"Post-stream aftercare," Nicky said. "You really are the best roommate."

"Don't call it that," I said. "We're just friends, relaxing and cuddling after a long day. And sure, it's a little homoerotic, but that's just what happens when two attractive wuhluhwuhs-"

"Two what?"

"W L W. Women Loving Women. Y'know, lesbians and bisexual women, for example, us. Anyhow, our cuddling is a bit homoerotic, but that's just how it is between two attractive people who find each other attractive. No need to make it even moreso by calling this aftercare."

It was late, and we'd eaten dinner and ended the stream. And, well, Nicky had politely but firmly insisted on some cuddles before bed, and who was I to deny her? And so, here I was, lying back on her bed- with my back at a 45 degree angle thanks to a truly luxurious wedge pillow she had- with a cuddly half-alien warrior-princess-cum-vtuber sprawled on top of me like a weighted blanket, her head resting against my shoulder as I played with her hair.

The logistics of how to go about cuddling my roommate were surprisingly involved. There were a lot of factors to consider- how easy do we need it to be to disentangle ourselves, how warm is it in the room, how sleepy are the participants? For the most part, this sort of face-to-face cuddling, this essentially horizontal hugging, was winning out four times out of five, partly because it let me play with my snugglebuddy's hair, and partly because it gave me a lot more latitude in terms of where I could safely put my hands.

See, with someone with reasonably-sized boobs, like Lisa, casual spooning meant I could put my hands pretty much anywhere between the bottom of the sternum and the top of the hips without making things uncomfortably intimate. But Nicky, who looked like someone's Power Girl r34 3D model had gotten printed out and given a change of clothes, had a much narrower range of space where it was safe to put my hands on her front without brushing up against a boob. And thus, face-to-face cuddling, so I could put my hands on her back.

Sure, we were pretty affectionate with each other, but this was a new state of affairs and had lasted, like, two weeks so far. I was absolutely certain that this affection didn't go all the way to second base.

"Counterpoint: what if I want maximum homoeroticism?" Nicky asked.

Okay, I was reasonably confident that this affection didn't go all the way to second base.

"...Is that the right conjugation of that?" Nicky wondered.

"If it isn't, I don't know what is," I admitted. "But I do know that if you want maximum gaiety, then you should go talk to Akane, who I hear is trying to start a polycule."

"That... isn't quite an option for me," Nicky admitted. "There's... a lot involved. Is my intuition correct, Roxy? Can I in fact trust you to keep a secret?"

"My lips are sealed," I said.

"Thank you," Nicky said. "It's... God, where do I even start?"

"Why does your intuition tell you that I'm a trustworthy secret-keeper?" I asked.

"Because..." She sighed. "Okay, so. Remember how my mom is an actual for-real princess-in-exile?"

"The dignity and expectations of royalty, that sort of thing, yes," I said, nodding. "I mean, granted, the fact your mother is a princess rather than a queen or empress informs me that your family is merely noble, rather than properly royal, being a cadet branch, but all the same, no amount of nitpicking is going to change the fact that you were raised by a hereditary aristocrat."

"And yet you keep nitpicking anyways," Nicky said.

"Expecting me to do otherwise is anti-semitic."

"Whatever. Anyway, yes, the royalty thing- do not fucking start- is a big part of it, but it isn't at all helped by the fundamental mechanism of our shared power. It isn't gravity, it's gravitas. It's perception, it's social power, it's respect. How people perceive us has a serious, measurable impact on how much weight we can lift, how much damage we can soak, and how fast we can fly. And so, as an incredibly obvious result, my family is obsessed with our image."

"And that means being incredibly picky about how the public gets to see your love life," I hazarded.

"My older brother had to plan for months with my mother before he could take a girl on a date," Nicky said. "Thankfully, the girl in question was pretty cooperative, considering that the line she was being fed was that it was very important to our culture to ensure compatibility and a perfect match. Really, Mom just wanted to make sure she wouldn't cause any trouble down the line if something went south."

This book's true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.

"And when you consider that the two of us very much have gotten into acrimonious arguments before- very recently in fact- then there's no way in hell she'd approve," I said.

"Well, no," Nicky said. "She'd disapprove because she's homophobic, and so is the society we live in. Of course, there is a loophole that we're all quite aware of: so long as my mother doesn't ever hear about it, we get to do whatever we want. Anything we do that stays behind closed doors won't stain our reputation, which is what she's most concerned with. And that's why it matters that I can trust you to keep a secret."

"I see," I said.

"And that brings us, finally, back to Akane," Nicky said. "I love Akane, I really do, but... well, I can't trust her to keep a secret. I cannot trust her to not go on Twitter and announce to the entire world that we're dating. And if it'd be bad publicity for me to openly date a girl, imagine how bad of publicity it'd be for me to openly date three girls, two of whom are trans."

"It'd cost House Vega a lot of support among the traditionalists and conservatives who think monarchy is acceptable, yeah," I said. "But, well. Honestly, fuck those people. We're better off without them."

"As you pointed out, the people who think gay people are unacceptable are the same people who think monarchy is acceptable," Nicky said. "What precisely do you expect the Royal House of Vega to do to separate ourselves from them?"

"Abdicate," I said with a shrug. "Accept that the age of kings has come and gone and stop larping as a more fuckable House of Windsor. Renounce your hereditary aristocracy, champion the cause of social progress, equality, and the inherent dignity of even the lowest of humanity."

"Do you really expect my mother to go along with that?" Nicky asked.

"The difference between you and I is that I don't give a fuck what your mother thinks or wants," I said. "Your mother is just another fucking social atavism sustaining herself on a toxic admixture of powerful people who want to go back to having more power and dangerous idiots who don't understand how much it sucks to live under a monarchy."

"Aside from slandering my mother-"

"It's not slander if it's true."

"-this does not actually solve my problem, of 'I cannot openly date anyone because it would materially damage my ability to perform hero work.'"

"Sure it does, you're just not willing to see it," I said. "The solution is to separate yourself from your family. Build up your profile as an ex-monarchist, someone who values freedom, democracy, and human rights. And you know what, if you would feel bad about hanging your family out to dry like that, then you can frame them as misguided and behind the times. Your embarrassing uncle who tries to be supportive but fundamentally doesn't know how. Give them the option of following in your footsteps, of catching up with the present day... or, alternatively, of continuing to wallow in their monarchist muck."

"Giving my family an out when I screw over their current position doesn't change the fact that I am screwing over my family's current position for my own personal benefit," Nicky said. "What if it was your parents, Roxy?"

"I haven't seen them in six years," I said with a shrug. "I left home after I was done with Skinner's cult. Made my own way through life. Because, well, my parents just kinda sucked. They were kinda mean and generally unsupportive, so I cut them out of my life and moved on. They weren't even wielding the threat of social harm to prevent me from having a girlfriend they hadn't thoroughly vetted beforehand, they just sucked. You, though... Honestly, Nicky, you don't need them. Your mom popped you out to be a good little lady who advances the interests of House Vega, as understood by the matriarch of House Vega, and you're not being selfish or a bad daughter for deciding you've got better things to do.

"I mean, look at your life as it stands. You've got a solid career apart from them, doing 3D modeling and streaming, and you've got your own little found family in the form of me, Lisa, and especially Akane. And then you've got the reputation from helping with this investigation, starting with that newspaper puff piece but which we can build up a lot more, especially if we can get Valiant on-board as a way of defanging House Vega's aristocratic ambitions. You already have everything you need to separate yourself from them. Especially now, with Akane recruiting for her polycule, to give you the motivation. Mom won't let you have two girlfriends? Fuck it, you weren't asking her anyways. It's your life, you do what you want with it."

"...Two?" Nicky asked.

"Yeah, I have no intention to join the polycule," I said. "I intend to leave once this Skinner nonsense is over and done with. This is no position to be getting into a long-term relationship in."

"I see, I see," Nicky said. "And- humor me for a moment- why do you intend to leave and go back to Earth A-510, and leave behind your nice, big house with friends who love you and also have nice, big tits? What did you leave behind that you want more than to sleep with us?"

"As a Cajun Jew, I have had more than enough fucking diaspora in my life," I said. "I have a home, back on Earth A-510. It may not be perfect, but it's mine."

"Hrm... I see, I see," Nicky said. "But, uh... between a runaway foxgirl who's decided her home is with you, a tremendously curious mad scientist who hates living alone, and the half-estranged daughter of a princess-in-exile, I think that maybe, just maybe, you don't actually have to choose between going home and being in love."

"I can't ask you to leave your homes behind on my account," I said.

"Good news! You literally didn't! I'm volunteering, and I'm pretty sure everyone else would, too!"

"Look, I just-"

Just tell her you're not interested, Roxy, it's not that hard. Yes, it's a lie- I'm quite aware that I wanna kiss them all so tenderly and then fuck them so hard they forget their own names. However, I don't actually have to tell the truth to... the people I am infatuated with and want to start a new life with.

Fuck.

"...I don't want to talk about it," I said, before tipping over on my side and dumping Nicky off onto the bed. I sat up, and hopped off on the other side of the bed. "Goodnight, Nicky."