Lefty stood and brushed himself off. Down on the ground, Feathers was staring up at him with an expectant look.

“Where did you come from?” Lefty asked.

The duck quacked.

“What do you mean, ‘Where did I come from?’” Lefty pointed to the wall. “I just fell down from the battlements. Now where did this guy come from and why isn’t he breathing?”

Feathers tilted his head at the unconscious chef. There was a grunt and a bowel movement and then the chef let out a loud snort.

Feathers warbled quietly.

“Oh good, he’s just sleeping,” Lefty said. “Now why don’t you tell me what this is all about so we can figure out just how we’re going to get out of this mess.”

Feathers quacked dismissively.

“Right,” Lefty nodded. “I suppose that makes two of us.”

Feathers quacked inquisitively.

Lefty waved in the general direction of the keep. “The dragon. I think she wants to eat me or something.”

Feathers quacked again.

“Maybe, kinda, sorta.” Lefty tilted his head back and forth. “I think she’s just lonely, really. I didn’t really have time to get to know her too well. Just introductions. She’s evil, but more of the polite kind of evil, you know? Like she wants to take over the world, but in a kind of well dressed sort of way.”

Feathers warbled.

“What did she say? Oh, just that she planned on executing our friends in the morning. We should really cut our losses if you ask me. Dead weight and all that. The dwarf was useful, for sure, but I really don’t think we can save him with all these guards around.”

Feathers glared.

“Hey, I’m kidding, alright? I’m not looking forward to breaking anyone out of jail either. However, if I’m to choose between my chances of survival, I’ll take the one where I have a dwarf to stand behind rather than the one where you and I wander out into the monster infested wilderness alone again, thankyouverymuch.”

Feathers said nothing and instead began waddling toward the alleyway.

Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

“Hey, where are you going?” Lefty hissed. “I thought we were coming up with a plan.”

The plan, apparently, was that the duck was waddling down the alleyway between the mess hall and the kitchen. As Lefty crept in behind the bird, he could see the alley opened up into the castle courtyard where a dozen of the gnolls were gathered around a campfire. Feathers stopped at the edge of the light, right at the mouth of the alley and lowered his head. Lefty shuffled in behind the duck, got down on one knee and opened his spell list.

Spells:

Cantrips (may cast any 4/day) – Detect Magic, Ghost Sound, Dancing Lights, Light, Whisper

1st Level (may cast any 4/day) – Magic Missile, Feather Fall, Burning Hands, Sleep, Minor Telekinesis

Feathers looked back at him and warbled softly.

“I don’t know,” Lefty whispered. “There’s too many of them for my sleep spell.”

Feathers frowned and looked back out at the gnolls. Deep behind the duck’s beady black eyes, a plan was hatching. Lefty could feel it.

“Yeah, I’ll stay here and you distract them,” Lefty said.

Feathers quacked assertively.

“What? Why am I always the distraction?”

Feathers quacked again.

“That’s not fair. I’m the smart one, you’re the tough one. Now go distract the gnolls so I can run out the gate.”

Feathers gave him a dark look.

“Oh, I see. You want me to be the distraction so I can’t run out the gate. Great, just great.” Lefty twisted his mouth as he looked out at the gnolls. “Okay, the leader looks like a female. I guess I could go try and talk to her while you do your thing.” Lefty looked down at the duck. “What’s your thing?”

Feathers adjusted his wings.

Lefty growled, “What do you mean, ‘Wouldn’t you like to know?’ I thought we were partners?”

But Feathers was already around the corner.

“Dammit,” Lefty hissed as he looked out at the gnolls. She’s an ugly one too. They always elect the ugliest ones. With a sigh, he straightened his robes and walked out into the light.

The gnolls didn’t see him at first as he could see they were busy passing around a bucket of grog. Sticking his hands in his pockets, he strolled as confidently as he could into the light and asked, “Hey, you got another tankard for me?”

The gnolls all looked at him at once and Lefty felt a shiver run down his spine. Warning lights were going off on his H.U.D as he felt a sinking feeling take hold of his stomach.

“Graaaak nah guuu’ta’beeeeelahh ook,” the biggest gnoll growled.

“I’m sorry, I don’t speak Swahili,” Lefty answered.

The big gnolls stood and rolled her shoulders back as she stepped over to him. Lefty stopped dead as the big gnoll loomed over him, her breath flooding his nostrils with a deep stench. Then, with a deep voices, she said, “What do you want little man?”

“Ah …” Lefty stammered, “… I just got off shift and thought I’d mingle a bit. Maybe you ladies aren’t in a charitable mood.”

The gnoll’s green eyes flashed in the firelight, “What corner did you crawl out of ape?”

Lefty tried not to flinch, “Uhm … kitchen apprentice?”

At that moment, as all the gnolls were staring at him, he saw a flash of white waddle past the fire. Careful to keep his attention on the gnoll, Lefty watched as Feathers from the corner of his eye as the duck scurried off into the dark with a burning branch in his beak.

“Ah … the boss let me off early and so I just thought I’d wander out here and see if I could meet a few people.” Lefty threw his thumb back toward the kitchen. “He’s a slave drive, you know. Always coming up with something for me to do and so I don’t really get to get out much, but tonight I guess he was feeling generous.” He shrugged, “So … yeah. How about it?”

The gnoll tilted her head down at him and sniffed. Glancing toward the wall, Lefty saw a haystack catch fire. Oh boy, here we go.

“How about what?” The gnoll growled.

“How about … I don’t know, some grog or something? What you guys drinking out here?” Hands still in his pockets, Lefty strolled away from the gnoll and began circling the fire. “Name’s Lefty, by the way. What’s yours?”

“Shiela,” the big gnoll growled.

Lefty sat down in a chair. “So Shiela, how long you worked here?”

Shiela thumped her chest. “I don’t work, I lead.”

Over by the wall, Lefty saw a flicker of white as a pile of wood caught fire.

Lefty pointed to the haystack. “Say, what’s that?”

It was then that the haystack went up with a ‘woosh’ and the flash of fire lit up the courtyard like it was dawn.

Lefty leaned back, “You guys expecting entertainment?”

As the fire filled the gnolls’ eyes, Lefty stole a glance toward where Feathers had hidden behind a pair of barrels. The duck was eyeing him with an evil glare. As Shiela turned to look at the fire, Lefty tried to wave at the duck. “Get back,” he mouthed.

And that’s when the gunpowder exploded.