Another morning came, and Gersius found himself starting at an empty bed. Lilly was still two rooms away, and the sense of loss clawed at his heart. Still, she had spoken the day before and shown a genuine interest in what he had to say. Unfortunately, he almost said something he would regret, and Lilly demanded to know what it was. Unable to answer her question, he ran away and tried to hide from his feelings. Now his mind was tormented by the things his friends were saying and a conflict of the heart. He realized that he had come to cherish Lilly's company, but that feeling somehow changed. He couldn't let go of the fact that the loss of Lilly's hoard and wings was his fault.
With a sigh, he dressed and left his room, hoping to find something to eat before anyone else was up. To his surprise, Lilly stood beside the table, poking at the various fruits as she tried to choose one. He thought about going back to his room, but Lilly looked over and briefly smiled before he could move.
“You don’t have to hide from me,” she said and looked back to the table. “I won’t ask you what you meant to say.”
Gersius felt silly that he was so unable to speak his mind for fear of upsetting her. However, he was grateful that she was still willing to talk and made his way to the table as she tasted a red grape.
“The red ones are usually the sweetest,” he said to try an open the conversation.
“I can tell that for myself,” Lilly replied and picked up another one.
“I was just trying to be polite,” he said and picked up a pear. “I suppose It was silly of me to run away.”
“I agree,” Lilly said before eating the fruit. “But I won’t ask you about it again.”
“So what do you want to talk about?” he asked as she began to pour a glass of water.
“We should talk about you,” she replied and set the pitcher down. “I need to know what your plan is. Do you still mean to go to Calathen?”
Gersius felt a sense of dread as she asked about his plans. Though Thayle said not to do any serious thinking, he had spent the last two nights doing just that. There was no reason to go to Calathen, and he was convinced that his future was far to the east.
“No,” he answered honestly. “I am not going to Calathen.”
“You're not?” Lilly balked. “But I promised to go with you. If you don't plan to go to Calathen, what are you planning to do?”
“I do not know,” he said in frustration.
Lilly looked hurt as she practically slammed her glass on the table. She pointed a finger at his chest and growled out her rage as he stepped back.
“You mean to tell me I suffered all that for nothing? I lost my hoard and wings and was beaten like an animal, all for your stupid prophecy. Now you're telling me you plan to walk away?”
“I am trying to spare you any more harm,” Gersius argued. “Do you think a day goes by where I do not realize what my quest did to you? Do you have any idea how guilty I feel for the pain I have caused? I would do anything to protect you and spare you any more.”
“You're too late. I don't have anything more to lose,” Lilly mocked and turned away.
“Lilly,” Gersuis pressed and boldly took a step closer. “You may say I am forgiven, but I will never be free of the guilt. I look back on it now and realize I was trying to be something I was not meant to be. I caused all of this suffering, and I am terrified of how much more might be caused if I continue.”
“But you have to continue,” Lilly said with a pained voice.
“Why?” he asked in confusion.
Lilly whirled around with rage in her eyes and hands curled into fists.
“Why do you think I'm here? I stayed for you and your mission because I understood how much you needed me. I told you I would go to Calathen bound or unbound to try and help you understand. I want to keep my promise, but if you can't go on, then I am going home. We have no need of each other anymore.”
She turned back to the table and picked up several strawberries, eating them one by one as a long moment of silence passed. Gersius took that moment to think about what she said and question the path he should walk.
“You should sing to your god again,” Lilly urged between bites. “It always seemed to give you purpose and a sense of direction.”
“My God has forsaken me,” Gersius replied.
“Has he?” she asked while meeting his gaze. “Or did you forsake him?”
“He is the one who granted the blessings that kept me alive while my brothers tortured me. He is also the one who granted the blessing that trapped you so they could cut off your wings. You say he gave me a sense of direction, but every time I prayed, I received nothing.” Gersius finished his statement by looking into the gorge and longing for days past.
“What do you mean he gave you nothing?” Lilly asked. “You prayed for guidance every day.”
“And I received none,” Gersius replied and thought better of himself. “Maybe that is not true. In the past few months, I have prayed about every step of my journey. Every course of action resulted in a feeling of apprehension except one.”
“Just one?” Lilly pried.
“The only choice he ever seemed to bless was my decision to become the dragon knight. The problem is when I prayed about the path I would have to walk; he warned me they would all be dangerous. I offered up a dozen plans, but every time I was given a sense of dread.”
“And now you blame him for what has happened,” Lilly surmised.
“Wouldn’t you?” Gersius asked.
“But, maybe you’re not understanding the answer?” Lilly suggested.
“Lilly,” he sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “I have served Astikar with all my heart for as long as I can remember. I set all my personal desires aside to answer his call, and I can quote his books of law from memory. Trust me when I tell you, I understand how he answers.”
Lilly pondered the statement for a moment, then suggested that maybe he needed a new god. Gersius was done serving the divines and wasn't about to start looking for another one. By all accounts, they were the same, answering in vague dreams or sensations that were left up to interpretation. Lilly understood his answer but asked if the old dragon knight served the divines. Gersius knew the story as told by the order of Astikar, and according to them, he was a priest of the god. Through this faith, he went to collect his dragon and shape the scattered kingdoms into one strong empire.
“The dragon empire,” Lilly said in a mocking tone. “You humans need to think of better names.”
“He named it for his dragon to honor him,” Gersius replied and took a bite of his pear. “The truth is we know very little about him. It was a thousand years ago, after all.”
“Do you know anything more about his dragon?” Lilly asked curiously.
“Like what?” Gersius asked.
“Was he red or blue? Did he have a name?” Lilly said.
“Honestly, I have no idea what color he was. As for his name, I am fairly sure he had one, but I can't recall it,” Gersius admitted, then thought about something he did know. “But, there is a courtyard dedicated to the dragon knight and his dragon. They even erected a statue of the dragon at one end. I have seen it many times, and I am sure there is a plaque, but it is written in a language that looks like scratches.”
“Scratches?” Lilly asked as they nodded and said that it was hard to explain. Lilly tossed a strawberry aside and walked off without saying a word. Gersius called after her, but she insisted she would be right back. She went into her room and returned with a piece of paper and an ink pen, explaining that she discovered the items in the desk in her room.
“You understand what these items are?” Gersius asked.
“I know how to write,” Lilly scolded. “My mother taught me how to write in four languages.”
“Why would she teach you that?” Gersius asked, but Lilly ignored him and began to pen out long narrow runes.
“Do the letters look like this?” Lilly asked when she was done.
Gersius was amazed at how neatly she had written them and leaned over the paper to gawk.
“It looks exactly like that. What language is it?” he asked.
“Dragon,” Lilly said as she folded her arms. “So the plaque must be written in my language.”
“Why would the plaque be written in your language?” Gersius asked as the mystery deepened.
“How should I know?” Lilly protested. “What else is in this plaza?”
Gersius had to think carefully and did his best to recount the entire place. For the most part, it was an empty field of green grass enclosed by four walls lined with pillars. The only entrance was a gate at one end, but at the far end was a temple that might be of some interest. Nobody in the city seemed to know who the temple was dedicated to, and no priests ever worked it. The building was empty, but there was a feature Lilly found interesting. On the steps leading to the temple doors were two dragon heads. One was carved of red stone, the other white. The red had a brass bowl large enough for a man to bathe in over its head. The white had a similar bowl but was made of crystal. His order sometimes burned a fire in the brass bowl but never touched the crystal one.
“Why not?” Lilly asked.
“I do not know,” he admitted. “To be honest, nobody knows who that temple belongs to. It looks like the builder abandoned it before it was finished. There are no icons or writing or anything to identify who it was for.”
“And that’s it?” Lilly asked.
“That is all I can remember,” Gersius said.
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“But that's hardly anything,” Lilly argued. “You don't know anything about this dragon knight or his dragon. So how are you supposed to recreate him?”
“I know he wrote the prophecy,” Gersius countered. “He said another dragon knight would arise if the land was ever threatened again. He was clear that the people would recognize this new dragon knight because he would walk through the golden gates at the head of a dragon.”
“And your stupid dragon empire would be reborn,” Lilly added in annoyance. “So, he wrote this down somewhere? You have a book or record of what he said?”
“There are many books based on his work,” Gersius replied. “Most of them are theories about what he said and focus on the most widely known parts.”
“But you do have the original book?” Lilly asked.
“The original book degraded over the years, but the order of Astikar supposedly made copies to preserve his words,” Gersius explained. “The copies are kept in the sacred library for the leadership to study.”
“Supposedly?” Lilly questioned. “Does that mean you haven't seen it?”
“No,” Gersius replied. “The books are only for the higher echelons of the order. I am a battle priest, and it was no place to read them.”
“Then how can you be sure any of this is true?” she balked. “For all you know, they are lying about this just like they did everything else.”
“Lilly, it has to be true,” Gersius urged. “It is a well-known prophecy, and a great many people believe in it.”
“That doesn’t make it true!” she yelled as her anger started to boil. “A great many people don’t believe that dragons exist, and the few that do don’t think we can talk.”
“I understand your point,” Gersius urged to try and calm her. “but remember I said Astikar did respond to one of my prayers with good results. Whenever I prayed about going to find you, I always had a good result.”
“Do you call this a good result?” Lilly mocked. “My wings are gone, and so is my hoard!”
“And I think it’s time this conversation ended,” Thayle said as she leaned against the door to the outer hall.
Lilly looked up in alarm to see the priestess giving her a disapproving glare. She turned away and tried to explain that she and Gersius were only talking.
“I very much doubt that,” Thayle said with a sigh, then turned her attention to Gersius. “A man is waiting for you in the hall. He will take you to the armory to see if we have something you can use.”
“Thank you,” Gersius replied with a nod and headed for the door as Thayle went directly to Lilly. She waited until he was out of the room then turned her narrow eyes on the nervous dragon.
“Are you trying to crush him?” she asked in a scolding voice.
“I can’t help it,” Lilly groaned. “He isn’t the man he used to be.”
“Are you the woman you used to be?” Thayle asked. “Or did you change when you lost your wings?”
“That isn't fair!” Lilly protested, but Thayle wouldn't let her get away.
“It’s absolutely fair,” she insisted and made Lilly look her in the eye. “You can’t deny that you have changed and I dare say for the better.”
“How was it better?” Lilly asked.
“Don't you remember what you said about being bound?” Thayle asked. “You told us that you would have killed Gersius if you hadn't been injured. Then you said if he had dared to heal you without the binding, you would have killed him then. So no matter the choice, he would have died without first binding you.”
“So, what does any of that mean?” Lilly said in annoyance.
“It means that even though the process was painful, you changed into a better being because of it. You have been given a whole new life full of new experiences and people who care about you. Like it or not, you owe all that to him, especially our friendship.”
“Our friendship?” Lilly asked.
“Haven’t you spent even a moment thinking about it?” Thayle asked. “Lilly, If Gersius hadn’t bound you, we wouldn’t be friends.”
Lilly nodded her understanding but was still confused about how any of this mattered to Gersius now. Thayle tried to use an example that would strike at her heart and tie his suffering to hers.
“Because Gersius has lost his faith, and to him, that is every bit as terrible as losing your wings. Now he's desperately looking for help as he struggles to become a new person. You became this wonderful person because he was there to help you every step of the way with kindness and love. You might want to consider who he will become if all you do is criticize him and make him feel guilty.”
Lilly went silent and had to look away as Thayle's words cut through her anger. Thayle could see the change in the woman's aura as it was filled with regret and doubt.
“I'm sorry,” Lilly said softly. “I don't mean to say those things. I want to be close to him like we were before, but he feels so far away.”
“You have to open up to him,” Thayle urged as Lilly's aura flashed with a decision. “Whatever you're trying to decide, remember how you felt in his arms. Think of the day you danced in the field and try to recapture that.”
“I don't know-how,” Lilly replied as tears started to rim her eyes. “I feel so apart from him. I don't know why this is so hard when it felt so easy before. I want to talk to him. Honestly, I do, but I get so angry when I try. I don't even know why I am trying; he doesn't need me anymore.”
“We both know that isn’t true,” Thayle interrupted and decided to ask a simple question. “I saw you grab his hand when we met Prime Arlin. How did that make you feel?”
“Silly,” Lilly replied and looked about nervously. “I felt stupid for needing his support to answer a simple question. Then, when I realized what I was doing, I got so angry I lost control.”
“Yes, you boldly replied as if you relished the carnage you caused,” Thayle pointed out.
“I don't regret what I did,” Lilly admitted and looked up. “But I hate that I don't understand my feelings. I never needed anyone, and I certainly never thought about being happy. I was, as I always was, a dragon living in my valley. Now, I walk about in this human form wearing dresses and arguing with you. I am surrounded by your kind, and I can't imagine my life alone. I know I don't need this, but I can't seem to give it up.”
Thayle saw the colors of pain and confusion as Lilly tried to explain her feelings. She was struggling to articulate something that mattered deeply, but she had no words to describe it. She gave the poor dragon a moment to work on it, then gently put a hand to arm to steady her.
“Lilly, where is all this pain coming from?” Thayle asked.
“I don't know,” Lilly said with a sniff. “It all made so much more sense when I was bound. Sometimes I wish I was still bound. It would be so much easier.”
Thayle was overcome by the colors of desire as Lilly talked about being bound again. She couldn't believe how much the little dragon craved the connection, which prompted her next thought.
“Sweetheart,” Thayle began. “Why don’t you just ask him to bind you again?”
Lilly’s eyes went wide as she jerked out of Thayle’s grasp and staggered away.
“No! I can’t do that!” she stammered. “I could never do that.”
“But it’s what you want to do,” Thayle said. “I can see it in your aura.”
“No, I don’t want to be bound again!” Lilly shouted in protest.
Thayle looked on in shock then slowly started to smile as Lilly’s aura pulsed with the light of a lie.
“You just lied,” she said in a musical tone as Lilly slammed the table in annoyance.
Sometimes I hate your sight!” she growled.
“That one was the truth,” Thayle replied as she folded her arms and prepared to square off with the angry dragon. “Now, we need to talk about this.”
“No, we don't!” Lilly shouted and turned away. “I don't' want to talk about this ever,” she added and stormed off.
Thayle waited patiently for Lilly to shut herself in her room and then gave her a few minutes to stew. She used to time to consider what was just learned and wondered if this was what was truly bothering Lilly. This could be the deep-rooted cause of all her frustration, but the new question was, why did Lilly want to be bound again?
She waited a few minutes more then followed Lilly into her room. She found the poor dragon sitting on a bed with head in hands starting at the floor. Her aura was full of turmoil and decisions as she struggled to sort out tangled thoughts. Thayle closed the door behind herself and announced her presence with a single question.
“Why do you want to be bound again?”
“I told you I didn’t want to talk about it,” Lilly replied while never looking up.
“Sweetheart, you need to talk about this,” Thayle said as she crossed the room to sit on the other bed. “Now tell me why the bind is so important to you.”
“I don’t know,” Lilly said as she stumbled on her words. “Maybe it was because I felt important to him when I was bound. He went out of his way to take care of me and treated me nice.”
“He would still do those things if you would let him,” Thayle said as she leaned over, trying to make eye contact.
“It's different now. I noticed it the day he severed the bind. Something changed, and I tried to get it back, but nothing worked,” Lilly said.
Thayle was now genuinely curious about what Lilly meant, so she asked for clarification. Lilly tried to explain how the bind felt, especially when Gersius was close. She described a sort of sensation of him, reaching out and touching her. She didn't understand what it was at first because she had never felt these things before. But, eventually, she came to understand that it was his feelings she was sensing, especially how he felt for her. The sensation was particularly strong when he held her hand, and because of this, she felt so much safer when they did.
“I had no idea,” Thayle replied as her mind began to put it all together. “I know you said you could feel him, but I assumed it was a vague sensation like the lover's mark. I had no idea your connection gave you insight into his emotions. I wonder if that's how you were learning them so quickly. He was teaching them to you over the bind, and now that you're cut off, you are starving for them.”
“And I don’t know how to reach him,” Lilly said with a sob.
“Of course, you don't,” Thayle cried and slapped her forehead with her hand. “I am so blind. You don't have any idea how to be anything but a dragon. Without his emotions over the bind, you don't know to respond to the circumstances. This is why you can’t reconnect with him. You need the bind to do it.”
“So, what should I do?” Lilly asked as she looked up with red eyes.
“Lilly,” Thayle began gently as she tried to think of a good way to explain it. “I have consulted couples like you and Gersius a hundred times. Whenever I saw two people as in love as you are, my advice was always to marry them as quickly as possible. I would do it that day or the next so they wouldn't have time to think about it.”
“What does marry mean?” Lilly asked.
“Its a contract of sorts between two people who love one another. They go before a representative of the divines and ask for a blessing to unite them as husband and wife. Once done, they agree to stay together and love one another for the rest of their lives. This is what you saw that day you danced with him at my temple. We call that a wedding, where people have a party to formally recognize that two people have married.”
“And I should do this?” Lilly asked softly.
“Well, I don't think you should marry him like a human would,” Thayle began as she tried to think of a better way to explain it. “I just think you should consider letting him bind you again so you can get over this confusion.”
“You think we are confused?” Lilly pressed as she tried to understand.
“Lilly, you have no idea how accurate that word is for you,” Thayle laughed. “You and him both need this connection. I can't believe I didn't see it before. You need it for the emotions, and he needs it to see passed you being a dragon. If I can just get you both to take the leap, you can start behaving more like Tavis and Ayawa do.”
“Because they are married,” Lilly said to indicate she was following along.
“Well, they have been married a long time now. I just want you two to feel the same sort of connection,” Thayle replied.
“When we were at camp, I saw them sleeping in the same bed,” Lilly pointed out.
“That’s part of being married,” Thayle laughed. “They hug, kiss, and share a bed.”
“But why?” Lilly pressed as she honestly didn’t understand.
Thayle smiled at the innocent question and decided to ask one of her own. She asked Lilly how dragons produced babies, and Lilly began to recount the process. The female usually feels some need to have what Lilly called a brood. When she does, the female flies off in search of a male dragon, usually having located one via some process involving dreams. When she finds him, they mate, and then she has nothing more to do with him. She flies home and lays the eggs a month later.
“Well, humans are a little different,” Thayle replied and then explained that when two humans married, they often did so to raise a family. This was what Gersius wanted and part of the reason why he was so driven to end the war. In order to raise a family, the male and female share a bed so they can mate.
Lilly looked lost for a moment; then, slowly, her expression changed to one of shock. She practically jumped up as she exclaimed that Tavis and Ayawa shared a bed every night.
“I know they do,” Thayle said while trying not to laugh. “And they probably mate every night.”
“That’s disgusting!” Lilly spat. “Why would a female want to mate more than once?”
“It must be very different for dragons,” Thayle admitted while barely containing her laughter. She took a moment to get control of herself then explained the purpose behind marriage. It was so humans could mate and build a family together. Lilly asked if the whole point of getting married was so, they could mate, and Thayle had to elaborate. She told Lilly that most people married because they loved each other and wanted to spend their lives together. Mating and children were just a way they expressed that love, and often it brought them great joy.
“Is being married like being bound?” Lilly asked.
“No,” Thayle said with a sigh. “It's more of an agreement between the man and woman. Unfortunately, it doesn't come with the ability to feel the other's emotions. If you want that back, you’re going to have to ask him to bind you again.”
“I can’t,” Lilly protested and hung her head. “I am afraid.”
“I could ask him for you,” Thayle offered.
“No!” Lilly cried as she looked up. “Please don’t do that!”
“Then ask him yourself,” Thayle urged. “You have nothing to be afraid of. He's a good man who wants to take care of you, and it wouldn't be like it was before. Think about how different it will be to ask him to bind you out of love instead of need.”
Lilly began to breathe heavily as she tried to imagine asking Gersius to bind her again. She wobbled and had to sit down, her hands trembling as she folded them in her lap.
“Lilly, why are you panicked?” Thayle asked.
“I don’t know,” Lilly said and looked away. “I can’t breath.”
“You're overthinking this,” Thayle sighed. “You just admitted you needed the bind in order to understand him, and we both know you want him back. So this is your only choice. Listen. There is a place on the cliffs where my order has a small garden. Its a lovely and secluded spot where you two can be alone to talk. I will take you and Gersius there and bless you with Ulustrah's love if you want. Then you can tell him you need to be bound again. Just open up and let him know you want him to keep you.”
“No,” Lilly said in a panic. “I can’t do that!”
“You need to do it,” Thayle countered. “Look, I will take you to the garden and leave you alone so he can claim you as his again.”
“Thayle, I said no!” Lilly protested and stood up again.
“So you don’t want your submission to Gersius to be a beautiful moment?” Thayle asked.
“No!” Lilly shouted as her lips trembled.
“You just lied,” Thayle said with a widening smile.
“Arghh! I really do hate your sight!” Lily shouted as she beat the air with clenched fists.
“Lilly, there is no point in denying this, but I won't force you to do it,” Thayle said as she considered her options. “You tell me when you're ready, and I will make sure it gets done quickly. Afterward, I will arrange some music so you two can dance again.”
“You are as impossible as he is!” Lilly yelled as she turned away.
“You don’t want to dance at your wedding?” Thayle asked.
“No, I –,” Lilly choked on her words as her face went bright red. Thayle started to laugh as Lilly kicked the bed in frustration, exclaiming that she didn’t need Thayle to tell her that was a lie.
“Alright, I will leave and give you some time to think,” Thayle said to try and calm her down. “Besides, now that I know what's bothering you, I know you won't last much longer. So I will make sure the garden is ready, and find you something to wear. You want to look nice on your wedding day.”
“Thayle!” Lilly cried as the woman left the room, shutting the door behind her. Lilly sat on the bed as her heart raced, wondering what she was going to do. Was it too late to run away? Maybe she could sneak out when it was dark? Just as she tried to work out a plan, Thayle called from the other side of the door and told her to brush her hair so it would look nice.
Feeling trapped, she collapsed on the bed and tried to deny that Thayle was right. She did want to be bound to him again, but was Gersius, the same man he was before?