Listening, Calista picked up a trio of squeaky voices ahead of them. So she signaled Lefty to halt and hold still. Silence followed. After a long moment, Lefty finally whispered, “What did you hear?”

“Probably just a few kobolds,” she whispered back.

“Why don’t we just blast them?”

She shot him a look. “Why would we bother killing the kobolds?”

“I dunno,” the mage shrugged, “for the XP, I guess.”

Calista shot him a look. “I don’t think the XP is worth the risk. What if someone hears? What if one of them gets away?”

“Well, one of us is higher level than the other, so the reward is a little more for me than it is for you, okay?”

“I still don’t think we should just go around blasting kobolds.”

Lefty smirked. “You just don’t want to kill them because they’re cute, don’t you.”

“Do not.”

“Do too.”

“Hey, I thought you were scared of them before.”

“Well, I was because there were a lot of them, okay? Now it sounds like there’s just a few of them and that’s a little tidier, don’t you think?”

“Actually I think you should just let me do the thinking and you keep to casting invisibility and stuff that’s going to keep us alive.”

“No fair. My character is actually very smart. I think we should take advantage of that.”

“Just because your character has a high intelligence stat doesn’t mean that you do.”

“Hey! I resemble that remark.”

She shook her head as she unsheathed her Emberblade. Whatever was down there was awake and possibly hostile. She really didn’t prefer to kill any kobolds and it wasn’t just because they were cute. However, she would be damned if she let one of them tip off any of the other horrid monsters that were lurking in this horrid place.

Her Emberblade gleamed in the torchlight as she crept down the hall. With Lefty a step behind her, she came to a bend in the corridor where she could hear the little voices bantering back and forth. She stopped as she tried to count the voices. Was it three? Or four? Straining her ears, she listened to the squeaks until she was certain it was only three. Then she motioned for the mage to follow, but before she could even move her feet, a voice hissed at them from the wall.

“Stop right there, woman.”

Calista froze. To her left was a painting of an old woman leaned against a wooden desk. She was dressed in bright, flowery tones with a long, ankle length skirt and a buttoned shirt. She had a stern expression that bore into Calista like a hawk.

“Listen, you little sneak. I don’t know where you think you’re going with that blade, but if you intend on harming the kobolds, you had best think twice.”

Calista looked at the painting in surprise. “Why? Is … this your dungeon?”

The old woman looked down on Calista. “Most certainly not, though my husband once had one like it. Or was that this one?” The old woman paused. “Perhaps this was the one where he had me trapped, it certainly bears some resemblance. I can’t remember, but that’s not important now. What is important is that you need to listen, woman, and then do what I tell you.”

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Calista was indignant, “I don’t care for being called ‘woman,’ thank you.”

“Are you a woman or are you not?” The painting asked.

“I … that’s not the point,” Calista whispered back. “You should really be more respectful.”

The old woman clicked her teeth. “Then what is your name?”

“I don’t feel I should tell you that,” Calista replied.

“Then woman will do just fine.” The woman in the painting said.

Lefty then leaned in toward the painting. “Say, since we’re here and we don’t mean you any harm, can you tell us the way to the nearest exit.”

Calista gave the mage a dark look, but the woman in the painting smiled and said, “There. That’s a sensible question, especially for man. I would love to tell you how to escape, but currently, I cannot. You see when I was imprisoned this last time, my consciousness was divided between several of these dreadful paintings and so this version of me can only tell you how to make it to the next level.”

Calista rolled her eyes. “I think we can manage that on our own.”

“Typical. Doesn’t want to listen. Thinks she has all the answers.” The old woman huffed. “Well, if you want to go ahead with your regretful little scheme of killing the kobold captains in the next room, just go ahead and see how far that gets you …”

Calista cut in, “I wasn’t planning on killing anyone …”

The old woman snapped, “Then why do you have your sword drawn, you silly little brat? Walk in there with that thing out and I’ll send a Robert after you. A properly motivated one. As I said, there are more Roberts in this place than the one you tricked earlier and I doubt you’ll be able to pull the same stunt on the next one.”

“What exactly is a Robert?” Lefty asked.

“Ah,” the old woman sighed, “another sensible question. What exactly is your name, Mister Mage?”

“You can call me Lefty.”

The old woman smiled again, “Lefty, what a nice name. I like it. You’re clearly the brains of this operation, aren’t you.”

“I’ve been accused of worse,” he said.

The old woman nodded. “Yes, well, to answer your question directly a Robert is a monster that is as much a product of this dungeon as he is a guardian of it. They are generally quite lazy but large with hit points and resistances on par with an adult dragon. I’d tell you more, but I don’t want you to get any ideas.”

“I completely understand,” Lefty continued, “and what about the kobolds in the next room?”

“The kobolds. Yes.” The woman glanced in the direction of the tiny voices. “I would advise you to leave the kobolds to their little argument and simply pilfer their door keys. I believe they’ve found the mess you made in the storeroom and are currently looking for the culprit. Between you and I, I can tell you that the mimic ate a number of them – nasty little creatures, those mimics – but they were not aware of the mimic until now and so they’re dealing with not only the identity of that villain but of the terror they feel toward whatever mighty slayer that is currently wandering about their dungeon. They only know that you are armed and dangerous and that their task is to go about finding you.”

Lefty nodded, “Ah, so don’t kill the kobolds. Got it. And so after we steal the keys, then what?”

“I will tell you, but only if you agree to do something for me.” The woman said.

“Fair lady, anything to get us out of here,” the mage said. “I’ve been stuck down here for nearly twelve hours. I need to log out, eat a snack, and get some sleep.”

The old woman gave a cool, sideways look at Calista. “You see? That’s how you talk to someone, young lady. You show a little respect and you just might receive it.”

“I would say the same to you,” Calista grumbled.

Lefty cut in. “Just ignore her. She’s probably just hungry like I am.”

The old woman huffed, “I see. Well, if you manage to get the keys without hurting the kobolds, your best bet for going up a level is to backtrack to the storeroom and search for the hidden door. I can’t tell you where it is, I just know that it’s there. On the key chain you must steal, there is a key that will let you through that door. That key is one of the five master keys of this dungeon.”

“There are five master keys?” Lefty asked.

“Yes,” the old woman replied. “And if you’re here, then that means that one of you must have the first one.”

Lefty then looked at Calista who sheepishly held up the silver key she had found.

“When were you going to tell me about that?” the wizard asked.

“I didn’t think it was important,” Calista replied.

“Well apparently it is,” Lefty said.

“Where are the other keys?” Calista asked.

“I can’t tell you that because this version of me doesn’t know,” the old woman said. “What I can tell you is that once you pass through the hidden doorway in the storeroom, there should be a passageway that takes you straight up to the next level. Once you’re there, you should be able to find the next painting of me and I will tell you what to do next.”

“And just what is the thing you needed us to do?” Calista asked.

The old woman raised an eyebrow. “Since you asked, I need you to find my other paintings. There are two more of them, one on each level above this, and if you can find them I will give you what aid I can. This dungeon is a prison and so anything you find here is likely a prisoner in some way or another, much like yourselves.”

Calista frowned. “What about the mimics?”

The old woman crossed her arms. “Oh, anything that evil is on the menu, so to speak. You can sate your blood lust that way but leave the kobolds. They’re innocents. I plan to make them useful one day.”

“Just how did you get trapped in this painting?” Lefty asked.

The old woman lifted her chin to look down at them. “That is for me to know and for you to not know my little mage. Now get going, time is of the essence.”

And with that, the old woman turned still and was a normal painting again.