“Even if I have to die for you,”

Arylos’s whispers resounded in Iris’s mind, haunting her thoughts and keeping her awake. She could still feel that red hot pain. Why would he say that? What was he getting at?

She could only stare at the sleeping Titan, holding his cold and pulseless hand and trying to see this from his perspective. He promised to protect her, sure, but what was he trying to tell her?

“You’re more important than me,”

What was he trying to say? Why would she be more important? This was all extremely confusing, exhausting to think about.

She shook the thoughts out of her head; he’s obviously tired, cold, and lost a lot of blood. At the very least, he must have taken a few blows to the head that may have messed with his thinking. All she could do was watch and make sure he was still breathing; the only sign that he was still alive. She continued to watch him until sunlight began to pour in through the windows and Iris could see how transparent his skin really is. This was her first time looking at him so closely.

She could not stop her curiosity. Her other hand ran along his arm and she could feel the indents of old scars that snaked around his skin. Each scar telling a story she could not understand and a pain she could not feel. She began to wonder just how much pain Arylos puts himself through regularly.

All Iris could do was watch and think, even if those thoughts made no sense. She imagined the story each scar carried, thinking about what Arylos would have done to receive such a wound and why he could never be rid of them. Yet each story would only give her one question.

“Why?”

The thought could never escape her. Why do all of this at all? Why put himself through so much pain for the sake of some humans? For the sake of one orphaned human? She had so many questions about his past yet each question had only more questions. All she could do was watch the sunlight give Arylos’s skin its pale colour and pass through his black hair, carrying a hint of brown with the rays of light.

Iris decided that was enough brooding and she reluctantly felt sleep begin to take her. In her mind, she tried picturing Arylos’s homeworld. She imagined what would a “Titan” call home, a realm outside of all realms.

She imagined initially a vast world full of tall mountains and a yellow sky, picturing a sky full of worlds and stars and a gentle breeze that whistled through the tall peaks creating their own melody through buildings carved into the mountaintops.

Or possibly a sprawling city by the sea with tall metal buildings with a glistening sea of lights of many colours scattering against a dark velvet sky. At the centre could be a tall tower full of people and tomes recording the history of all things.

Or maybe an endless ocean teaming with light and life, bubbling with life’s daily chaos across a wind-swept ocean sending waves crashing against sheer bone-white cliffs.

Or maybe a stone city surrounded by forests and blue grass that danced in the cool wind of the nearby ocean. Blue and gold decorating the massive stone buildings with glowing blue runes carved in them guarding a massive stone tower at the heart of the city.

Whatever these worlds she imagined, they were all beautiful, bountiful, and holy on a level she could never experience. She felt the beauty of such a sight tear at her soul, longing to experience such beauty. Yet one thing always stood out among these images.

The worlds were all silent and not a single soul could be found.

This beauty filled her with anguish, a dark scar festering in her heart, her longing to behold these worlds replaced by a longing to not be alone. She felt this loneliness consume her, reminding her that she will forever be so far away from these precious worlds, and there may be no one on the other side to greet her. She felt sad, she felt alone, she felt lost.

All she could imagine was drifting through an endless night sky, black velvet surrounding her and carrying the light of thousands– no, millions of stars and all of the worlds around them, yet she could never touch them; trapped behind a pane of glass that she could never break. There may be no one to greet her, to speak with her. She could only drift through the endless night without anyone to share this beauty with.

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

She would have preferred to die.

Iris opened her eyes, feeling tears well up as she tightened her grip on Arylos’s cold hand, now warmer than before. She looked up and saw he was still asleep, breathing heavily as scratches on his face were more healed than before. She wiped her eyes of tears and sat up, taking a shuddered breath.

“Even if I have to die for you,”

Was that what he meant? All Iris could do was ponder in silence as she rubbed her arms, feeling the cold air penetrate the blankets. She felt alone, but the sleeping Arylos made her feel better, even if that meant she was more confused than before.

Iris thought about crawling back under before someone knocked gently on the front door. Iris groaned and slapped her cheeks and got up, wrapping one of the blankets around her and made her way towards the door. She groaned and complained under her breath the whole way before finally making it to the door and opening it. Standing in the doorway was simultaneously the first and the last person she expected to see right now.

“Bellona, what are you doing here?” Iris asked, trying to rub the sleep out of her eyes. “Weren’t you leading a search party at Gurindai?”

“And that’s the reason I’m here,” Bellona responded with a smile. “That was at least twelve hours ago.”

“Eh?” Iris sounded softly, trying to process the lost time. “But I just fell asleep.”

“I promise you, the sun is going to set in a couple of hours,” Bellona responded, her smile turning more nervous and concerned.

“Ehh??” Iris voiced once more. She took a glance back to Arylos on the couch and noticed that the sunlight on his face was in fact coming from a different direction.

“Ehhhhhh?” Iris gasped, feeling lightheaded. “But I was only asleep for a couple of minutes at most.”

“Everything says otherwise,” Bellona responded with a chuckle. “How’s Arylos doing?”

“He’s asleep,” Iris answered while motioning Bellona to come in.

“That’s a first, but not all that surprising,” Bellona commented while closing the door behind her and taking off her boots before entering the living room and examining Arylos without getting too close.

Iris felt something hit her deep down. She rubbed her hands together and worked up the courage to ask. “Will he be okay?”

“I’ve seen him come back from worse than this,” Bellona commented, continuing to examine the sleeping Titan.

“But he has no pulse,” Iris answered, trying to keep her cracking voice under control.

Bellona’s soft smile turned quickly to a frown as she came closer to Arylos and examined him more strictly, feeling for a pulse in his neck but concerned about his breathing.

“So he doesn’t have a heartbeat, but he’s still breathing,” Bellona summarised aloud while opening one of Arylos’s eyelids, examining the red eye inside. As Iris approached, she noticed that the exposed eye glanced around between the two women with the pupil changing shape to focus on them.”

“I can’t say I’ve heard of this before,” Bellona continued while closing the exposed eye. “But he’s definitely still alive, or at least conscious.”

“How is that possible?” Iris asked, more concerned than before.

“Is this the first time he’s gone without a pulse?” Bellona asked.

Iris shook her head. “I’ve never noticed before. He does bleed, but that’s the extent that I know.”

“I hope this is some weird Titanic biology afoot then,” Bellona said aloud and sat down under the torotsu. “It’s been a while, but I do remember him having a pulse when I knew him before he came here, but that was a different body than what he has now.”

Iris bowed her head and took a hold of Arylos’s hand once more.

Bellona sighed, seeing Iris’s concern plain on her face. “I wouldn’t worry though,” she explained. “He’s still in there in some way, and that’s all we need to know. We just need him to wake up.”

“But he should be awake,” Iris answered, unable to hide her concern. “He’s always aware of his surroundings, even when he’s asleep. He should have known you were at the door before I opened it.”

Bellona sighed and began taking a package out of her coat. “I would give him a couple of days. If his condition changes, then we’ll know. For now, I don’t think we’re too the point of worry yet.”

Iris bowed her head, trying to hide her concern and fear.

“Here!” Bellona called out, trying to get Iris’s attention by waving a brown box in her hands. “I brought some chocolate so you can try that hot chocolate drink I made this morning. Maybe you can make it for him.”

Iris nodded slowly and let go of Arylos and took the box from Bellona as Bellona continued to explain. “I’ve never made it for Arylos but I know he has a sweet tooth. I can show you how to make it so you can make it for him when he wakes up.”

“Thank you,” Iris said while bowing her head in appreciation. She couldn’t help but cast a glance back to Arylos. “Do you think he’s lonely?” she asked, thinking back to her dream.

“I would hope not with people like us around,” Bellona joked with a big smile.

Iris tried a laugh but deep down, she knew it was only a surface explanation. She knew that Arylos, as a Titan, does not belong in this world but could see all worlds out there. She remembered that he experiences this world through a vessel but that he’s never truly a part of this world.

She knew that if she could experience infinity but couldn’t share it with anyone, she would be lonely as well.