ALEKSANDER

One thing my father never knew about me was that when I was twelve, I developed an intense phobia of showers. I had always had this recurring dream that I was drowning in some waterfall and every time I had gotten under the shower, I felt like I was in that dream, drowning and crying out for help while no one came to my aid. I’d known it wasn’t a necessarily rational fear, that with being my father’s daughter and everything that went with it, but it was a fear. I did everything to rid myself of it without my father ever finding out. I couldn’t even imagine what he would say if he had found out how much my breathing picked up and my body shook when I was under running water. I had no idea how I had come to fear falling water that much. I had no idea how I had come not to care about it anymore.

I had felt a similar clawing at my chest and heavy panic when I had seen the beautiful blonde woman, ‘Leukas’ fiancée, hug him like that, like she had all the right to. I had known that Leukas was engaged. It had been mentioned a couple of times since I had come into this…world and I believed it. Any woman would be so lucky to marry Leukas so I believed it. But seeing it was a whole different thing. Maybe I had hoped, after Atlas had slyly told me that it wasn’t too late to seduce his brother; his marriage was more transactional than anything, that he and the fiancée wouldn’t be in much contact, let alone so cozy together. It had been like a slap in the face when I saw her come out of within a room in the house I was told Leukas and Atlas inhabited, wearing nothing but the shirt I had seen Leukas wearing when he had ignored me in the morning as we had seen the twins off for their day out with Leukas’ family. It was obvious that they had been together mere moments before Atlas and I had interrupted them.

The thought of that woman with her beautiful blue eyes and elegant pretty face being so close to Leukas in a way that I couldn’t be and hadn’t been in forever made me so angry and murderous and ...sad. I had never hated a woman as much as I hated Fletcher ‘Leukas’ fiancée’ Ignaz.

“That bitch.” I muttered, looking at my wet reflection in the foggy bathroom mirror, the image of her slender arm around Leukas’ lean, ripped abs that I had wanted to lick from the moment I’d seen him that afternoon, replaying on my mind like a tape made especially for my torture. It was so easy for me to imagine ripping her arm away from his pale but somewhat attractive body which was apparently littered by an array of black and blue tattoos that I also wanted to lick, and then ripping it from her arm socket so she could never make the mistake to touch Leukas again. I’d done it before; ripped someone’s arm off their socket. I could remember the man. He was a forty-year-old man who liked to dip his fingers inside little girls and was a part of a group of rich perverts who had a child trafficking ring. They’d taken the wrong kid once and my services were hired, through my father of course. I was eighteen-years-old then and it was my first mission outside the ‘family business’. It took me a whole month to infiltrate the ring, but once I did, I made sure everyone paid. The disgusting tapes they made and kept, their brutality; it had made me sick to my stomach. And I had made sure I hurt them so bad they would take their own lives like cowards. I didn’t even want their blood on my hands. So it really wouldn’t be hard for me to put the bitch in her place.

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

The Ice Princess would have never had to deal with such. That Aleksander was so revered and feared that I only had to kiss a guy to kill his sex life forever. No one touched what was even suspected to be mine. Most people stayed away from me because association with The Ice Princess made you untouchable; holy even and part of me missed that power at this moment. If I were still that Aleksander, that bitch wouldn’t even go anywhere near the man I loved so much.

It was nine pm so I still had some time before the dreaded talk. After drying myself and my hair, I wore one of the big and fluffy gowns that I had found in the bathroom cabinet and went to the cellphone Atlas had given me after I signed some NDAs about the whole Abattohn world, and called Lander despite the fact that I had no idea what time it was where he was. His tone was sleepy when he answered.

“Hello?”

“You were wrong.” I said in lieu of a greeting.

“Aleks?” his tone was exasperated and tired. “It’s two am.” He informed me. I ignored his complaint.

“You were wrong about my love for Leukas, Lander. It was never a bad habit. Maybe it was irrational and sudden and naïve, but it was love, Lander. And I know this because that love gave me the ability to love my kids so much. It gave me the ability to love, period. I never knew love or devotion before him. I would have never been able to love my kids so much if I didn’t learn how invigorating it can be to love someone. Because I did and still do love their dad. So even though I don’t deserve it, I’m going to bet on that love all over again.” I said before hanging up, my heart beating fast behind my chest.

I was going to tell Leukas everything tonight. Lay myself bare in front of him. Let him into my mind in a way that no one, not even Lander himself had ever been. It was scary to put that much trust in someone, when all I was ever taught was that trust is a weakness. I was going to strip my soul bare in front of him, and I wasn’t sure how he would react to finding out everything I was; everything I’d done. His repulsion or outright rejection would kill me, I was sure. So I was really hoping for something. Anything that just let me into his life again. Any way I could talk to him without the wariness and slight anger in his gaze. Anyway I could not be something he regretted. I would take friendship; hell I would be so grateful for friendship. As for more; more than friendship…I couldn’t dare let myself hope.