I find a suitable place, and build a campfire. Clear the vegetation, and set some stones to keep the ash from spreading, and to cook meat over a flat stone. Then I dismantle the wolves, and put the meat on the stone. The pelts and brains will have to wait, I can’t tan it right now.
While I chew on my fourth wolf, I make a list of the most immediate things I need: weapons, armor and probably a shield. I need my arm back too. And I’d like to have a shelter or base. But today, I’ll bivouac in the open, again. Dat Troll Life.
Morning comes, I wake up and congratulate myself on my four-day anniversary. At least there was no goblin trying to decapitate me today. Is this an improvement? Check status, HP 100%. [Burn] condition, none. Nice.
My arm is almost fully regrown. I have an elbow now! Still missing a hand. I think it would be fine, If I was not bathing myself in slime ichor yesterday.
What should I use for weapons? I currently only have the goblin toothpick and two stone axeheads. The completely broken one, and the dark stone. Maybe if I could get some monster parts. Like a dragon’s fang or horn. I don’t think I can kill a dragon. Maybe a wyvern or some other lower rank monster. I’ll see if I can find any monster around. Maybe avoid the slime area until my arm is fully operational.
I go to the stream drink water, and I see my reflex. Hello hideous! How are we trolling today? And then it hits me. I’ve just found a B rank monster that has some good weapon making materials. Life is pain. And here we go get a taste of it again.
I pull one of my horns. Degree of attachment to skull: total. Will horns grow back? I think so. I think I watched some documentary about seasonal horns. They fall and grow back. Will my troll pride be hurt if I am hornless? Could I care less? I know these horns are good for skewering wolves. Now the thing is, how do I break one.
I pull again, with all my strength. My head sways too much. There is no leverage. I try to use the ax head. The horn is harder than the stone. Goblin spear, the same. Different approach required. I walk in the forest for a while until I find a tree with a branching trunk that has a very narrow gap in between. I take off my jacket and shirt. I Know it will be messy.
I slide one of the horns in the gap, until it is stuck to it. Now I hold the other one, and use all my strength to bend the stuck horn. A sharp pain makes me stop. I think my skull will break before the horn. It hurts like hell. Monster the fuck up. Break this shit.
“Leeeeeeroy…” - Craack.
It broke. No, not the tree. This is not a gag show. The horn broke. I think some bone came off with it too. I can only lay on the ground, roaring, rolling and bleeding. I’m an idiot. I hate myself.
- Skill [Pain Resistance] level 4 acquired.
Something appears, to probably check on the noise and see what is going on. It is a pig-man. It is green, muscular and has pig snout and pig ears. An orc. It has a big wooden club and some leather armor. I’m on the ground.
The orc thinks I am a bit EXP bag, and clubs me. Bash, bash, bash. Clubs 3 more times, while I roll around trying to dodge. Each club hit is about 5% HP. Amost 3 wolf bites worth. When the fifth hit connects, I decide that I have to fight back. I’m at 45% HP. And this is with my regeneration since I broke the horn.
The orc swings the club again. The plan is to take the hit, then claw its wrist. Miss. The orc is so engorged in his bloodlust that it fails to notice my attack. 41% HP. Once more, The orc hits, I swing a claw from the ground, miss. 36%. Pain all over my body. The orc oinks and grunts. It noticed me. It takes some distance back. There are purple bruise marks all over me.
I shift my body into a crouched position. From here I can try to stab it with my other horn, or use a claw. Orc charges. I dodge. I attempt to gore it. It is a hit. My horn pierces its belly. The orc releases a hand from the club and punches me on the nape. 30%. The horn dislodges, the orc is bleeding from his belly. I launch an uppercut from my crouched position at its vitals organs. Yeah, those that seek the female knight.
Most medieval armor don’t have what is called a codpiece. Specially the primitive ones. And this orc here, he was going all William Wallace as he did his orcish business. I clench my claw, and rip the soft flesh. The orc loses his family jewels. Neutered.
The club drops, the orc uses both hands to protect what was left of his dignity. 35% HP here. I pick up the club, and then make my best one-handed homerun pose. Headshot.
I sit down next to the orc corpse, using the club as a clutch. 50% HP, my headache gets a little better. 65% HP, the bleeding stops. Is orc edible? I think trolls eat anything. But I am a former human. But I will 100% go for orc bacon. [Presence Detection] – its clear. 80%, the bruise marks are gone. Pain is bearable. I’m hungry again. 90%, regeneration stops. I check my full status, I have a [Head Crack] -10% max HP abnormal condition. INT halved. MP recovery halved. I don’t have MP, by the way.
- Skill [Damage Resistance] level 4 acquired.
- [HP restoration] level 4 acquired.
- [Tough Skin (innate)] level 3 acquired.
I get up, remove the horn from the tree, put the orc corpse over my shoulder, pick up the club and track back to where I grilled the wolves. Some critter stole my wolf meat and pelts. I hanged it very high on a tree, but are there monsters here that can climb trees? Oh, well. With the wolves gone, it is either orc or orc.
The orc armor is small for me. The orc is seven feet tall, but I’m 3 feet taller, without the horns. I’m also wider. The orc club is OK. The orc had to use both hands, but I can swing it with only one. It is made with a very heavy and sturdy wood. It is also covered in something, like a varnish.
I cut the orc’s back, over the kidneys. Then I remove the meat, and there it is. ‘Orc bacon acquired.’ I make a campfire, wait for the stone to heat, and set some of the bacon to grill. Depending on the taste, there will be an orc genocyde in these woods.
I dismantle the orc while the forest is decorated with the wonderful scent of bacon juices. I am keeping [Intimidating Presence] and [Presence Detection] with overlapping areas. It takes a lot of concentration because of my head injury, but today I will lay low.
The orc’s meat is like a boar’s. It has a very gamy taste, a strong salty one. It is very stringy and rubbery. I’m fine with my troll teeth, but for humans, I think it would require some throrough softening. Maybe if its an orc carpaccio. With mint on the side. If only this were one of those cooking novels, I’d go to a big town and make a gourmet revolution. But no, I am stuck in this shitty monster survival reality. But bacon is bacon. Bacon is king. And orc is delicious. Trolls are carnivorous. I’m fine with it.
After eating, I dismantle the orc, taking care not to damage the skin. I’ll need it for my spear. I should use something to glue the straps. Maybe that tree syrup. I should make an experiment. I go and harvest some tree syrup. Then I tear some straps from a spare wolf skin, roll it around a stick and apply some syrup over it. Now I’ll leave it to dry.
I return to the orc dismantling, break the part of the skull where the neck goes, remove the brains carefully, and harvest its pemadra (monster core). It reminds me of Helen. Maybe she is playing with her redhead friend now, or doing girl antics in her village. Or maybe going on an adventure, one without crazy monsters. I miss her, but I cannot sulk now.
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Night comes while I laze around, I am not as tired as yesterday. I hanged some orc entrails where the wolf pets were. Lets see if the thief comes back for more. The rest of the orc meat was lightly grilled and is packed in some tanned wolf pelts. It is my pillow for today. Nobody is stealing my bacon. I fall asleep.
Morning. My arm is BACK! And my [Head Crack] is at -2%. INT is normal. The orc entrails were stolen. But my pantry-pillow is fine. I pack my things, can’t leave anything behind. Then I go to the stream, to get some morning freshness.
I look at my reflection. There is a pink bulge where the horn was broken off. I touch it lightly, it is soft like a baby’s fontanel. But it seems my skull is growing back. I bet it comes with a new horn.
Now I will gather some water on the orc skull, and try to tan the orc’s skin. It is very tough, I might be able to use it to bind stuff and use in place of cloth. First boil the brains with water, remove the ash and soot from the skin, smear the boiled brains on the fleesh side, leave it drying. I kept the goblin toothpick at my side, ready to be thrown if someone tries to steal the orc skin.
I will modify the orc armor to fit me. It will be a bad job, but at least it will give some protection. I need to gather more kinds of materials. Zug zug, work work. After a couple hours, I have a partially ruined leather armor, troll sized. Well, nobody expects a troll to have a nice armor.
I craft a new axe using my dark stone head. It is better than the previous one. I got the balance right on this one.
- Skill [Weaponcraft (crude)] level 2 acquired.
Now the horn. It is curvy like a helix. If I put two of them together, I can make a DNA model. I’m not breakning another horn so soon though. I will need a long pole to make this. And for that I will need a hard tree.
I walk around keeping my camp in sight. Then I find a tree, it is a good tree, its trunk only splits above my head height. After hacking the base, the tree comes down.
“Timber!!!” - I’m Troll Bunyan now.
I remove the branches and bark on the spot. I find a bird’s nest inside. It had eggs, and all of them broke. Just my luck. I drag the 12 foot long trunk back to the camp.
Now I need to shave this wood away, until the hardest part in the middle is left. I remember something from my past life. It is a cartoon, where some squirrels wander into a lumber mill. There are mechanical hands everywhere, and one of those hands pick a log, shove it into some giant pencil sharpener, and take out a toothpick.
It is the same, but I’m using my claws. Shave shave. Shave shave. Troll nails are tough, eh? Shave and turn the log. Shave the other side. Wood filings everywhere. I shave the wood all day long. Some orc meat for lunch, sir? I’d be pleased. Eat and shave.
I can’t use these wood shaves on the campfire. They would burn too fast, and cause a forest fire. Than mr. Bear Ranger would come to maul me. Scary.
And it is already night when I finish my spear’s shaft. It is thick, around the same thickness as the flagpole at my school. But it is for troll hands, so its fine. Length, 10 feet. I move the shaft over the campfire, rotating it so the fire singes the wood equally on all sides. In other news, I can feel a stub where my broken horn was. It is growing back!!!
On one of the ends, I remove about 30% of the shaft from a side, making a shelf in the shape of a D letter. Now the horn. I will carve a matching shelf on the horn, then tie the two together using cured orc leather.
The horn is made of the same material as my nails, but tougher. All the 10 claws are gone before I can get the horn base to the desired shape. There is no way to finish it today. And I need new claws.
I bite off all of my fingertips, removing the claws. It stings, but for someone that literally tore off a piece of their own skull, it is fine. It is all for the bacon. I tear the nails from the flesh. There is something I want to confirm once I go back to have my vengeance against those slimes.
I pack all my stuff so nobody can steal it without waking me up, and go to sleep. Ah the starry sky. I’m seeing the same sky as Helen, ain’t I? I’m a total loser, right?
Morning comes, and I see some monkeys loitering where I hanged the orc entrails before. They are looking at me. Oh, so those monkeys stole my meat. Bad monkey. I roar at them, and they run away. I’ll let them know who is boss. My claws are grown. [Head Crack] is gone. I go to the stream to wash up and check on my ugly face, and now I have a baby horn. So cute. I’d would be a hit in one of those Mouse Animated Feature Films. They would draw only the horn though. The skull underneath the horn is fine too. Hard as any other part.
I waste all my new claws away sanding the horn over long hours. But I got the horn into that D shape matching the shaft. Now to cut the leather straps out of the cured orc leather. I look at my hands, I don’t have nails. Oh, well. I tear off a nail from my feet. I wrap tight the leather straps around both shaft and horn. It should be so hard it would not leave any room for wiggling or budging.
Now I will check on the syrup experiment. It hardened like amber. Very good. But I put too much. I think I saw something like this coating somewhere… Oh, it is the goblin toothpick (spear). This is a heck of a find!!! The spear did not melt after going into the slime, is it because of this syrup? I see that the shaft is also coated!!
Back to the wolf leather on a stick, I try to scrap the syrup coating. It is hard, but not completely hardened. I can break it, but it is difficult. I wonder how to harden it more… There should be some process. Maybe if I put it over the fire…
I reach with the stick and put the amber-coated wolf leather in the fire. It catches on fire. Bad, bad, I toss it on the ground and stomp on it. Dumb, dumb, dumb flammable troll shouldn’t play with fire.
Or maybe I should get some shoes.
I wait for the molten syrup to cool. It congeals, and when I check it, it is hardened!!! So I need to add heat, but not fire too the syrup, and then it will congeal into some hard amber. Ok, lets do this.
I gather more syrup, enough to coat the whole spear. Then I heat it on a stone, and slowly smear the orc leather straps and the spear shaft in the molten syrup. Turning it so it spreads evenly bending the shaft back and forth, forgetting that it is hot and scalding my hands… let's get over the last part. I taste some lukewarm syrup. It not only is bad and bitter, but I think it is also poisonous. Yup, I am mildly poisoned. It is nothing I should worry about.
I keep turning the spear around while the syrup cools and dries.I don’t want it to gather in one of the sides. After it is cold and dry, the day is over. I set the spear between two trees to cure overnight.
- Skill [Weaponcraft (crude)] level 3 acquired.
Morning comes again, and the monkeys did not come back. I pick up my stuff and the spear, and laugh at the upcoming slaughter.