Once upon a time…
There was a king who had a son. This son was of marriageable age (like 17), so the king decided to hold a competition. He sent a message through the kingdom, asking all the girls aged 13 to 18 to try out for princessship. He wanted them to show off their talents, and the most talented girl would be married to the prince.
…Things we’re different back then, ok?
Anyways, a wheat farmer heard about this, and decided his daughter was gonna be princess. So he put her in her most fancy dress, and off they went to the castle.
The girl was like “Dad, I don’t have any special talents. I can bake ok, and my sewing skills are fine, but there’s probably a dozen girls here who can bake and sew better than me.”
Her dad told her to not worry, he had a Plan.
When they got to the front of the line, the king asked what talent the girl had.
Her dad was like “yep, I’ve got the most talented girl in the world here! She can spin straw into gold!”
The king, who at this point was getting tired of being lied to about “talents”, was like “oh reeeeeally? Mm-hmm, yeah, sure. Ok, here’s the deal: I’m going to lock her in my basement with a load of straw and a spinning wheel, and if tomorrow I have a pile of gold, great! She can marry my son! If not, I’ll have both of you beheaded.”
Before the dad could retract anything, the girl was dragged away by guards and thrown into a basement.
The girl (she never gets named, by the way) was kinda upset about all this. Instead of spinning, she sat down and cried for like five hours.
At midnight, a funny-looking man appeared. He was like “hey, the sound of sobbing summoned me. Tell me your woes so I can laugh at them.”
The girl sniffled, telling him everything.
He laughed. “Turn straw into gold? Pssh, I can do that in my sleep! Easy peasy lemon squeasy! Want me to?”
She was like “YES PLEASE!!!”
And he was like “ok, buuuut I need something in return. I know you don’t have anything now, but in the future you will. All I want is your firstborn child.”
The girl hesitated, but her other option was immediate death, so she agreed.
The funny little man shook her hand, sat down at the spinning wheel, and turned all the straw into gold.
The next morning, the king opened the door. To his surprise, he found the girl sleeping on a pile of gold thread.
He was like “holy crap. I did not expect this. Huh, I guess I’ll release her dad from prison. Ooooor I could get more gold by claiming this is a fluke, and have her do it again!”
So that’s what he did. He let the girl come upstairs, let her meet the prince, gave her a good meal, and at dusk locked her in the basement with a bunch of straw again.
She sat down and cried her eyes out. The funny little man appeared again, and asked what was wrong. She told him.
He was like “again? Ok, fine, I guess a child is worth two night’s work. Besides, it’s not like this is hard.” So he sat down and spun all the straw into gold.
Unauthorized use of content: if you find this story on Amazon, report the violation.
The next morning, the king opened the door, and found a fresh pile of gold. He was like “eh, this is a fairy tale, and in fairy tales everything happens in threes, soooo do it again and tomorrow you’ll be married to my son!”
The girl spent the day in the castle, getting ready for her wedding, and at dusk was once more locked in the basement.
She started crying, because even if the funny little man came again, he probably wouldn’t be nice enough to spin straw for her a third time.
Well, he appeared. He was like “yeahh I kinda expected this. But, if you die I can’t get my baby, so I guess I’ll keep helping you. Just, have that kid fast, ok?”
She agreed to do her best, and the man spent the night spinning straw into gold for her.
The next morning the king came down, and was thrilled by all the gold. The girl was led to her wedding, and she became a princess.
Time passed. She was so busy learning how to be a princess and eventual queen that by the time she got preggers she’d forgotten about the funny little man. Nine months after that she gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, and life was good.
A month after that, when she was sitting next to her husband in the throne room, the funny little man appeared! He wasn’t there, then suddenly he was. She saw him and panicked.
The man bowed to the king and prince before turning to the princess. He told her she had a debt to pay.
She was like “…yes. Umm. Well… How about no?”
He was like “how about yes? You owe me your life, and I’m not asking that.”
The king demanded to know what they were talking about, and the funny little man was more than happy to fill him in.
Thankfully for everyone, the king had grown to care for the girl. And he also cared for his grandson.
So the king was like “come on, dude, there has to be another option.”
The funny little man was like “eh, I’m not unreasonable. I’ll give you three days to say goodbye or to guess my name. If you guess it, the baby stays yours. The guessing starts tomorrow at dawn!” And he vanished.
So the king, prince and princess got to work compiling a list of all the names ever. Well, ok, of all the male names ever, because thinking a strange magical man would be named “Rosalind” is outside the realm of possibility, even in a fairy tale.
Dawn came. The man appeared, and the princess started reading off names. Noon came and went, and at dusk he vanished again, name not found.
So the king decided to take drastic action. He sent his army out, to ask if anyone had met the funny little man. And ask for new names.
The next dawn, they hadn’t figured out his name yet. So the princess sat down and started reading off names again.
By dusk, she hadn’t guessed the right name yet. The man vanished.
So the king set his army out farther, and started writing down random vowels and consonants that might work as a name.
At two in the morning, a soldier returned. He said he’d been wandering through the forest (he’d gotten a bit lost), and saw a campfire with an assortment of magical creatures around it, reciting poetry.
As he watched, one got up and said this:
I’m Rumpelstiltskin
No one will learn my real name
Royal baby, mine
…Look, I’m not good at rhymes. Write your own version of the story where he sings a clever poem, here he’s gonna go with a haiku.
So anyways, that had to be the guy! They knew his name, and even if the soldier heard wrong, they knew the number of syllables they had to work with!
The next morning, the funny little man appeared. He announced that at dusk he would be taking the baby home with him.
“Unless I guess your name,” the princess amended.
The man shrugged. “Unless that, yeah, but you’re not gonna! Hahahahaha!!!”
“Is your name Silvestington?” she asked.
“Nope!” he answered.
“How about Boberino?”
“Also nope! Haha!”
The princess smiled sweetly. “What about Rumpelstiltskin?”
“Nopety-nope-nnn… Say that again?”
She repeated the name. “Rumpelstiltskin.”
Rumpelstiltskin screamed. He stamped his feet on the ground, demanding to know who’d told her! The princess just laughed at him.
Finally he got so mad and stomped so hard, the floor broke beneath him, and he vanished into the basement. Guards ran down to find him, but he wasn’t there!
And indeed, he was never seen again.
----------------------------------------
Moral: don’t lie to kings.