Consciousness flooded my being. I remembered who I was and what I did. But as fast as the memories came, they vanished as if they were a dream. I felt something amiss. Shouldn't I remember something? Who was I? No idea. A sense of loss and anguish was all that was left. A foreboding warning that my enemies probably won.
My body felt dry and stiff, yet sticky and clammy. The dichotomy was explained by a simple fact. I was caked in some kind of adstringent cream. The outer layer dried but the insides were still moist.
A quick check with my sense of touch told me I was an adult female bipedal creature with furless skin. I don't know why that mattered. Maybe I had fur or non-humanoid appendages at one point in my life... lives?
I whimpered as the butterflies went loose in my stomach. Who was I? How did I end up where I was? Where the hell was I?
Focus slowly returned to my eyes. My nostrils took in the stale air of the place I found myself in. It smelled of chemicals under a pungent odor of chloroform. The surface I was lying on was cold, smooth, and flat. As an image formed in my sight, I saw a rough stone roof, concave with support arches. I felt I was above ground in a high place. The air felt cold and thin. It was dark and the only source of light was a few candles in strategic places and four torches on sconces high on the walls. Even then, I had no trouble seeing in this flickering dark night.
I could suck in air and exhale but I felt no urge to do so. The familiar heartbeat inside my chest was nonexistant as well. My body felt cold and my skin was ghastly pale. What was I?
I rose from the slab and heard a gasp. A man in a trenchcoat was staring at me, surprised. I was sure he thought a naked woman rising was an eerie sight. I didn't feel ashamed or embarrassed because I was naked.
I spun on my butt and pushed my legs out of the... stone operating table? It looked like that. I could see it had restraints for unwilling patients, or perhaps victims?
Glass flasks with tubes and disgusting ichors filled the tables and shelves around the room. Some of them had... floating body parts. It was unnerving. The eerie atmosphere and the wind whistling wildly in the ventilation openings around the arched ceiling creeped me out.
I felt the dry cream crack and flake. I pushed myself off the operating table and my bare feet touched the cold stone. I moved my body to shake the embalming fluids - it couldn't be anything else - off of me.
My movements flowed naturally into some sort of dance moves. Was I a dancer? I couldn't remember anything. The lab worker - a scientist? At least he wore a stained white coat. - wiggled his hips in synch with me. Were we dancing? Was he ogling me? I wasn't bothered by it. I felt that he was not important and no danger to me. Moving around felt good. I fell into a rhythm and danced. He caught it in a flash.
The musicless dance stopped. I rubbed myself to get almost all the remaining stuff off of me. Averting his eyes, the scientist took a lab coat from a hanger and tossed it to me.
I put it on and buttoned the front to keep my modesty. The fabric was old, stained, and moldy. I knew I once could make better clothing with a snap of my fingers but I had no idea how. Or why I had such certainty.
I heard the pitter-patter of rain and the rumbling of distant thunder. A sudden storm came and the smell became weaker as the water cleaned the air outside and the wind forced the lab atmosphere to renew. We were indoors but some droplets splattered from the open holes in the stone walls that passed for windows. No shutters or even glass panes anywhere.
Wordlessly, the lab worker fled the lab. I followed him, finding easy to keep up with his hurried steps. We crossed a long narrow corridor that felt elevated. The stone floor transmitted some vibrations characteristic of suspended construction and the relentless night storm drizzled from the slits on the walls.
An innate sense of orientation told me I was moving to the west. We were also at a high altitude, probably on a mountain. I had no idea where that knowledge came from. The air was thin and cold but it didn't bother me. My lungs only drew in air when I told them to. I found myself surprised every time I remembered I should breathe only to find my chest muscles completely still. My naked feet slipped on the cold damp stone of the corridor as we walked.
The narrow suspended stone passage - a bridge with walls and a roof, maybe? - ended in a door. The scientist didn't bother closing it after him and it still swung slowly after his hasty passage. I walked through it and found myself in a lavish castle corridor. It had to be a castle. The chiseled stone blocks of the construction were imposing by their size and sturdyness alone. Through the door behind me, I could see how thick they were.
Red carpet and old paintings of distinguished nobles decorated the floor and walls. Several doors of different workmanship led to what must be either bedrooms, broom closets, and cabinets.
At the end of the corridor, I saw the lab worker banging on a door. As I quickly approached, the most lavish door in the corridor opened, letting the sounds of painful moans and ecstatic slurping out into the corridor. I even heard a few gormandizing groans coupled with sucking sounds. The smell gave me no doubt. Vampires.
A man wearing only embroidered green silk robes open in the front answered. His mouth dripped blood and I could see the flash of pearly white fangs as he opened his mouth to talk to the scientist. The man in white coat pointed at me and the vampire - he had to be a vampire - smiled as his gaze fell on me.
I felt repulse and an urge to slay him. I had no idea of his strength so I erred on the side of prudence and held my killing instincts back.
"Greetings, milady. I'm glad you woke up and decided to join us," the handsome but still disgusting vampire told me with a bow. Then he faced the lab worker and gave him an order. "The ghouls are getting lethargic with this moisture. Give them some lightning jolts with your electrodes to get them running. Our guests arrived and we need to get the party started. We can't do that with a shambling crowd!"
"Yes, master! It shall be done!" The scientist was clearly more afraid of the vampire than me. He nodded frantically and started to walk away without turning his back to the lord of this castle. The vampire in expensive silks could be no less than that. The power he exhaled was almost palpable.
"Greetings," he addressed me as the man in white coat rushed past me and back to his lab. "Please, be at ease. We don't mean you any harm and I doubt anyone here, even me, could hurt you. You are our guest of honor and are safe here, that I promise you. I know you are confused, after all, you've just been revived. But everything at their own pace. I think you first should relax in a bath and get some clean and nice clothes."
He laughed, making a show of his vampiric fangs. I wasn't impressed. He was handsome and well-built and while I was sure any female would lust after him, this female had no interest in males and his supernatural charm didn't work on me for some reason. He also didn't leer at my barely covered form. His gaze remained steadfast on my face. It wouldn't bother me as much as it should if he did but I was thankful for his well-polished manners.
"Where are my manners? You can call me Vlad, the lord of this castle. We are having some friends over for a friendly dance, would you grace us with your presence, milady?"
Dancing sounded nice. I knew I could dance very well. I nodded and he grinned. Then Vlad clapped his hands twice. A team of maids flooded out of side doors that were clearly a hundredth as expensive as the one to the master bedroom, from where I could still hear muffled female moans of pleasure.
"Maids! Take the lady here to our best guest room and see to her every need and whim. Fetch her a dress and comfortable shoes. We are going to have a blast of a night."
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He smiled at me, this time keeping the dental exposure to a minimum. "We'll see each other in a few hours, milady. Be at ease and ask the maids for anything you need."
A veritable squad of women of several species dressed in french maid costumes stood on the corridor. They formed two rows to my left and right. An older but still gorgeous woman in a uniform that was clearly a notch or two above the average maid's pointed at a door that was second only to Vlad's bedroom. I could still hear the muted sounds of vampires feeding coming from inside the master bedroom.
"This way, milady," the head maid pointed with a friendly smile.
I walked down the aisle of maids and noticed that all of them were undead. Vampire thralls, to be precise. I knew but had no idea how. They had eternal youth and beauty, but at what price? I wondered about the women inside Vlad's room. Were they slaves, prisoners, or even real? The vampire lord conspicuously had no blood on him.
As I entered the room, I noticed again the lack of a heartbeat inside my chest. Focusing my many senses inward, I discovered I too was undead. What kind of undead, I had no idea. I would require further investigation to find out.
I let the maids have their way with me. They were professional and clearly used to attending to noble ladies. I was sure I was one because I didn't feel any oddity at being attended by them. I could move with grace and poise.They were firm but gentle, a testament to their skill. The lab coat I wore was promptly removed from the room by one of them. They led me to a bathing room covered in white marble with a silver tub in the middle. The water steamed and carried with it the fresh scent of wild flowers.
After the bath, my skin felt moisturized and clean. The yucky feeling of the embalming fluid still persisted but as a ghost feeling, like when you stay in an uncomfortable position for too long and your body takes time to get used to not feeling that way anymore. The towels they used to dry me were soft and fluffy. I returned to the main bedroom.
They brought me several dresses. I took my time picking them and ended up with a strapless red silk party gown that had red roses embroidered with gold thread. After my choice was done, the ordeal of getting into the dress started. I had to put on petticoats and a corset, which the maids tugged with all their might in an attempt to crush my ribcage. Silly them, I was stronger than that.
Way stronger than a normal person had the right to be.
The corset had metal hooks all around it. As they brought the heavy dress, I noticed the inside of the dress had loops of fabric in the exact same spots. The maids carefully hung the dress on these hooks, to distribute the weight of the fabric evenly around my body. The bloody thing had about a hundred petticoats and a metal frame underneath. The whole apparel should weight close to ten kilograms. No person could come less than a meter from me without touching the ballooned skirt. Sitting was out of question as well.
Matching rose-embroidered white gloves that came up to my elbows crawled up my arms carried by dexterous maid hands. They proved me wrong as they brought a bench and pulled the skirt sideways and brought me down to sit on it. I could sit.
Seizing my legs, the maids put socks and shoes on me - the head maid explained they came last because they had to pick the right heel height for me - while another team did my hair.
They tugged, combed, stylized, and placed a myriad of pins and some fancy rose-shaped jewelled barrettes to hold everything in place. With a curling iron heated on a bed of coals, they curled some strands of vibrant gold hair. I hadn't noticed my hair color until now.
Finally, the makeup team came. Powders, creams, blush, and mascara covered my face. They drew lines around my lips and coated them with glossy vivid red lipstick. Another maid plucked some hairs from my eyebrows and trimmed a few others.
Only after all was ready and done, I could see myself in the mirror. What met me on the other side of the glass was an imposing and stunning blonde lady with a pale complexion. I was sure she - me - was too pale, deathly pale, indeed. My slender and long arms were graceful and elegant. My button nose was cute and matched perfectly the rosy cheeks with just the right bit of baby fat on them.
My lips were bright red courtesy of the lipstick. They were full and sensual but not vulgar. My chin was a bit forward but it elongated the delicate face enough to keep it from looking too childish.
Down from the chin was a long and slender neck. I checked and there were no bite marks. I didn't have fangs like Vlad or the maids either, so a vampire I was not. The neck ended on visible but not pronounced collarbones and a wide decolletage that threatened to jump out of the corset under the strapless dress. The cleavage was inviting and plentiful. But it was meant to be seen with stolen glances instead of conquered and touched.
I had the bearings of a queen. Maybe I was one once or twice. I had no idea. I tried walking in the high-heel shoes and I found that I could not only walk but glide. My shoulders stood straight and far apart, leading my arms with grace and precision as I moved around the room.
Satisfied, I nodded to the head maid. The doors opened and I was led through a maze of corridors until I reached the the ballroom. I was on the second story side balcony overlooking the gigantic venue. it was already crowded. A set of long stairs led from where I was to the main ballroom. The upper floor was conspicuously empty of guests or guards.
Below on the main floor, all sorts of undead, be they bony, incorporeal, fleshy, or just looked like the living crowded the ginormous conservatory. On the prominent stage at the center of the back wall to my left, a lonely bard played a tune in his lute, surrounded by idle musical instruments awaiting the rest of the musicians. The guests were having fun, the party had just begun.
As I scanned the venue from the balcony where I exited the inner castle, I saw not only the undead but other monsters. A werewolf clad in military officer uniform talked to Vlad and a younger version of the vampire lord. The image of Dracula and Alucard came to mind but I as soon forgot who they were.
As my gaze fell on him, he lifted his sight to meet mine and smiled. He reached out with a bubbly wine flute, inviting me to join them. With grace and glamour, I slowly made my way down the staircase, relishing in the gaze of the partygoers that stopped their elaborate vaudeville to look at me.
By the front door on the other side, I saw a hunchback in chains, surrounded by baying hounds. Although he and the dogs were clearly living, the undead didn't pay him any mind. Musicians arrived from the backstage and settled for their favored instruments. A vocal group with front and back singers prepared themselves. A pennant hung from a post behind told me the name of the group. "The Crypt-Stomper Five." A peculiar name.
The music started and the dead danced. They picked up the song in a flash. I reached the ballroom and danced with them. The dance of the dead? The graveyard smash? What were these?
"Milady. Glad to see you're enjoying the party," Vlad said as I finally reached him. "Can I introduce you to Talbain XXIV, King of Theirian?"
The werewolf looked at me with genuine admiration. "Milady. I see a kindred spirit in you. It is my honor to make your acquaintance."
The wolfman exchanged a glance with the vampire lord. He flared his nostrils and raised an eyebrow, a feat only a mix of wolf and man could do.
"Don't blame me, Talbain. I only rescued and revived her. But let's not talk about boorish things. All in their due time, my old friend. Tonight, we enjoy the party. Tomorrow, we talk about politics."
"Agreed," the werewolf growled curtly. He agreed to postpone it but made clear he wasn't happy. Did I have any relationship with the werewolves?
"Don't worry. I'm fine," I told King Talbain after Vlad reached the stairs on the side of the stage. They probably led to the backstage area. He climbed on a coffin and vanished behind the curtains.
"I hope so, matr... milady. If it is okay with you, we'll enjoy the party."
I ignored his freudian slip. He clearly had information about me.
"Please," I giggled to ease his tension. "I don't remember much but you spoke the truth. I know we are kindred spirits."
The closed coffin was theatrically brought on stage by six mourners. The musicians feigned surprise, as it was obvious to me the whole thing was a staged act. Out of the coffin, Vlad's voice did ring. He seemed troubled by something. He opened the lid and rose, waving a fist with pretend anger. He glared at the musicians with a scowl of displeasure.
"Whatever happened to my Crosswoods Twist?"
The crowd laughed with unbridled mirth. They were all aware of the act. The vampire Count jumped out of his coffin and took a fiddle offered by one of the musicians. The others quickly fell in the monster's lead as he played the mash.
Now that everything was cool, Vlad was a part of the band. The pleased crowd danced and rattled their literal bones. Vlad's mash was the hit of the land, as they say. I took Talbain's paw and danced with him as the crowd parted to give us room to move.
A bell rang, the hunchback with the hounds answered the door. The song paused and the crowd went silent. As the massive double doors opened, a group of heroes, living breathing adventurers showed up on the other side. The whole room went tense. The undead instinct in me burned and urged to quell their life.
Vlad was the one to defuse the situation. He shouted, "Hey you, the living! We won't fight tonight and you are welcome to join us as my guests of honor! This mash was meant for you too! Boris, usher them in!"
He made the fiddle strings wail as he once more led the band. Outnumbered, the heroes decided to accept the host's invitation and entered the room. Waiters brought them food and drinks and they soon partook of the feast and danced among us.
They too could mash. The heroes did the graveyard smash. I could say they caught it in a flash.
Then the labcoat scientist came down the staircase, his muscles bulging and ripping the fabric. He too was a monster and changed into his other persona, no doubt courtesy of some foul concoction he shouldn't have imbibed. The monstrous doctor howled and shouted.
"Mash, good!"
Liches and ghouls laughed with him. From his place of prominence on the stage, Vlad shouted.
"Easy, Igor, you impetuous young boy!"
We laughed and danced. We did the mash. The monster mash.
It was the craziest night of all my lives. All true, I swear.
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Life ?? - chapter 1 - NOW PLAYING: The Monster Mash.