After fixing my Status and before the sleep spell wore off for good, I went with Nenandil to secure the church money. I wasn't going to trust the other priests to not try to get a piece of the pie now that the head nun was gone. I also fixed the unicorn-horn-shaped hole in my cot with some wood magic and silk.

The orphanage dormitory was an open long room. The cots were all side-by-side and there was no division between boys and girls. We slept ordered by age. The newcomers next to the exit, the oldera ones at the back. Since this was the Goddess of love's temple, one can wonder what happened at the back of the dormitory. I gave up my right to move to the back and slept near the middle. The dumb younger kids thought it was cool to go to the end of the long hall and pray every night by calling upon the goddess name with so much fervor like the grown teens. Sometimes the orphanage's occupancy even increased out of nowhere. Such wonders of faith.

Yeah, right. Spare me.

The next morning, the whole orphanage went crazy. As I mentioned before, every single move by the gods was part of their marketing strategy. They never moved a finger if it wouldn't benefit them in some way. Zacheia announced to her followers in their prayers that a new [Saintess] appeared in Rosebush.

Windemere was a small country with very good roads and four major population centers. Caravans could go from the western gates leading to the inner sea and Sadian to the northern gates connecting to Lonid in half the time it took to go around the neighboring countries and without a worry about bandit attacks. Even the mercenary and adventurer escorts charged less if the caravan went through Windemere. That allowed the country to charge ridiculously high customs fees and push further the agenda of "no slavery" they upheld to this day. It was still profitable to cross Windemere, especially for stocking up on the local specialties.

But I digress. Regarding the [Saintess], it was enough to know that traveling inside Windemere was fast and safe. Once news of Zacheia's divine message made the rounds during the night still, people came in droves to see and meet and supplicate boons from the [Saintess].

Most children in the orphanage were devout followers of the goddess. They paid their rent with Faith. Once they woke up from the sleep spell, they went berserk all over the open hallway with our cots. They were crying, praying, shouting, running to tell everyone the "great news".

I wasn't spared. Pretending to sleep in my cot, I listened to the kids' riot. They would soon come to wake me up. To my luck, it was Marisol that reached me first.

"Hey, wake up, Haru! Don't you know our Goddess anointed a new [Saintess]?" She boasted as if it was her divine mandate to enlighten the infidel.

I yawned. "Yeah. Wisteria was promoted, that's yesterday's news, Marisol. Good for her, actually. You see, some people were spreading false rumors about her, how she was stealing from the church, and whatnot. All lies! The Goddess took upon herself to right this wrong and make her a [Saintess]," I finished with a shit-eating grin.

Her smug face scrunched. "NO way! Wisteria, the [Saintess]? I'd eat my panties if that was true."

I chortled, "I'll take that bet. Whoever loses has to eat both our panties. No sauce, only a mug of water to help wash it down."

All the kids froze at my loud declaration, made even louder by my [Musician] ability. The boys were snickering and whispering boyish things. But through the magic of peer pressure, she was forced to accept.

"I hope you like mine extra sweaty!" She said without thinking too much. One second later, regret settled in.

"Eww. You piglet," I teased. "It's fine even if you leave a skid mark! I promise mine will be as clean as one just arrived from the river."

The other kids mimicked my disgust and shot ugly glances at Marisol. It was good to turn the tables. With everyone awake, we left our hallway to see about the new [Saintess].

But before we found the new [Saintess] there was one imperative to obey. We had a hundred-something hungry and overexcited kids. There was no breakfast. If the kids were this excited, the clerics were running around like the headless cockroaches they were inside. They forgot to prepare food for the children and weren't too concerned when the hungry mob of urchins broke into the church pantry and attacked it with a ferocity that would make locusts feel inferior and inadequate. The [Feast of the Saintess] was well underway and everyone was gangsta until some boys found the kegs of booze hidden by the back wall.

They tapped the kegs and started to drink. In this backward world, there was no legal age for drinking but the priests kept the orphanage kids from indulging. Both to cut costs and to maintain discipline. Kept. With the party started, they dared took the ham and sausages reserved for the clergy. Nothing was spared and they eventually started ferrying food from the pantry to the kitchen and mess hall.

Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

It reminded me of when the fairies stole a poisoned pie from the humans. The only difference was the size of the people and the absence of toxic substances. Before someone pointed out, for a dwarf, alcohol wasn't toxic. Our metabolism just burned hotter after drinking it.

"I dare anyone to drink me under the table," Jeff, a boy that would go away on the next "Apprentice day" challenged.

I shrugged and jumped on a table. "You're on! What shall we bet?"

He puckered his lips, "If I win, you'll kiss me and let me tug on that bushy tail of yours."

I deadpanned. "If I win, you're going to kiss the butt of every boy in this orphanage."

More snickers. Jeff clenched his fists, "I'm going to---"

"Drink it up, you little piece of shit. All mouth and no cock!" I glared. "Chug! Chug! Chug!"

The kids quickly joined the chorus.

A priest entered the kitchen to find a line of boys on a table, crouching with their trousers down. A bunch of blushing girls was on the other side, snickering and commenting on the hairy butts exposed and other things that popped up. Meanwhile, another boy dragged Jeff along to kiss all the butts exposed. He was quite lucid even though he passed out drinking. I made sure of it with a stealthy spell.

"By the goddess! What the hell are you doing?" he shouted.

I was behind the girls, trying my best to not laugh.

"You pests! Raiding our pantry!" He ran after the kids. The girls squealed and ran while the boys tried to skip with their trousers down. Some fell from the table, some pushed the others. Jeff and the guy holding him were the luckiest ones as they just ran down and joined the flood of girls running back to the dormitory wing.

I turned invisible and went to the temple to snoop on what was going on.

----------------------------------------

I found Wisteria in the main nave, in front of the altar. She was wearing pristine pink robes and a stole with Zacheia's symbology. The lovers kissing with a full Ayla behind them, birds flying, musical instruments, a painter's easel, and palette, and so on.

The church was crowded and some city guards were at the door keeping more from entering as well as walking up and down the central aisle organizing the line. It felt like that the whole city wanted the blessing from the saintess. The people sitting on the pews or lined up at the sides whispered among themselves in hushed tones.

Eavesdropping on the conversations, I learned that most were worried about the monster that was haunting the city since yesterday. It'd killed a lot of craftsmen and wealthy people last night and everyone was afraid to become the next victim. I knew it was the head nun and I had no idea how close she was to finish her task. After getting the gist of what was going on, I went back to Wisteria's side. An old Eleon was talking to her about the attacks.

"I'll pray for the safety of our people, elder," she replied to the Eleon cajoling her. But you might have better luck with Queltphion, or Galbarar's paladins."

"Bunch of good-for-nothings those are. They were called last night and are moving slower than a mastiff visiting the veterinarian! Bah. Pray for us, Saintess. Pray for us!"

"I will," she replied with a tired smile.

It must've been the umpteenth time someone asked her about the [Divine Revenant]'s purge. I wondered if she knew. The mood changed when someone tried to push past the door guards. Someone whose sense of importance was bigger than their bellies. Using my new Perk, I flipped my ears that way and zoomed in the door.

"I am the future King of Windemere! How dare you block my path!" The fat man spat on the poor guard. "I will see the [Saintess] now!"

He looked pure human, about six feet tall and as heavy as a mature hog. The guards stood back and he strutted into the temple. He had some aura Perk and once he was in range, I {Appraised} him.

> Status Forgery Pierced

>

> Level 116 Half-human, quarter-wolfkin, quarter elf [High Aristorcrat]

He stared right at me even though I was invisible to mortal eyes. Some ability or Perk? I moved and he didn't follow me.

Anyway, no way in hell the Tabard would pick that guy. How did I know that? Simple. As all enchanted items were given a purpose by me, they were a tiny portion of me. Woven with my {Living Silk}, enchanted by my hands and Exp, the Tabard judged people with the same measure I did. Not that I had any psychic connection to it. If someone failed my evaluation this bad, the Tabard would fail them even harder when it judged them.

While I chewed on my immediate disgust of the guy, the way he looked at the people as if they were trash, and the greed in his eyes when he stared at Wisteria, he'd reached the front dais.

"I'm Torgo from House Greybelly, [Saintess]. I'm King Eric II's second nephew's son and heir to the throne of Windemere. I came to give you my greetings and congratulate you on your promotion. Here, we have a donation for your temple. I hope you support me in my claim to the throne."

I fidgeted as I decided if I should give Wisteria advice and reveal myself to her or not. Before I acted, she replied.

"Zacheia does not wish to favor this or that faction, Lord Greybelly. What she wishes are the people's happiness and a fair ruler. We will work together with the Crown but only when a King has been chosen," she emphasized the last word.

She was surprisingly accurate in her political neutrality and well-worded. I guess everyone was these days, with the throne empty for two decades. Maybe Zacheia coached her?

Torgo didn't like her answer. "I hope you understand that not picking a side might be seen by some as picking the wrong side, your eminence." He said in a whisper, impossible to hear to anyone nearby due to the other conversations reverberating in the nave.

She replied loud and clear with a smile, "I hope you understand that angering the gods is bad for a ruler, my Lord."

The shrewd politician latched on her bad choice of words, "I thank you for showing me support, [Saintess]. I'll reflect on your words of wisdom!"

Conversations died as he started to make his statement. Torgo turned around and walked up the aisle, dignified. Wisteria and anyone else in the church found themselves unable to talk while I glanced at a notification.

> {Last Word} doesn't work on Royalty. You automatically resist the effects.

This guy was bad news. He had twenty years to put on the damn Tabard, yet we were still squabbling about who should be the next [King]. It begged the question, did Windemere even needed a King? It still hadn't collapsed but we were on the brink of a civil war. Tensions were higher than ever.