"Fuck a duck."

8-Ball's escape and recapture would, under normal circumstances, be the main thing upsetting Valiant when I reported to him.

Right now, however, he was perhaps somewhat more concerned with the fact that Skinner was in another universe, where we couldn't get to her.

"I think the worst part is that we have to be here," I said. "For two whole weeks, leading up to the game, just to make sure there's no funny business going on. In fucking Arizona!"

Phoenix was... Well. I know that, to everyone not from the American Southwest, it'll sound awful rich for a Texan to complain about how unreasonably warm and dry Arizona was, but there was a genuine, noticeable difference.

Also, it was full of people from out of town who came here for the Super Bowl. Valiant and I were among that group, technically, but I sure didn't feel any kinship with the rest of them, being as I'd come here because it was my job, and otherwise did not give a fuck about sports.

"There's a possibility this isn't resolved on the 12th, right?" Valiant asked.

"Unfortunately, yeah," I said, nodding. "There's the slim possibility that, while we do foil Skinner's plot, she remains at large. Akane's working on finding a way to travel between dimensions herself, but uh... she's not too hopeful about getting that working anytime soon. She's smart, and working in one of her specialties, under the sweet spot of pressure to speed things along, but..." I shrugged. "It's a goddamn complicated project, and she's just not there yet."

"Mm," Valiant said. "...How likely do you think that possibility is?"

"Not very," I said, shaking my head. "Doctor Skinner doesn't strictly need to be here for her plan to go off. But she will be anyways. I know her, and her neuroses. And if she's here..." I shrugged. "Well, if she's here, we can deal with her. We don't need to hide the fact we know where she is anymore, not at this point, so I can simply set up a particularly big Stopwatch to disable her portal gun if she enters the Phoenix Metropolitan Area. At that point, she can't run."

"Stopwatch?"

"Jargon. Means a simple Control-based device that solely acts to disable other devices. A staple in the arsenal of mad scientists gearing up to fight other mad scientists."

"Mmm." He sighed.

"There'll be some other, non-gadget based snares as well," I added. "It turns out a spellcaster who works with creatures made of reified thoughts and emotions in a world parallel to ours can create effects that'll fuck up the ability of a specific person we really hate to do any interdimensional travel."

"That's good to hear, it's just..." He sighed again, louder. "I can't keep doing this shit."

"...Beg pardon?" I asked.

"I've been kvetching a lot, but honestly, while this crisis is a crisis, and something that demanded my attention... this sort of bullshit happens all the time. Back in 2020, it was some asshole creating Kaiju in a laboratory under the sea, and swearing to release one every week until his demands were met. In 2019, it was another asshole who took over the Russian government and tried to recreate the Russian Empire, causing a huge war that pretty much destroyed the entire idea of Russia, and completely rearranging the geopolitics of North Asia."

"What the fuck."

"2018? A bioweapon- a virus designed to kill all the mosquitos in the world."

"Um."

"2017, someone was attempting to steal all of America's pennies because the existence of a coin that small and useless offended them, and they felt that, if the government wasn't going to take them out of circulation, they'd do it themselves, the hard way."

"I feel like you're starting to fuck with me."

"2016, a cabal of villains propped up a cartoonishly cruel, vindictive, and incompetent business magnate in the presidential election in order to destabilize the government."

"Okay, I get it, life is just one goddamn thing after another for you," I said. "You understand, then, why I want to retire?"

"Oh, no, life is not just one goddamn thing after another," Valiant said. "Often, the goddamn things overlap. You think the Russian War was over and done with in just a year? Hell, you think it's over and done with now? It isn't! I mean, sure, the war itself is over, but we are still cleaning up the absolute fucking mess that was made of half of Eurasia. And that's not even touching the ecosystem restoration that has to be done on the places where the anti-mosquito virus was successfully released- mostly, very fragile and very important wetlands."

"Are you making a point, or simply kvetching?" I asked.

"I'm making the point that, perhaps, I may continue to need your help," Valiant said, wearily.

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"...We already have a deal," I said simply. "I'm going to retire with a good pension."

"Yes, seven hundred thousand a year, adjusting for inflation, so long as I never hear from you again," Valiant said. "I'll honor five hundred thousand of that amount in exchange for removing the requirement that you never make yourself known to me again. And any additional help... well. I'm aware we'll have to negotiate that separately."

"Mmm." I huffed. "You may find yourself surprised by the help I end up providing."

"Oh?"

"Akane is interested in recreating a social structure for mad science in this world," I said. "One based on the one from A-510, but adapted to the fundamentally different role of the supernatural here on B-944. We're hopeful that, with our different approach, we can create a more... pro-social crop of demiurges than we generally have on A-510. One that retains my general ability to pull new tricks out of my ass, but leaves behind the less pleasant parts of my personality."

"I see," Valiant said, nodding.

"Of course," I continued, "there's the possibility that this whole endeavor is largely unsuccessful, or even counterproductive, but, y'know. Nothing is without risk."

"I say it's still worth a careful, cautious shot," Valiant said.

We ran out of things to say, and just stood there, soaking in the view from the rooftop of the local superhero office, or whatever the fuck Valiant's department was called- I had deliberately never learned it, always considering the matter to be unworthy of my time and attention.

"Around the decay of that colossal wreck," I quoted, able to see past the edge of Phoenix's exurban sprawl and the few little farms here and there. "Boundless and bare, the lone and level sands stretch far away."

"You really do not like Arizona, huh?" Valiant remarked.

"There's room for improvement," I said.

"Also, we're in the Valley Of The Sun, emphasis on Valley. Nothing around here is lone or level."

"I love you, Dad."

"Love you too, you little brat. Now stop trying to distract me from nitpicking your flawed metaphor. Phoenix may be a monument to man's hubris, but it is not yet a decaying, colossal wreck. Ozymandias is either still alive or within living memory, and his statue stands proud and tall."

"Someone here probably will argue that Phoenix is a decaying wreck," I said. "Probably someone in their forties who thinks the golden age was the time when they were between eight and sixteen, but that person would still argue it nonetheless."

"Oh really? And are they here to argue that point?" Valiant shook his head. "Nearly two million people live in this valley. You can't rightly call such a dense population center a decaying wreck. Decay and ruin is bad for population density. You think anyone would live here if they didn't have access to modern amenities like air conditioning?"

"Speaking of air conditioning, can we go inside now?" I asked. "My transhumanism might protect me from heat stroke, but that doesn't make the temperature around here comfortable."

"That's probably a good idea, yes," Valiant said, nodding and straightening up, turning away from the guard rail. "My armor has a cooling system, but it chews up a lot of battery, and I don't think I can afford this indulgence for much longer. Recharging these batteries is expensive. Unless you have something else you'd like to tell me with an expectation of privacy?"

"Ah, right," I said, nodding. "It's about 8-Ball, and how they got me thinking about how other people think about me. 8-Ball thought I was their nemesis, their equal and opposite- I mentioned that, right?"

"You did, yes," Valiant said, nodding.

"And how I didn't feel even remotely the same way?"

"Mhm."

"Now... I know that Skinner also considers me to be her nemesis- a former student, now a fellow master, still slightly inferior but capable of punching above her weight..."

"Mhm?"

"And I kind of do feel the same way," I continued. "But the thing that I've been thinking about for the past few hours, waiting on you to land in Phoenix, is... should I feel the same way?"

"Hrm..."

"After all," I continued. "Nothing says two people have to think of each other the same way. And yet, I did feel that compulsion to see her like a mirror. Perhaps..."

"Perhaps," Valiant said, nodding. He got it, even without me saying it out loud.

----------------------------------------

"Oh what fresh hell is this," I muttered as I walked into the hotel suite we'd rented for the duration of our stay here- it was a cramped three-room affair, whose only real amenities compared to a regular hotel room were a kitchenette to go along with the bed, TV, and bathroom, but thankfully, with our Virtual Machines, we could all pack pretty light and still get our computer-based work done.

"Ah, you must be Doctor Updyke," a familiar-looking woman with bone white skin and hair and blood red eyes said. "A pleasure to make your acquaintance. Vanessa Vega, also known as Lady Virtue, at your service. I hope you don't mind me taking the opportunity to visit my sister while she was nearby?"

I sighed, shooting off a quick message to Nicky. Do you want me to make her leave?

Nicky simply nodded while her older sister wasn't looking.

"You'll have to do that some other time, unfortunately," I said dryly. "I have classified information to share which you have neither the clearance nor pressing need to know, and then I need to take a shower and decompress from a long day. Entertaining royalty is going to have to wait."

"I understand, although I do feel I should mention I'm far less persnickety about the hospitality I receive than you may think," Virtue said. "Nonetheless, a dismissal is a dismissal, and I'll see you later."

She slipped past me and out the door, lingering for just a moment to turn and address Nicky.

"Really, Veronica, you must call me more often," Virtue said. "I miss talking to my sister."

Then she actually left, and I could close the door.

"The hell was that about?" I asked.

"Vanessa and Vincent are Mom's favorites," Nicky said bitterly. "They're as loyal as snakes can be; when Mom decides she's the wrong person to work someone over, she either sends Vincent, who's a lot more aggressive, or Vanessa, who's a lot more diplomatic and submissive-seeming. I'm pretty sure Vanessa's here to make sure I'm still loyal to the Vegan cause, and maybe win you over, too."

"Oh, christ," I muttered. "And of course, Gravitas comes with a resistance to psychic mojo, so I'm going to have to figure out what she's playing at the hard way."

"Welcome to my life," Nicky said, flopping backwards onto the bed. "Now you understand just that little bit better why I live in Texas instead of California." She groaned loudly.

"You don't have any plans for the rest of the day, do you?" Lisa asked.

"No," Nicky said.

"Right. Well, you need a way out of this funk, stat," Lisa said. "Roxy, what say you give our neighbors cause to file a noise complaint?"

"Not where I thought you were going with this," Nicky said. "But, much appreciated."

"Well, if that's what it takes to make my girlfriend feel better..." I said with a shrug.