ALEKS

Leukas was sitting next to me so I couldn’t see him but I could imagine his face was a picture of neutrality and patience as we both watched the orange flames of the fire ad reveled in its warmth, the crackling sound of the room the only disturbance to the thick but not uncomfortable silence. We were sitting on the big, comfortable, arm-chairs which were placed in front of the fireplace, with miniature tables which held large mugs of hot drinks placed in front of both of us. I finally picked up my spicy drink and cradled it to my lap as I finally gathered my thoughts and felt ready to talk.

“When I was fifteen, my father told me that he intended to place me on a boxing ring and that I would be taking on his right hand man in combat. He was a fully grown six-foot-five man and I was just a girl. I had mastered so many martial arts disciplines and I was quite good at them but he was a grown man who was taller and stronger and wiser than me. I knew he would kill me but I also knew that I couldn’t beg or talk my father out of it. So I simply asked him why. Because I thought that I would die. I thought I was done I had seen the man murder people, so I knew I had no chance against him. So for the first time in my life I asked my father why he hated his daughter so much that he seemed to have been looking for a way to kill me since I was six. For the first time then I saw my father look at me and see something more than some kind of sick project. I saw him look more human than I had thought was possible for him and he sat me besides him and told me his story.” I took a quick drink of my drink before continuing.

“My father was actually the illegitimate son of Ludwik Brigadier the Second, the leader of the biggest Bratva group in Russia at that time, and I know that after his mother died mysteriously shortly after her affair with Ludwik was revealed and he moved into his father’s house, his stepmother hated him with a passion and so did the whole Brigadier clan because his stepmother was loved by everyone. Apparently she was kind and loving and nurturing; the perfect wife for the Pakan and a nice leader of the clan; she was pretty much perfect to everyone except my father. Apparently she publicly abused him so much that everyone else did the same and he became everyone’s punching bag. Everyone knew that she had killed my father’s mother and she wasn’t shy to tell him every single detail on how she did it. He had no one on his side, and according to him, they broke his spirit and it was the best thing they could have done for him. When he took everything from his father and her wife and rose to the top so much that everyone who had despised him was suddenly beneath him and begging for crumbs of his businesses and his territories, he decided that it was all worth it; everything he’d gone through to achieve greatness was worth it. When I was born, he didn’t care much about me. I was simply a girl and I couldn’t be of much use to him after all.” I placed my cup on the small table, my hands trembling lightly as the memory of the night I had blocked out of my mind came back to me, and I felt so incredibly vulnerable and as scared as I had felt that day.

“When I was six, one of my father’s work associates snuck away from their party and came to my room. He had been looking at me strangely all day and when I told my mother she…. she just didn’t believe me or she didn’t care. I don’t know what, but I felt that something was not right about him and I was so scared to be alone that night. I couldn’t sleep and as I lay in my bed, just as I suspected he would, he came into my room.” Besides me, Leukas cursed softly but I barely heard him over the beating of my heart, my mind transported to that scary memory.

“I don’t know what I thought he was going to do to me, I mean, I couldn’t have known what a man like that really did to little girls, but he was a monster in my brains, and then the monster was in my room and he was cooing at me and touching me and I knew it was wrong and disgusting and that he shouldn’t have been doing that and I started struggling and begging him to stop while I called out my mother and he wouldn’t stop and I just…I blacked out. When I came to, I was screaming and crying and he was lying in a pool of blood on my bed and the knife I had stolen from the kitchen and placed under my pillow was imbedded in his neck, blood still spurting out. My father ran into the room and for the first time ever, took me into his arms and comforted me. He told me that he would make sure no man ever made me cry like that ever again.” I was startled out of my memories by the feel of Leukas’ warm hands clutching mine as if in comfort. I blinked at the sight of our hands together but didn’t look at him or pull away as I continued.

“The man didn’t die somehow, he just had a substantial wound, but my father just let him go. He told me that he’d decided then that he would make me someone who would never be seen as weak enough to be taken care of in such a way. I actually reminded him of him at that age, according to him; weak and vulnerable, and he didn’t like that very much.” I chuckled humorlessly, folding my feet underneath my butt. Leukas was graciously silent, letting me talk about all these things I’d never said out loud to anyone else. “He was so fucking offended that someone had dared to attack someone, something, which was in his house; which belonged to him, so he made it his personal goal to make me who he wished he was when he was young. I guess he decided that I was his rebound at life and he was going to make me the monster he wished he’d been in order to fight back from all he went through and, he did it. It’s like a switch flipped in him that day and he just decided that despite being a girl, he would prove himself to everyone by making me…the best. And he did it Leukas, he did it, because I did become the best, although it almost killed me. And my mother; she didn’t care about what her husband was doing to her young child. She didn’t care that I spent my child days alternating between tutors, fighting instructors and doing some drug runs, and despite her indifference towards me, I loved her so much and Ludwik knew it.” I took another sip of the drink and faced the fire again as I spoke.

“Long story short, he had felt weak at his childhood and he used me to prove that if he had had the resources he would have been better and stronger. I guess at the back of my mind I’d always hoped that once he deemed me good enough to be part of the family business he would finally let up on me and we could all be a family and I could be a normal girl who was allowed to wear dresses and bows and could play with dolls, but I knew after our talk that it would never happen. He would only push me higher and higher until he couldn’t anymore, until one of us died. So when I fought that man in that ring later on, I knew that my dreams were dead and all I could do; the only way I could survive was the same way he did. Become the stronger person and take him out. I won. I killed that man with my bare hands.’’ I said in a cold voice and gave out an empty chuckle when Leukas gave the slightest flinch; a flinch that wouldn’t have been noticeable hadn’t I been looking at it. I had expected it, it was really no secret that Leukas had a thing against violence, but I couldn’t help feeling hurt and defensive and going on the attack.

‘What’s wrong Luk? Horrified that a six-year-old stabbed a guy and when she was fifteen she went and killed some other guy? This is what you wanted though. You wanted to know didn’t you? This story is already so interesting isn’t it? There’s attempted rape, attempted murder, drug dealing…”

“I’m not judging you Aleks. Not you.” Leukas’ voice was low but firm when he spoke up, his eyes bright with determination, and I watched, surprisingly emotional as he bought my hand, which was still held firmly in his, up to his lips, and gave it a soft, comforting kiss that flooded me with warmth and a desire to further confide in him. He gave me an encouraging smile and turned his chair so we were a bit closer and I could see him a little more, but the absence of lights made his scrutiny a bit more bearable.

“I guess over time I did get good. Too good in fact, and I think he recognized the look in my eyes. He really had gone and made me a better version of him and I guess he hadn’t considered how that could backfire on him. I knew all his secrets, all his dealings and all of his contacts had slowly gotten used to me being the one who delivered. I knew he’d try to get rid of me but I had planned for that too. I had this friend in the FBI. He was pretty smitten with me and he had been helping us out for a while so I told Ludwik that I’d given that particular friend of mine everything he’d ever need to put him and his associates to jail for life if anything were to happen to me. He probably knew I was bluffing he wasn’t going to risk it. I was home-free, but then my mother surprisingly gave birth to my little brother. My father had also planned ahead and he knew that kids were pretty much my weakness and a kid who was actually my young brother, even though I hated him and my mother I couldn’t just fuck him over; it would ruin my little brother’s entire life and leave him caught in between our mess. So my father proposed that that I marry one of our longtime rivals, Alexei, and he and I go our separate ways. My marriage to Alexei was supposed to be just a formality; a show of goodwill and union in front of our mutual enemies, but I would be living my life free non the less.”

“Alexei that…” Leukas’ voice was tight and I refused to look at him as I answered his unasked question.

“Yes. That Alexei.” We were quiet for a while as he absorbed the new information that I had given him. That the man who had kidnapped his kids was my fiancée at some point. That it had been my fault that our kids had gone through such an ordeal. “I didn’t mind his terms. Hell, it was an out that I hadn’t considered; having a choice to actually leave the lifestyle. Because you don’t leave the Mafia alive, Leukas, and I had resigned myself to dying in there. But when I thought about another life; one separate from all the danger and politics and death, I was really tempted. I thought that if something were to happen to my parents, I could somehow take better care of my brother if I managed to make a life for myself outside of all the danger. So I took the deal. I had a year before the marriage alliance was fixed and I knew my father would feel less threatened if I was far away from him and all his dealings so I decided to go away for the year. And that’s how I found myself in California.” I took another sip of my warm beverage, wondering if I should tell him about my time in Stanford and my stalking but I decided at the last minute to leave that part out. He had said I could tell him things only relevant to how things ended between us, and that part of my life had nothing to do with it. Not really.

This narrative has been purloined without the author's approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.

” After a few months of my stay in California, my father came across some new prospective business ventures that I had been hesitant to go through with when I was in charge, so he proposed a new deal for me. I was recruited to work for a Black Operations Program for a while, on behalf of my father, and in exchange, he got some alliances in high places.” I had obviously had to sign some NDAs and was sworn to secrecy on most of the things I was telling Leukas but I think we were now beyond that. If I cold know about a whole secret kingdom that his family practically ran, I’m sure he could know about some minor government secrets that neither he nor I could ever prove. “I have to admit, it was a little hard for me to get used to a quiet and civilized life. It was like I was in this world that I had been living since I was young, were a lot of things were okay to do and right and wrong was a foreign concept, and then suddenly I was in a whole different country with a different climate, culture, food and lifestyle. It was anticlimactic. And I admit that I was a little relieved to get a chance to get back on the field. And it was so different from when I did the work with my father. I was actually taking out real life bad guys and for the first time, I was on the right side. Even though I was usually sent on solo missions, I had people who had my back; good people who genuinely wanted to do good, and it was so much better than the mob. I was in my zone. When I met you, I was on another mission.” The fire cackled in the silence that followed and I snuck a look at Leukas. His jaw was clenched so tightly I could almost hear the gnashing of his teeth. Because he realized I was finally getting to the crux of the matter. Everything I’d talked about today had been building up to this part; to him, and I could see a blanket of weariness sneaking into his face before he chased it away and put on a mask of resigned indifference. My heart couldn’t help but beat a little faster as well, and I took a deep breath before talking again.

“A couple of some other guys and I were on a mission to bust out a minor human trafficking ring and I took up the modeling job so that I could be at the very center of the company and have some access to the offices. That’s when I met you and you were…. God, Leukas you were unlike anything I’d ever seen in my life; so gorgeous and …. the things you made me feel were so foreign to me as a woman and as a person in general and even though you were a distraction I didn’t need and it was unfair of me to latch onto you when you were so young and while my life wasn’t exactly safe…. I couldn’t stop myself.” My impassioned speech was followed by a silence that was thick with some king of tension and I had no idea how to break it when I felt so breathless and vulnerable. Luckily I didn’t have to.

Leukas’ voice was a little thick and rough when he spoke. “What things did I make you feel?” he asked, stunning me a little. But I didn’t want to lie to him, I couldn’t lie to him.

“You made me feel a little bit normal. Like I was more than a murderer with a great body that seemed to drive men wild. Like a woman who was desired just like every other woman. Like a friend; a good friend at that. Like someone worthy of a man as smart and sweet and caring as you are. Like a human being. For the first time, I felt like I had some kind of chance in the life outside of violence and crime.” It was Leukas turn to sip his drink but I saw the way his hands shook a little and the way his breath stuttered. Then his eyes were on me for the first time in a while and I felt like I couldn’t breathe properly, like his eyes held me in some kind of ridiculous spell. They were impossibly dark, even with the fire reflecting in them and my mouth felt incredibly dry as he stared at me. I licked my equally dry-feeling lips and his intense eyes followed the motion, my breath ratcheting at the intense emotions I finally saw running through his eyes. Desire and want. An undiscovered scent of passion permeated the air before Leukas took another deep breath and returned his eyes to his former blank stare, effectively breaking the tension.

“Then why did you frequently reject my advances if you…if you felt so strongly about me?” he asked as if reluctantly, his eyes falling back onto the fire.

I sighed. “I guess I thought that if we made it official it would get old somehow. And I knew that it would be permanent for me and I couldn’t saddle you with those feelings. And when we had sex it was…it was so intense I just didn’t think I was un any space to handle a relationship with you. Not an intimate one. And then Ashley came by and you immediately jumped at her and I….”

“That is not fair.”

“It may not be, Leukas, but you asked me to tell you how I felt and what I felt was that I slept with you and then two days later you were dating a girl who looked exactly like me. Like I was some blow-up-doll which was very dispensable to you.” I could tell that my abrupt and bitter tone stunned him as much as it stunned me and I took a calming breath, trying to chase away the feelings of betrayal and devastation I had felt when Leukas randomly introduced me to his new girlfriend, barely two weeks after we slept together.

“But you made it clear that us sleeping together couldn't happen again. You said we couldn't be together.” He said, a note of incredulity in his tone.

I was getting uncomfortable with sitting down and being so close to him while I spoke so much about myself so I stood up from the chair and moved away from him and towards a shelf which was filled with books and a number of portraits.

“Maybe I wanted someone to fight for me for once and I hoped that it would be you. Maybe I wished you would tell me that I meant so much to you that simply accepting our demise wasn't going to work for you. Maybe I thought that even though I was so unsure and unsettled, you could be my anchor and hold me down. I realize now that I was wrong.” I said distantly as I fingered an old book about Roman History.

“Wow.” Leukas' voice was bitter and I turned back and looked at him.

“Leukas, I’m not saying any of this to condemn you or to judge you about anything. I'm just telling you my thought process at that time and most of it has little to do with you. I was and maybe still am not really stable in terms of my mentality or my sense of being, so I just…. I latched onto the most beautiful thing that I saw in the new world I entered. I latched onto you and it came to a point were you became my motivation for everything. When you got together with Ashley, it just threw me and I had some irrational feelings about it. I put you on an impossibly high pedestal and made you out to be this perfect individual who would always be on my side no matter what, and whenever reality proved otherwise, I panicked. I see how unreasonable and unfair that was now.” I explained, and then we were both quiet as we digested what I’d just said. Part of me was mortified that Leukas was finding out about all of the irrational feelings and thoughts I'd had about him but I was also resigned. It felt like we could have a clean slate after this talk, no matter what he chose to do with this information.

“And Ashley? Was her appearance and her similarity to you a coincidence?” he asked after what seemed like a while.

“I doubt it. I could have found out about it but…. she wasn't really hurting you and she was your girlfriend…I didn't want to ruin your happiness with her over my jealousy.”

“Happiness….” Leukas stared at me as if I was mad before taking a deep breath. “Ashley Hampton does not exist in any legal documents. I looked. She disappeared soon after you did, after she told me you weren't really who you said you were and she tried to make it as if you killed her but despite everything, I didn't believe her.” He chuckled humorlessly. “Apparently I’m only an idiot when it comes to you.” I had no idea what to say to that so we endured another stilted silence before he spoke again.

“And your pregnancy? When did you find out about it?”

I swallowed at his hard tone. “The day you confronted me about what Ashley told you. I'd finished my contract with the Government Operations and I’d had a full medical before I left. I was going to tell you then.”

“And you didn’t, just because I confronted you for the fact that you were living a double life and you'd been lying to me about your family and hometown?”

“I didn't tell you because you looked at me with disgust and I couldn’t stand it. I was going to come back and tell you. I really was….” my voice was getting sharp in response to his sneering tone.

“Then why didn't you?” he shouted.

“Because I was too busy getting kidnapped by a psychopathic vampire who was I was apparently conceived for, despite the fact that he was gay and impotent!” I screamed back, and watched in mild satisfaction as his face paled and his eyes widened.

“Vamp…. vampire?” he asked incredulously.

I swallowed before turning my back on Leukas again. I wasn't an idiot; I’d suspected since I saw Lanthe that this place wasn't exactly filled with normal humans. It was the air; it was so clean and fresh and magical and it was their paleness and good looks. Alexei had told me that was normal for a place dominated by any kind of celestial beings.

“Ludwig never intended to give me any freedom because I wasn’t his to give freedom to. Apparently he and Alexei's father had made some kind of summoning ritual when they were young, and I’m not sure of the details, but I know that it's how Ludwig managed to dethrone his father and take over everything. Apparently I was part of the deal. My mother was supposed to give birth to a son as well as Alexei's mother, so we could take over from our fathers and dominate the world or something crazy like that, but when I came out a girl, my father and Alexei's father fell out and Ludwig was convinced something had gone wrong. When I stabbed that man, he apparently had hope again, and the way I took to everything and endured; he was convinced that their plans had gone through after all. When he became threatened by me and my growing power, he decided that it would be best if I married Alexei instead before I turned twenty-five and came upon some new abilities; something about a bond keeping me under Alexei's control and my father safe from my wrath.”

“So that means that Ludwig is….” He trailed off and stared at me as if in a new light and I shook my head gravely.

“He is my father; but by only a third. I’m apparently one third harpy.” I said watching as Leukas shook his head before standing abruptly.

“I think I’ve heard enough for today. I need to process all of this new information. Fuck…Aleks…. Let's continue this conversation later. “he said before absentmindedly kissing my forehead and heading towards his appointed room, leaving me standing on the warm ground, paralyzed by memories of fear, confusion and total loss.