“It’s like I said, the women in this game have an entitlement problem.”
“What do you mean they have an entitlement problem?”
“They always think they can get what they want, from whoever they want, whenever they want it. I log on and there are all my friends. We hang out. It’s fun. We run a dungeon, maybe raid a few newbs over along the Azurian border. Shit like that. The moment … the stinking moment … one of the women in my guild logs in and suddenly I don’t have any friends anymore because they’re all busy with the attention whore.”
“Maybe it’s not the women, maybe it’s you.”
“What do you mean, it’s me?”
“Well, you’re complaining that none of your friends want to hang out with you anymore because they’re all hanging out with the girls in your guild.”
“Yeah, so?”
“Well, maybe it’s because they like hanging out with the women instead of you.”
“Of course, they like hanging out with the women instead of me, that’s not the fucking point!”
“Well, maybe you’re just mad because you’re not that interesting.”
“Well, maybe you’re just a little shit!”
At that point, Calista spotted the two figures ahead of her. Sure enough, they were trolls. One was a massive man, the other tall and thin. As she watched, she could see the obese troll lighting the torches while his fellow followed beside him.
After an angry silence, the fat troll asked, “So what do you think of the patch that just came out?”
The thin troll shrugged. “I dunno. I haven’t looked, I guess.”
“This one isn’t like the others.” The fat one continued as he lit a torch along the wall. “There are serious changes afoot. They brought in all those new players, for one. Casualty rate’s been too high, I think. They had to bring in replacements. That’s my theory, anyway.”
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The thin troll seemed to consider this. “Sounds reasonable. We have seen a lot of the poor sodders get got, haven’t we?”
“Yeah, you remember that lady with the two dogs?”
“The one who got petrified by the basilisk?”
“Yeah, that one.”
“That was hilarious,” the thin troll chuckled. “She thought she had it all figured out with those two hell hounds that she’d tamed and was yelling at the thing like it was some kind of normal lizard and then … WHAM! Turned to stone.”
“Yeah, I think they’ve been tweaking the difficulty. It’s turned up right now. My friend said that in the future you’ll be able to run and manage your own little kingdom in-game.”
“Isn’t that what this is? This dungeon, I mean? It’s so big, it’s like it's this guy’s own little serfdom that he gets to run however he wants to.”
“True, true,” nodded the fat troll. “Have you seen the sex dungeon?”
“I … wait, what? There’s a sex dungeon?”
The fat troll stopped to light another torch. “Yeah, we walked past it last night. I took a peek inside the place. Full of naked women with whips and leather outfits and the like. Just like you’d think a sex dungeon would be.”
“That’s insane. Why would he need a sex dungeon?”
“Why do you think?”
“I mean … let me rephrase that. What kind of sex dungeon are we talking about? Are we talking about the fun kind, like the kind you see on the pornos with the girls tied to padded saw horses with the masks and the little fun whips with the bondage and stuff? Or are we talking about tying up little girls at the bottom of a hole in the ground so we can do evil things to them kind of sex dungeon?”
“The fun kind.”
“Okay, well now I feel a little better about myself.”
“Yes, he’s a villain for sure, but the respectable kind. An upstanding sort of fellow that you’d be happy to work for. The kind of guy who might write you a nice letter of recommendation, so long as you mind your P’s and Q’s and whatnot.”
“What kind of P’s and Q’s do you think he’s looking for?”
“The kind where a discerning troll such as you or I look the other way when it comes to a sex dungeon. Kapeesh?”
This caused the thin troll to spend a few moments in thought again. “So … like, I didn’t even know you could do that sort of thing in this game.”
“What, the sex dungeon?”
“Yeah, the sex dungeon.”
“I think it was brand new last patch. I think it was something they just brought in. Like, I think the devs have been working on it for a long time and they just patched it in.”
“Wow.” said the thin troll. “It’s almost like they’re making it so that you never want to log out.”
“You log out?”
“Funny,” said the fat troll as he stopped to light another torch. “You should really be reading the patch notes. It would help you keep up on stuff like this.”
The thin troll’s reply was sardonic. “Why do I need patch notes when I have you?”
The trolls laughed as they reached a T-intersection. The fat troll waddled to a stop as he looked left and then right. “Which way d’you reckon we should go next?”
The thin troll was apathetic. “Does it matter? If the intruder was here, we’d probably be dead by now.”
“’Tis true … ‘tis true …” mused the fat troll, “… methinks my heart’s desire says right.”