I kissed Akane, delighting in the pure, simple joy she wore so openly in that dopey grin.

"So, obviously, we need to figure out what tits are for," Nicky said, floating up next to the TV with a wireless remote thing that, somehow, functioned like a digital marker for this whiteboard app thing. "Or at least, what we as a group want out of them. Now, as a semi-professional character designer, I'm already familiar with the most obvious parameter: appearance. How big are they? What shape are they? How do they fit in with the rest of the aesthetic? How are they framed? And the problem is, there's no perfect solution here. Much like cooking and exercising, nearly anything can work, and we're left to quibble over details."

"Why are we putting this much thought into whether I get a pair of basketballs glued to my chest?" Lisa asked, raising her hand.

I tapped her on the shoulder, leaning in half-way, and let her lean in the rest of the way to complete the kiss.

"The answer," I said, watching her face light up and her tail wag, "is that we have all agreed that you, our pet foxgirl, deserve to have the best tits in the polycule. And for Akane and I to give you the best tits in the polycule with mad science, we first have to define what the best tits even are. And since we get to look and touch with you, we have to consider factors other than just appearance." I turned back to face Nicky. "Concern number two: tactile feel. They need to feel good in a hug, they need to feel good in the hand, and they need to feel good when used as a pillow."

"An excellent point," Nicky said, nodding. "And here's where we run into some trouble- I make 3D models. I have, obviously, not gotten to second base with any of the collections of polygons I make. We just don't have that many data points about what sort of internal structures produce the right texture, or what the right texture even is. How much squish is too much squish? What level of firmness is desirable? Do these vary based on size? In what ways? By how much?"

"We'll need to run some tests," Akane said. "I can probably figure out an objective-ish measure of titty firmness, and then from there, we define our minimum, our maximum, and what points in between we want to test. Then, with Roxy's skill with automation, we can devise a double-blind test that randomizes what settings get tested and record the results without any human intervention."

"When you say test," Lisa began.

"I do think she means we spend hours repeatedly hugging, groping, and motorboating you for science," I said, nodding.

"You're the best girlfriend ever," Lisa said, staring at Akane. "Whatever I did to deserve you, I clearly need to do it more often."

"You can repay your karma by kissing me?" Akane suggested, before Lisa pounced over me to tackle Akane to the couch.

"Hah, gay," I said, grinning as the two made out. "Anyhow, Nicky. I understand that your experience as a character designer has primed you to think of aesthetics, but, considering that we're all going to be sleeping with Lisa, we should probably prioritize tactile feel, and consider aesthetics after we've gotten tactile feel perfected."

"Eh, I'm fine with that," Nicky said with a shrug. "Like I said- when it comes to boobs, almost everything works. It's hard to make an ugly boob, when you're working with a realistic person who experiences gravity and all."

"Fair enough," I said. "Hey, while they're occupied..."

A blast of air slicked my hair back for me, and I found one Nicky Vega suddenly sitting in my lap expectantly.

"Remember what I told you the first time?" I asked.

"The first ti- ooooh," Nicky said. "I remember now." She cleared her throat, then threw her arms over my shoulders. "I want you to kiss me like you mean it."

"Good girl."

----------------------------------------

I snorted. Yep, that was Lisa doing her part.

"So, lisa-k-fox in chat says she had sex with me," Nicky said. "This is in fact completely true, and it was very poggers, but she's leaving out the fact that it was a threesome. With your mom- yes, your mom."

"She wanted them to stay for breakfast," I added. "They declined, since they could see the pancake mix, and decided they could only handle so many stacked sweet little things in a twenty four hour window."

"It's illegal for you to be funnier than me on my own stream," Nicky said. "Especially when I'm talking about sleeping with other people."

"We're polyamorous," I said. "Lisa in chat is our girlfriend now. We'll see you at dinner, babe. Please take a shower before you show up, and lay off the doritos; they'll spoil your appetite."

"Hrm? Yes, chat, we are in fact dating now. Listen. Listen chat. You better be fucking grateful for me, okay? My girlfriend- I have a girlfriend now, because we are dating- my girlfriend is Jewish, and it turns out, Jewish law does have explicit opinions on how often a couple should be having sex. And since she's an independent contractor, she's got a lot of free time, so we had to sit down and figure out whether she counted as a laborer, obligated to perform twice a week, or leisured, obligated to perform every day.

You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

"And you know what I told her, chat? You know what I told my beautiful girlfriend who I love with all of my blonde, big-tittied heart? I told her that she has to count as a laborer, because if I could get laid more often than that, it would interfere with my stream schedule. You cunts fucking owe me, okay? You owe me big time. Yeah, that's right you subbed again, you better after what I've done for you."

I'd brought up the halacha on a husband's conjugal duties as a joke, really, and Nicky had decided to run with it. For some reason, the Factorio streamer found both herself and her audience receptive to jokes about nitpicking, rules-lawyering, technicalities, and other traditionally Jewish activities; as such, Nicky had been trying to pick up the many bits and pieces of Judaism that would enable her to make these jokes, which I knew, from experience, would gradually transition from "ironically Jewish" to "actually Jewish," both for Nicky, since she said she admired my (Judaism-informed) moral compass and also seemed to find joy in the act of being Jewish, and for her audience, who might be being exposed to the actualities of Jewish praxis for the first time in their lives.

I should probably talk to a rabbi about whether or not this counted as proselytizing. After all, I'm not the one talking Nicky and her audience into converting to Judaism. They're doing that all on their own.

Besides. Asking your lover to convert to Judaism for you was an accepted standard practice, and I hadn't even asked her to.

I was probably in the clear.

"Alright, time to go on a biblically-accurate quest to collect the foreskins of a hundred philistines, with the help of my tank and machine gun and rocket launcher that shoots nukes," Nicky said.

Okay, there might be something here for a rabbi to take issue with.

----------------------------------------

"The proud daughter of House Vega, reduced to living furniture," Nicky bemoaned.

"This pillow sure is talkative," Lisa said, flopped out bonelessly on top of Nicky, who in turn floated in midair.

"Thanks for helping me with this," I said, looking up from the robot-in-progress to meet Akane's eyes.

"Many hands make light work," Akane said. "Besides, what else are girlfriends for?"

"Carnal pleasures," I said, counting on my fingers. "Weird-ass conversations at two in the morning about whether or not I'd still love you if you were a worm. Dressing you up in weird and/or horny outfits. Bragging about your existence to outsiders. Having someone to sample my cooking and tell me if it's good or not."

"Wow, girlfriends are versatile," Akane marveled.

"Wait, you're a vers? I thought you were a sub, full stop."

She snorted, grinning. "God, I love this. I love that we get to be snarky, horny idiots with each other. I'm aware there's gonna be problems cropping up down the line, but this, right here? This is what tells me that yes, it is so worth it."

"Well, shit, Akane, I love you too."

"Hah, gay."

"Shit, really?"

We chuckled a little, and continued working, the robot taking shape, with Lisa and Nicky here for moral support and eye candy.

"Did you know," I said, after we took five minutes to dial in the alignment of a shoulder joint, "that I actually got a Thesis out of joining the polycule?"

"You did?" Akane asked.

"A what now?" Lisa asked.

"I, a mad scientist driven down my path by banishment, have gained a better understanding of my driving motivation and its context in such a way as to deepen my power as a mad scientist," I clarified. "And I gained this better understanding by way of entering into a new social context, one where my outsider status has changed."

"So my boobs made you a better mad scientist," Nicky concluded.

"They certainly helped, yes."

"Wanna hear something funny?" Akane asked.

"...What?" I asked.

"I remembered that you were Banished, and decided to test if getting you into a relationship would count as a Thesis," Akane said. "And not only was I right, answering that question counted as a Thesis for me, too, because I study the supernatural and how people use it."

"Who knew that all you needed to succeed as a mad scientist was the power of gay sex?" Lisa mused aloud.

"You rules-lawyering freak," I said in awe. "You are perfect."

"Some girls, when they talk about wanting their first time to be special, mean candlelight and silk sheets," Akane said. "Me, I mean data points." She hummed quietly. "Also tentacles. I feel like a stereotype, but it doesn't bother me enough to turn down the prospect of tentacles."

"They aren't made for that," I admitted. "I'd have to do some modifications to make them, ahem, fit for purpose."

"So you gotta work the shaft before we can get tentacled?" Lisa said.

"You are a bowling ball spontaneously house-ruled into the Jenga game that was my polite euphemism," I said.

"You don't need to be euphemistic with someone after you've stuck your tongue down their throat," Lisa said with a shrug. "You can say boner around us, it's fine."

"There's going to be an adjustment period as I internalize the new boundaries, okay?" I said.

"Anything we can do to speed that up?" Nicky asked.

"Oh, y'know. Continue demanding kisses and cuddles. I'm sure I'll learn quick enough."

"So-"

"We can make out after I finish this robot."

----------------------------------------

"I gotta say, Akane," I remarked. "Your bed is really comfortable, even setting aside the people I'm sharing it with."

"I wouldn't know," Lisa said, lying on top of me. "I've got a much better bed right here. Mmmn... so glad you said yes."

I rubbed her ears affectionately.

"Yeah... So am I, darling. So am I."