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The First Flame
73. What You Reap Is What You Sow

73. What You Reap Is What You Sow

Iris wrapped her hands around the warm cup of the foreign drink Arylos made as she rested her arms on the dining room table, staring out the window. The dark of the early morning left the view black save for a hint of a soft blue in the sky; a sign of the coming dawn just an hour away. She had a lot to think about; she knew Arylos wasn’t human and was willing to kill to protect her and their home if needed.

But to actually see him commit to this was something else, and for her to give him permission to do so made her question it all. If anything, their deaths were on her hands. She knew exactly what Arylos would do and knew his commitment full well, and she felt fine with that.

Was she turning into a monster? Was she becoming too comfortable?

She let out a thoughtful sigh and took a drink, feeling the intense bitter flavour coupled with the richness of the milk. She wanted to feel that normal peace that Arylos had been chasing, and yet she was always reminded what he really is. Yet she just couldn’t care anymore. She was getting her emotions and internal thoughts under control now and she just couldn’t care what Arylos is anymore.

To her, he’s just Arylos. And she wouldn’t prefer him any other way; monstrous flaws and all.

“Are you still thinking about those two idiots?” Arylos asked while leaning against the wall, watching Iris intently with his red eyes.

“Not really,” Iris responded while taking another drink, keeping her gaze to the window. “Just thinking about how much has changed in a year. All of the things we’ve been through. My village destroyed, my family killed, us moving here, finding out what you are, discovering that I’m a half-breed god, making friends with another god. It’s a lot to take in.”

“And a part of you swears that it has been longer than a year,” Arylos finished her thoughts.

“There’s no way it could have been just a year,” Iris responded while lowering her voice. “It makes me wonder that if all of this happened in a year, what about next year? Or the years after that?”

“You take it in stride, one year at a time,” the timeless Titan responded as if speaking from experience.

“That’s the other thing,” Iris cut in while turning around to look towards Arylos. “What about the years to come?”

“What do you mean by that?” Arylos asked while moving away from the wall and moving to the other side of the table.

“What about next year, or the next decade?” Iris asked, gripping her mug tight. “What if things change and we go our separate ways or something? What if something happens between us for real this time?”

“You mean that little row we had when Reyz attacked,” Arylos sighed and took a seat. “Are you still concerned about that? I told you that I was at fault too and we’ve moved past that so there’s nothing to be concerned about.”

“I know, you keep saying that, but it doesn’t make me feel any better,” Iris grumbled as her hands shook. “What if you end up hating me? I said something bad; what if things are different next time?”

“All you did was call me a monster; that’s nothing new,” Arylos assured Iris with a light smile. “That’s hardly the worst thing I’ve been called. Do you think of me as a monster?”

Iris was about to answer ‘no’ but went silent as she considered for a moment. Once more, she couldn’t get things straight in her head. “I’m not afraid of you, but sometimes I really do forget what you are. And then you do things like what you just did and it’s like a reality check, you know?”

“You haven’t answered whether or not you think of me as a monster as a result,” Arylos cut in, a hint of a smile on his face.

Iris wondered about the question herself, but he was right. Was she not wanting an answer? Could she find an answer? She wasn’t afraid of him, but are all of these conflicted feelings a result of that?

“I don’t know what I think,” she finally responded while shaking her head. “But you’re not the monster you and others make you out to be. Yes, you kill. You fight. You’re dangerous. But you also care and you do it all to protect us. You care if people die and you care if something happens to me. That’s a little more humanity than I would consider a monster to have.”

She set her mug on the table and looked Arylos in his eyes, deciding on at least one thing. “You’re not a monster; you’re just Arylos,” she told him in a stern yet soft voice. “To some, that makes you a monster, but that makes you a friend to me.”

Arylos thought about Iris’s words for a moment, taking them in and trying to understand her. He could only let out a soft laugh. “Sometimes you’re too kind for your own good, you know that?” he laughed.

“Well, it’s rude to assume you’re a monster just because you’re different,” Iris returned with her own laugh. “I’m sure you could call us humans bad names with how different we are from you.”

The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

“We are different, aren’t we?” Arylos whispered to himself as the two sat in silence for a moment.

Iris felt a little embarrassed by what she had been saying but she knew she meant it, and yet there was more she wanted to talk to this ancient Titan about. She had more she wanted to get off of her chest, but she didn’t know if she could find the words for it.

“Well, if we can move past that, then we might be able to do this for another year,” Iris decided to say in a cheery voice. “I would rather not lose a friend because I said something stupid when I’m old and senile fifty years from now.”

Iris saw Arylos’s eye twitch before he let out a soft laugh. “Right, you will age while I can’t,” he whispered under his breath.

The human girl felt sorry for the Titan. She felt as though what she said hurt in a way she didn’t intend. She will age and die while he continues on, outliving worlds, outliving stars. She reached out, wanting to take his hand and comfort him, to apologise for what she said. She realised that this was all temporary for him; a fleeting moment that will quickly fade away like a short spring.

She wouldn’t even be a chapter in the book of his infinite life.

“Your birthday,” Arylos cut Iris’s thoughts and catching Iris off guard.

“Eh?” Iris responded, trying to make sense of him.

“We’ve been living together for a year now, but you have never mentioned your birthday,” Arylos explained as he was mentally running through his memories. “I don’t know when it is; I only know you are twenty one years old.”

Iris blushed and returned her hands to her mug. “I’m twenty two now,” she responded in a quiet and embarrassed voice.

“Aha! So I did miss your birthday,” Arylos exclaimed suddenly.

Iris slowly nodded and looked away. “My birthday is three weeks after the new year,” she explained softly.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Arylos asked while running through plans to make up for the lost time.

“We had other things going on,” Iris explained as her face went more red.

“What do you mean?” Arylos questioned.

Iris felt her embarrassment become slowly replaced by sadness as she held onto her mug tight to comfort herself with its warmth. “Don’t worry about it,” she whispered softly.

“Too late; I’m already worrying about it,” Arylos responded with concern heavy in his voice.

Iris let out a shuddered and sad sigh before finally mustering her courage. “The day you and I fought, after Reyz’s attack, that was my birthday.”

The two sat in silence as Arylos processed what she said. He felt his stomach turn. He was angry with himself, disappointed. All of that happened under his watch and he should have known better. He let her down. He let himself down.

“Then we need to do something,” Arylos responded while getting up from the table.

Iris’s face went red again. “N-No, it’s fine, really,” she cut in while trying to wave him off. “It’s water under the bridge, and I enjoyed the new year and the Day of Warmth so that makes up for it.”

“I don’t care, we need to do something,” Arylos insisted and made his way to the kitchen.

“No!” Iris exclaimed while jumping up and blocking Arylos, pushing him backwards against his strength. “It’s fine, really,” she told him while clenching her fists against his chest. “We honestly had bigger things going on so there’s no need to make a big deal about it.”

Arylos growled under his breath, working up a fire in his chest. “But you spent your birthday–”

“With you,” Iris cut him off, continuing to push him back. “I spent it with you, and that’s all I could ask for.”

“You spent it fighting with me,” Arylos corrected, feeling his disappointment in himself soar.

“And yet you’re still here,” Iris corrected him in a soft voice, trying to keep her voice from cracking. “You never left me, and you gave me an irreplaceable gift in the months after. I don’t care if we fought anymore, I just want you here, okay?”

Arylos sighed and reached for her hands and pulled them off of his chest, feeling the warmth of her skin. He kept her hands in his, trying to soothe her and keep her from crying. He didn’t know what he could give her, but he could at least satisfy that wish of hers.

“Alright, then will me staying around for a hundred years make up for it?” the Titan asked softly.

Iris sniffled and felt her ears go hot, but she could not deny it. “You better not get bored of me when I’m old and crippled,” she teased while sticking her tongue out in an attempt to hide her desire to cry.

Arylos let go of her hands and nodded. “I did promise you, didn’t I? That I would be around for you and your descendants.”

“Then can I be there for yours?” Iris asked, hoping to return the favour.

Arylos shook his head as he walked past her and towards the kitchen. “I’m afraid not. I cannot have children of my own now that my people are gone, so I’ll have no one.”

“Wait, so you can’t even have children even if you tried?” Iris asked in astonishment.

“Not with any race currently alive,” Arylos explained with a hint of sorrow in his voice.

Iris stammered, unable to believe this. “But you have a human body right now. Surely if you find a girl, you could start a family.”

“This body is a corpse, remember?” Arylos explained as he finally turned to face her. “And even if that wasn’t the case, we’re too different. There is no way that I can create more of my kind with people of this world.”

“No matter what, huh?” Iris asked softly. “Doesn’t that make you sad?”

Arylos scoffed and turned to go into the kitchen. “I don’t care much for children anyway and I have no desire to continue the Titan bloodline. So it really doesn’t.”

Iris watched Arylos go into the kitchen as she felt a sadness stir within her. She never considered this possibility. She wondered about having a family but with her conflicting emotions about the Titan, she never considered it. If things do work out that way, then she’ll have no descendants for him to watch then.

In that case, her bloodline would die with her.