CONT

A slightly uncomfortable bout of silence followed my declaration and it seemed like both of us had nothing to say so we sipped our hot beverages for a while. My mind was running in a thousand different directions with no destination in mind, and my father’s parting warning echoed in my mind.

‘You say Aleksander is not your mate, son, and I’ll respect that. A piece of advice though for when you’re married to Fletcher, a woman who isn’t your mate and whom you don’t intend to blood-bond with within the marriage; you better hope you don’t find your true mate. Because if you do and you don’t do what’s right, you will go mad and become a danger to everyone around you. Do not say I did not caution you.” A slight sliver of fear and weariness passed through me as my body tingled with awareness of Aleks’s presence, her scent and the mouthwatering scent and sound of the warm blood running through her veins. I involuntarily licked my lip, fangs I hadn’t had for years elongating uncomfortably in my mouth as I stared at her long delicate neck. Just one small taste.

‘You will go mad and become a danger to everyone around you.’

I slammed the cup down onto the saucer, startling Aleks as I abruptly stood up, determined to get away from her and all the voices in my head.

“I have to go.” I explained as I turned to escape but a soft hand grabbed my arm in surprisingly solid grip. Then Aleks was even closer than before and I could hear he swallow, hear the wind blowing through her long hair, hear her breath slightly hitch at our contact. I shook off her hand, trying to shake off the sensory invasions and the myriad of feelings that were giving me a slight dizzy spell that I refused to succumb to in front of Aleks; not again. Something was changing within me, something awakening despite all the sigils we had drawn on my body to make sure that all the darkness within me was put to sleep and locked away. But It couldn’t be. I refused for it to be so I forced myself to calm myself and focus on Aleks.

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“Before you leave, Leukas, can we talk and try to clear the air? For the kids’ sakes. Can we be a little more than cordial and…uhm… try to be friends? I know it’s a lot to ask and I do not deserve you or your friendship after everything but can you give me a chance to explain myself. I don’t have any excuse for what I did, but maybe if you hear my …. uhm….my mental state at that time you can see that I’m not a bad person and I never meant to hurt you or to hide such a big secret from you maliciously.” Her voice wobbled at the end.

I swallowed hard and looked away from her. It truly was tempting to be angry and unreasonable, but I knew deep down that anger was a dangerous feeling. It was too much feeling. I couldn’t afford to be emotional, not in Abattohn were such feelings could transform into something. Not in this world which was brimming with magic and interference from the gods. Not when Aleks was so gorgeous that my hatred was immediately accompanied by a burning need to fuck all my anger onto her. It would be better if we spoke, buried the hatchet and she became nothing special to me. If we were cordial. And maybe a bit friendly. Just like I was with most people. But I couldn’t listen. Not today, not when I was so off balance. Not before I prepared myself.

“Tomorrow. I have to go now but I’ll be back tomorrow. And then we can talk about the kids going to school here, living arrangements and…whatever else.”

“Promise? You promise we’ll talk tomorrow and you’ll listen.” her voice was laced with a quality of defeat, and I had to fight an insane urge to cup her cheek in my hand .to comfort her. To reassure her. To kiss her.

“You have my word that I’ll listen tomorrow.” I hurriedly promised before hurrying out of the house and plunging myself into the cold night where I finally took a deep albeit shaky breath.