Helen left and safely entered town through the gates. One of the reasons I sent her first was to make sure that the guards would not try anything funny with her because of the broken boulder.
But the main reason is that I need time to get my shit together…
I drop to my knees and scream out loud. “HOLY MOLY GOTT IN HIMMEL WHY THE FUCK I LET THAT ENGEL GET AN INCH AWAY FROM ME!!!!!!”
I'm glad that none of the inhabitants of this world can understand either English or German. I don’t even know why am I mixing up those two languages. I didn't even knew I could speak those two until a month before.
Helen is gorgeous. Helen is stunning. Helen has all the right proportions. Helen is an angel. All worship Helen. Scratch that. Buzz off! Nobody looks at my Helen but me. Helen is a saint that does not discriminate against anyone. Heck I saw my other self reflected in a mirror, it is like Satan mated with Bigfoot and they shaved the kid and then boiled the skin.
But Helen? It is like they got every single WaltMouse Princess ™ and ‘shopped only the good parts together, then blended with the perfect girl next door then finally they hired some renaissance painters to give the final touches. If that girl walked into my high school every single boy would have their brains go BANG! SPLAT! and they would all go off at the same time. And most of the girls would wilt away in envy. The other girls would discover their true orientation. And then their brains would also go BANG! SPLAT! and they would go off.
I now understand why those guys from those 40’s cartoons would turn to wolves and whistle and shout loudly when that awesomelly cute girl came on stage.
It is over for me.
But I know why the people of this world don’t bat an eye at Helen. She is too petite. Her hips are not too wide. Her breasts are not too big, but one can tell she is not a flat board even behind those woolen mage robes The bulges are there in the right place. Overall, she is not mother material. People here just wanna know the baby mileage of their women. The amount of kids birthed is a symbol of status. This is what happens in a world without internet. People can’t download their XXX to jack off to, so they have to settle for the real thing.
And there is no contraceptive in this world. Not even those gross sheepskin condoms people would wash and reuse. Alvus told me there is a herb that can be processed into a contraceptive and even gave me the recipe, but is hard as fuck to find, and even hookers want to have babies so they can support them in old age. So nobody uses it except in some rare cases.
Everyone in this world wants to get pregnant. It is like O**ah Win***ey going around ‘you get a baby, you get a baby, everyone gets a baby.”
I should have held her in that forest and kept her by me forever. Send her home? To those fuckers? I'd like to get [Time Travel God (SSS)] from the crate and go back in time and behead the stupid me.
Why haven't I noticed Helen angelnessness before?
There was something in my monster form, that altered my tastes. Some sort of monster-o-vision that made me completely not evaluate Helen using my human values.
The physiology of a troll's mind changes the way one perceives the world. Like there would be some sort of mosaic covering the way I looked at her, or those squiggly stereograms where you can’t see shit unless you focus hard with both eyes and it is impossible because you have only one eye or have severe nearsight.
But now that I have a human brain and human feelings once again, I can think like me once again. Like I did back on Earth... Ugh...
Seal strength decreased by 10%
Soul vessel corruption progressed 2%
Skill [Humanization] leveled up to 4.
And like a bucket of cold water, the Akashic Records remind me I am breaking down. At least I got another half-day to this freaking transformation skill.
Let me just check if the skill's parameters were adjusted by this levelup just to be sure:
Humanization (rank: S)
Allows one to transform freely between human and monster form. Has a heavy cost in stamina for changing back and forth. Duration is until change is reversed. Status is shared between forms except if they depend on shape that does not exists in the other form. User is incapacitated for 5 minutes while transformation takes place.
Due to skill link to Loot Crate Maniac this skill’s parameters have been modified to fit the alternative power source.
Levels of Loot Crate Maniac are added to this skill for the purpose of calculating all parameters.
Currently Effective Level: 9
* Lasts
* Duration can be extended by consuming human bodies.
* Lasts
Automatically reverts to monster form when duration is over.
Cooldown: 24 hours after transformation ends.
This skill was not properly attached to the soul vessel. The following warnings are in place:
WARNING: This skill cannot be leveled using skill points.
You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.
WARNING: Loot Crate Maniac cannot be leveled using skill points.
WARNING: Severe soul vessel corruption may happen as a side effect of the use of this skill.
WARNING: Power link is imperfect. Every use of this skill without the full unlock
of the *@$%! / #%& Management skill may cause further soul vessel corruption.
And there we go. Someone messed up big time somewhere, I’m sure of it. This is not the level of screw-up that one can achieve intentionally.
I unwillingly ‘earned’ four humans worth of transformation time when those stupid adventurers almost killed me in the syrup meadow and ended up down my throat during a berserk episode. I’m glad I can’t remember the taste, or I would be throwing up even now. Even remembering I have eaten people make me sick. I have already spent those timers, playing ‘puss in boots’ with the idiotic fanboy King and butchering every single fucker that dared hurt a strand of Helen’s hair.
Every single transformation afterward burned a fucking 5,000 pemadra points. It costs four Orc King for the current four and half days of transformation. I’m glad I raided the pemadra reserves of the King and the Adventurer’s Guild in Mirfield, but those points are going away like drops of water in a desert.
But it is better than eating people. I'm not eating people.
I am also being supplied with pemadras by Shraaizar and the monkeys. They moved north too and are hidden in a nearby wood, I go there every time my transformation is about to end, but it is too cold for Shraaizar, she will have to either move back south or hibernate the season. Good news I now have goblin subordinates too. We are finally able to craft toothpicks. I even left them some 'special' materials to work with.
Also there are two rats I have to return home. Those critters were a heck of a workout to capture back in Mirfield. They are in a cage with Shraaizar now. It might be strange to trust rats to a snake-girl, but she said they were too small. She likes her food to stretch her belly.
I'm afraid I maybe have to disappoint her on the promise of dying by her venom.
I am really fucked up. Two new ominous lines were added to the bottom of my status window:
Current Seal Strength: 54%
Current Soul Vessel Durability: 63%
They have been steadily decreasing these last few couple months. I think I am toast once one of them reaches zero. Or worse.
I have no idea what will happen if either reaches zero. One of them is easy to speculate: if my soul vessel breaks I will most probably kick the metaphysical bucket. Not sure.
What exactly is sealed? I don't know. Not even if this seal breaking is a good or bad thing. I won't bet my horses on good.
There is no use worrying about what I cannot fix. And I cannot refrain from turning to human right now. I have a chance to get rid of that last warning at least.
What I can do now is only what is ahead of me:
Skill *@$%! / #%& Management (A) unlock status: 1 - Unlock the Humanization skill 2 - Undergo a job change. 3 - &#$ an active #%& !@&%# C%@#&L.
Time to head out to that meeting I guess. I really need to get a job change to unlock that last unique skill. Or to at least know what the last parameter will be. And then find a way to fix my fucked up soul.
At least I get to worship Helen a bit more.
Walking across the city, I am feeling so anxious that I'm having heartburns. I can't even appreciate the diversity of people living here.
I reach the Guild almost too late to the meeting. When I enter the room, there are four people in there: Kareena, a receptionist by her side, Marcy and Helen. I wave at Helen, she smiles and waves back. Marcy practices her poker face. I hate myself for lying to them.
"Take a seat, Mr. Beowulf."
"Thank you." I sit at a wooden chair as pointed by a receptionist that is standing by next to Kareena. All the other three people in this room are sitting in comfortable couches. Nevermind that I am the client here. At least the receptionist pours me tea.
Kareena clears her throat, and starts the session.
"Have you girls reached a decision regarding the named assignment?"
Marcy nods. "Yes... We are refusing it. There is no way we would take that request."
I am shot down with a smile. Kareena became so perky with this declaration I can swear she is doing some manic cackling in her head. I freeze on the chair. I drop the teacup and hot tea soaks my pants. They refused me. I feel like a grade schooler being ditched by his sweetheart. Isn't this exactly what is happening? I feel worse than SOLDIER in the Etcetera temple holding Aerius' body. Worse than Scott Winters when Jean Pink went out with the RabidBadger. It is even hard to breathe. Bad end. There is no save point.
Seal Strength decreased by 5%
I don't even have the courage to lift my head. I'll just walk away. The chair falls backwards when I stand up.
"Before you go we will promptly return your deposit, Mr. Beowulf." Kareena grins from ear to ear. "We won't even charge you a cancellation fee." Maybe I haven't killed enough shitty guild staff.
There is a jingling sound. The receptionist aide is holding a coin pouch with yet another fake business smile.
I take the pouch, but won't even bother counting the coins. The receptionist opens the door.
"Thank you for your business sir, please do not come back." Walk out, go down the stairs on autopilot.
I'm by the porch. Busy street. Too many people. I don't belong here. Oh, an elf with pink hair.
Something grabs my wrist before I can run.
"Please wait!" I know that voice.
That sweet voice. Clear as a bell, delicate as a flute. I want to turn around, but there is no courage. I want to curl into a ball. RIp out my own heart out. Make the pain go away. I'm not dying without a heart anyway. I'd make a killing doing transplants in Earth.
This cursed skill. Why did you bring my human emotions back? Why did you open my eyes so I could see that otherworldly beauty just to spend the rest of my life gazing at ashes. I'm still the same loser that was bullied every single day at school. Ouch, my head!
Seal Strength decreased by 5%
Soul vessel corruption progressed 1%
I pull my hand free without even looking behind me. I have no guts.I climb down the steps into the dirt street. Gotta get out of here.
"GRENDEL SNAP OUT OF IT!" Helen's shout calls for me. I finally turn around. She is by the Guild door.
The least I can do is answer. "Helen? You called for me?" Oh. Wait a second. She called me what? Wrong name?
"Every single day, you big idiot." Tears run down her cheeks, but she is smiling.
"But you refused my request. There is nothing left for me here." I can't think straight.
Helen gets down a couple steps and stops by the last one before the street. Marcy comes out too. There is a huge crowd forming around us.
"Beowulf is a big idiot indeed. Of course we would refuse some creepy stranger trying to wiggle himself into our party with money." Marcy lowers her voice: "We also wanted to avoid having our friend pay the Guild any money."
Oh. I've been had. I wasn't supposed to answer by my alter ego's name, right? Bruce would never answer to being called Chiropteraman.
Helen gets face to face and whispers: "But you are not a stranger, are you? Grendel?"
I answer while dazed. "I hope not."
"Grendel, I love you." She hops the last step, embraces and kisses me.
It was just a peck because my guild card buzzes, and a message appears distracting us.
Marcy wants you to join her party.
Yes
No