‹Gin›
Calm down… Calm your potatoes, Gin…
I know your head much more than you do, me. I'd like to say that this is just some kind of a joke or a fluke… but those are really memories.
Ew, you're crying too.
So you have calmed your potatoes down already, huh?!
…
I did not take me a long time to ease up my entirety, but my eyes are still incredibly damp and my tears have not halted from relentlessly falling.
I thought that I've had enough of regaining memories like transferring files from a fast SSD to another—and I apologize for my bad analogy—but it happened again, and those memories felt much more fresh than my own memories. Indeed… I have confirmed to myself that the memories I have seen are not mine. It left a tasteless feeling as I don't how to feel and describe the things that just happened in my sleep.
"Meeewww, meow? (Aruji, I know to myself that you have a loose screw, but I also know that you're not an idiot to just cry out of nowhere. Did something happen?)
Meow. (I said a lot, but good morning, by the way.)"
"Haku… I just had the most insane dream of my life…"
From the second floor, I heard the sound of my opening door. I wanted to hurry and come out of my room, but my body says otherwise as they have grown considerably weak. I then took a feel on my neck but it did not feel hot, hence I confirmed that I didn't experience a fever overnight.
And so at a normal human's pace, I came down after finally wiping my eyes that had finally stopped from tearing.
"Good morning… Rin."
"Morning, Potato. Were you stung by a bee on the eye?"
"Nah. I just cried buckets.
…
Would you mind to give me a hug, Rin?"
"Uhh… sure?"
I closed my eyes and felt that my body lightened up from the tension. I needed that embrace… I needed for all the loneliness and sufferings that we felt.
"Flying apples, Potato! This just looks like chapter 16 all over again! Did something bad happen again, by any chance…?"
"No… nothing bad happened, Rin.
It's actually the opposite. I feel so happy right now…"
At this point, even I don't know why I feel extremely happy. All that is on my mind is that there is Rin on my arms, and that I can see so many people, smiling, in my mind.
I wonder… what is this delight?
"Rin."
"Yeah?"
"Had breakfast?"
"Not yet."
"Ahahaha. Can you help me on making them?" Then I wondered… what kind of face am I making right now?
"Gin… I think this is the most handsome I've seen you."
"H-Huh? Why?"
"You know, your face is beaming with a wide smile."
I felt my heart throbbing like it wanted to burst, "Is that so… If that the case, I have already seen you with that kind of expression back in Chikami."
"Ahhh, that. The grandpa with the saplings was really nice."
"He really is. I wonder what he's doing.
…
I think we'll be very busy for the next week, Rin."
"At school? I guess so."
"I don't mean that. It's something more important than that so I'll ask you now—do you want me to tell you about it, or would like to be surprised by it?"
"…
Promise me that it will actually surprise the life out of me."
"Count on me, then."
The snow fell for the first time in this year.
▪ ▪ ▪
‹Rin›
I would be lying if I said that I'm not getting impatient at all. The weekend just passed and I already can't get the thought out of my head. For Gin to behave like that and persist for the next two days, there is no doubt that something really insane happened to him.
Since the end of September, it had started to feel freezing and we desperately sought for more layers even if we're just inside our houses. Talking about the third year of snowfall in Orio, there is no way that we can adapt to it quickly. And as much as we want to make a painting of the winter view in the rooftop, we just can't since we will only freeze our bottoms otherwise. Thus, we were trapped in the Art Room, and mind you, we've got a heater in the room ever since the start of school year.
And so, the inevitable question was asked.
"Hey, Ringo… Surely there's something wrong with Gin right now? The weather is as cold as Shiro when we were in a fight, but how come your potato is in such good spirits? Uhh… a baked potato because he's warm…" and Nagi was the one who did.
"I think he's just overacting at this point. Just this Saturday, I immediately came to his house to eat breakfast but he came down and embraced me while crying. Then he said that he was extremely happy."
"Oh, yeah. Not surprising at all," he blankly responded.
"But well… it was first thing in the morning so maybe he was just dreaming about imagining me as his wife or something?"
"Get real, Ringo.
And he always spaces out with that thought anyways! What I'm surprised about is that he hasn't proposed to you."
"Ahahaha. He thinks about those stuff really seriously, on the contrary."
"Yeah, yeah. I was just exaggerating earlier, Ringo. Don't take my jokes seriously."
I suddenly fawned, "But maybe I do…"
"You're an idiot!" he jested in exclamation.
"Mori~! Can you lend me a hand? I just finished my sketch and I want to paint this. Can you suggest what colors I should use?" suddenly, Potato let out.
"You serious, Gin? As far as I know, you've never really taken realism seriously. This might take you some time, you know."
"Ehhh. Don't worry about that. This isn't a commissioned piece so I can take my time. I just want to hang this on my wall."
Indeed, even I haven't seen Potato take realism very seriously. I've seen him make some with graphite and it's honestly mediocre at best. And now he's suddenly upping his game with using paint to make realism.
But I had a weird feeling when I saw the sketch on his canvas. I am quite sure that I have seen something similar that is already hanged on his wall. I don't know if he bought that piece but whatever. The painting that I saw portrays the hand of an infant that is holding an adult's finger. I sensed the emotion in that piece and the way it was painted is realistic in its own ways. Perhaps Potato was just inspired by that and is now trying to replicate it in his own rendition.
But if I were to say… that's not something that can surprise the life out of me.
~ ~ ~
"So you really ended up taking that canvas home…"
"I'm just too lazy to buy my own one."
"Are you going to work after dropping that off?"
"Yep. The winter menu is doing great after all."
"Alright, then. My family will eat dinner in the resto so I'll see you later."
"Got it."
Realizing that Gin has forgotten something after dropping off his things and changing for work, he abruptly came back inside his house and walked on the opposite direction away from the way to the restaurant.
"Anna~ is Dad already home?"
"He's on the living room, Nii."
"I heard you're looking for me?"
"Sure am. I'm running late so I'll explain things in another day. I feel like he entrusted me to give this gift to you."
"Gin, this… I thought all of those are yours. How come you're giving me this?"
"This one is never intended to be in my possession. This is actually yours, Dad."
Uncharacteristically, Amano gave his son a tight embrace. "You've got a lot of explaining to do… but I'm very thankful…"
▪ ▪ ▪
Wednesday.
"Sir, is Mr. Juushiro around today?"
"He is. Uhh… Sorry, what's your name again? I'm pretty sure that I'm not a teacher for the S2."
"Ginji Satoshi, I'm from VA."
"Oh, I see. If you're looking for Mr. Juushiro, there are two of them in the office. I'm surprised, though. There are not a lot of students that look for him."
"I have just something to consult to him."
~ ~ ~
"Sir Tenth? This is Ginji. May I come in?"
"Oh, please do.
It's rare for you to come to my office, or rather, this is the first time. Is there something I can help you with?"
"I guess… maybe with some kind of information."
"Information…? Can you tell me what it is?"
"To be direct, it's most likely that it has something to do with you."
"…I'm living in the surface only as a husband, a father, and the principal of this school. There are only a handful that knows of my being as a blank."
"I think I can guarantee that your identity isn't leaked. That, I can at least say.
But Sir Tenth, I would like to confirm if you know what happened to me back in Chikami Inn."
"Are you pertaining to your memory link? Of course, I am very much aware of your existence too."
"Hahh… Then that makes things easy for me.
I don't know if it has something to do with that link, but whenever I hear your name recently, I get an imagery of you, but something felt weird."
"Of course people will get an imagery of someone when they recall them. Can you be more specific?"
Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there.
"That's… Actually, I think it's better if I show it than say it. Akira, do you have a spare pen and paper?"
"Here you go."
"This might take me a few minutes. Please bear with me."
Silently, Ginji sat on the couch and bent his back towards the coffee table and began scribbling with a ballpoint pen. In his promise of a few minutes, he placed the drawn paper on the principal's desk.
On the paper was a portrait drawn with the black ink in which it shows the face of Tenth. However, the face showed a less mature profile that looks closer than his son. The father and son then fell to shock.
"Ginji… just how in the world did you get to see this?"
"Dad, is this really you…? Is this how you looked like when you were younger?"
"Yes… But seriously, where did you get this imagery?"
"Even I don't know. At the start of the week, I started to see visions. I can confirm that I have seen all of Gin's memories so I know that my visions weren't from his perspective. It's still a mystery even for me."
"T-Then… Are there any more visions you saw apart from this?"
"Nothing significant that is worth sharing…"
"…
I guess there's only one hypothesis that I can hold on to. Ginji, when was the last memory that you saw from Gin?"
"If I were to say… it was his perspective after coming back from the inn. That makes it around July."
"Then there is a possibility that Gin gathered new memories starting in July.
…
No… this can't be…"
"D-Dad…?"
"Can it be… that Gin gathered… old memories…?"
▪ ▪ ▪
Saturday; the first semester has ended.
"I thought you already went out for work, Gin… Good morning."
"Morning. Did you oversleep too, Rin? I have the day off today."
"That's pretty rare these days."
"Are you free for the whole weekend?"
"Of course I am, you dummy. You said that we'll be somewhat busy."
"Then that's good. Do you want to go on a date, then?"
"…? Sure."
‹Rin›
I have to say, this date was all sorts of normal apart from Gin borrowing his dad's car. We just went to the mall for lunch and ate in a seafood restaurant, stopped by the arcade to play a little, and went to the department store to shop for a bit. Heck, I even got him a fitted bed sheet that he wants so much as a present. The only thing that I found weird is that he bought three boxes of sweets.
You know, even Shiro can gain a lot of weight with that many.
It was still early in the afternoon when we left the mall.
"Off to our last destination."
"Whaaat, don't tell me we're going to the base again?"
"Not today, Ojou. That will be for later."
"So we'll go there anyways, huh."
And now, Gin is leading me to a road that I have not come to. We stopped in some kind of a compound and prompted that we can now get out of the car. His behavior was not as cautious so it might be safe to say that this is not a place that relates to the Exiles. Thinking about it now, it was not that much of a travel as it only took a few minutes, and the winter afternoon is still bright.
"Can you hold this for me, Rin?" he handed out the three boxes of sweets to me.
As most likely that the vehicle was heard, a woman perhaps in the same age as Yuzuri-san approached us. I can't help but notice that there are two children hiding behind her legs.
"Ms. Goodman, it has been a while."
"I haven't seen you in a while too, Gin. So you're with… someone…"
Her eyes widened and slowly rotated both her head and eyes towards me in great shock. With that, she let the two children come to Gin while she slowly walks to where I am with an open mouth.
"Mrs. Sakato?! Oh my goodness…! I know you still look young, but how come you look like you're much younger than me?!"
"I knew you'd react like this since she looks like Mom with that hair, Ms. Goodman… But she's actually my girlfriend."
"Ah-ahh?! Is that so…? I'm sorry for calling her as Mrs. Sakato…!"
"Ah, no, no, don't mind it. I'm very fine with happy misunderstandings like that. Look, even Rin is fine with it."
"Ahahaha, it was just a mistake to be called Mrs- Flying apples, I'm not extremely happy and fawning at all…!"
I was. And I was just being a little tsundere.
~ ~ ~
"So this was an orphanage after all. But why are there a few adults here?"
"That, they are also orphans who grew up here. Now they're helping out Ms. Goodman with taking care of the kids.
By the way, Ms. Goodman, do you have a lover now?"
"Even an orphanage caretaker like me will have one, you know. And please just call me Ayane."
"That's good for you then. I'm sure that Mrs. Clara is glad that you picked a great man."
"Oh, so your dad told the name of my mother, I see."
"No, he didn't."
"What do you mean, Gin?"
"I just know her name, I mean. It's just that I can't thank her enough for taking care of Seijirou."
"Seijirou…? He is already-"
"Yes, he is. But even after his passing away, he still wants to thank everyone that helped him. Even if he's no longer alive, his regrets still live."
"I-Is that really so…?" she asked without turning her eyes to us, but the tears on the corner of her eyes were apparent.
"So you've really grown attached to him even until the last time you saw him when you were nine. I'm glad… that he's really loved in this orphanage."
"Yuka Seijirou… Why… Why do I see Yuka Seijirou in you… Gin… Why…"
"You can keep this handkerchief, Ms. Ayane.
…
It was just a short visit, but I'm glad that things are still looking the way like it was back then. Really, your late mother raised you well.
Thank you for the tea, Ayane." with that, Gin placed his hand on the weeping woman's head.
…
I was silent for the whole time—not because I just don't want to interrupt their conversation, but because I couldn't say anything. I was in total shock when I was listening to Gin. His tone, his way of speaking, his behavior… all of them was somewhat different.
It was like I was looking and listening at a different person.
~ ~ ~
While still on the road, my worries weren't disappearing.
"…
Potato?"
"Yeah? What is it, Rin?"
"Potato."
"Hmm?"
"Potato."
"You're acting weird, Rin."
"Potato."
"Ahahaha. What's up, really."
"He's back to normal. I'm glad…"
▪ ▪ ▪
The next day; 102719.
"Son, we're all ready here in the house. Are you good too?"
"Yeah. I'm about to take out your car, Dad. Oh, I haven't given it a cold start. You can all wait by my house."
"Alright. I guess this is the first time that we'll all be visiting him, huh."
"Say that again when you're not on the phone. I've already cried my share. It was, like, more than twenty years' worth of tears. Now I feel so old literally…"
"Okay, okay. You better start the engine already."
"Yep, yep. On it."
‹Gin›
Apples, it seems like so many years have passed and yet I just became aware of him more than a year ago. In that duration, I have become attached to his tale. He had influenced my life so much that I came to be Gin, and who I am now. Honestly, it feels as though he's just watching us because whatever I do, it coincides to his late words. Even with his disappearance, he still continues to support us.
That is because I know for a fact that he is not watching us anymore—he had created an extension of his perception that even in his death, his will still continues on. It was a mystery, and I still don't know how it came to be. But one thing is for certain: there is no use in thinking over it, as it is a nonsense that just so happened.
There was not a heavy snowfall scene. The sky on the contrary just cleared up, yet the sun has maintained its uncharacteristic shyness and hasn't shone. The town is feeling quite literally blue.
Still however, I felt nostalgia in the scene I saw after getting a glance on the gravestone. I saw someone, a woman, standing in front of the stone who is wearing a thick layer; and her hair was being swayed by the gentle but cold wind.
"Our places switched…"
"Did you put a flower there, Rin?"
"Oh, Gin. You're finally here.
When I came here, there are already two batches here. I just added mine."
"So someone or sometwo have already visited earlier than us."
I stepped forward and stood still in front of my uncle's grave. I closed my eyes and touched the top of the stone, and let the memories in my mind flow once again.
"Remember…"
"Your stone is cold. I'll get a good dark chocolate later and enjoy the bitterness," I then stepped away and went behind my family.
"That's all you're gonna do?" Kei complained.
"You expect me to do more? You already know what's up with me, so I don't need to do anything fancy."
"…Perhaps. Maybe that's what he's also going to do if he was still here."
~ ~ ~
The six of us actually fitted inside the car. It was a good thing that the passenger's seat on the front is actually for two. Thus, there's Dad, Mom, and Anna on the front, while me, Rin, and Kei are on the back.
It was still eight in the morning but this time is not something that can put me back to sleep again. But I guess Rin can't apply that. For the entirety of our travel, her head has been resting on her shoulder while asleep. I'm surprised that she still hasn't drooled on my sweater.
"Oi… Cut me some slack and at least don't act like a couple in every single time," Kei groaned.
"Hey. Give her some credit for coming earlier than us in the grave. Although I don't think that she'll wake up anytime soon."
"Hahh… Same old Ringo.
Oh, I heard a snore."
▪ ▪ ▪
"Fwah… Where are we, Potato…?"
"What's with your timing?"
Indeed, what's with that. Rin suddenly woke up when we were about to pull up somewhere near the greenhouse. We all got out of the car while I was single-mindedly thinking how my shoulder is not wet as there is surprisingly no drool on it.
"Am I really that notorious for drooling in my sleep?!"
"Imagine how many chapters you've done that."
As for the reason why the family is heading down to the base, including Rin, it is to stay the entire day in the base. Meaning that we're basically sharing the place and the meals with the Exiles. With that said, my two siblings have earned a title, needless to say.
The in-betweens of the breakfast and lunch were as always lively. Even Kei and Anna were shocked to nigh petrification; no, not because of how rowdy the meals are, but because of how the Exiles are so different to humans. Their reactions are priceless, nonetheless. But it really seems like Mom is finally adjusting on the environment.
While I was watching the lively mood, I felt a tug on the ends of my sweater on my back.
"Gin… can we talk somewhere?"
Rin suddenly appeared behind my back with a weakly asked question from her lips that perhaps equated to the worry that is showing on her face. I thought of coming to the Void, but it might be wasteful if we're just going to spend a few minutes inside. Thus, I led her to the third floor of the base, using the advantage that the population is gathered in one floor. I took two blankets as we sat on a couch and gently placed one of the blankets on her shoulders.
"Seeing that you're anxious, I guess something is bothering you, Rin?"
"It's… about yesterday… when you were talking to Ms. Ayane…"
As much as I want to tease "Could it be that you're jealous?" I felt that it is just not the right time for me to joke around. There might be something that she noticed that I didn't, but I sure know that there is not a hint of jealousy on her right now.
"Did something happen at that time?"
"…
To be honest, Gin… I was scared of you yesterday. It feels like it wasn't you who was speaking, nor was it Kuro. Your tone, the way you speak… they all felt ultimately different…
I was so anxious if it was really you…"
"…"
I finally realized where she was pointing at. With that in mind, I slowly lifted my hand towards her head which finally got her away from her anxiety.
"I'm really sorry for worrying you, Rin. But what I did yesterday was something that I intended to do. I'm fully aware of what was happening at that time, but I don't blame you for getting shocked. It happened because my emotions boiled up in me. It was not against my will to show that behavior.
In reality, what you just saw was my will itself. My life… and my will have found a new purpose."
"Gin…?"
"Rin, I promised that I'm not going to disappear, let alone go away again.
…
But I can clear things out if we go back to the upper floor. There is someone that I want to, and want you to meet."
~ ~ ~
"Where did you two go to?" my mother asked.
"Rin and I talked about some things. Anyway, have you met her already, Mom?"
She bent a smile in front of us and said, "It's time for you to meet him."
"I plan to."
…
"My, you sure are holding on with such a name to call you, Mrs. Arisugawa-Kurogane. Might I be frank, it is somewhat of a mouthful."
"Fufu… I always hear that. You are Gin, right? Please have a seat with us if you don't mind."
"Oh, of course. I would be glad to."
Rion Arisugawa-Kurogane and Yukihime Kurogane. They are a mother and daughter that spent most of their life in the base, and decided not to be a resurfaced. Mrs. Rion (still) has a very black, long hair that extends to her back. But while she is on layers, it doesn't seem like her energy has decreased at all. Yukihime on the other hand have grown to be a lady.
"And what's the young woman's name?"
"Ah, I'm Ringo. Ringo Akanami."
"She's actually my lover."
"Oh, I see. So you're just like Take who wedded to someone from the surface."
"Oh, please don't bring up the word 'wedding,' Mrs. Rion. You're making me flustered.
But well, your little brother is doing fine as always."
"That's really good to… hear…
…?"
"So you two really decided not to be a resurfaced, Mrs. Rion."
"I'm much more content in living here with my daughter."
"I see, I guess you really have a better life here than going back to become a pickpocket on the slums. I presume that is why Yukihime grew up to be a calm woman?"
"So you know my side of things, Gin?"
"Well, sort of. Oh, right! There is a story that I want to tell you two, but it actually involves me so there is no way that it is some fiction.
You see, I have a friend named Ginji Satoshi."
"…!" Rin shuddered beside me.
"He has a very rare case which I once believed that it was one of a kind. His existence was connected to mine as there are so many situations and behavior that coincides to mine. Thus, he called himself an existential coincidence. There is even an instance where both our uncles died in the day we were born.
I would assume that you already know where I am going at, after talking to your sister-in-law."
"Yes…" she forced a sad smile.
"And then the plot still thickened. A few months ago, he claimed that he saw all of my memories. No, it is very rude to say that he 'claimed.' Mrs. Rion, have you been up to speed to my circumstances when I first entered the Void?"
"Yes. We already know that your mind and body was compromised—just like Take's exact same case. Because of that, your mind works differently, or should I say more profoundly, right?"
"Ahahaha. I like the sound of that, Mrs. Rion.
I have a case where I have some kind of a cognitive dimension inside my mind, and Ginji unconsciously entered, thus, tapping into all of my memories. Yet, I'm glad that he's still living the way he wants even after experiencing my pain like it was his.
Also, I'm quite surprised that you were actually the reason why my uncle got to like dark chocolate. He even imitated the way how you make them homemade, but he just can't do it. You even scolded him and cried because he ruined your favorite apron. Good thing he was from an orphanage, so he sewed it for you and made it look even better. I would say, those are such sweet times for the two of you."
"H-How… How did you know that…?"
"Mrs. Rion, Yukihime… for what reason do you think I told you that story?"
"G-Gin… don't tell me…"
"Case closed, Rin.
I hope that what is on our minds are congruent. I said that I once believed that Ginji's case was one of a kind. That is of course in the past now, because there are now actually two people with the same case.
Mrs. Rion… I bear all of Eijiro Kurogane's—your late husband's, my uncle's—memories."
The two slowly moved towards me and embraced me in unison with sorrowful wails.
"I realized that you two might have met with Ginji back in his grave while placing the flowers when we weren't there yet. He gave me a letter and asked me if he can visit his gave from time to time. Until the end, he was an amazing man.
In his final minutes, I saw his memories where he was gazing in a window while watching me on my first cry. He saw a beautiful silver hair that was my birthmark. After that, he made his way back to his room, laid down on his bed, and looked in the nurse with agreement.
He closed his eyes in that moment, never to open again.
Perhaps this will not be possible if both of our timings were misaligned by a few minutes. I have to frankly say that as I may have Eijiro's memories, I am not him. I chose to live with his memories and continue on while making his undying will mine. Now, I wish to fulfill the things that he regretted. One of those… is not being able to see his family in his last breath.
I may not have obtained those precious memories if he died before I was born. And so…
…
Rion, I hope that you still remember the last thing I told you. Have you found your happiness now? And Yukihime… you were just two years old at that time, and now you're the same age as Gin. I am really sorry for leaving you behind, and being unable to grow with a father."
"No… please don't say that. I have always… always found my happiness. I knew what you meant back then… but Eijiro is the only man that I can love… and I am already happy with the life you gave us…"
‹Rin›
I finally understand.
He is still Gin, he will stay as Gin for the rest of his life. I was blinded by my fear and didn't see his existence for a moment. I finally understand that that different tone of voice and demeanor was still from the same man that I came to love, and it will never be anyone. He still stays the same, and yet he has changed.
I have come to realize that Gin has found the genuine happiness he sought for in his growing family. I am glad that his happiness is now true and pure amidst of the extreme weight that he is holding on every single day. And I am also glad… that I was able to bear some of the weight on his back.