Gersius fell to his knees, silently dying inside as the last reason to go on faded from sight. He was a man broken by the weight of obligation and failure, who would see all he lived for burned to ash. The war would be lost and with it his beloved homelands. The Doan would rampage unchecked, sweeping the once-mighty empire aside and bringing about a new age of darkness.
Gersius was the man the people hoped would stop them. For their sake, he embarked on a mission to bring about a prophecy. He took on the quest with pride, but it was doomed from the start and cursed by the divines. In the course of his quest, he lost his men, his faith, his purpose, and now, he'd lost Lilly. He hadn’t even realized how much she meant to him until she ran away. Now all he could think of was her final words as she resolutely declared that she hated him.
Deep inside, he prayed she would come back, but what right did he have to want that? He was the cause of her pain, having put in motion the events that robbed her of her wings. His arrogant needs caused her to be humiliated, tortured, beaten, and abused, not to mention the loss of her hoard. She was right to run away. She should have run sooner, run away, and escaped the long road of misery he would bring her. If only he had died to the bandersooks, then perhaps they would have spared her.
He tried to imagine what she must have looked like. Proud Azurastra spreading her great wings to soar through the sky like a divine bird. He glimpsed the image for just a moment, but it was drowned out by the truth of what she was now. All he could see was the sad woman who looked to the sky and cried, her precious wings lost forever.
“Curse you, Astikar,” he mumbled under his breath. “How could you stand by and let this happen to her?” No answer came, but then he wasn’t expecting one. No, the divines didn’t speak to their followers in ways that people could understand. Instead, the divines left them to linger on in darkness, trying in vain to find a path they would never be able to see.
Nearby, Ayawa and Tavis watched in apprehension, worried that Gersius had lost the last thing he had to live for.
“What do we do if she doesn’t come back?” Tavis whispered so Gersius wouldn’t overhear.
“We do the only thing we can do and go on without her,” Ayawa replied.
“He can’t go on without her,” Tavis insisted. “The man has lost everything he bled and suffered for. She was the only thing keeping him together.”
“We can’t undo what is done,” Ayawa sighed and looked his way. “I told the girl myself that I thought she needed to stay by his side.”
“You did?” Tavis asked in surprise.
Ayawa nodded and turned back to Gersius as he silently fell apart.
“I know I haven’t supported this… relationship,” she paused to shake her head at the use of the word. “And I am still not sure it’s right, but even I have to admit he needs her. Somehow, someway those two came together, and the lover’s mark proved that she loves him, or at least she did.”
“Let’s hope Thayle can bring her back,” Tavis said as he looked down the road. “Or I fear this is the final battle of Gersius of Astikar.”
Gersius never heard their words, the voices inside drowning them out by calling him a failure. As the minutes went by, he began to doubt and wondered if perhaps it was time to run away himself. He could go east away from the war and into the coastal lands. Maybe he could find someplace to settle down and raise a family before some war took them away. Lost to his dark thoughts, he didn't notice them coming back until Ayawa pointed them out.
“They are coming!” she called, stirring him from his pity.
Gersius looked up and saw Thayle walking with her arm around tall Lilly. He wanted to see her face, but she had it cast down, wiping at an eye full of tears. It stabbed at his heart to know she was crying, especially when he was the source of all those tears. Thayle guided Lilly around them, shaking her head at Gersius and the others to tell them not to talk. Instead, she pointed to the distant town, urging them to get on with the day's business while leading Lilly away.
“I suppose we have wasted much of the morning now,” Tavis said to try and break the tension. “If we don't hurry, we will miss the day's boats.”
“I agree,” Ayawa said with a glance to Gersius. “We need to hurry back and gather our things. With some luck, there is still a boat going upriver.”
Gersius nodded in silence, and together they followed the two women back to town. He brought up the rear, feeling strangely alone as Lilly walked just ahead yet out of reach. He wanted to say he was sorry but was filled with terrible shame over how often he had to say that. How had he come to be such a burden to her? Why did such a noble goal bring an innocent so much pain?
Not a word was spoken until right outside of town when Thayle argued with Tavis for his hat. She wanted Lilly to wear it to help conceal her eyes. With Ayawa in agreement, he was forced to surrender the hat, and with much trepidation, they went about their task. Gersius removed his pack and waited outside the inn while Thayle helped Lilly with hers. He had time to look at the sword he'd bought Lilly, and she, in turn, had loaned it back. It made him wish things had been different, but what was done was done. All he could do now was be grateful that she was back and wait until she was ready to talk.
They were at the riverfront ten minutes later, plying the docks for a boat about to set out. It was a muddy river, sluggishly flowing with dark green water. The city built a harbor by piling stones along the west bank to create a relatively dry and flat embankment. It ran the whole length of the street with piers on one side and warehouses on the other. Boats from small skiffs to wide barges were moored along the narrow walkways that reached into the muddy water. Most boats were flat bottomed and used poles to push themselves along.
Tavis took the lead, talking to the various barge captains until he found one going upriver and willing to take them aboard. The boat was a modest barge with a deck full of boxes and barrels headed for Eastgate. At one end was a small rectangular space made from posts and covered in tarps to create a small area of shade. The captain was a hardy man whose aged face was framed by wild white hair. He wore a blue coat that had faded from long years at work on the river. He welcomed them on board while a dozen men worked at untying the ropes and took up poles to push them out. Lilly asked about the men, wondering they wore funny straw hats and no shirts. Thayle explained it was because of the sun and how the water acted as a mirror.
“Keeps the sun out of your eyes,” the captain said in agreement, then told the story of how he named his boat the Soshan Princess. He claimed he named it after a southern princess of the Soshan tribe he once traded with. His version of the story left an angry princess shouting curses from the shore as he sailed away with her virtue. Ayawa hadn't taken kindly to the story, but the captain only roared with laughter and walked away.
“Let's get her moving, boys,” he yelled, and the men of the Soshan Princess took up long poles, and one by one, they walked to the front of the ship, six on each side. They pushed the poles into the water and walked down the deck, slowly pushing the boat up the shallow river.
Thayle took Lilly to the rear, sitting her down at the edge and talking with their backs to the others. She said it was to avoid any of the men noticing Lilly's eyes, but Gersius suspected it was to keep them apart. He was grateful when Tavis and Ayawa joined him by the shade to watch the town melt away. He tried to tell himself that they were finally safe but didn't trust his feelings anymore. A dozen people went about their business along the shore, but more than one person watched as the Soshan Princess set out. Was one of them a spy for their enemies? Had he made another bad decision by coming here?
“I will be glad when we are away from Millwater,” Tavis said, breaking the long silence.
“I will be too,” Ayawa added as she studied the shore. “Let’s hope our enemies are not watching us leave.”
“I should have insisted we stick to the wilds,” Gersius grumbled. “It was a risk coming here.”
“It was,” Ayawa agreed, then put a hand on his shoulder. “But you are a man who knows how to take calculated risks. besides, even I believed this would be the better route.”
“The wilds would have added nearly two weeks to our journey,” Tavis said and pointed east to the mountains. “We would be tracking over hills and crags with little in the way of supplies.”
“But what if they find us again? What if they hurt Lilly?” Gersius asked.
Ayawa shook her head and reminded him that what happened to Lilly wasn't his fault. What he was trying to do was noble, but a wicked man twisted his purpose and used it for his own means. All he could do now was give her some space and wait until she was ready to talk. Gersius nodded his understanding and turned to look upriver, hoping the trip to Eastgate would be a peaceful one.
The sun was near noon, and Millwater had vanished into the distance hours ago. The sky was a bright blue and dotted by white clouds that drifted lazily. The air was heavy with the damp order of the river and sweat from the men working the poles. They walked along tirelessly, using the poles to push the barge against the current as the captain watched their course.
There was nothing to do but sit and wait in the shade while trying to clear his thoughts. Tavis and Ayawa sat with him, engaging in small conversation, but his eyes kept looking back to where Lilly sat at the other end. She never looked his way, her gaze fixated on the water as if lost in a dream.
“She just needs a little time to heal,” Tavis said when he noticed him looking.
“He’s right,” Ayawa agreed. “That she came back at all should be encouragement enough.”
“How did I cause her so much pain and suffering?” Gersius asked in a defeated tone.
“You didn't cause it,” Ayawa corrected. “You know as well as I that all blame falls on the Father Abbot. You were trying to save the people from a terrible war. Had that fool not worked against you, you could have done it without Lilly.”
“I agree,” Tavis said. “Had they made you a general when they should have, you could have demanded the forces you needed and gone on the offensive. Everything that has happened since is because he stood in your way. If you hadn't forced his hand with your rights as a knight captain, you wouldn't even have been allowed to look for a dragon.”
“And let's not forget that he refused to let you have veteran men,” Ayawa pointed out. “He forced you to take raw recruits to ensure you would lose that battle in the forest. So let's not lie to each other. If you had hardened soldiers, you would have survived that ambush with ease.”
“He did this to you,” Tavis added. “He knew you would never abandon your duty to the people. So he made sure that every path you could take was going to lead to pain and suffering.”
Gersius nodded and admitted that Tavis was right. He couldn't think of a path that didn't lead to suffering. His choices were limited to who would pay the price for the path he walked. He swore in his heart that it wasn't going to be Lilly.
Tavis engaged him in a different conversation, asking what Lilly was like before Whiteford.
Gersius explained those troubling first days and how she cried over her wings. She was like a frightened child, terrified that he was leading her into slavery. He explained how little of the world she understood and how often she made silly mistakes. He laughed about Lilly eating the raw fish and complaining that humans didn’t eat the bones.
“She ate it raw?” Ayawa asked with a puckered face.
He nodded and explained that Lilly thought like a dragon, and that was how they ate them. He explained how he cooked the other fish then remembered how she burned her hand, and he lost his temper. It was the first time his pain came to the surface, and he took it out on her. He felt shame for what he'd done but quickly moved the story along, focusing on her wings. He described how she felt about her wings and how she begged him to heal them. He hated to tell her that he couldn't do it and had to listen as she cried herself to sleep.
“She must have been very hurt,” Ayawa agreed. “Her wings are obviously vital to her well-being. No wonder this has struck her so hard.”
Again Gersius nodded and tried in vain to explain just how much Lilly wanted to fly. In truth, he was sure he didn't even appreciate it, but he saw that pain and knew it could never be wiped away. He would give anything to restore her wings, even his life. He dared to hope that maybe with the seal of Astikar, there would be some hope. He believed Astikar would see that Lilly was deserving and restore her.
“I don’t know,” Tavis said and tipped his hat. “Direct divine intervention is rare, even with artifacts. Hasn’t your order tried it before with heroes from your own ranks only to have the request fail?”
“Yes, several times,” Gersius admitted. “But I needed something to hope for. I couldn't bear to see her pain and not have some hope that it could be wiped away. I would try anything to help her.”
“You are a good man,” Tavis said and glanced at Lilly. “All of us know you would do anything for her.”
Gersius glanced too, but she was still looking at the water, her gaze never moving. He went on with his story, explaining how they arrived at the farm and Lilly met her first people beside him. She was afraid to go into the house, calling it a nest and the lair of the rodent woman. He explained how the farmer's wife dug out an old dress that belonged to one of her daughters. Lilly was terrified as the woman made a fuss over her, chattering away as if Lilly was just another human.
“You didn’t tell them what she was?” Ayawa asked.
“No,” Gersius replied. “I told them she had been kidnapped by a slaver who had a weave on her. I used it to explain the lack of clothing and her glowing eyes.”
“That was clever,” Tavis said in approval. “Her eyes are hard to explain.”
He tried to convey how upset Lilly was about the whole encounter and how he had to take her hand to lead her through the rest. Thankfully the couple were kind and generous, inviting them in with open arms. They provided a warm meal, and Lilly got to taste real human food for the first time. He laughed how she hummed over bread and butter and greedily devoured every crumb.
“So that’s why you bought her bread,” Tavis said and joined in the laugh.
Gersius smiled briefly as he described the rest of the meal. Lilly was afraid to touch a hot soup after burning herself on the fish. He tried to show her how to cool it by blowing on a spoonful, but when she did it, it froze solid.
“Like you did with your drinks in the inn,” Ayawa cited as he nodded.
Gersius joined her in the nod but then explained how she didn't realize she could do it. Before meeting him, she never used her human form and was ignorant of what she could do. Later, when they got to Tots Creek, he had to leave her alone at the inn. The innkeeper told of the messenger that was asking for him by name, so he wanted to set out at once to find him. He paid to have Lilly given a drink and watched to make sure nobody bothered her. He was gone less than an hour, but when he came back, the inn was so full of people it spilled out into the street.
“Oh, boy. What did she do?” Tavis asked.
Gersius smiled and explained how foul the ale was warm. Lilly decided to put her newly learned skill to use and blew on the ale to chill it. Every person present saw what she did and began offering to pay her to chill their drinks. Word began to spread that the inn had ice-cold drinks, and by the time Gersius got there, she had a pile of coins on the table. The waitress was bringing drinks by the tray full, paying Lilly to chill them before serving them to the customers.
“Ha, that had to be a sight,” Tavis laughed.
“You’re lucky she didn’t give away what she was,” Ayawa commented. “Especially considering people were hunting for you.”
Gersius agreed and explained how angry he had been. He was trying so hard to keep what she was a secret, and people would start asking questions. He rushed her to their room and did his best to explain what she was doing wrong. Lilly didn't understand, of course. All she knew was people were giving her gold and silver just to blow on drinks. He had to demand she do nothing that would draw attention to herself, but that only made her mad.
“I have to sympathize with her,” Ayawa interjected. “The girl is tall, pale, and has long blue hair. You won’t be able to go anywhere where her appearance doesn’t draw attention.”
“She is also rather nicely proportioned,” Tavis added, drawing a scowl from Ayawa. “What? I am only speaking the truth. She is a beautiful woman with distinctive features. People are going to remember here long after she is gone.”
“You’re right,” Ayawa grumbled and looked back to Gersius. “It sounds like you two had some good times despite how things started.”
Gersius agreed and went on to describe the road that eventually brought him to Pinehollow. He spoke of his meeting with Thayle and how he came back to discover Lilly watching a nearby wedding party. She was so interested in what was happening that Thayle got them invited to the festivities.
He paused as memory stirred the pain in his heart. He explained how Lilly heard music for the first time and then marveled as people began to dance. Thayle noticed her interest and pushed Gersius to ask her to dance. Lilly was terrified at the idea but went with him and tried. It was the first time he held her in his arms and looked deeply into those eyes. He had to walk her through the steps as dances changed, but Lilly learned quickly. Before he knew it, she was dancing with grace, and song after song drifted by. He ended up dancing with her for most of the night, and she was sad when the music finally ended.
This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
“That’s probably where it started,” Ayawa sighed.
“It sounds like a magical moment,” Tavis added with a shake of his head at Ayawa. “I would never have suspected you were so smooth with the ladies.”
“He isn't like you at all,” Ayawa interjected as Tavis smiled and put his hand on Gersius's shoulder.
“I can hear the pain of love in your voice as you tell the story,” he said.
“A shame the Father Abbot had to cast his vile shadow over you both,” Ayawa grumbled. “We were fools to be so blind to his manipulations.”
“I don’t think we could have seen the danger any earlier,” Tavis suggested. “It is only in hindsight that the picture becomes clear.”
“That’s not entirely true,” Gersius said and looked at Tavis. “You said it yourself. I suspected there was a danger, that's why I didn't share my plans with anyone. I suspected a spy, but I never dared to believe it was the Father Abbot. I was sure he could be trusted, so he was the only one I went to with my plans.”
“None of us saw the danger,” Ayawa assured him. “That you were aware enough even to suspect shows you are wiser than us all.”
“Truth be told, I suspected it was a member of the raven guard. I would have bet money on Dellain himself,” Gersius said.
“Who could blame you for that?” Tavis said with a sour tone. “He and his band of murderous thugs should have been cast out of the order years ago.”
“The Father Abbot said they were useful, especially in the face of the war,” Gersius said but shook his head in disbelief. “I should have suspected when he made them his personal bodyguard. I should have seen the danger.”
“How could you have?” Ayawa asked. “You were never in Calathen to see what was going on. They kept you busy with constant deployments, and when the war started, you were immediately sent to the front. You needed his permission to leave your post just to come back and make your request. When were you supposed to look into the matter or ask questions that might lead to you suspecting?”
“She’s right, Gersius,” Tavis agreed. “They used your sense of duty to keep you away. You never had a chance to look too closely.”
“And look what my sense of duty has cost me?” Gersius replied as Thayle startled them.
“How are you holding up?” she asked with a smile at Gersius.
Gersius looked back with a hopeful expression and asked if Lilly was alright.
“She's fine,” Thayle said with a calming tone. “Just give her some time to work through her thoughts. She isn't familiar with the ideas of betrayal and deception. From what I have learned from her, dragons tend to be very direct in their dealings. They don't lie to gain an advantage, and they don't break a deal once made.”
“And that helps us how?” Ayawa asked.
“It helps by understanding how Lilly sees things,” Thayle replied. “She wants somebody to blame and put it on Gersius because he was the most direct cause she could find. Now that I have explained how Gersius was deceived and manipulated, she is starting to understand it isn't his fault.”
“How can she possibly forgive me?” Gersius asked with a pained tone.
Thayle bent down and pulled at the hems of his boots, unrolling them until she found the lovers the mark. She held it up for all to see, then leaned directly in his face holding it before his eyes.
“The woman who put this in your boot will find a way,” she said and pressed it into his hand.
Gersius turned the coin over and thought about what it meant. Lilly had loved him just the night before, and now he wondered if that love was dead. Even more, he wondered why her love mattered. She was a dragon, after all, and reminded him of it frequently.
“She must have forgiven him already,” Tavis said and looked to Thayle. “Why else would she come back?”
“This has something to do with dragons and emotions,” Thayle said in reply. “Dragons have no word for love because they don't feel it, or they don't' recognize it. Lilly is feeling all sorts of emotions that she has never felt before and has no words to describe. She doesn't' know what they mean or what to do about them, and it's making her confused.”
“How could she not know anything about love?” Ayawa asked. “Don’t dragons pair up?”
“No,” Gersius answered and explained how little use male and female dragons had for one another. He then described what he knew of their emotions and how Lilly struggled to understand things like empathy, compassion, and love.
“You see,” Thayle said when he was done. “There is something about dragons we don’t understand. Somehow they can’t or don’t feel the world like we do.”
“This is all my fault,” Gersius said with a sigh.
“You need to stop that right now,” Thayle commanded with the stomp of afoot. “I am sick of you blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong. You are not in charge of the rest world, Gersius. You have no power to change events, especially when everyone you trusted was working against you.”
“But I set all this motion,” he argued, but Thayle cornered him.
“Really?” she laughed. “Did you write the prophecy? Did you start the war with the Doan? Did you choose to be assigned to command an army then withhold badly needed men and resources? Did you hamper yourself at every turn while betraying your maneuvers to the enemy? Did you try to prevent your own mission to find a dragon, then plan an ambush to stop it? Do you even listen to yourself?”
“But I played a part,” he protested.
“You did nothing!” Thayle yelled, drawing a few glances. “You did exactly as a man of your faith and position would do. But you think too highly of yourself if you think you could have changed any of this. You're just another rock rolling down a hill in an avalanche started by another. You're caught up in the flow and not getting out until you reach the base of the hill. Now stop all this self-pity. I understand why you feel this way, but you need to set this guilt aside and focus your eyes on Lilly.”
“You’re being a little harsh,” Ayawa interjected.
“I am not being harsh enough,” Thayle argued back. “When he realized what happened to Lilly's wings, he could have placed the blame on the Father Abbot where it belonged. But no, instead, he took full blame and made sure her anger was solely focused on him.” She turned to glare at Gersius with a look of contempt. “You martyred yourself for her suffering and sent her running down that road.”
Ayawa looked to Tavis, who shrugged to show he couldn't argue against Thayle's point.
“I take responsibility for my bad decisions. I don’t blame others,” Gersius said, his voice gaining strength,
“And I admire that about you,” Thayle said but didn’t let up. “But you didn’t make a bad decision. You chose to end a terrible war and save the lives of thousands. You took the only route open to you and did your absolute best. It isn’t Gersius of Astikar’s fault that the people he trusted tried to stop him. It isn’t your fault that innocent people were hurt because of them.” There was a long silence as Thayle glared at him with narrow eyes and a firm scowl.
“I am afraid she is right, my friend,” Tavis said and put a hand on his shoulder. “You can't carry the burden of all this. It wasn't your fault; you were doing what needed to be done.”
“And nobody else could have done it,” Ayawa added.
“You’re right,” Gersius admitted and ran a hand through his hair. “I did my best.”
“Good,” Thayle said with a pleased smile. “Now remember who you are and, more importantly, who it is that needs you most right now.”
“You mean Lilly?” he asked to be sure.
“Of course, I mean Lilly,” Thayle sighed. “You are her rock in a world she knows nothing about. You understand what I mean. You were there to witness it first hand. The human world is strange and complicated to Lilly. On top of it, she is dealing with new emotions and grappling with what they mean. You are the one she trusts to take her by the hand and lead her forward. She needs you.”
Gersius nodded and looked to the rear of the barge where Lilly sat. How he wished he could be holding her hand right now.
Lilly sat at the rear of the barge as it snaked its way up along the green river. Thayle had done her best to help, but right now, Lilly wanted to be alone. Her world had changed overnight, and with it had come many new experiences. Part of her wanted to see where it was all going, but another part urged her to turn back. The dragon called from inside, urging her to run from all the things that hurt her. She wanted to go back to the valley and climb into her cave to sleep until everything that caused her pain passed away.
Thayle helped her understand that Gersius was as much a victim as she was. He blamed himself for her wings but ultimately wasn't the one who set these events in motion. There was somebody else behind all the suffering, and that hidden hand was truly to blame. Gersius was a pawn that they couldn't quite control. He set out to stop the war with a pure heart and a desire to do good.
Lilly struggled with the concept of good and evil. Things were so much simpler for a dragon. Questions of right or wrong, good or evil, never factored in their lives. She did what she did because that's what dragons always did. To her, everything was good and right because it was how it was meant to be. It hurt her head to understand this morality that Thayle tried to explain. She saw echoes of it in the coins she took from the farmhouse and how Gersius insisted she give them back. Even more difficult was honor and duty, the principles that Gerisus lived by. Thayle tried her best to explain them so Lilly would understand why he went to Whiteford when all reason said he should not.
So much changed since they met in her valley, and the binding was forged. A new path was laid for her life, and many things started to go wrong. Still, when she looked back, there were some wonderful memories and moments she would treasure forevermore. Walking through a forest had been a magical experience full of discoveries and wonders. It was there she smelled her first flower, and Gersius made a crown out of them. She remembered how he described the lily flower as beautiful and asked if she would like to be named after it. She also remembered how he tried to protect her from the bandersooks but ended up needing protecting instead.
“The fool man,” she muttered in frustration. “Always trying to protect… me.” Her words trailed off as she remembered how he fought and for who. She thought back to the farm and all her new experiences there. She particularly remembered the little girl and her toy dragon made of rags. One by one, she began to recount all the fond memories brought on by the man who held her hand through it all. Gersius was always there, trying to soothe away her pain and make life more bearable, more worth living.
Her thoughts eventually reached the revelation on the road and how Gersius was involved. She started to feel angry just to think about her wings but then she heard Thayle’s voice.
“Does that really make any difference?”
Of course, it did, didn't it? She thought about it over and over, trying to make sense of what she felt. Yes, she wanted her wings back desperately, and tears started to form just thinking about it. Then she remembered the question Thayle asked that now haunted her thoughts.
“If you could have your wings back, but you had to lose Gersius forever, what would you choose?”
She wanted to say her wings but knew Thayle would see the lie. Somehow he had worked his way into her thoughts and didn't want to give him up. She slammed a fist into the deck, drawing a glance from a man at the poles.
“How did I come to this?” she groaned to herself. “How did I learn what love was and then fall in love with a human?” She paused to laugh at the absurdity of it and looked to the water for answers. “I am a dragon. How did I fall in love at all?”
“So what?” she heard Thayle say as they talked alone. “Why can’t you love a human?”
“Because I am a dragon,” Lilly repeated in vain.
“I know what you are, but we both know that doesn't matter to you. You are trying to hide behind it, so you don't have to admit how you feel,” Thayle pressed.
“I don’t understand how I can feel this,” Lilly cried and looked to Thayle for help. “I don’t know what to do.”
“You need to take small steps to help you get over your fears. I can help you with the first one if you’re ready. All you have to do is admit the truth,” Thayle said.
“What truth?” Lilly asked.
“Admit to me that you love Gersius,” Thayle replied. “Say it out loud, and you will find a terrible weight taken off your shoulders.”
Lilly lowered her head as she struggled to say three little words. Why should a dragon find such words so difficult to say?
“Lilly, you need to be able to say it,” Thayle said. “It is the first step in getting through this.”
Lilly closed her eyes and tried to drown out the dragon inside that was clawing at her to stop. Then, with a deep breath, she spoke in slow, deliberate words as Thayle waited anxiously.
“I…love…Gersius,” she said at last.
Thayle wrapped her in a hug, promising that things were about to get better. Lilly had taken the first step in a wonderful new journey and would not regret a single step of it.
“I wish to be alone for a bit,” Lilly said when Thayle finally let her go. Thayle was more than willing to give her room but encouraged her to keep saying it. She told Lilly that she had to let go of the pain and focus on the love she felt for Gersius. Lilly tried not to think about it, but slowly, her mind returned to those three words. She tried in vain to deny them by stating firmly that she was a dragon, but always she heard Thayle say she was in love with a human.
“I am a dragon,” she said futilely. “A dragon who is in love with a human named Gersius.” She laughed and had to wipe her eye as the water continued to drift away, carrying with it the past and hopefully taking her to the future.
Thayle leaned against a barrel, thankful to be off her feet. She hadn't slept all night and spent most of the morning arguing with Lilly. She was tired emotionally and physically, but the task was still not done. Gersius was still having doubts, and Lilly may have admitted the truth, but she was far from embracing it. Thankfully Tavis took Gersius and went to the front of the barge, leaving her with Ayawa, who hovered nearby.
“Has she honestly come back for him?” Ayawa asked as Thayle closed her eyes.
“She loves him,” Thayle said. “Not only can I see it in her aura, but I got her to admit it.”
“Maybe that was true before, but I fail to see how they can overcome such a wound,” Ayawa said as she looked to where Lilly sat apart. “If they stay apart much longer, the feelings will begin to fade.”
“I doubt it will be much longer,” Thayle countered. “Lilly just needs some time to work through her emotions. She has no concept of what they mean or what to do with them. All she needs is a little more time and some guidance to find her way back.”
“Maybe it’s better she doesn’t find her way back,” Ayawa suggested.
Thayle looked up with a scowl, her patience for Ayawa’s constant opposition wearing thin.
“Why do you constantly stand against this?” Thayle demanded. “What do you have against them being happy?”
“I am not against them being happy,” Ayawa countered and knelt so she could talk more privately. “I would think my objections would be obvious. The girl is a dragon no matter what form she chooses to take.”
“Why does that matter?” Thayle asked. “She has a very beautiful human form, and Gersius loves her.”
“Even I can tell that he loves her,” Ayawa grumbled with a dismissive wave of her hand. “But we can't ignore what they are. He is a human, and she is a dragon. It is unnatural for their blood to mix, and nothing good ever comes out of disturbing the natural order. If you hadn't meddled in this, the natural course of events would have solved the problem.”
“I meddled?” Thayle laughed. “You saw how they were in the wilds. Lilly stayed despite not being bound because she wanted to be with him. They were entangled with one another long before I met them. If you ask me, they were destined to be together.”
“Were they?” Ayawa asked. “You disturbed the course of events by running after her and bringing her back. If not for you, she would be gone, and he would be healing from her loss.”
“He would be dead inside if she hadn't come back,” Thayle protested, her voice louder than she intended.
“He would recover,” Ayawa said with a confident tone. “He always does.”
“You know what,” Thayle said with a toss of her head. “I am too tired to fight with you over this. Maybe you're right, and their blood shouldn't mix, but let them decide that on their own.”
“You should take your own advice,” Ayawa countered.
“I will not see them torn apart by a madman hundreds of miles away,” Thayle growled. “It wasn’t fair what happened to them. I am only trying to restore the balance so they can choose their path without someone trying to tear it apart.”
“I don't mean to sound heartless,” Ayawa said in a softer voice. “In truth, I care a great deal about Gersius. I only worry that this relationship will lead to more pain for both of them. If it does, not even you will be able to soothe their hearts again.”
Thayle nodded in agreement as the weight of Ayawa's word sank in. Lilly and Gersius were at the end of their ropes and holding on by a thread. All it would take was one more painful event, and they would part forever. She closed her eyes and prayed to Ulustrah, begging the goddess to protect the love so desperately trying to bloom.
Across the boat, Lilly sat staring at the water as the Soshan Princess slowly worked its way upriver. Once again, she told herself she was a dragon and once again admitted that she loved a man. She sighed and gave up the silent war waging in her head. It was time to let go and learn how to love the man named Gersius.
That day and the next passed slowly as the barge crept along against the flow. They stopped a few times to rest the crew and put in at a small village for the night. They camped along the bank with the crew rather than risk rooms where they might be recognized. Lilly rejoined the group that night but struggled to say anything to Gersius. She tried a few times, but something choked back her words, and she gave up and sat with Thayle instead. Tavis and Ayawa tried to keep the conversation away from their troubles, but Gersius's eyes lingered on Lilly. Finally, after an hour of silence, he decided to speak and went to her side.
“Are you feeling any better?” he asked as she looked down, unable to face him.
“I feel fine,” she replied with no emotion.
“We should talk about what happened,” he suggested, hoping for a chance to apologize.
“We have nothing to talk about,” Lilly replied as he reminded her of that night. She tried not to blame him for her wings, but bringing it up made the pain come back.
Thayle saw Lilly's aura filling with red and realized this was too soon for them to be talking about this. She wished he had simply asked if he could sit with her and put his arm around her back. Instead, he stoked the fires by making her think about the pain and bringing back the bad memories. She tried to intervene and put a hand over Lilly's, giving her a reassuring squeeze to remind her she was safe. It had some effect as Lilly's aura softened, but then Gersius said the most foolish thing he could possibly say.
“Lilly, why are you still here if you don’t want to talk to me?”
It was like throwing fresh kindling on a dying fire. Lilly’s aura flared with red as she jumped up and turned to face him.
“I don’t know!” she yelled and stormed into the night.
Thayle shook her head as she got up and turned on Gersius with contempt.
“What kind of question was that?” she demanded to know.
“She has no reason to stay with us,” Gersius replied. “She should go home.”
“Is that what you want?” Thayle asked. “Not only did I tell you to stop apologizing, but I told you she loves you. This is where she wants to be, but you have to be patient and let her work through the confusion. This is all new for her.”
“I just want her to be safe and happy,” he protested.
“Then stop driving her away,” Thayle snapped and turned away. She ran into the night after Lilly and found her along the shore, throwing stones into the water. Her aura was full of anger and remorse, indicating that she was upset at how she behaved. With a calming breath, Thayle walked up to her side and picked a stone to throw into the water.
“Why are you here?” Lilly asked.
“I am here because you need me,” Thayle replied and cast her stone. “Now be honest with me, what just happened?”
“I don’t know,” Lilly growled and picked up another stone.
“You must have been feeling something,” Thayle insisted. “I saw what was going on in your aura. Why did you get so angry?”
Lilly threw another stone then stopped to think about her reply. She tried to explain how his apology made her feel. It was as if he was still insisting it was his fault and all that anger came rushing out.
“That was a mistake on his part,” Thayle admitted. “But he was trying to open up to you.”
“He told me to go away,” Lilly countered.
“He only said that because he is afraid you hate him. He wants you to be happy even if that means without him,” Thayle argued.
“I didn't think of it that way,” Lilly admitted and picked up another rock. “I want to talk to him so badly, but whenever I try, I get angry.”
“Sweetheart, you need to forgive him,” Thayle pressed. “He loves you so much he is willing to lose you if it means you would be happier. Let me tell you. Few men can make such a sacrifice.”
“I want to forgive him,” Lilly said as tears came to her eyes. “But whenever I look at him, I am reminded of what happened to my wings.”
“Your wings mean a lot to you,” Thayle said softly as Lilly’s aura filled with pain.
“I am a dragon. My wings mean everything to me,” Lilly said as tears fell to the ground. “If I could use the word love to describe one thing from my past, I would say that I love to fly. Without my wings, I am not a dragon anymore. I am something less, something worthless.”
“Lilly, you listen to me,” Thayle said and took her arm to make sure she had her attention. “Never say you are worthless again. You are a beautiful creature, and I am very fond of you.”
“You are?” Lilly asked as she looked up with wet eyes.
“Sweetheart,” Thayle said with a soft smile. “You are very special to me, and I consider you a dear friend.”
“I am your friend?” Lilly asked as her tears poured.
“Of course you are,” Thayle said and pulled Lilly into a hug. “Did you think I ran after you just to help Gersius? You mean a lot to me, and I would have missed you terribly if you left.”
“I would have missed you too,” Lilly admitted and tried to wipe her eyes.
“Then let's talk about this pain your carrying. Tell me what flying means to you,” Thayle urged as she let the poor dragon go.
Lilly took a few deep breaths before sitting on the shore to share her feelings. She tried to impress on Thayle how much she loved to fly and how long she would linger just to be up there. She described soaring over the mountains and looking down on the world from above. She also described flying above the clouds at night and looking up to see the star-filled sky. She used the word beautiful to describe it but admitted she hadn't known that word until Gersius taught it to her. Then she lamented that she would never have these experiences again. She was a crippled dragon and of no use to anyone.
“You are useful to me,” Thayle said and put a hand on Lilly's knee. “I enjoy having you around, and so does Gersius.”
“He only wants me around to complete his stupid prophecy,” Lilly replied.
“That isn't true,” Thayle said with a shake of her head. “Lilly, you need to understand where Gersius is right now. You may have lost your wings, but Gersius has lost his entire way of life. He is hurting in ways that make me shudder to think of and still blames himself for you. I don't know if he plans to go on with his mission. I think he is afraid that if he does, it will cause you more pain.”
“Why should he care?” Lilly asked as she tossed a rock into the water.
“Because he loves you,” Thayle said in exasperation. “Lilly, a man, will fight for the things he loves, but nothing makes them crumble faster than accidentally putting that love in danger. He can't bear the idea that you will be hurt again. That's why he said you should go home. He is hoping you will be safer away from him.”
“Why does he feel like that for me?” Lilly questioned and put a hand over Thayle's.
Thayle smiled at the gesture and explained that she and Gersius had made a special connection that was rare and beautiful. Lilly assumed Thayle meant the bind and reminded her that it was broken. Thayle smiled and assured her it wasn't the bind she was talking about. It was something much more powerful, based on emotions and driven by desire. He couldn't go on with his mission without her, not because he needed a dragon, but because he needed the woman known as Lilly.
Lilly tried to make sense of it all as Thayle waited patiently for an answer. She wanted desperately to talk to him, but the anger was so close to the surface. Why was this silence so hard to break? Why did the anger feel so consuming?
She put a hand to her head and tried to make sense of it as warm fingers blended with her own. She looked down to see Thayle holding her hand, then looked up and met her eyes. She smiled at Lilly in a comforting way and put an arm around her back to hold her tight. Lilly was at a loss for words but felt safe for the fist time in two day. She tipped her head to the side and welcomed the embrace as the twisting began to rage inside.