They had chained him to the floor of a tower cell. Here, three narrow windows let him look out at the night sky as he wondered if he would live to see another sunrise. It took about an hour for that topic to get old, so then he moved on to feeling sorry for himself, which was followed by a brief visit by anger and disaffection, who then guided him toward misery and self-loathing. Finally, he settled on the resentment he felt about being stuck in a game world where everything seemed intent on killing him instead of a game world where scantily clad anime girls competing for his affections.

Sadly, there were no anime girls here. No, he had been captured by a female dragon who, although attractive, had instead locked him in a drafty tower cell with nothing more to do than watch the stars wink in and out between the clouds. He spent a moment just looking out at them. A cold breeze blew in from the west and he shivered. He wondered if there was a guard outside and if maybe he should try his luck at asking for a blanket.

Then the door opened as Vevic walked in. This time, she was wearing a floor length affair, black with dark purple trim, with gold pauldrons over her shoulders. She frowned at him as she spoke with a voice that sounded like sex overlooking a thousand burning villages1.

“You will tell me the real reason you came here or I will force you to watch the execution of your friends in the morning.”

Resentment, Misery, Anger, and Disaffection all fled as Lust walked into his consciousness, punched Self-Loathing in the mouth, and threw the bastard out the window. Libido leapt up and took a lap as Fear, Anxiety, and Excitement all jumped up and asked if they could lend a hand. Finally, Interest got up to grab a beer as Desire offered to put the popcorn in the microwave. Meanwhile, as his captor frowned at him, the only noise Lefty could manage was something between a groan and a snort.

Vevic pursed her lips in a look of disdain, “Do you need a minute? I don’t exactly have all night.”

His mouth hanging open, Lefty again tried to think, but Lust had made himself at home and was busy having a conference with Fear, Anxiety, and Excitement, all of whom were talking at once. Libido was still running in circles and Desire had just returned to the couch to have a seat beside Interest who had just noticed that there was something in the air.

Then something hit his nose. There was, indeed, something in the air. Lefty blinked. “Is that perfume you’re wearing?”

Vevic looked stunned. “Ah … no, I really …”

You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

“You smell lovely, you know,” he added.

“Oh, I … uhm …”

Did she just blush? Interest took a moment to have a sip of his beer while Desire started a round of applause.

As calm as he could, Lefty said, “What were you asking?”

“Uh …” she paused, visibly thinking, “your friends … in the morning …”

“That’s right, you were going to kill them in the morning if I don’t talk, right?”

She swallowed, “Yes.”

“I think the real question here is if we’ll still be friends in the morning.”

Vevic looked taken aback, “What?”

“What?”

Is she blushing? She’s blushing. He let the question hang in the air. He might actually have a chance here. The problem was that he didn’t really know what kind of chance he had or what he would do if said chance were to present itself. There’s only one way to find out.

She said, “I don’t think that’s a very appropriate question for a prisoner.”

He responded, “Well it’s a good thing I wasn’t trying to be appropriate.”

“You should try sometime.”

“Try what?”

“Being appropriate.”

“You just let me know when you’d like me to start and I’ll get right on it.”

She shifted her head to the side and frowned again, “Let’s try now.”

“And just what do you call appropriate in this situation?” He asked.

“How about you tell me why you’re really here so I don’t have to stage a hanging tomorrow. Bonus points if you fess up on who killed my mother. I would do it tonight, but I’m very tired and I don’t feel like figuring out the logistics right now. However, if you don’t give it up, I’m going to hang the dwarf and your little goblin friend right outside your window.”

“Yes, you said that. And when might that be?”

She glared, “Like I said, I haven’t decided because I wanted to give you the option of making the sane choice.”

He cleared his throat. “Like I said, we were all sent here by my employer to see that you’re all paid up on your extended warranty. Those two are just my security. That’s it. If you kill them, my employer will just write it off as operating expenses.”

“And what if I kill you?”

He waived that off, “Oh, I’m just a tax write off to them.”

She narrowed her eyes, “What’s a tax write off?”

“You know, taxes? The thing you pay to the government to keep them from coming to your castle and taking away all your furniture?”

“I don’t know what any of that means,” she said, perplexed.

Something’s wrong with this woman … I mean dragon … I mean woman-dragon. He had been puzzling over it from the moment he had first seen her. There is something that’s just … off about this woman’s attitude. She’s compensating for something. But compensating for what? Then it came to him. She was naive.

Lefty was not accustomed to thinking of a dragon as naive. In his mind, if he was to look up the word ‘naive,’ he was much more likely to see a picture of a child and not a dragon dressed in fine clothes. However, he had to admit that this dragon didn’t seem to act like an experienced super villain might. No, while she looked like a woman on the make, she also had the air of someone making it up as she went.

And that makes two of us, doesn’t it?

He finally continued, “I think we need to talk about this word appropriate. What is appropriate? Is it appropriate to be threatening to hang one’s work associates in order to get what one wants? Or is it appropriate to sit and talk like reasonable people about what we might have in common so that we can figure out where our common ground might be?”

She scowled. “I don’t think you’re in any position to be putting terms on our discussions.”

The door slammed as she left.

1Think Scarlett Johanssen with a cigar.