Just as the old woman had said, the key chain held a big brass key that opened the door. As the hidden door slid closed behind them, they stepped into the dark. Calista lit her pen light again, and a narrow spiral stairway rose out of the gloom. Up they went. As the boards creaked beneath their feet, Calista activated her [Trapfinding] skill. The old crone did not say what was up here, she only said this was the way we needed to go.

A doorway met them on the next floor. Stopping, Calista carefully opened the door and peeked through to see a dimly lit room with the sound of dripping water. Then, from far in the darkness, something let out a low, guttural growl and so she quickly shut the door.

She turned to the mage. “Yeah, not a good idea.”

“Oh, I agree,” he said.

They continued up, the steps creaking beneath them. On the next floor, the stairs ended at an open room with a lone, unlit torch and another door. The door itself was curious as it had no handle or knob or any other means to open it. Then, as Calista stepped back to look around the room, a stuffy and commanding voice spoke.

“Just what do you think you’re doing here?”

Lefty was the first to answer. “Uhm, just who said that.”

“I did,” replied the voice.

“Aaaand who are you?” asked the mage.

“I am the watchman, the sentinel, the keeper of this portal if you will.”

It was then that Calista noticed the door had developed a mouth that sat about waist height. She pointed this out to Lefty.

“Oh, you’re a talking door,” the wizard said.

“Don’t be ridiculous. The door itself is inert, non-sentient, and cannot be addressed unless you are being witless. You are not being witless, are you?”

“I don’t think so …”

“Good,” the door said. “Then if you will be so kind, I’d like you to turn right around and go back the way you came.”

Lefty pointed at the door. “But this is the way we need to go.”

“Well that isn’t up to you, is it?” The door snapped.

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that,” Lefty said as he rolled up his sleeves.

“Oh, you’re going to try and use some magic on me?” The door laughed. “Go ahead, let’s see what you got.”

“Knockus gottus imbotus,” the mage said.

The door laughed again. “Amateur. If I had half a mind, I’d teach you a real knock spell, but I doubt you’d be able to comprehend it.”

Lefty bit his lip and then muttered another incantation. “Electris Stormboro.”

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

There was a flash of light as a bolt of lightning shot out and hit the door. However, as the smoke cleared, no mark or damage could be seen.

“Ho, ho ho! Thought you could muscle your way through? I’ll have you know this particular portal has more enchantments on it than a Wednesday afternoon Fae book club.” The door smiled. “Look, if you were meant to get past me, then you’d have said the password by now.”

“Well, what if I know the password and I just haven’t said it yet because you’re being so rude?” Lefty said.

The mouth made a show of looking offended. “First, I am not being rude because I am not a rude person. Second, I’ve been talking with you for a good minute now and unless you’re completely addle brained, you should have been able to gather your wits enough to say the proper word, but you haven’t and so you’re clearly a trespasser and so shove off.”

Lefty visibly gathered himself as he crossed his arms and leveled his eyes at the door. “Okay, so we’ll just ignore how rude that was …”

“I am not being rude, I am being correct,” the door interrupted.

“… And let’s just say that I was new here and had just forgotten the proper password. Like, what if I was a guest here or something?”

The door frowned, “I would say that was highly improbable.”

Lefty continued, “But you just implied that I might be witless. So what if I was a witless guest and you just needed to give me a hint so I could remember what the password was.”

The door considered this. “Very well. I will allow you one hint. What has hands but doesn’t clap?”

“That’s easy,” Lefty replied, “a clock.”

“Wrong.” The door replied. “Entrance denied.”

Lefty uncrossed his arms and put his hands on his hips. “If that’s wrong, what’s the right answer.”

“I can’t tell you that. It’s against the rules.” The door replied.

“Then let me try again,” Lefty said.

“Sure. What has many ears, but cannot hear?”

“Uhm … corn?” Lefty said.

“Wrong. Entrance denied.”

The wizard’s mouth hung open. “I don’t get it, are the two hints supposed to point to the same answer, or what?”

“I can’t tell you that either.” The door said.

“Then let me try again.” Lefty snapped.

“Fine. What can you catch, but not throw?”

The mage narrowed his eyes. “A cold.”

“Wrong again.” The door looked very satisfied. “No more hints. Access denied.”

Calista then stepped forward. “May I try?”

Lefty shrugged in a way that said, ‘Go right ahead’ as Calista stepped around him to face the door.

“Excuse me,” she said. “What was your name?”

“My name?” The door huffed. “What does my name have to do with anything?”

“Oh, I was just wondering since you seemed to know so much, I thought I’d like to know who I’m speaking to,” she said.

The door, suddenly unsure, twisted its mouth in thought. After a moment, it replied, “I would want to ask your name first, my lady.”

She bowed politely. “Calista Stricthaven, Delver Extraordinaire, at your service.”

“Kamus,” declared the door, “former White Mage of the Ninth Order.”

“Oh my,” she said, “I had no idea you were so accomplished. How did you end up here guarding this doorway?”

Kamus took a wistful tone, “It’s a long story, really …”

“Let me guess,” Calista cut in, “you were banished for practicing forbidden magic.”

The door became defensive, “I was merely investigating for the good of my order!”

Calista leaned back toward Lefty and whispered, “I’ve heard this one before. He’s easy. You just have to inflate his ego a bit.” She turned back to the door. “So tell me Kamus, is there something we can do for you while we’re down here, or are you happy where you are?”

“Oh I’m quite happy,” the door replied, “I’m not really here, you know. Trapped in an ethereal prison. Quite comfortable, actually. Not to mention they let me take all my books with me, so I have plenty to read. Been catching up a bit, in fact …”

“Great,” Calista cut in again. “So tell me, what was the hint again? Perhaps I can remember. My partner here is a bit dimwitted.”

“Just a moment, while I look.” There was a pause of a few seconds as Kamus was thinking. “Ahem. What is something you own, but your friends use it far more than you do.”

“Uhm …” Calista made a show of thinking about this, “… I believe the answer is ‘Your Name.’”

“You would be correct,” the door said in an official tone.

There was a clicking noise and then the sound of two deadbolts sliding and a moment later the door swung open with a long and ominous creek.

“Welcome to the next level,” Kamus said.