Chapter 36: Read ‘Em and Sweep, Boys!
Now’s the time to take this Skill upgrade. Or hold fast for other future upgrade possibilities down the line. They may or may not be better than this one. Who’s to say?> Girl, you're crazier than a pigeon-rat in a coffee can. I didn’t take you to be the Vegas retirement type, but let me tell you I love it. (This Skill is on the house. Just this one time, alright?) Ready to win it big? With this Skill you can wager some Mana and spin the wheel whenever you Craft. On what, you ask? How about everything? Leveling up this Skill will increase the odds in your favor. In the end, your House always wins.> Work, study, and play. For a short time each day, this Construction can generate an Aura that puts a little pep in the step and gets the bones pumping of Undead Minions. Or a calming Aura that slightly increases the amount of Experience that is gained while in its vicinity. And it also plays oldies music. Unlike normal Dungeon Core Aura’s, once Constructed, the Bone Spur Gramophone can be activated and relocated by Minions and other creatures. You might have to teach them how to share. In this kitchen we dance.> Get the real bird’s eye view this way. Or get front row seats to riveting combat. This is a great way to scout for information outside when you want to take a little Break from being a Dungeon.> It’s a meteor-tail dragon rooster. Simple as that. Sometimes they can get attached to a particular household and get very territorial. Don’t ask how this Fire Affinity Minion got slipped in here. Beats me.> They’ll take a moment to warm up to each other, but once they do they’ll be two peas in a pod. They might just keep each other preoccupied, like kittens with a bit too much energy. Unless you upset them, of course. Then you’re in for double trouble. Like the Domovoy, your Dungeon can only support one of these Unique Connection Minions. (Not that you’d want more than one Kikimora around to begin with…) When properly motivated, this ancestral swamp spirit is capable of protecting multiple Floors at once and can assist in various types of domestic witchcrafting.> Absolutely NO REFUNDS.> I wasn’t too happy about losing two or three Skill and Power options in exchange for new Minion options. If I knew that would have happened, I might not have taken the Elemental Affinity Power. I still could only select two options out of the seven. Six options if you didn’t count Milly being so generous in rekindling my gambling addiction for free. Thankfully, I had been smart enough to leave out that part when I read the descriptions to Bonny both times. Maybe the System is generous with free samples at level 4, but I doubted it. I knew better to look a gift horse in the mouth. And I knew to keep my own mouth shut. Unless somebody is selling something, word getting around can be one of the best ways to put a damper on gifts given in good faith. Serving staff can’t make every meal free. “First off… A METEOR-TAIL DRAGON ROOSTER? Are they kidding? Absolutely not!” Bonny screeched. “I refuse to let you choose that Minion option.” Err, two out of the five options. “Agreed,” I said. “We’ve already got one running around outside as of this very morning. And it’s territorial enough.” “Tell me about it.” Bonny slumped in the chair. “Any chance you could order Jellybee or Spinemess to get rid of it?” “Nope,” Jellybee said in passing. During the re-reading he had wandered off to do chores. “He scares me.” He was walking out the backdoor, carrying a basket of Bonny’s dirty traveling clothes that she had quickly fetched. It had been my idea. Laundry isn’t exactly a quick process. In fact, it’s a terrible pain in the ass. Even in modern times. Back home the washing machine was one of the greatest inventions towards progressing women’s rights. And so far, this world seemed to be sorely lacking in that technology. Last night I Gardencrafted a washing board and a wooden tub. “Nah, Tiptap will have that covered eventually. Won’t you, you fearsome beast?” I gave her original body by the fire a pat on the head. She purred in happy delight, then rolled into a pile of soot. Tiptap’s copy, in response to my question, stood up from her nap with a big transparent stretch. Then promptly fell out of the cat tree. She did not land on her feet. Bonny looked at me with a raised eyebrow. She restrained a laugh with a puckered smile. “Probably,” I amended. New Minions? Bah. Like I need even more of those to wrangle. I’ve already got my hands full enough already with the adorable idiots I have here. The only Minion I had to create on my own immediately went six feet under. There’s more where that came from, even if I never created another named Minion. As far as I could tell, there wasn’t anything stopping me from creating a whole animated plushy army. “What do you like then? Mana Sweeping is a repeat option, but all the other options are new.” Bonny thought for a moment. “I’ve heard legends of the Opossnix, but I have no idea what a Domovoy or Kikimora is. The words sound… foreign.” It was true. Kind of. I had known for a while now that the System did some real time translating for me. But there were occasionally issues where the subtitles didn’t match up with the words on screen, so to speak. I’m not the best at reading lips, but even I could see that Bonny’s mouth didn’t form the right shapes when she said the names of those two latter Minions. Once again, it was another odd quirk of the weird video game logic this world followed. The System seemed to delight in presenting me with puns and verbal play, but also struggled with translating certain words or metaphors. It wouldn’t surprise me to hear that there might be some underpaid Tower of Babel System Clerk out there. And that individual was doing the best they could to give me a good experience, while working with the tools they had. If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement. Domovoy sounded Russian or Eastern European to me. I wondered if it was a creature from Earth. My Earth. One of the Affinity descriptions had listed off a kelpie. Wasn’t that a mythological horse from Ireland? “Once again, agreed. We’re two birds of a feather,” I said. “I’d rather not take an option I don’t understand unless I absolutely have to. I still don’t quite understand the abilities I already have. “‘Mana Sweeping’ is self explanatory and ‘Seeing-Eye Minions’ seems easy enough to me. So those are safe bets. ‘In Record Time’ also sounds like a relatively safe option. Bonus Experience is almost never a bad thing. For the others, I will have to do some research. I plan to go into town today to run some errands and shop. I doubt a town of this size will have books on Dungeons and monsters, but I can place an order that could arrive in a few weeks or months.” I nodded. “So until then, stay away from ‘Gamblecraft.’ You got it, boss,” I said. “Hmm… Not necessarily. This System Clerk of yours seems to have a fondness for you. There is no mention of losing it big, like you would normally expect from a gambling related Skill. The benefits could possibly be only beneficial, but with a low chance of occurring. But honestly, I’m not sure.” She took a sip of tea, once again disappearing into a cloud of thought as she looked out the window. I Knitted quietly, waiting for her to muddle through. She moved on. “For right now, I would prefer it if you took none of the Minion options. Unless I’m mistaken, none of the townsfolk besides Brill and Waye know that this Cottage is a Dungeon. I’d like to keep it that way. Fire breathing chickens and even more undead spirit Minions wandering around the premises could raise suspicions.” “How do you know one of those two won’t snitch? Shouldn’t I be Stitching up Minions to scare off anyone lurking around?” “I trust Brill. And Brill assures me that Waye can be trusted with confidentiality. I’ve been told that he hasn’t spread a rumor in over twenty years of mail delivery,” Bonny said. Her words were confident, but she had clearly worried over this dilemma too. “On the other hand, you’re right that we should prepare some defenses. From what you mentioned, your starting Minions were a Domovoy and a Plush Golem. But also said that you don’t know what a Domovoy is? How did you get these other Minions?” “Adoption,” Jellybee said. He was passing through again, this time carrying what appeared to be soap: soda ash, animal fats, and lye. While this wasn’t exactly laundry machine detergent, perhaps this world wasn’t so backwards after all. I laughed. “He’s not wrong. I have no idea how it happened or keeps happening. It’s a question I’ve had too. I’m not even sure what’s the difference between a Minion and a Monster? Or a Monster and an animal? Why is Tiptap here one of my Minions, but not Bedknob? It’s all very confusing.” “I can answer that. Or at least part of that.” Bonny stood up straight, going back into teacher lecture mode. “The simple explanation is that Minions are Monsters that are bound to a Dungeon. And all undead are considered monsters. Tiptap, for instance, is a monster. Bedknob is not.” I tilted my head. “But what’s the difference? Both cats got magic paws. Why would a dragon rooster be considered a monster, but a snowball launching rooster isn’t?” “Congrats. You’ve discovered the taxonomic question that will cause any demure academics to throw down in a bloody brawl. I myself have split a few lips over that debate.” She smirked. “The real answer is: it’s complicated. The line between when an animal or human becomes a monster is blurry and a matter of scientific debate, but there appears to be some sort of line.” I myself simmered on that. I watched the Neverwatch Pot bubble away and watched Jellybee string up a few shirts on a clothesline hung between trees. I took a peak on Spinemess meditating down in their room below, sitting cross legged on the dirt floor, surrounded by a carpet of fungal growth. “Jellybee doesn’t seem like much of a monster to me,” I muttered. “You could argue that Spinemess is a monster now, but they still seem very human to me.” Bonny crossed her arms and drummed on her upper arm with one hand. Her rabbit tattoo was clearly visible and appeared to hop with the motion. “Yes, well… How to put this? The System places a division between other sapients, like humans, and undead. It’s not said outright, but there are principles between them. For example, I have access to Skills, Achievements, and Quests. I can accumulate Skills very quickly. Especially when I put my mind to it and think of Skills as a form of art. But on the other hand, Titles are very difficult for me to achieve.” “That’s not what I would have expected,” I remarked. “Right? The System seems to think that humans are good enough at giving themselves Titles on their own. So it doesn’t feel the need to help them out.” “Makes sense.” Bonny carried on, “Furthermore, I don’t have any Powers. Instead, I have to rely on Skills and magic that imitate Powers.” She withdrew the pair of magical leyline snipping scissors she carried. “Or use tools made from monster and Dungeon Core parts.” “If you gained Powers, would that make you a monster?” I asked. “Yes. You’ve seen it already. In a couple ways. Like, if a woman chooses to bind her soul to a tree.. She can become a nymph. Or a dryad, depending on the method and intent and type of tree. Or if, say, I died near an undead,” she motioned through the back window, towards Jellybee out in the yard, “I might gain Powers. In exchange, I would lose my ability to complete Achievements and Quests. I might gain Titles easier, making me the focus of Quests. There’s a chance I could retain my current Skills, but usually most Skills don’t survive the transition. Perhaps the mind seems to struggle with retention without a brain or perhaps death is traumatic.” She cupped her mouth with a hand and whispered, “That’s also a scientific debate you shouldn’t bring up in polite company.” I laughed at that. I was learning so much about this world today. Including ways to crash college parties! “Lastly, any new Skills would be far more difficult to acquire,” Bonny continued, “And any Skills I do have would develop far more slowly compared to when I was human.” That made sense. It explained Jellybee was quite good at Mining, yet struggled with picking up new Skills I tried to teach him. It also explained why my bony boys were resistant to the idea of developing hobbies to pass their free time. Try as I might, I couldn’t get Jellybee out of work mode last night. It reminded me of a few far gone folks I knew back on Earth. Picking up new artistic endeavors could be incredibly daunting if you couldn’t remember what your grandchild looked like or how you even ended up in a memory care facility. “Then what about Dungeon Cores?” “Supposedly, they get access to pretty much everything, except Classes. I think. If you have one, let me know! I have a few debates to settle. Regardless, their flexibility is partly why they are so dangerous.” “I have never seen any Achievements. Or Quests.” “Then I could be wrong. Or our sciences could be wrong. Of course there are always exceptions to every system of classification, but for the most part the rules are pretty consistent. But we’re getting off track. As much as I would love to chat about System taxonomy, we need to help you become stronger.” Bonny said that last part genuinely, without sarcasm. She was clearly a nerdy nut. All one had to do was find the right hammer to crack up that shell. I already had a good idea of what I wanted. “I’ll take Mana Sweeping. What else?” She nodded at that. “Good idea. Odds are good that if there is another upgrade for Mana Sweeping down the line, it’ll be even more powerful now. Once you get another Skill to level 10 or 20 you could upgrade that, then there’s a possibility of merging two upgraded Skills together for an even better synergy. As for the other choice… I don’t think you’re anywhere close to Breaking, so I’d advise against the vision related Power. As much as I’m curious about Gamblecraft, I don’t like gambling with my livelihood. You should take ‘In Record Time,’ purely for the passive increase to experience.” “You betcha.” Bonny stood up, “I best be off before it gets too late. When I get back this evening we can experiment with some of your other Powers and see how we can develop some defenses. I’m curious to see what that Domovoy monster is all about. Maybe you could build a secure containment room? In the meantime, don’t let Jellybee disintegrate my clothes. And try not to burn down the house before I return.” She got up and headed to the front entrance. “I would never!” I smirked. “Is letting the house fall into a sinkhole alright? I have a lot of Sweeping to catch up on.” “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that!” She stopped at the door, then turned. “Oh, and Ethel?” “Yes, Miss Kettleflar?” “I really appreciate you listening to my advice and waiting until morning to decide. Just so you know, putting my trust in you was a gamble. This means a lot to me.” She left and locked the door on her way out. I smiled. What she won’t know won’t hurt her. Mum’s the word, Milly. And let me say, this little granny is feeling mighty lucky today. I Soul Strolled down to the basement, then selected the option to begin crafting the Recipe I had received from my new Power. A new notification appeared: I confirmed yes, then a 3D depiction of a twenty-sided die rolled on the screen before my eyes. “Read ‘em and weep, boys. Lucky number 7!” I activated my In Record Time Power. Construction on the new Bone Spur Gramophone began in the cellar area. I felt the Mana drain from my Core. When I had leveled up I had full Mana Capacity. I opened my latest up to date Status screen to confirm the amount of Mana that had been drained by Gamblecraft matched up with the roll of the die: [MERRIWEATHER DUNGEON GEOBLOOM CORE (LEVEL 4) MANA CAPACITY: 13/20 MANA RENEWAL RATE: 2 MINIONS: 5 TIPTAP, UNDEAD SHADOW CAT (LVL 2) SPINEMESS, UNDEAD BONE MAGE (LVL 2) JELLYBEE, UNDEAD SKELETON SAPPER (LVL 3) LUCILLE SQUALL, DEMONIC PLUSH GOLEM (LVL 4) JIMBO-NO, UNDEAD SKELETON BRIGAND (LVL 6) RINAFEN, NATURE NYMPH SPIRIT (LVL 7) TRAP INTEGRITY: N/A LOOT VALUE: 2 + ?? NEVERWATCH POT SHIVER, SNICKERSNACK SWORD ASSORTED CANNED GOODS AVAILABLE SKILLS: LEYLINE KNITTING (LVL 5) GARDENCRAFT (LVL 7) MANA SWEEPING (LVL 1) SOUL STROLL (LVL 4) GAMBLECRAFT (LVL 2) UNLOCKED POWERS: BONE SPUR GRAMOPHONE BRITTLE BONES AURA ELEMENTAL AFFINITY (CONNECTION) IN RECORD TIME PYREPLACE SIMMER SCRAPBOOK SOULSTEW TITLES: HOMEWRECKER]