Lilly made her way across the camp in the early hours of the morning. She thought about the conversation she had with Mingfe and Thayle as they discussed Shadros and his fate. Mingfe was certain he was improving and showing signs of interest. She suspected that his pride wasn't what was making him so angry. According to her, Shadros improved when they flew off and left him.
Thayle tried to puzzle out why he would be better when they were gone but to no avail. In the end, they decided he needed to talk to one of them. Lilly, of course, said Mingfe should do it, but Mingfe looked right back at her and said no.
“He will not share anything important with me,” she said. “But he might share it with another dragon.”
“He doesn't like me,” Lilly insisted, but Mingfe shook her head. “You can stand before him as an equal to his ego. You have the best chance of getting him to talk.”
Thayle reluctantly agreed, and Lilly stamped a foot in frustration. She didn't like talking to him and being reminded of what she was. Mingfe insisted that he was in a rare mood since the day before. Something Lilly said was bothering him, and he was focused on it.
Lilly now stood to his side as he lay asleep in the grass and tried to convince herself to turn around and run away. Before she could, burning eyes of blue opened and fixed on her with a predatory stare.
“Why are you here?” he asked.
Lilly let out a sigh and smoothed her blue dress as she confronted the dragon.
“Mingfe said you were hurt by what I said yesterday.”
“I was not hurt,” he replied, slowly lifting his head. “I was surprised you see it that way.”
“See what?” Lilly asked.
“You said I was nothing.”
“I didn’t say you were nothing. I said you were striving to be nothing.”
“It is the same thing,” he insisted with narrow eyes.
Lilly took a moment to center herself and then looked up at him to meet his gaze. She wanted to explain it in a way that encompassed them both and didn't single him out.
“We are dragons, but what does that mean? What is the purpose of our lives? We live alone and hide in caves. We meet once or twice in thousands of years to mate, and then we flee each other's presence.”
“We are what we were meant to be,” he said.
“But why?” Lilly insisted. “What purpose does our life serve? Why does the world even need dragons if all we ever do is hide from it?”
She could see him thinking over her words as he shifted his arms to sit up properly.
“We serve the purpose we were always meant to serve.”
“Which is what?” Lilly asked.
He was silent a long moment, so Lilly continued.
“I know you see it because you are a dragon, and you are intelligent. Now that it's pointed out, you see how little sense it makes. There must be a greater purpose for our lives, or we have to admit we are meaningless.”
“So what would you have us do?” he said with a hint of irritation.
It was the answer she hoped for, and she took a breath to keep calm. Over the bind, his anger and disgust simmered, but they were tempered. Mingfe was right, he was open to dialog, and she wanted to keep him that way.
“I don't know what the original plan for dragons was, but I think we can learn a lot from humans. We can learn things from them that will give our lives more purpose.”
“And what are we supposed to learn?”
“Look at our differences,” Lilly implored. “We are much larger, stronger, and capable than they are, but look at what humans do. They build cities while we dig holes. They make wonderful foods while we eat a deer. They sing and dance, and love while we sleep in our holes. They do this because their lives are very short, so they strive to fill them with meaning. We dragons have long, pointless lives that we squander away sleeping in hidden lairs. The divines saw this in us and gave us our human forms so we could go among them. Why not use that form to share in the human's meaning?”
“I do not desire to share this meaning of humans,” he replied.
She nodded. “But you like their food and drink? Mingfe said you like wine, and you're fond of sausage.”
“I will admit their food is unusual, but I detest having to take their inferior form to consume it. Also, this human woman annoys me. She behaves as if she were my equal.”
Lilly smiled and stepped closer. “She is trying to share her meaning with you. She wants to show you the human world and invite you to live in it.”
“I do not want to live in the human world. I want to go back to my cave,” he said in a growling voice.
Lilly was sure that was true. The first week or two she was with Gersius, she cried about wanting to go home. The only reason that thought hadn't stuck longer was that her hoard was gone. She knew that going home wasn't going to make her happy, and Gersius was starting to show her wonders. She pondered how to make him more content, and a thought hit her.
“What if I had some gold for you to lay on?” she asked.
“What?” he replied, lowering her head.
“It isn't much gold, but you could lay on it while you're with us,” Lilly said. “The people donated it to me when I started building Balisha's faith.”
He snorted and moved his head to look her directly in the eyes.
“The humans gave you gold?”
Lilly nodded.
“Why would they do that?”
“They like me, and they wanted to help, so they gave me a whole chest of it. I could let you lay on it while you're here with us.”
“They gave you this gold of their own free will? You didn’t have to kill them for it?”
“No, I didn’t kill any of them. They threw a lot of it over a fence where I was staying. Some of my acolytes would collect it for me and put it in my room. Some of it comes from collections we make when we stop in towns.”
He lifted his head high and made another snort. She watched as he looked out over the camp and sniffed at the air.
“I can smell gold, silver, and other metals,” he said. “This camp is full of it, but I cannot fathom them simply giving it to me. Nor do I understand why you haven’t taken it from them.”
“That would be stealing,” Lilly said.
“But you’re a dragon,” he insisted.
Lilly smiled that he acknowledged she was a dragon. He was in a rare mood, and she wanted to get all she could get out of it.
“If I took the metals from them forcefully, they would be unhappy with me. They would send me away, and I would lose all the happiness I have. If instead, I stay with them and let them keep their metals, they will grow to like me. Then they will share some of what they have with me. Everywhere we go, people donate silver and gold to our cause so we can pay for things. People care about things, and they like to help good causes.”
“Where do these humans get this gold?” he asked.
“They dig tunnels into the ground like we do. Gersius says they call them mines, and that there are hundreds of them around the human world. They dig out all sorts of metals and use them in their lives.”
“They dig mines?” he asked, now very interested. “Where are these mines?”
“They are someplace near where we are going,” Lilly said. “I am sure there are more other places.”
He shook his head looked away.
“Why are you going to this distant place? Why not go back to your cave?”
“Because of what I just said. Humans have meaning in their lives, and Gersius has a strong purpose. Since I am his wife, I am bound to his purpose because mine is to be at his side.”
“But he is a man,” Shadros insisted.
“He is a great man who cares deeply for people. He is strong and brave and driven to protect others. He rescued me when a dragon left me for dead and cared for me while I healed. He never abused his control over me, and he eventually let me go. He told me he wasn't worthy of having such control and set me free to make up my own mind.”
“So, why didn’t you go back to your lair?”
Lilly stepped up and looked up at the dragon who was searching for the truth.
“Because I couldn't. In the short time I knew him, I realized my life was pointless. I was alive, but I wasn't living for any better reason than to eat deer and sleep. I was nothing because my life meant nothing. He showed me how much more I could be, and I couldn't go back. He gave me meaning by inviting me to be a part of him. I am a wife and a priestess now, and that is my purpose and meaning.”
“This is why you spoke to me like that yesterday,” he said with a nod.
“Shadros, I only want the chance to show you what I learned from humans, but it isn't fair to you to keep you here. If you want to go, I will tell Thayle to let you go. You don't have to stay here against your will. You tell me, and I will make sure she sets you free.”
“You would make sure they release me?”
“You have to stand before Thayle and honestly tell her you will go home and not attack the camp or anybody else. She has a divine gift that allows her to see the truth. If you can do that, she will release you.”
With a huff, he looked away as a clawed hand dug at the ground.
“You don't have to make up your mind right now,” Lilly said. “I just wanted you to know you are free to go whenever you wish. I honestly think you should stay and talk to Mingfe. She desperately wants to share with you, but I understand if you do not like it.”
“I do not like being away from my hoard, but I do not hate that she talks to me,” he replied.
Lilly felt her heart race to hear him hint he liked to talk to Mingfe. He was finally getting over his anger and growing curious about what was going on.
“I hope we go past a town that has a bakery. I think you will really like what the humans call apple pie.”
He turned back to look down on her with one eye.
“What is this apple pie?” he asked.
Lilly smiled and described the concept of pie to him, then went on to describe the wonders of a bakery. For the next hour, she told him all about the foods and drinks she had experienced and how wonderful they were.
He laid there and spoke as if they were equals for the first time. He pressed why she chose to share herself with the humans, and she explained Balisha's wish. That soured his mood a little, but he rebounded quickly when Lilly absentmindedly played with her necklace. Seeing the gold of the chain made his eyes narrow on her, and he sniffed the air before her.
She used this as an opportunity to explain the wonders of how humans wore their treasures. He was enthralled to hear about bracelets and rings, and all the other forms of treasure they wore. He was stunned to find out Gersius had given it to her, and that Thayle had given her more. When she put the necklace away, he pouted, but Lilly decided this moment was too good to waste. She asked him to wait, and she ran back to her tent.
“I have to ask you something,” she said to Gersius as he leaned over a table and poured over a map with Lengwin and the commander of the pikemen.
“What is it?” he replied with concern.
“I want to bring the gold in our room out to Shadros so he can lay on it,” she said.
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Gersius was quiet a long moment and glanced at the other two men who didn’t seem to have anything to offer.
“Why would we do that?”
“He misses his hoard,” Lilly insisted. “If he had just a little gold to lay on, it might make him more friendly. I just had the most meaningful conversation I have ever had with him. He is breaking down, and this will help smooth the way.”
Gersius nodded as he considered her point. “But we need that gold to pay for expenses.”
“We have more in the wagons,” Lilly insisted. “I only want to let him lay on the one chest in our room. He isn't going to keep it; it's just to help him while he is here.”
“Alright,” Gersius said. “If you think this will improve his chances of breaking the curse.”
Lilly smiled and leaned in to kiss his cheek. She bounced back and rubbed at her lips with a hand.
“You need a shave,” she said.
Gersius reached up and rubbed at his chin with his hand to test the stubble.
“What if I want to grow a beard?”
“No, beards,” she said with a firm tone. “I like you shaved.”
He smiled and nodded. “I will shave later. Go ahead and tell Shadros we will bring him the gold tonight when we make a new camp.”
Lilly bounced and ran off to find him sitting with his back to the camp, looking in the direction of his distant mountain.
“Shadros,” she called as a sudden thought filled her mind. She realized that Shadros was the name they forced on him. She wondered if he had a name he would prefer.
“What?” he said in a defeated tone.
“The gold will be brought to you when we make camp later. You will have it for tonight, and all the rest of the nights you stay with us.”
He took a deep breath and sighed. “I had enough gold to bury myself in,” he said.
“I had a decent hoard, too,” Lilly added. “But please trust me when I say this, you will never regret giving the humans a chance to show you things. Their world is so full of wonders and knowledge.”
He went silent and resumed his distant stare, and she decided to pry.
“I want to ask you something,” Lilly said. “Do you have a name you would prefer?”
“I have no use for names,” he said.
“Then you are like me,” she said. “I didn’t have a name until I met Gersius.”
“We dragons do not need names like the rodents do,” he replied.
“My mother had a name,” Lilly said innocently. She was taken aback when he suddenly twitched and growled a deep rolling tone. Over the bind, she felt a spike of pain. It was anger mixed with something akin to regret. She wondered why that comment would upset him but didn't ask. After many long moments, he spoke and ignored the previous comment.
“This mass of rodents is an army?” he asked.
“It is,” she replied.
“Then, you are marching to war?”
“We are,” she admitted. “We have already had some small battles. Just a dozen or less people.”
“Am I expected to fight in this war?”
Lilly wasn’t sure how to answer that for a moment. She walked up to stand before him and waited for him to look down.
“No,” she said. “You are a guest, and as I said, you are free to leave any time. I admit we could use your help in the battles ahead, but you have to choose that. We won't force you to fight.”
He looked up again and went silent. She could feel the same pain and regret stirring inside. She felt she was losing him, so she dared to be bold.
“I can feel you over the bind, why are you so upset by what I said?”
He glanced down at her and then looked back to the sky.
“Those bodies in the tunnels, I didn’t kill them,” he said.
Lilly wasn’t sure what he was talking about until she remembered the dead bodies in his cave. The tunnel they used to get in was littered with them as if two small armies had fought.
“If you didn’t kill them, then who did?”
“My mother,” he replied. “A long time ago.”
Lilly heard a twinge of pain in his voice and didn’t know what to say. She stepped back so she could look up at him more easily.
“Your mother lives there too?”
“She lived there,” he replied. “It was her cave. The sword you took was there from eons before. Those men came to claim it and carry it away, but my mother was there, and she stopped them.”
“Were you visiting your mother?” Lilly asked.
He looked down on her with angry eyes. “I was a broodling. I was barely ten years old. Those men came like an army and marched down the halls. My mother fought them, but they had weavers and archers. She killed many of them and drove them into the back halls, the one you collapsed on me.”
“Where is your mother?” Lilly asked.
“She died,” Shadros said. “She may have won the battle, but her body was riddled with holes. She crawled back to the hoard and told me to stay and keep it; she wouldn't need it anymore.”
Lilly felt a pain welling up in her heart and heard it echoed in his voice. She wanted to reach out and touch him, but he continued.
“She crawled into a back chamber and went to sleep. She never woke up, and her bones are there to this day.”
“I am so sorry,” Lilly said.
“You say my life has no meaning and that humans can show me how to have meaning. Well, humans took away the one who could have taught me meaning. They marched in and killed her over that sword. Then you came and took the sword she died over. You forced a name on me when she should have been the one to name me. You humiliated me by forcing me to answer to the rodents. All of this has done nothing but make me hate you.”
“No wonder you are so angry,” Lilly said.
“I have tried to keep the fires of my anger burning. I know it makes you sick to be around me, and I have relished the thought,” he said. “But you are a dragon, and you willingly mingle with these rodents. I see you laugh with them, and touch them, and speak with them as if they were your equal. I struggle to understand why you would do such a thing. They hate dragons, and they hunt them where ever they find them. So why is a dragon helping them?”
Lilly licked at her lips softly as she thought of what to say.
“I help them because they want to stop the killing of dragons.”
He looked down and studied her with a blank expression.
“We are going to build an empire where dragons will be welcome. The humans there will fight to protect us from now on. We will be welcome in their cities and towns to eat and drink the foods they make. We are going to change the world so that men and dragons both have a place in it, together.”
“Men will never tolerate us,” he said.
“That's why you have a human form,” Lilly said. “Your right, men fear our dragon form, but Balisha gave you the gift of your human form so you could freely share with them. I know it is difficult to understand, but our two races were meant to share. Solesta cursed us, and in the curse, we made men hate us. This is our chance to undo all of that, so no more dragon mothers will be killed over a stupid sword.”
He let out a resigned sigh and looked in the direction of his distant home.
“I will stay for a little while longer and humor this rodent Mingfe.”
“Thank you,” Lilly said with a smile. She did reach out this time and put a hand against his leg. He looked down at the gesture with a tilted head, and she almost smiled to realize he had no idea what the meaning was.
He lifted his head away and looked up at the sky.
“You made me so angry when you spoke to the human you call your husband and used the same words that were my mother's last.”
Lilly wondered what she could have possibly said that would have caused such a reaction. She tried to think what a dying dragon would say to its child.
“What did she say?” Lilly asked.
He looked down at her and closed his eyes.
“She said, I love you. I don’t even know what that means.”
Lilly cupped her hands over her mouth in shock. His mother understood love! She must have been free of the curse, but how? Lilly looked up at the black dragon with a whole new point of view. He wasn't just a cursed dragon; he was a dragon who lost his mother and blamed men for it. Her last words echoed in his mind, and he had no idea what they meant. Even more, he must keep hearing them spoken around him, and it is causing him pain.
“Shadros,” Lilly said slowly. “I promise you, if you stay, you will come to understand exactly what those words mean.”
He didn’t reply other than to look away and study the distant horizon. Lilly took that as her cue to slip away and give him some peace. She earnestly searched the binding link for Thayle and hunted her out of the camp.
She found her with Mingfe and several other women who were designated captain or High priestesses having a conversation.
“Thayle and Mingfe, I need to speak with you,” she said as she arrived.
Thayle turned to look over her shoulder and saw the concern on Lilly’s face.
“Whatever is the matter, sweetheart?”
The gathered woman smirked and giggled to see Lilly’s aura light up at being called sweetheart. Thayle smiled when she understood what was so amusing and shushed them.
“I think this needs to be said privately,” Lilly insisted. “It is a delicate matter.”
Thayle raised a brow but nodded and turned to the others.
“We will continue this conversation later,” she said and dismissed them.
Even with the women gone, Lilly insisted they go to the meeting tent and then out into her changing ring.
“Alright, Mingfe and I are both here. What is so important?”
Lilly twisted in turmoil to get out what she had to say.
“I know why Shadros is so angry, and it isn’t only the curse.”
Thayle looked to Mingfe, and the two turned to Lilly.
“You spoke to him then?” Thayle asked.
Lilly nodded and twisted in anticipation.
“Well, what is it?” Mingfe asked.
Lilly recounted the story of his mother and her dying words and how it angered him to hear them spoken.
“He has no idea what they mean,” Thayle said.
“He feels it, though,” Mingfe suggested. “He would not be angry over her loss if he did not love her.”
“It's different for a dragon,” Lilly said. “I would say we have more of a respect for our mothers. He was probably well over her death until we dragged him out and made him come with us. Then he overheard us using the words, and it brought it all back. It is not knowing what it means that is tormenting him.”
“Why would his mother say such a thing?” Mingfe asked.
Lilly wasn’t sure at all. All she could do was shake her head and guess.
“She must have been free of the curse.”
“But how?” Thayle asked.
“I don't know,” Lilly said. “But I hadn't even heard of the word love until Thayle told me. That she used it can only mean she was aware of what it was.”
“But he isn’t,” Mingfe added.
“He must have a powerful desire to know what those words mean,” Thayle suggested. “But how do we teach him?”
“I would teach him if he would let me,” Mingfe said. “A man's heart is often like a firm clay, but he is like smelted iron, rusty and unyielding.”
“I think he might be ready to learn,” Lilly said. “I told him we would let him go if he wanted, and he said he would stay.”
“He did what?” Thayle said in shock.
Lilly smiled. “And he said he would speak to Mingfe.”
“He already does that,” Mingfe replied. “Or I give him a spear.”
“I think he means you won’t have to throw spears at him,” Lilly said.
“He agreed to stay after you offered to set him free?” Thayle asked again to be sure.
Lilly nodded. “I also agreed to lend him some gold to sleep on. Gersius said it was alright.”
Thayle looked wobbly and had to pace in the yard.
“So I was right then?” Mingfe asked. “He was ready to speak to you.”
Lilly nodded. “He was willing to talk, and you were right; he is hurting over something deeply.”
“He lost his mother at a very young age,” Mingfe said. “He must see her killers in us, but he is willing to talk about it, that is a great improvement.”
“He is also furious about the sword. He made of point of saying she died to protect it. He told me our taking it made him hate us.”
“Why would she be protecting a sword warded against dragons?” Thayle asked.
“I don’t know,” Lilly replied again.
“He is not as shallow as I assumed,” Mingfe said. “He carries a deep wound that goes to his core. His behavior is a result of all that pain.”
“I was shocked when I saw you put a hand to him the other day,” Thayle said. “But now this?”
“He has been improving since I started feeding him,” Mingfe said. “He is like your Lilly. He values our food.”
“How did you manage to touch him?” Lilly asked.
Mingfe laughed. “He got used to it from all the healing I had to do because of the spears.”
“You have the most interesting way of winning over a man,” Thayle remarked.
“This is no man,” Mingfe said with a shake of her head. “This is a brooding giant who refuses to see the world around him. If he won't see it, I have no choice but to make him feel it.”
“I suspect he is trying not to see the reminders of his pain,” Thayle said.
Mingfe nodded. “I have cruelly mistreated him. I will go out of my way to make amends and ask his forgiveness.”
“So, what do we do with him now?” Lilly asked.
“I will apologize and then wait and see how much he wants to talk,” Mingfe replied. “I will encourage him to ask questions so I can explain things. This will show me where he is most interested in learning.”
“I wouldn’t bring up his mother,” Thayle said. “He will likely react badly over that.”
Mingfe nodded. “I will not talk of his past unless he volunteers it.”
“He didn’t have a name when we named him,” Lilly added.
“Is that because of his mother?” Thayle asked.
“He thinks so,” Lilly said. “But truth be told mother dragons don't name their young. They let us pick our own names when we're ready. I didn't have one when Gersius found me, and my mother is still alive.”
Thayle laughed and smiled at Lilly. “Your mother gave you a name,” she teased.
“She did not!” Lilly retorted. “That was a silly name; she called me when I was a broodling!”
Thayle laughed again but wisely kept silent as Lilly glared at her.
“I take it this is a private thing,” Mingfe asked with a smile.
“It is a very silly name best suited for a young dragon,” Lilly said. “My proper name is Lilly.”
“Oh, sweetheart,” Thayle replied as she held her arms open. She embraced Lilly and squeezed her tight. “I am only playing with you. I had a silly name when I was young. I bet nearly everyone in this camp did.”
“My mother called me the little locust because I ate everything I could reach,” Mingfe said.
“You see?” Thayle asked as Lilly warmed in her arms.
“I don’t like people knowing that name. I shared it with you two because you’re my heart.”
“I will never reveal it to anyone,” Thayle said. “From now on, it is as guarded and protected as your true name.”
Mingfe sighed as the two women embraced.
“Is something wrong?” Thayle asked.
Mingfe smirked. “I have always been a woman who only found men pleasing. I have never sought the embrace of another woman, but seeing how you two love makes me wonder.”
Thayle smiled and gave Lilly a quick kiss.
“You know as well as I do that it takes a special heart to share like this,” Thayle said. “If your heart desires men, then it desires men. You will do yourself no justice to seek a woman you won't be able to love fully.”
“If I could find a woman as special as your Lilly, I would have no trouble in loving her.”
Lilly smiled and rested her forehead on Thayle’s head.
“I still find it hard to believe that humans struggle to understand why I love you,” Lilly said.
“Humans and dragons are the same,” Thayle said. “We are made to pair up as male and female to have children. It takes a bit of work to overcome your nature and appreciate the same sex.”
Lilly shrugged. “I always loved you.”
“You are a special case,” Thayle said with a smile. “You learned to love without anyone limiting how you were allowed to express it.”
Lilly smiled and held her tightly. “I hope Shadros learns how to love.”
“I do too,” Thayle said as she looked up at Mingfe. “I do too.”