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Noctoseismology
Book 5 Chapter 12

Book 5 Chapter 12

Princess Vega herself tended to throw her weight around. This was rather noticeable, but also risky; when it failed to work, it was, at best, embarrassing, but also grounds to demand somebody leave. Vanessa, however...

"Here, Doctor," Vanessa said, offering me a big ol' paper cup with a plastic lid. "I asked my sister, and she told me your preferred Starbucks order."

Vanessa, rather than the Lady Virtue outfit, was now garbed in far more normal clothing, and in fact looked like an ordinary- if outrageously curvy- woman in her mid-to-late 20s ready for another day in the office.

"I wasn't aware I was being issued a secretary," I said dryly, nonetheless accepting the cup from her. I may not want her around me, but... actually, no, I was in fact perfectly willing to waste a "perfectly good" (read: mediocre) hot chocolate to make her go away. Still, given her stance as a polite, subservient professional who's Just Trying To Help, and also knows what she's doing well enough to avoid being perceived as Getting In The Goddamn Way, it was going to be hard to get her to leave without looking unreasonable or tyrannical in the process.

And as Nicky had pointed out after I'd helped her clear her head, if House Vega decided they just could not work with me? Well, just because Valerie Vega couldn't order Nicky around anymore- on account Nicky had decided she was my agent now, not hers- didn't mean she was powerless to make life hard for me.

"You weren't," Vanessa said with a shrug. "Not officially, at least. This is simply... how I try to be friendly. At least at first."

"Oh?" I asked, my curiosity getting the better of me.

"Vegan culture has different ideas about what constitutes friendly behavior than American culture," Vanessa said. "I may have been born and raised in Massachusetts, but I was raised by Princess Valerie Vega, and have a fluent understanding of our homeworld's culture as well."

"And..." I punctuated this with a noisy sip of hot chocolate, in hopes that her desire to be funny would make her get to the point as quickly and shockingly as possible, to provoke a spit take.

"And generally, Vegans and Americans react very differently to an acquaintance greeting them with hugs and kisses."

I opened my telepathic chat line with Nicky.

Roxy: hey nicky

Roxy: does vegan culture consider greeting an acquaintance with hugs and kisses to be normal

Nicky: It's a bit intimate for acquaintances, but between friends it's not that weird.

Nicky: Of course, my sister isn't stupid, and is well aware that it wouldn't be a merely friendly gesture with you.

Nicky: It's not exactly hard to tell that you're a lesbian, and takes very little additional work to figure out that your tastes lean towards the curvy.

Nicky: So, uh.

Roxy: your sister is attempting to seduce me, is what youre getting at

Nicky: Probably, yes.

Nicky: Now, I'm aware that she's hot, and also you're capable of enough self control to push her away after you've had your fun, but.

Nicky: If you put me in a spit chain with my own sister, I will literally kill you.

Roxy: duly noted

"A bit, yeah," I said, after finishing my prolonged sip. "In the name of locating the boundaries before they're crossed, I do not tolerate being touched without my express permission, and my automated systems will light you on fire if you do so."

She didn't look even a bit crestfallen as she shrugged. "You understand, then, why I'm attempting to take this slowly. At any rate, Valiant has been shuffled to a new office, and I came down here to guide you to it for the meeting."

"I'm quite good at finding people who don't want to be found," I said as I strode past her towards the building's elevator. "I think I can handle finding a guy who does want to be found."

"Of course," she said diplomatically, sweeping after me. "Likewise, I am more than capable of flying. Nonetheless, we shouldn't have to employ either of those talents inside an office building simply to get to a meeting, hence why there are elevators and guides."

I grunted as she glided into the elevator after me, hitting the button for the floor Valiant's new office was on. Apparently, she only took a dismissal for a dismissal when she felt like it.

"Why are you really here?" I asked, once the doors closed.

"Pardon?" Vanessa asked.

"I asked your sister," I continued. "You live in San Francisco. Not exactly a stone's throw from Phoenix. And then, there is the fact that you do not have any powers your sister, who's already a well-established part of my entourage, does not also have. You're far from home, and bringing nothing new to the table. Convenience and civic duty don't explain it. So... Why, Vanessa, are you here?"

She blinked a few times, and then sighed dramatically.

"Simply put," Vanessa said. "I'm here to clean up the mess my mother made." She turned to face the elevator door, gaining a bit of a faraway look in her eyes. "We're a family in diaspora, you know. Our culture, on this planet, exists within... five, maybe six or seven people? We're scared, and alone, and the world is not always so friendly. My mother is... a bit of a blunt instrument. She attempts to win friends. I, meanwhile? I actually grew up here. I understand, in a way she doesn't, that if we're going to survive, we need to take a more... flexible approach. Compromising, and behaving in ways that people already like, rather than the more traditional 'my way or the highway' approach that comes so naturally to the spoiled princess." She huffed a laugh, shaking her head. "I may call myself Lady, but don't mistake that for an ardent belief in aristocracy and monarchy. I'm an American girl who nonetheless can't help but feel special when someone treats her like a princess."

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"Mm," I said. "So, it's your belief that your family is a sort of underdog, and simply trying to survive in a hostile world?"

"Not a world that is always hostile," Vanessa corrected me. "The United States is always at least a little friendly towards blonde white women. But the United States is also an assimilationist hegemon, and does not always smile upon foreigners bringing their culture with them. Even when that culture is only a little bit to do with aristocracy, and more about simply being a bit more openly loving than is normal." She huffed again. "Really, it's the love parts that bother people more." Oh, that was rich coming from the daughter of a woman who forbade her children from having publicly-acknowledged lovers. "You wouldn't believe the sorts of comments I got simply for looking the way I do."

"I've known your sister for half a year, now," I said dryly. "My horizons are not nearly so narrow as you think."

The elevator reached its destination, and I stepped out.

"At any rate," I said as she ghosted behind me. "I fundamentally do not give a shit about you or your family. You can safely rule me out as a threat, but if you're looking for an ally, then you're looking in the wrong place. Now, if you'll excuse me-" or even if she wouldn't, I didn't give two shits. "-I have a meeting to attend to."

I opened the door to Valiant's office and closed it behind me, before she could swoop in and join us. For good measure, I locked the door.

"They're very persistent, aren't they?" Valiant said, faux-pleasantly.

"Very," I said. "Now, have you spoken to the city council about those permits?"

"I did, yes, and the good news is..."

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"Your sister is greatly annoying," I said as I returned to the hotel room.

"She's worse when she doesn't need you to like her," Nicky said, idly stroking Akane's hair as Akane worked some more on her research. "Is she actively getting in the way, or simply annoying you?"

"Being annoying, mostly," I said. "Still, I would like to be rid of her."

"If you figure out how to do that, let me know," Nicky said. "I've known her all my life, and I couldn't figure out anything better than living in Texas. Anyway, you done for the day, or..."

"No, I came by to take a short break and get a kiss, but I have more work that needs doing today," I said sadly. "Gotta build that big ol' Stopwatch, after all. It'll take a bit, but with the robots helping me, we should get it done pretty quickly."

"How quickly?"

"...I'll be pretty late coming back to the room."

"Ah."

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"No," I said, loudly and firmly, as Vanessa Vega came in for a landing.

"...Beg pardon?" Vanessa asked, before her feet touched the ground.

"This is a construction zone utilizing dangerous supernatural technology," I said. "Your mere presence risks sparking a cascading failure that edits an entire city block's Wikipedia article to be in the past tense. Leave my jobsite immediately, and do not come back."

She did so without complaint or hesitation, which was, I suppose, to her credit.

"Columbo, how're those guy wires coming along?" I called.

"Working as intended, boss!" the automaton called back.

"Good to hear."

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"Alright," I muttered, walking into Walmart- not where I wanted to do my grocery shopping, but with how late it was, everywhere else was closed, and it wasn't like HEB had spread outside of Texas, let alone all the way to Arizona. "Whole chicken, cheap stockpot, lots of vegetables. Shouldn't be hard to find. Let's start... with the stockpot, which can afford to sit around in the cart the longest."

While Nicky could fly, she was also capable of recognizing that leaving the hotel room when her family was in town was an unpleasant option, and so it fell to me, and my possession of our rented car, to go out and buy food.

"Oh you've got to be fucking kidding me," I whispered as Vanessa turned to regard me, right as I rounded a corner onto what turned out to be the wrong goddamn aisle.

"Roxy," she said. "Didn't expect to see you here." She leaned forward a little bit, bringing the scented candle in her hands closer to her nose. "Hrm. What's your favorite candle scent, if I might ask?"

"Suck my dick," I said.

She briefly bluescreened, blinking a few times in rapid succession.

"I. Beg your pardon?" she asked.

"You heard me," I said. It was past midnight in a Walmart, in the goddamn scented candle aisle, so we weren't exactly surrounded by thronging crowds. "You wanna win me over so bad? On your knees, mouth open, eyes closed."

She blinked a few more times.

"...Well," she said with a shrug. "That's actually ideal for me, provided I'm right and it'll keep me out from under Mother's thumb..."

"What," I said flatly.

"Roxanne, darling, I am well aware that I am annoying you," Vanessa said. "I am twenty six, not fourteen. However, all the same, I do need your general presence to act as a sort of shield for me, to get my mother off my back- I'm hardly any more able to tell her no than poor Veronica is, I'll have you know. And, well, if I can inform her that becoming your lover is what it costs to keep you and your household on-side... it's hardly like she can expect me to work more than one full-time angle at once, can she?"

"Oh my god," I said. "Look. I already have a girlfriend, and a Vega living with me full-time. Housebreaking her was enough of a project, and I have no desire to do it a second time."

"Even better," Vanessa said. "My mother prizes discretion, so if she sees no evidence that the two of us are fucking, or even living together, she'll assume I'm simply doing an excellent job, rather than suspect that I'm lying to her. All without either of us having to sleep with someone we simply are not that into."

"...What do you want?" I asked, wearily.

"Well, my mother does, at first, need to see some evidence that I'm accomplishing anything," Vanessa said. "I don't suppose you'd mind a faux rendezvous here and there while you're in town, would you?"

"Provided that it simply involves being in the same building, and I stop having to deal with you being in the way..."

"Of course," Vanessa said, nodding. "The most I'll ask is that you sit in a Starbucks bathroom for five minutes."

"Fine. We have a deal, then."