic research,” I grumbled as I raised the right gate.

“Could you please complete this pattern: yes, yes, no, no, yes, yes, no, no,” Hilda explained.

I raised and lowered the left gate twice and then did the same with the right gate.

“Do you know what an orchestra is?” asked Hilda.

I raised the left gate.

“If it takes fifty people in an orchestra to play a performance that lasts for two hours, how long does it take an orchestra to play the same piece with one hundred players?” Hilda asked.

“What? That’s not how music works. That’s not even a yes or no question,” I said as I raised the right gate.

“Mr. House would like to clarify his answer. A musical performance takes the same amount of time regardless of how many people are performing,” Selina added, “he would also like to note that the last question was not a yes or no question.”

“My apologies to Mr. House, I have no further questions of that nature,” Hilda said.

If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

“Your wording suggests you have additional questions,” Selina pointed out.

“Only one,” Hilda asked as she pulled out a stone with a soft glow and a copper band around the middle from her pocket and set it on the table, “I was wondering if it would be possible for Mr. House to replicate this item.”

“I could break it down, but I don’t know if I can put it back together again,” I said, recognizing the obviously magical item.

“Mr. House would like to warn you that there is a possibility that you wouldn’t get your item back in the same condition,” Selina cautioned.

“It’s of little consequence if it gets damaged,” Hilda assured us.

“Well here goes nothing,” I said as I assimilated the stone.

[Returning Stone]

>Single use item

>Upon breaking, returns user to a keyed location

>Not currently keyed to a location

“Well this works with furniture, maybe it’ll work with magical crap,” I thought as I tried to break it down and add it to my blueprints.

! Error: necessary module not found, unable to perform requested action !

“Ah dammit,” I thought, “that could have been useful.”

“Welp, I gave it my best shot,” I said as I deployed the stone near a [cat-kin] and had them run it over.

“Mr. House regrets to inform you that he was unable to duplicate the stone,” Selina said as the [cat-kin] handed the stone to Hilda.

“Oh not to worry,” Hilda smiled as she put the stone into a heavy bag, “this interview has been incredibly informative.”

“Do you think I should talk to them about it?” I asked Selina.

“They’ve been helpful when it came to building trust with the community and especially Duke,” Selena replied telepathically.

“Yeah, you’re right, let’s go ahead and ask them,” I agreed.

“If you have a moment, Mr. House would like you to listen to his request,” Selina said.

***

The rest of the day passed without incident and it was nighttime before I knew it.

“This time of day was always the worst. You would think that with everyone being a cat or part cat they wouldn’t all go to sleep at the same time,” I thought as I watched everyone sleep.

My awareness drifted over the [cat-kin] and their relatively simple setup that reminded me more of the cabins I used in summer camp than something that was going to be a full time living arrangement.

“At least the beds are better than the ones at summer camp,” I sighed before noticing some movement from one of the bunks.

Southpaw was twisting and turning in his bed, obviously having a nightmare.

“Poor guy,” I thought before getting an idea.

I focused on diving into Southpaw’s point of view.

Instead of the usual short falling feeling that usually accompanied a dive, I felt a sensation not unlike leaning too far back in a chair and feeling it tip over.

I looked down and saw a familiar looking tile pattern as I was met with a set of hands.

My old hands.

Before I could really understand what was going on, the door burst open and an eight foot tall Amanda Medowsong with cartoonishly evil features stepped in through the door.

“Here kitty, kitty, kitty, I've come to gobble you up!” she cackled.

She stomped past, completely ignoring me and making a beeline for the coin pushers.

Suddenly Southpaw darted from behind one cabinet to the next out of sight of nightmare Amanda.

Even though this was just a dream, I felt a familiar sense of fear and adrenaline followed by an equally familiar feeling of a baseball bat in my hand.

“Hey!” I shouted as I marched closer to nightmare Amanda.

The comically sneering figure turned to face me.

“Leave Southpaw alone!” I exclaimed as I jumped up and struck her in the face with my bat.

There was a hollow ‘bonk’ sound followed by a pop as though a large balloon had suddenly burst.

“You can come out now,” I called in the general direction of where I had last seen Southpaw.

The scared [cat-kin] poked his head out from around one of the coin pushers.

“Is she gone, Mr. House?” Southpaw asked.

“Yeah, she’s gone,” I replied.

Southpaw darted out from behind the coin pusher and gave my leg a big hug.

“Thank you,” he said before fading away.

“Well it was a dream, so it’s not like he was going to stick around for long,” I thought, “so why am I still here?”

Before I could question the logistics of being in someone else’s dream that they weren’t here for, I heard something that I hadn’t heard in months.

I heard a phone ringing.

I slowly turned around in the direction of the Blind Hydra table to be greeted by the sight of a novelty Garfield phone ringing on the table.

Curiosity getting the better of me, I approached the phone and picked up the receiver.

“Hello?” I asked.

Calling the sound that came from the telephone a voice would have been an injustice.

It was the sound of cards being shuffled.

It was the sound of finding a twenty dollar bill in an old coat pocket when you were broke.

It was the sound you hear when you make a decision that will make a hell of a story later.

It was all of those things and more.

“Hello Mr. House,” the man said, “welcome to the out of bounds area.”

“Who is this?” I asked, suddenly feeling very self conscious.

“Hmm, I suppose you can call me Mr. Serendipity. Yes that sounds right. Mr. Serendipity,” the man said as if testing the name on his tongue.

“I don’t have time to put up with cryptic bullshit,” I swore.

“Ask away then. I’m an open book,” said Mr. Serendipity, “I must warn you, I don’t have much time and I’m running low on quarters.”

“Okay, who are you and why are you calling me?” I asked, trying to make sense of this oddity.

“As to who I am, I suppose you can call me your sponsor,” Mr Serendipity explained as the sound of a car passed close by, “and as to why I’m calling, let’s just say that I’ve read ahead in the script and I’m here to suggest a few edits.”

“I swear to god, if you don’t start making sense, I’m hanging up,” I growled.

“For your’s and River’s health, I’d highly recommend against that course of action,” Mr. Serendipity said calmly.

“What?” I asked, utterly dumbfounded.

“I’m saying that tomorrow will set certain events in motion that will lead to a choice. A choice where your life and the life of River hang in the balance. I’m here to offer you a third option where neither of you need to die,” explained Mr. Serendipity.

“...I’m listening,” I replied.