Once upon a time…
There was a family who owned a mill. Well, the dad owned the mill, the mom had presumably died a long time ago since she’s never mentioned, and there were three adult sons. One tragic day, the dad died.
The oldest son inherited the mill. He was the most responsible, and actually knew how to run the thing.
The middle son inherited the donkey. Because… I don’t know, the donkey was the only thing not a part of the building? Maybe the donkey was his friend. In any case, the donkey was his.
Sadly, the only thing left to the youngest son was the mill’s cat. This seemed very unfair, as there wasn’t really anything useful to do with a cat. The youngest son, Theophilus, felt kinda screwed over by this.
He sat down at the table, looked at the cat, and started talking to it. He mused out loud about how he couldn’t rent out a cat for mouse-catching, and cats aren’t really all that good to eat, so maybe at least he could skin it and make a pair of mittens for winter.
The cat was like “nah, dude, don’t do that. I’ve got a plan, just trust me. K?”
And Theo was like “HOLY CRAP YOU CAN TALK???”
The cat, inventively named Puss, was like “minor detail, that. Look, I can make all your dreams come true. You were nice to me before, and the better I make your life, the better you can make my life. Just do one thing: get me a pair of boots. And I’ll set everything up.”
Theo wasn’t about to question a talking cat, so he ran out and found a shoe maker. He used all his money to pay the guy to make a pair of tiny boots, sized for a feline. The shoe maker was having a slow week, and in turn didn’t question why someone would spend money on something so stupid.
There’s a lot of not-questioning in this story. I guess people in this kingdom had a severe lack of curiosity.
Anyways, Puss got his boots, stole a sack from the mill, and wandered out into a nearby field. He knew (somehow; again, no questioning) that the king’s favorite food was partridge. He also knew that the king had over-hunted his own field, and hadn’t had partridge in like a month. So Puss went into the field, took off the boots, and hunted down three partridges. He stuffed them in the bag, put the boots back on, and went to the castle.
At the castle, the king was having a bad day. Just, nothing was going right for him. People were complaining about taxes, and there was a drought, and in one of the smaller towns everyone had influenza. On top of all that, he couldn’t even sit down to a nice dinner of roast partridge! Life was hard.
And then a cat wearing boots was announced. The king looked at his servant, thinking the man had gone insane. Before the servant could be ordered hanged for insanity, Puss walked in on two booted feet and bowed.
“Sire!” Puss called. “I am here at the behest of my master, the Marquis of Carabas, to deliver you these fine birds!” And he emptied the sack onto the floor.
The king stared in amazement for a few seconds, then ordered “yep, give this cat a bag of gold!”
Puss was like “why thank you very much,” and accepted the gold.
He took the bag of gold to Theo, who immediately moved out of his brother’s house and started living at a nearby inn.
Puss then made it his habit to go out every morning, catch a partridge, and take it to the king. The king didn’t give him any more bags of gold, but he did give Puss free reign in the castle. So Puss got to know the servants and how everything ran pretty well.
One day, a couple weeks after all this started, a coachman wandered through the kitchen where Puss was napping, complaining about kings and princesses and their random whims for rides out to the lake. Puss heard all that, and ran home.
He told Theo “hey, trust me on this, it’s a great idea for you to go skinny dipping in the lake. Right now. Let’s go.”
Theo was like “... ………..Ok.” And went down to the lake. He stripped off all his clothes, and started swimming around.
Puss immediately took his clothes, shoved them under a bush, and went to cry the middle of the road.
Soon the king’s carriage came into view. The coachman, king and princess recognized Puss, and the king ordered the coachman to stop. He called out to Puss, asking what was wrong.
This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
Puss dropped to his knees and put his paws together, looking imploringly up at the king. “Sire! One misfortune after another has befallen us! I was riding with my master, the Marquis of Carabas, and we were attacked by a group of thieves! They took his horse and clothes, and tossed him in the lake! Look, there he is now, about to die of hypothermia! What shall I do?!”
The king was like “oh no! How horrible! Quick, tell him to come out of the water, and put on this fancy set of spare clothes that I have with me!”
Puss thanked him, and ran to the water. He called to Theo “if you can impress the king, you’re about to be a marquis and a prince. Put these on, and don’t screw up.”
Theo wasn’t quite sure what a marquis was, but he questioned nothing. He climbed out of the lake and put on the fancy clothes.
The princess, watching all this, was like “heyyy, Dad, it would be rude to leave him all alone out here, right? We should offer to take him wherever he was going. Right? He can sit next to me, there’s plenty of room…”
The king, pleased with the princess’ altruism, agreed they should offer the handsome young man a ride.
Puss heard that, and whispered to Theo “ok, so, tell them you’re going to your castle, and take them to the Evil Magician’s castle. FYI you’re the Marquis of Carabas. Got it?”
Theo was like “yep!” and got into the carriage next to the princess.
Puss took off running, down the road to the Evil Magician’s lands.
It took a while, but finally he reached the outskirts of the Evil Magician’s forest. A couple people were there, gathering wood.
Puss stopped to talk to them. He said “hey, so, there’s a carriage following me. If they stop and ask who this forest belongs to, tell them the Marquis of Carabas. K?”
The people, not about to question a talking cat, were like “K.” And Puss took off running again.
Soon Puss got to a big field of corn. He stopped, calling out to the workers. He was like “hey, so, I know this field belongs to the Evil Magician. Do me a favor, and if any carriage happens to stop and ask who it belongs to, say the Marquis of Carabas?”
The workers were like “sure, yeah, totally-not-Evil-Magician-in-disguise, we’ll do whatever you say.”
Puss nodded, and continued on to the Evil Magician’s castle. He climbed in through an open window, looked through a couple rooms, and found the Magician in his evil library.
The Evil Magician saw him and was like “whoa, a cat wearing boots. Weird.”
Puss stood tall and said “I am a-”
And the Magician was like “whoa, a talking boot-wearing cat! Dang, what kind o’ sorcery did they do t’ you?”
Puss cleared his throat. “I am a powerful magician, the most powerful magician in my kingdom. I heard travelers speak of you, the most powerful magician in your kingdom, and I had to come see how powerful you truly are. As proof of my power, I have teleported into your home shaped like a cat.”
The Evil Magician leaned back in his chair. “Yeah, I’m pretty powerful. What do y’ want me t’ do? I can do anything.”
Puss looked around, and saw the castle hadn’t been cleaned recently. “To start off, a simple spell. Make this place spotless, and I’ll believe you have some power.”
The Magician shrugged, said a spell, and suddenly the castle was sparkling clean. He sat back, smirking.
Puss nodded. “Ok, so you know what you’re doing. But that’s a child’s spell. Can you… turn all your books to solid gold?”
The Magician frowned. “That’s alchemy, not sorcery. And besides, everyone knows that’s impossible.”
Puss nodded wisely. “Yes, of course, I was just testing your knowledge. Obviously. How about this: I know from turning myself into a cat that turning yourself into something smaller than a human is incredibly difficult. If you can become something smaller than me, say… a mouse? I’ll concede that you might be a better magician than me.”
The Evil Magician found nothing suspicious in this, looked through his books, and recited a spell.
With a poof of magic, there was a mouse on his chair.
Aaaaand with a CRUNCH of teeth, there wasn’t a mouse on the chair.
Puss finished his mouse-magician snack, and ran to wait at the front door.
Meanwhile, the king was getting to know Theo, who seemed to know a lot about grain and mills for a marquis. But still, any time they passed someone on the road, and the king asked who the surrounding land belonged to, the people answered “the Marquis of Carabas”. The Marquis then acted so very modestly by saying he didn’t know who that was, and the princess found his flirting adorable when she told him he was the marquis. They were all getting along quite well by the time they got to the castle, where Puss was waiting.
Puss bowed to the king, saying “thank you so much, sire, for bringing my master home! How shall we ever repay you?”
The king looked around at the spotless castle, the fields of corn, and the forest beyond… and said “Marquis! Repay me by marrying my daughter!”
Theo was like “yes, absolutely, that sounds like a great idea!”
And the princess, thrilled she was lucky enough to have met the guy her father was marrying her off to before the actual wedding, instantly agreed.
So they got married, Puss became Prime Minister, dogs were outlawed from the kingdom, and they lived happily ever after.
----------------------------------------
Moral: Always listen to talking cats and do what they say, without questioning anything.