How stupid was it for us to actually never ask for the name of Reina's brother? Granted, he is a Nijisaki, but how in the world did we slip away from that thought?
It was no use looking at our tickets as the only thing on there is the title of the play. But regardless of that…
"We Exist, we Despair, we Hope, we Live."
The title was very interesting.
"Maybe let's just leave things as it is so that there's the element of surprise?" Rin suggested.
"Oh, we're thinking the same thing?"
"If we're this far on being ignorants, then we might as well just wait for the day of the play."
"Did Reina tell you anything in addition?"
"I… don't think so. Whenever we're in school we don't get to talk about it or the play itself. But if it's mentioned the girl definitely gets excited.
I guess she's one to like reading books…"
"So are you."
"…and she seems to really like how the play was written."
"Wait, so basically, she can pretty much spoil us anytime?"
"Yeah… but I'm glad she's keeping quiet. One thing she said is that her suggestions were flat out rejected because apparently the flow of the story has already been set in stone."
"So she said something regarding that."
"I guess… stupid brain. From what I heard it was his brother's one story that he would never let to be altered. Pretty much he was doing partly the work of the director but the script was on the palm of his hands."
"That's intense…"
I love the way art can be done even with what are supposed to be distractions on our end; but maybe, this statement is very objective. It's very different in writing where the writer really has to put his entire mind on the paper while on the other hand, I can easily hold a brush on my hand whilst easily conversing with Rin on a chat. And to add, Haku is playing M*rio Kart.
But for today's practice, chiaroscuro on watercolors.
Well, I believe it's not really the right medium for that, or I am still probably lacking as an artist for me to say that. If anything, the studies I did just ended up being a practice for negative space but at least sometimes chiaroscuro can be addressed along that.
And if it isn't obvious I like saying chiaroscuro.
But on that note, I was reminded of something. There are those times where I suddenly recall some of my past, recent or not. Looking at my studies oozing with great contrast between the light and dark—well, chiaro and scuro—I realized how the things that have happened to me can be contrasting at places. It's not that I'm thinking about the contradiction, but more like how my life is a ball at rest over a stationary light.
It was like walking on a full circle, or sphere at that. So suddenly, even if there is gradation between the illuminated spot and the dark, the things they signify just come so suddenly. And when I finally reached the climax of the storm, it felt like the physics of light has been broken.
But I suppose it is the same when I was inside the Void. All of a sudden, the pure white has turned pitch black.
The concept of chiaroscuro will still be prominent on my head, but I promptly thought about the middle. If strictly talking about monochrome, I don't think the middle of the black and white gradient is really being talked about. Well, I like gray too much.
Duh. Gin. Silver. Gray. If you want to go the extra mile, "hai." My life is pretty much really associated with gray, I still interpret so many things in different color although not very apparent, and that is why my closet is populated by that color of the shirt.
"Mggghhh… Have you ever tried to paint this house at any point, Potato?"
"Oh, I haven't, now that I think about it."
"Let's have a challenge then! Let's see who remembers the front of your house more and judge them later."
"You're sounding like you're living in this place again, Rin-san."
"I'm sounding like I'm living in this place with you."
⁄(⁄ ⁄•⁄-⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄
"Why are you so smooth for a girl…"
"Hehe~"
"HEHE TE NANDAYO?!"
▪ ▪ ▪
You know… this is going to be controversial… or very disappointing to say the least…? Also, this might sound confusing.
I like going to museums, but I lack too much appreciation even as an artist. I guess we have different kinds, but I'm one that practices art but can't understand some art pieces either done by contemporary artists or classical ones. It's weird, I know. I love coming to museums but there are always some pieces that just isn't my thing, and I feel sorry for saying that.
Most of the time, I see myself looking at the paintings that directly portrays a context, and sometimes whenever I see an abstract painting, it makes my brain work because I can interpret what they could possibly mean, and I like that.
But I am mostly weak when in front of non-objective art and my brain cells just leave my cognitive realm alone with Kuro who's also confused.
I just like looking at pictures, alright? I'm a monkey.
Coming back to the contextual paintings, however, it did seem like many artists are also associated with solitude or loneliness in some ways. There was also an abstract piece that seems to have a silhouette of a human in an off-white and somewhat murky background.
But among all of them, there was one painting that hits me on a very personal and emotional level. It looked like the painting was done solely with just a palette knife and oil paint. Even so, it depicts the side view of a silhouette painted with a myriad of colors and persuaded with the palette knife. But the strokes on its hair were painted as though chaotically. They were harsh strokes, and it looked as if the canvas has sunk with the force of the knife. It felt like the entire body of the artist was used to create those horizontal, curving strokes.
The piece was simply entitled "Vigor," but if I was to name it if this was a piece that I created…
"…"
And in case you are wondering why we are in a museum, we are actually inside a cultural center in the Capital which is where the theater is also found. That maybe so, but it seems like the play we are about to watch is not one that reflects the culture of this country, but entirely on the whims of the writer. Truly, Reina's brother really had some power within this arrangement.
Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.
Speaking of her, we met up on our seats as apparently we are sharing adjacent seats as per the indication on the tickets we have. We are however not on the front row but on the first inclined step on its second row. The positioning of the seats is still ascending anyways, so there were no problems in visibility. Or… should it be descending?
That said, there are still twenty minutes before the start.
"I guess I missed to tell you this, Yuka Gin, Ringo-nee, but it wasn't actually me who gave you the tickets, but my brother."
"Ohh?"
"When I was telling him stories about you two, he rushed and prepared reserved tickets and asked me to give them to you. Sometimes I don't really know what is going on with him, but he has done that kind of thing sometimes. Maybe he just felt excited."
"Did you tell him about your case with Rin?"
"W-Was that supposed to be a secret…?! I'm sorry, I told him about it…!"
"Ah, no. That's not what I meant. Don't apologize."
"Right, he was the one that recommended you the book so I guess you had to share it to him."
"Mhm… He felt really excited about it. He likes the book a lot so he might want to meet a pair like us, Ane.
But I hope you won't be surprised after seeing him if it's truly his intention."
"Okay…"
…
Not long after that, the seats of the audience abruptly quieted down and a sudden tinge of tension was felt on the entire hall as the lights slowly dimmed to darkness, only leaving the bright spotlights on the stage to be seen.
And so, the curtain opened.
"…"
For a moment, it was blindingly bright. The sudden opening of the curtains let out a very bright white light from the stage. It felt as though the stage flashed for a while.
But beyond that… as my eyes heal from the blindness, I realized the flashed we saw was not an imagination. All of the lights focused on the clean, white walls and floor that took over the entire stage.
And at the center of it, a man was lying down as if asleep.
I then whispered to Reina, "Is your brother in the cast?"
"No, he's only writing and has some directions. He wasn't a very active one, but I heard that he was rather lively when making this play."
"I see."
Our very subtle conversation ended quite quickly but a minute has passed at least, and yet, the man was still unconscious and the hall was still ever so silent.
It felt like we were holding our breath for so long, but the man finally moved, and the relief removed the restriction in our lungs. As he stood, he faced himself in front of the audience. He is truly an actor for he can definitely make a confused expression like it was natural. All of a sudden, however, his tensed up shoulders relaxed and he let out an audible sigh.
Then a person, another man, walked from the offstage wing. He was literally engulfed in black clothing from head to toe aside from his already jet black hair. It looks like he was blindfolded with how his entire face was covered, but it wouldn't be a surprise if he has his own avenues to be able to see. Afterwards, he put his hand on his face and pulls what seems to be a mask for his mouth. Indeed, he was an extreme contrast to the white background, and now, the appearance of his mouth was like telling that he now has the right to speak.
And so, we finally heard the words that broke the silence.
"Three days ago… I decided to enter this white room, alone—only within my own decision—without even telling anything to my family. But even so, I have no ways of meeting them at this moment.
On my own in this room, I decided to leave the entire world for two years."
"…"
"An unexpected accident has broken my bones along with my life. They say that a year was not enough to heal my limp limbs, but what about my life? Will there actually be a time where it will completely heal?"
I did not notice as I was so focused on the narrator, and I did not see the character sitting on the floor with a pen and a notebook.
"A child of a mere five years was betrayed and played. I have always hated that for something good to happen, something needs to be sacrificed. Millions of children, millions of people have been saved from an incurable illness that has actually been cured. But at what cost? The lives of ignorant children that did not know they only have months or days left in their lives for being lab rats?
I have always asked myself why I was the only one that had survived. But at what cost? The death of a person with my own hands in the midst of my deepening despair? If the following ten years of my life has always been like this ever since that time… how am I supposed to even find hope?
I was just the same as a robot. No emotions; an empty husk. But it felt like I was punished. When I found that I am on the receiving end of my family and friends, it felt like bit by bit, my feelings are coming back. But of course, I had taken a life, I received love, and that feelings that started to boil inside me was taken from me as if it was to balance my sin. And here I am… with my bones, with my will, with my soul, and with my life all shattered.
I suppose… it was the price that I needed to pay.
I was ready to accept the death that was upon me by the time I was rammed by a vehicle. At least, I should have died, but I am still alive.
Why?
Is it because deep within, I was convinced that I will sure leave this room in two years and still have a place to call home? Is it because I kept trying to tell myself that the people that are closest to me actually cherish me?
But what if… what if my despair is more powerful than my hope…?"
The man in the black outfit collapsed to the ground while the character has finally acted.
"“I… I want to curse myself…
What… W-What did I do wrong…?
Why can’t I find the goal I wanted to achieve? Where can I find the way that will make me move? Where…?
WHERE?!?! Whatever it is, bring it to me right now, you cruel world!
Hurt me…
Torture me…
Make me bleed…
Kill… Kill me, you piece of a rotten world!
Kill me every single second… every time you want until you’re satisfied!
You wouldn’t want me to live right? Then do it right now!
Just do it!!!"
"…!"
The shudders on my entire body have refrained from stopping.
"You stained world…
All I just want is to see them… See the ones I love the most…
But now I am imprisoned in this room where no can see me nor can I see them…
…
Wait…
W-Who…?
Who are they…
Who are those people who I want to see…?
WHO?!?!" a crooked smile on the waterfall of tears stared down the audience.
"See…?
Why am I not yet dead…
I have forgotten their names and faces…
Why…
Why am I still not dead?!
I don’t even know who I am anymore…
Hahaha…
I guess…
There is just one thing that I can do.”
A knife was then held down to his shoulder with the trembling hands that slid to his entire body, with blood spraying, and staining the pure white walls.
And on the moment he fell down to the ground, all of the lights literally turned off.
The room was just as dark as a moonless night.
It felt so real. The silence of the audience was broken by themselves as they openly showed their concern with how real that scene was before the lights went out.
"G-Gin…"
I do not even know what face Rin was making or if she was looking at me with great worry. But all I know is that my incredibly trembling hand found its way to hold Rin's.
The lights turned on, slowly anew.
Ten people in a row stood in front of the kneeling character that has appeared to have quickly changed. The first person was an elderly man, a father, a mother, a spectacled brother, a younger sister, three male friends, a young woman with a ponytail, and lastly, another lady whose hair is touching the summit of her shoulders.
Desperately, the man shouted, only to not be heard. He literally has no voice but only empty screams that comes out of his opening mouth. He was not heard, as no one will even hear him; as no one will ever see him; as he is alone in isolation inside a blank room for two years.
I closed my eyes, and asked myself why do I know what that man feels, or rather… why do I know that this is truly a play—an artificial act that will never come close to the real one.
But then I opened my eyes, it felt like it was that time again. I woke up to only see blackness, or darkness in this case. The lights shut off anew but one central illumination lit up the awakening of the man upon the failed suicide he had attempted.
I thought it was only an illusion, but the contrast between the man and the black background behind him was too sharp to be real.
It was all in the mind, I once believed, but my perception was manifested and reflected the room I was in.
So then… what would this man do if he has accepted his inescapable despair yet hope triumphs over? What if this man actually stops running away from the reality of this world without turning himself into an empty husk while rejecting both his happiness and sorrow? What if he stopped running in circles?
A: White.
After that, I was not able to pay attention to the remainder of the play.
But I snapped back to the reality when the lights on the entire hall lit up. The sound of applause started to pick up while the cast slowly treads towards the center of the stage.
Then I found myself standing from my seat with the loudest claps as Rin followed suit. Immediately I realized that the two of us were the only ones that gave that much of an ovation, but we could not care less.
On the already bright conditions, the lights were reflected more from the sheen of one man's hair. Somewhere near the middle, he stood between the cast and the persons behind the production. Thus they prompted to bow while the claps are only getting louder.
I was so fixated on that shine—such brightness that illuminates like a star, but only an empty light. My eyes locked and watched as his head slowly rise back up. And what turned up was a wavy white hair with its back tied… and a pair of crimson eyes that hide behind the fringes, but is staring straight at me with a silent smile.