Once upon a time…

There was a family of pigs. There was a mama pig, a papa pig, and their three children.

One day, when the kids were adults, the parents sat them down and explained it was time for them to move out and get houses of their own. They gave them each a care basket, a few words of life advice, and sent them on their way.

So the three little pigs started walking, talking about the amazing houses they were going to build. They ignored their parents’ advice, and were very loud about how fun all this was.

Their loud talking drew the attention of a wolf. The wolf saw the pigs, and thought “oh look, lunch!” He started following them, keeping to the shadows so they wouldn’t see him.

After an hour or so, the pigs came across a field full of straw.

The first little pig thought “surely this straw doesn’t belong to anyone! I’ll use it to build my house!”

So he stopped there, waved goodbye to his brothers, and started stacking 100% unowned straw bales.

The wolf hid behind a handy bush and watched the pig work, wondering why he was building a house with Mr. Jones’ straw.

An hour later, the pig used a handy, absolutely unowned wheelbarrow as a door, and called his house done. He sat back for a nap.

The wolf came out of the bush, adjusted his jacket, and knocked on the door.

The pig peeked around his door, calling out “who is it?”

The wolf cleared his throat and said “yes, hello, may I have a minute of your time to talk about Jesus?”

The pig was like “I… don’t believe you. You’re a wolf, and this morning my parents told me to not trust wolves.”

The wolf shrugged and said “Yep, ok, you caught me. I want to eat you. So, let me eat you?”

The pig thought it over, and decided “no.”

So the wolf decided to try a different tactic. He said “little pig, little pig, let me come in!”

A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

The pig replied “not by the hair on my chinny chin chin!”

The wolf said “I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your house in!”

The pig dared him to try, and sat down on his new bed.

So the wolf took a deeeep breath. He huffed, and he puffed, and he blew the house down.

This surprised the pig. He was so shocked that he fainted, and the wolf gobbled him up.

Meanwhile, the other two little pigs were traveling through a forest. The second pig looked around and said “hey, there sure are a lot of sticks here! I’m gonna make my house out of sticks!”

So he said goodbye to his brother, and got to work gathering wood.

It took a good hour and a half, but finally he had a nice little hut made out of twigs. He’d just sat down to a dinner of forest mushrooms when there was a knock on the door.

“Who is it?” he called out.

Outside, the wolf decided to cut to the chase. He said “little pig, little pig, let me come in?”

The pig looked through his wall and saw it was a wolf. He replied “not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!”

…These pigs sure had an obsession with beards.

The wolf replied “then I’ll huff and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your house in!”

The pig then went on a ten-minute monologue about how well-constructed his house was, and how sturdy sticks were. He dared the wolf to try, warning that he’d laugh when he failed.

So the wolf took a deeeeeeeep breath. He huffed and he puffed, and he blew the house down!

The little pig was like “holy crap!” and tried to run away. But, being a little pig, he wasn’t fast enough to run away from the wolf.

The wolf quickly caught him and gobbled him up.

Meanwhile, the third pig had kept walking. He’d come to a town, where a family was demolishing their house to build a bigger one. The pig offered to help, in return for the bricks that were going to be replaced. The family agreed, and at dusk the pig had a pile of bricks.

He spent the evening stacking them, and ended up with a nice little igloo type thing. Not the best-built house in the world, but it’d keep the rain and random non-talking animals out.

The next morning, after a solid eight hours of sleep, the wolf got up and followed the scent of the third pig to his brick igloo. He thought this conversation would go the same as the last two, so he didn’t even bother knocking.

He called out “little pig, little pig, let me come in?”

The pig looked through a small opening in the bricks and saw the wolf. He said “nope. Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin.”

The wolf rolled his eyes. “Then I’ll huff and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your house in.”

The pig started setting bricks in front of the door. “Kinky.”

So the wolf took a deep breath. He huffed, and he puffed, but the bricks didn’t move! The wolf kept blowing and blowing, until finally he fainted due to lack of oxygen.

The pig heard him faint, ran outside with an ax, and made sure the wolf would never wake up.

And he lived happily ever after?

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Moral: Just… Common sense. Use it.