Lilly found it difficult to enter the dream and struggled to remain asleep. She no longer felt safe closing her eyes as the Doan wise ones kept her under close watch. When she was finally able to enter the dream, she was surprised to find Ayawa waiting.
“Lilly, I was afraid something had happened to you,” Ayawa said in a rush as her hairstyle changed. Lilly could see the woman the Ayawa was upset and her lack of focus was causing her appearance to constantly shift.
“It's hard to sleep,” Lilly sighed. “I have my own small tent, but there are two guards outside it at all times. I don't feel safe.”
“You aren’t safe,” Ayawa stated firmly. “People are beginning to believe the Doan are using you, despite not knowing how you communicate with us. Some have suggested they know you are getting information out and are feeding you lies to confuse us.”
“Why would anyone think that?” Lilly asked as she struggled to understand it. Ayawa explained how nobody believed the enemy would allow Lilly such freedom in their midst. It could only be part of a larger plan, some effort to hamper the empire or perhaps ensnare more of them. Sarah wanted her to fly back immediately, no matter what she had promised them, and Lilly was beginning to agree.
“I should come back,” Lilly said after a moment.
“Then why haven't you?” Ayawa asked. “Change in your tent, tear it to shreds, and fly like the wind.”
“I don't know,” Lilly admitted as her emotions ran so wild she nearly lost the dream. “I don't think there is any reasoning with them. They seem convinced that this war is part of their way of life. They are meant to fight the empire as conflict brings them honor.”
“I told you that,” Ayawa balked.
“So did Gersius and Sarah,” Lilly admitted. “But they are showing me a great deal about their way of life. Maybe we can use what I learned to approach them after the war.”
“Lilly,” Ayawa said as she put a hand to her head. “Gersius is planning to conquer them. This will be the last war the Doan fight with the empire. He has stated clearly that he will march across their land until he reaches the end of it.”
“I know, but the Doan respect strength in battle,” Lilly argued. “If he crushes their armies and we approach them with my knowledge, they might be willing to talk.” Lilly was hopeful she was making a valid point, but the look on Ayawa's face didn't agree. She did her best to make Ayawa understand that she felt there was something to be gained by remaining. They would claim she had no honor if she left now, and the war with the empire would likely grow more extreme. Ayawa agreed they would likely see it that way but insisted there was nothing more she could do.
“I could find out where the third army is,” Lilly said. “They are waiting for some messenger to arrive with a report that they are in place. The longer I remain, the bolder they become about sharing things with me. They want me to see how strong they are and might tell me where the army is just to boast.”
“Lilly, please,” Ayawa said, holding a hand out to touch her shoulder. “I am sure that information would be valuable to us, but the danger you are in is shaking your family. Sarah is a wreck, and Gersius is hurting despite the strong face he puts on. Thayle is trying to be the voice of reason, but I have caught her crying. They are terrified for you, and every day you are away makes it worse.”
“I am doing this for my family,” Lilly insisted. “If this war goes the way the Doan hope it will, we will be fighting for years. Even if Gersius beats them and drives them back, how long will it take to sweep their lands? It sounds like they are as large or larger than the empire. How will we raise mine and Thayle's child while marching to the next battle?”
Lilly thought she had made a good point, but the reaction Ayawa made was out of proportion to her words. The woman looked down and rubbed her stomach as the colors of fear tinted her aura.
“Ayawa?” Lilly said softly as she rubbed the woman’s arm. “Are you alright?”
“I’m pregnant,” Ayawa said. “Or at least I should be.”
“What? Why would you say you should be?” Lilly asked. Ayawa explained the painful confrontation with Tavis and how it ended with Gedris giving her a blessing to make her fertile. They then made love and ended their running. Soon they would have to settle down to raise their children in the family they always said they would have.
“That’s wonderful,” Lilly said and drew her into a hug. “I am so happy for you.”
“Thank you,” Ayawa said and took a deep breath. “So you see, I do understand your desire to end this war quickly, but the risk you are taking is terrible. If you die, your family will die with you. They need you more than you understand.” Ayawa paused and pulled away, turning her back on Lily to look down the hall. “I need you too, my daughter. I am proud of your sacrifice, but I have not had enough time to be a part of your family.”
Lilly was struck by the woman's admission and rushed back to restore the hug. She was rewarded with Ayawa putting her arm around Lilly tightly and holding her firm.
“You come back to us,” Ayawa demanded. “Gedris and I are going to give birth to your siblings. You need to be there to see them grow.”
“I promise,” Lilly said as a tear ran down her cheek. “I just need a little more time.” They stepped apart and looked around, realizing they were somehow managing to hold the dream. Lilly wondered if it was their desire to be together that was holding them in place. They parted with a hug and promised to meet again the next night. Lilly immediately woke up to find a woman looking through the door of her tent. It was Cindri, the woman of Ulustrah turned Doan wise woman scowling at Lilly as if she had caught her in something. Lilly knew the woman was reading her aura and judging what she saw in the light. Lilly knew from watching her lovers sleep that their light did reflect what they were dreaming about. Had Lilly's emotions flared during her talk with Ayawa, and had Cindri been watching the whole time?
“Is something wrong?” Lilly asked as the woman leaned back.
“No. I thought I heard something. Go back to sleep,” she said and left the tent door.
Lilly curled up and held her legs as she blinked her dragon sight into being. She could hear the two guards that watched her through the night pacing around her small round tent. When they passed her open door, she could see them as clear as a summer's day, two women of the Doan carrying spears. She began to wonder if the guards were there to protect or contain her as her doubts began to grow.
It wasn't a question of whether she made the right decision anymore; now, it was a matter of time. Gersius needed to know where that third army was, and Lilly had a means of finding out. All she needed to do was wait, and the answer would come, but would it be soon enough to turn the tide?
She sat awake the rest of the night, occasionally meditating to Balisha but never for very long. She longed to share the prayer with her husband and sit in his lap as they connected to the goddess. By morning her mood was soured as she dearly wished to run home and be in his arms.
She straightened the colorful skirt she had been given and stepped into the morning light. Over the last few days, she had learned that this particular camp was composed mostly of the leadership. There were two large contingents that were special units meant to be a form of honor guard. Aside from this, the camp contained a hundred members of every major Doan clan and some of the smaller ones. There was a wise one from every one of these groups, and Lilly had seen many of them. They didn't all stay in the blue tents, but when they sat to hold council, their numbers swelled, and some bitter discussions took place. Thus this wasn't truly a war camp, as Gersius would call it. It was more of a diplomatic envoy, holding the various war camps together and focusing them on the west.
“Good morning,” a familiar voice called, bringing Lilly out of her troubled thoughts. She looked up into the dark eyes of Hurrock as he stood at the edge of the blue tents.
“Umm, good morning,” Lilly called back and glanced about to see the nearby women hadn’t paid her any attention yet. She dared to approach the man who seemed the most eastern of the Doan and noted he smiled at her boldness.
“You’re name is Hurrock?” Lilly asked.
“You honor me by speaking my name, mother of the scale,” he said with a dip of his head.
“Please stop calling me that. My name is Lilly,” she insisted.
“Hmm, and you are nothing like the others of your kind,” he said as his smile faded. His dark eyes looked over her as if searching for some reason for her to be different. Lilly felt exposed to that gaze as if it was somehow reading more of her than she wanted him to know.
“Why do the others not use this form?” he asked, surprising Lilly with his question.
“Because they think it weak and inferior,” Lilly replied. “This human form is the curse they hate Balisha for. She gave the dragons this form, and so long as she remains, we can use it.” She waited for his response, but his eyes took on a faraway expression. She wondered if he was trying to balance her words against the traditions of his people and what he was told of Balisha.
“It seems foolish to want such a gift removed,” Hurrock said at last.
Lilly couldn't believe that a Doan man was admitting he agreed with her. Moreso, he had called it a gift, not a curse. It was the first crack in the Doan way of thinking she had seen, allowing her to dare and believe there might be hope.
“I wish more of your kind could see it that way,” Lilly pressed. “It isn’t right for the Doan and the Empire to bleed over a disagreement between dragons.”
“This is more than a disagreement between dragons,” Hurrock said. “The empire has been our enemies for as long as the Doan can tell tales. Our peoples have shed so much blood that now it is simply a way of life.”
“But it doesn't have to be,” Lilly insisted. “Gersius would open our borders to you and give you trade, resources, and tools. He isn't like the old rulers who see you as a wild and untamed rabble. He spoke reverently with great respect when he first told me about your people. He was impressed at how strong and hardy your people were and how you accomplished much on a hard land.”
“Hmm,” Hurrock said with an approving nod. “A shame he was not born a Doan. He sounds like a good man.”
“He is a good man,” Lilly replied. “He is so good that a dragon found him worthy of her hand. I wish I could get others to understand that. I wish I could make your people understand that.”
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“I wish you would go,” Hurrock replied, suddenly jarring Lilly from her course.
“Go? Why do you want me to go?” Lilly asked.
“Do you not hear them when they speak of you?” Hurrock asked. “Even the wise ones still call you a soma woman as they ply you with their honeyed words.”
“What do you mean?” Lilly asked again as she grew concerned. He was about to answer when a voice spoke up behind her and addressed Hurrock with a spiteful tone.
“You have not been summoned to the wise ones,” Cindri said as she came to stand beside Lilly. “You have no reason to be speaking with the soma woman.”
“I have not entered your tents,” Hurrock replied and swept an arm to remind her he was just outside. “And Lilly came out here to speak with me.”
Lilly noted how he addressed her properly and felt something strange inside. Cindri ordered him away unless he had some business with the wise ones. She then took Lilly by the arm and told her she was not to speak to others unless she had the permission of the wise ones. Lilly wasn't given a chance to explain herself as Cindri insisted she comes to sit with the other women. She was escorted to the largest tent, where the women gathered to discuss recent events and hear complaints. They were all there, dozens of them sitting on cushions in their colorful skirts. Lilly noted how many weary eyes studied her approach, but not one of them said anything until Jhandi bid her to sit by her.
Valindra sat next to an aged woman with more wrinkles on her face than any Lilly had seen before. Her hair was white as snow and hung in long slow waves. She was introduced as Nirlindris, the wise one of the Sorthar Doan. Lilly had no idea who that particular line of Doan were, but she didn't need to know all their bloodlines. It was clear by the way the woman spoke that she carried great wisdom with her age and was even respected by Valindra. Lilly wondered if this was something learned from the dragons, as they respected great age. She sat and waited patiently as the woman turned her time-weary eyes her way.
“So this is the soma woman you have spoken of,” she said in a tired voice. “And she claims to be of the blood of the scale.”
“We have seen her dragon form,” Valindra said. “We can all testify that she is a dragon.”
“Ah,” the white-haired woman said. “But not of the Doan. Her eyes do not show the hunger the others do.” She paused to study Lilly, then bowed her head every so slightly before looking up. “It is my great honor to meet you like this. It is fitting that a dragon of the east should come before the Doan.”
“Why is that?” Lilly asked, not sure what the woman was getting at.
“Even the ones who call themselves our masters rarely choose to speak with us,” the woman said. “They have a chosen few they convey messages through, but they do appear from time to time. But it is good that you have come when our two peoples are about to clash again. It shows we will have a good and proper fight when we break the walls in the east.”
“You will find only blood in the east,” Lilly replied. “Gersius was born to fight this war.”
“Oh, yes, the name of our greatest foe,” Nirlindris said with a cackle. “You hope that will frighten us but all it does is make us bolder. That a great war leader stands against us only makes this war more valuable. Much honor will be earned on the field of battle.”
“There is no honor in dying over a lie,” Lilly countered, repeating something Gersius had once told her.
“They told me you had spirit,” Nirlindris replied. “It is good for you to stand so resolute. But you will see, your empire will not be able to stand against us. We have taken much time and patience to prepare for this war, and soon all the pieces will be in place.”
“And what will this prove?” Lilly asked. “Even if you do win, what will you gain? Slaves? Gold? Plunder? What good will that do you when the dragons have no use for you anymore?” She said her words in a rash attempt to lash back, but she wasn't prepared for the reaction. The gathered women scowled at her as if she had insulted them, and a few hurled insults. She was called a liar and a deceiver sent to test their faith. Nirlindris raised a trembling hand as she laughed a weak, hoarse croak, bringing them to silence.
“I have lived a long time,” she began. “My mother taught me of the guiding hand of the dragons, as her mother taught her. It has been our way since the first breaking and will be our way long after the memory of this new war has faded. This dragon believes she is right, so she speaks boldly. But we will show her the mistake, and she will come to see that she was wrong.”
Lilly doubted that, as she couldn't imagine these people defeating Gersius. Still, their plan was working, and the missing army had him tied down. She needed to learn the location of their missing army, or at least where it was going. If she could get that information to Gersius, he could destroy it and bring the war west. She would love to be her to see the look on this smug woman's face as the empire's armies marched over this camp.
“You needn’t show such defiance,” Cindri stated.
“What do you see?” Valindra asked as many heads turned to Cindri.
“Her aura is full of confidence with a dash of anger. She does not believe we will prevail,” Cindri replied.
“Let the soma believe what she will,” Nirlindris said with a dismissive wave. “She will see the way a true people live.”
“I have already seen how true people live,” Lilly replied. “I have heard them sing, watched them dance, and observed as they accomplished great works. I haven't seen anything here to rival the least of that, and for a war camp, this is fairly small.”
“Be silent!” Valindra shouted as others cast insults her way.
“Why do we allow her to speak?” a woman asked. “She is not worthy to sit with us.”
“Be still,” Nirlindris cautioned. “I am told she came claiming to learn, so we let her learn. If it's song and dance she wishes to see, then let her witness that tonight when the torma is performed.”
Lilly wasn't familiar with that word but was grateful that many seemed pleased by that answer. The wise ones moved on to discussing a proposed attack far to the south to test the strength of a wall. Lilly took the opportunity to whisper to Jhandi and ask her what the torma was.
“It is a festival performed before a large battle,” Jhandi said. “There will be food, music, dancing, and much singing. Men will take wives and the night will be spent consummating marriages. Then we will march to war, and if the man returns, the wife can be sure he was meant to be her husband.”
“You marry right before marching into conflict?” Lilly gawked.
“It is the most fitting time to do so,” Jhandi whispered. “It gives a man a reason to survive.”
“But I thought you were waiting for your message?” Lilly pressed.
“Oh, we expect that any time now. Three days at most, Thus tonight we feast and dance so that we are ready when the word finally comes,” Jhandi explained.
Lilly looked down, shaken by her words. The Doan were planning to attack in no more than three days, and her time was running out. She returned to listening to the various conversations as the women discussed how best to use the howlers. Lilly thought it was odd they used the same word for them that the northern people of the empire did. This was the region Gersius had come from, and though he called them Bandersooks, he had explained how others called them howlers. The wise ones thought it a waste of their potential to throw them at the walls and forts. They were better suited to open conflict where their speed, savagery, and numbers could be put to use. She heard one woman laugh and say they were only good for wearing down the priests. They would expend much of their blessings killing the beasts, leaving them vulnerable to the Doan warriors.
It turned her stomach to sit there and listen to these women plan the empire's destruction. It made her even more sick to hear talk of how the empire's women would be divided among the clans. Their only value was bringing Doan warriors into the world and nursing them until they were old enough to train. Lilly wanted to shout at them for seeing so little value in the empire's women and point out all the wonderful things they did. She was reminded of how Thayle told her that men could treat women poorly, but no one was as cruel as another woman. She had witnessed it in the palace when those noble women accused her of being a whore and lying with Gersius for access to his wealth and power. She had seen it in the temples as women argued and pointed accusing fingers, making claims of injustice. If not for the ability of the women of Ulustrah to see the truth, these accusations would fester and cause a rot. Men were more direct and open with their abuse, but women struck from the shadows like assassins and prayed on one another.
“You look ill?” Cindri whispered. “Your aura is in flux.”
“I am fine,” Lilly lied, knowing full well the woman would see it. “I just don't care for the topic.”
“Those women will be better off,” Cindri insisted. “You will see, they will find true happiness in having a purpose.”
Lilly wanted to shout at her but kept it inside as the conversations continued. Finally, others were brought into the camp, and they began to deliver reports or ask for requests. Lilly was grateful for the change of topic until a large man with a barrel chest strode in with narrow eyes glaring at her.
“Why have you come before the wise ones, Grem?” Valindra asked as the man set his feet and then bowed slightly.
“I come to tell you that we are growing tired of the soma woman’s presence,” he said before looking Lilly’s way. “Many question your motives for keeping her here.”
“We do not answer to the tribal chiefs,” Valindra said firmly. “And we would not stand in your way at all if not for the dragons. They asked us to organize your camps and hold you at bay until the time was right.”
“And we have sat for months just outside the walls of our enemies while their numbers swell,” he spat. “Every day that goes by means the cost on Doan lives to break those walls will be higher. Now you bring the wife, our most hated enemy, into the camp and treat her like one of you. Many are losing faith in your right to lead this campaign.”
“What would you have us do about it?” Valindra asked. “The dragons hold you back, not us. We would like nothing more than to set you loose, if only to get you out of our hair, but they say we must wait. The moons are not yet right, and the timing is critical.”
“We could be waiting for the moons to be right while deep inside their empire,” Grelm argued. “If we had attacked those walls in the early days, we would be at the city of Calathen by now.”
“It isn’t our decision!” Valindra shouted. “Nor is it yours!”
Lilly noted how his aura filled with anger at her words, but he didn't show it in his speech. He stood tall, declaring the Doan were running out of patience, and many were calling for a leader to take over. He was insinuating he would be that leader, and when Valindra challenged him, he fought back.
“You defy our traditions by keeping her here,” he shouted and pointed at Lilly. “Show us you are still of our people and turn her over to the warriors.”
“Get out!” Valindra barked. “You have no claim to her, and she has been given a promise of protection. Besides, only another dragon could judge her.”
“She is not a Doan!” he protested, but a low cackling laugh took over.
Nirlindris smiled as she pointed a gnarled finger his way, and her weary eyes sparkled.
“You forget that she has vowed to obey our customs,” the old woman said. “She is a dragon and shows great respect by walking among us and accepting our ways. You would be wise to look elsewhere for your path to the grand chief of the clannoroc. If the dragons were to learn of your disrespect, they might demand you pay for your crimes.”
Grelm looked enraged, but he suddenly dipped his head and looked to Lilly once more.
“Then make sure she obeys our ways,” he said with a grumble. “Because many are watching and if she insults the clans they will lose faith in your leadership. He turned away and stormed out, leaving the women in silence as Lilly felt as if she were being hunted.
“Do not let this burden us,” Nirlindris urged as she looked about. “The people will remember who they are tonight as we celebrate the eve of the battle. You will see, the torma will put all these rumblings to rest, and many will be too busy to complain.”
Lilly hoped that was true as she was deeply worried about what would happen if the wise ones lost control. The discussions went well in the afternoon, and she was finally given some tea and a meat called rabbit. She enjoyed the cooked meat as a vast bustle of energy surged through the camp. It reminded her of the dance Thayle planned during the march to help bring together the men of Astikar and the women of Ulustrah. They were preparing a celebration where she was expected to witness the display of Doan culture.
The women broke up, and Lilly was allowed to wander the wise one's encampment as her thoughts raced. They expected word that everything was in place in the next three days. The only problem was that they intended to attack the moment that message arrived. So she needed to learn something useful and then have a chance to sleep to relay the warning.
Everything seemed to be spinning out of control, and she was worried about her family. Ayawa said they were hurting over her absence and the danger she was in.
“You look upset,” Hurrock said as she walked around a tent to find him sitting on a rock.
“Why are you always right outside the wise one's camp?” Lilly asked.
“My tent is right there,” he said and pointed to one just a dozen meters away. “A better question is, why are you wandering alone? You should be under careful watch.”
Lilly was grateful for a moment alone, but he had a point. She explained that the wise ones probably felt that she was safe inside the encampment.
“Then perhaps they are not as wise as they claim,” Hurrock suggested as he turned his head to look east. “You should go now before the fighting begins.”
“The fighting has already begun,” Lilly countered. “And I gave your people my word to remain until your plan or whatever is done. Gersius said that one's honor is precious and you should keep your vows unless it becomes impossible to do so.”
“He sounds like a nobleman,” Hurrock said. “And you married him?”
“Yes,” Lilly replied. “He took me to bed, and I became his wife.” Lilly expected that to be a suitable answer, but Hurrock shook his head and started to laugh.
“So you made no offer, and he stood no challenge?” he asked.
“I don't know what you mean?” Lilly asked. “We love each other, so we are together.”
“That is not a marriage,” Hurrock insisted. “The Doan go to bed with each other often when we are young. It suits a young man to learn about women so he can make her happy when he takes a proper wife. It also suits a young woman to learn how to love so she can be a treasure to her husband.”
“So you mate without being married?” Lilly asked.
“If it suits us,” he replied. “But when a man fights for a woman's honor, she becomes his. From that point forward, she will know no man besides her husband and any man he chooses to share her comfort with.”
“Share her comfort?” Lilly said in surprise. “What does that mean?”
“It means her husband can share her with another,” Hurrock said with a shrug.
“Why would you do that?” Lilly asked.
“It is a mark of great respect,” Hurrock explained. “When a man wants to show another that he truly respects and values him, he will share his wife. If the other man accepts, he is binding his loyalty to the first, and the two now have a lasting bond.”
Lilly was stunned by that explanation and couldn’t manage the logic. “I don’t think I understand your people,” Lilly said with a shake of her head.
“Does your husband not consider you his greatest treasure?” Hurrock asked as Lilly nodded. “Then what greater gift could he give to another than to know your comfort?”
“Gersius isn’t like that,” Lilly insisted. “He would never share us.”
“Clan chiefs often share wives to help unite families,” Hurrock said. “It is why chiefs often have three or four wives.”
“And how many do you have?” Lilly asked as she studied his aura carefully.
“One,” he replied and smiled at her. “I am careful about who I select. I am looking for a woman with the right heart who can stand at my side and be strong.”
“And you haven’t managed to find another yet?” Lilly asked as he stood up and smiled.
“I have found one, but she isn't ready yet,” he said and walked off, leaving Lilly to wonder who he meant.