Chapter 21: Loosey Goosey

I took a seat in a wooden rocking chair I just barely conjured up for the occasion with Gardencraft. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to find any seat cushions in my blueprint menus. But that didn’t really matter. My Soul Stroll didn’t need the padding. Nor could it actually rock the chair. It was all for the aesthetic.

I motioned for her to sit on the other couch.

Instead, she stood. There was a long pause as the young girl processed what I said. Then she asked, “Terms of... employment?”

“Yuppers. You heard right! I dropped on by and couldn’t help but notice your home was in need of a few repairs. Now, I know what you’re thinking: I may look like an old geezer–and that’s because I am but I’m actually as fit as a fiddle! With hands to spare. You won’t find a better fixer upper this side of, dare I say, anywhere. All I ask in exchange is to be provided lodging for me and a few skeletons in the meantime.”

The look on her face was priceless. I could see it even through those gaudy rainbow sunglasses she was still wearing indoors. I must admit, it was a devilish sort of fun to be so upfront with her. I enjoyed watching the girl’s expression turn on a dime so quickly. The poor lass went from shaking to a leaf to utter dumbfoundment.

It took me back. To the good old days, before I had to scrape by on social security and expired coupons to live on my own. At restaurants I would give young servers hell for the fun of it, then tip them well when they were a good sport.

I could read this one like a book.

The girl's eyes narrowed and she took a step back. “You’re lying. I don’t know what kind of trick this is, but I’m not falling for it.” She said. She raised the tiny scissors she carried again and stepped into a defensive stance.

Well, maybe I couldn’t read her that well… To be fair though, the odds were against me in the first place.

Speaking of which, what odds did she bring against me? Those scissors were quite curious. What good would those tiny blades do against rock and bone?

My Core hungered to know. That buried instinctual drive crept back to the forefront of my mind. I had pushed down all those emotions that weren’t mine when the girl came knocking, but I let this emotion simmer on top. I had to agree with it. Knowledge was valuable. I had to know if those scissors were dangerous. Or if they were the only weapon she happened to have on hand.

I gave into the urge and tried to take a closer peek at the small tool. But then Dungeon sight suddenly became all blurry. Like a smudge across my glasses appearing when I tried to read the fine print.

I was undeterred. I wondered if I could get a closer look using my Leyline Stitching Skill?

I casually activated it, twirling a single thread around a finger.

“My dear, I know you came back here for a reason. Presumably to kick me out. Which you’re more than justified in doing. I won’t be able to stop you. My Core is right there. I have no Minions traps protecting it. No Minions. What kind of tricks would I be able to pull in this situation?”

As I said this, I Stitched a Leyline thread towards the scissors to get a closer look. As soon as it got in range, she sliced out with the scissors, and snipped the thread.

Even with the girl's counterattack, the system still rewarded me for the attempt.

The disconnected Leyline unraveled into pure Mana smoke. And the thread attached to my finger fluttered uselessly to the ground.

Well, that explained it. Good to know.

The Mana smoke began to drift towards my Core. She glanced at my Core. Then her eyes crackled with that green fire again. Instead of the Mana drifting towards me, it drifted towards her eyes. The blaze in her built. The pressure in the air plummeted.

She was going to cast a spell.

My Core instincts screamed. I was in danger. The girl glanced at my Core again. I felt a spike of fear. I was exposed. Undefended. Caught with my drawers down and my bloomers flashin' to all the world to see.

I had to defend myself. I had to call for my Minions. I had to activate my Brittle Bone Aura. Anything!

No.

Those instincts were wrong. They were going to get me in trouble. These are not my thoughts!

This was not some greedy invader. This was a child! I was never the sort of person that would hurt a child, especially one in need. That would not change in this lifetime or the next.

This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it

Besides, despite her sense of fashion, I had to say I admired this one for her bravery.

The impression I got from my few interactions in this world was that Dungeon Cores were deserving of their bad reputation. My learning experience so far was the equivalent of fiddling around with a TV remote, only to accidentally discover that the big red ‘select’ button could directly order a bathtub or gun for free. And there were certainly a lot more buttons on the remote I hadn’t tried out. I could only begin to imagine the kind of power I could wield if I only knew what the hell I was doing.

This was further evident by the hidden drive that underlay my thoughts, pushing me to destroy and create for profit. Ceaselessly. With no end goal in mind. That was the sort of evil that tumbled civilizations.

No wonder I put the fear of God in her. I had to give her kudos for walking into the belly of the beast alone. It would have been a stupid choice if I wasn’t so generous. And a touch desperate.

With deliberate effort, I slowly stood from the rocking chair. “Okay. Yes. You’re wise to not trust me. But you have to believe I’m telling the truth.” With steady, deliberate, and glacial movement I came to kneel upon the ground. I bowed my head. “I really am a lost old lady in this world. I have nowhere else to go. Even if I did, I wouldn’t be able to survive on my own.”

I decided to take the path of honesty.

Mostly.

I worked my magic in the background. I had one contingency plan in mind.

I mean, I genuinely did want to work for her, but let’s be realistic here. I was inches away from possibly being destroyed. As a general rule I had learned to never trust any teenagers. That also included young college students.

“I… I don’t know.” She struggled with the words. “What would… Why would I want a Dungeon in my home?”

“You can do with me as you please. You would have full access to the house, including my Core. At any point you could smash my Core or send me off on my way. I fully intend to repair the damages, then pay off my debts to my Minions. Until then, you can consider me as some sort of, say, live-in nanny. I'll defend your home against any undead armies or monsters or people that might try to bring harm to the home.” I raised my head and met her eyes. I sprinkled in just a spoonful of puppy-dog eyes. “I swear it on my dear Gram Gram’s grave.”

The girl frowned and bit her lip. She took a deep breath. “You said undead armies? That seems… awfully specific...”

“Oh, yes. That reminds me! Tea!” I called out. “Jellybee, be a dear and bring the tea up here! How do I put this…You know those skeleton Minions of mine?”

The girl nodded.

A mushroom hat adorned the skeleton gingerly stepped up the stairs, carrying something in his arms. The witch girl’s eyes blazed and a green emerald orb of fire burst into her unoccupied palm. She held it poised at the ready as if she were going to throw it like a baseball.

“Now, now. Let’s behave.” I stood and dusted off my clothes. “I won’t have you hurting my helper. Especially when he’s brought the tea finally. This here is Jellybee. Jellybee, meet…” I snapped my fingers. “Oh, bother! Where are my manners? I don’t think I caught your name, dear!”

She lowered her hand upon confirming with her eyes that the skeleton was carrying a full platter of tea cups with both hands. The platter jostled and tea spilled everywhere.

She fidgeted for a moment.

I quickly reassured her. “I’m not a fairy. Or whatever you people here call it. I can’t use your name against you. But I will eventually need a name if we are to have a working relationship.”

Sheepish and blushing, she replied. “Err… Bonny.”

Jellybee saluted with one hand and jerked his spine straight. Two teacups fell off the platter and shattered on the ground. “Pleasure to be of service, madam Bonny!”

Well done, Jellybee. Just as we practiced. A perfectly upstanding citizen. Very unthreatening. If only he hadn’t taken so long to figure out how to enter the pantry and find the tea leaves.

Where did he find the tea set though?

“Bonny. What a lovely name. This here is one of my few Minions. One of three. Er, five now, technically speaking. You may have become acquainted with him earlier. I assure you, he means well. Jellybee here was part of a much larger army before I volunteered him into helping me with the household chores.”

Jellybee handed Bonny one of now half filled teacups.

She stared at it suspiciously.

I assured her. “It’s not poisoned.”

Probably.

I hoped it wasn’t. I wouldn’t put it past him.

Bonny took a cautious sip. And immediately spat it out with a cough.

She made a disgusted face and glared scissors at him.

I sighed. “The tea is cold, isn't it?”

Bonny and Jellybee nodded at the same time.

“Ice tea. As requested,” he said.

“Jellybee, dear, there's no ice in that tea.”

“Correct,” Jellybee stated. “My apologies. The ice box was fresh out.”

Bonny disposition finally broke. She let out a stifled snort of laughter. “I think I see what you mean. You’re all a fucking mess.”

Jellybee held a broken teacup towards the bubbling cauldron hanging over the hearth. “No, that’d be him.” He took a sip. Tea spilled down his neck and ribs, leaving a trail of sticky loose leaf flakes.

She laughed again. “Okay. Fine. I’ll consider it. I get to keep my home, truly?”

“Truly.”

“Promise me this is not a trick. Seriously. Or so help me.”

“Pinky promise. Cross my heart, hope to die.” I held out a raised pinky.

She cocked her head to the side. “You’re not from around here. Are you?” She asked.

“‘Fraid not, love. I got off the wrong bus, so to say."

“I don’t know what that means either.”

“It means I’m bound to my word. Do we have a deal?” I asked.

“As long as I get to set the terms, yes. We have a deal,” Bonny said. She held out a hand. I shook it.

A long serpentine hiss resounded from the basement. Followed by screaming. And ferocious, deep honking.

“Great. So here’s the thing… I’m putting all my cards out on the table. Right as you showed up I activated my newest Minion from my Affinity. Don’t go down the stairs. There’s a giant velveteen goose golem on the loose. Her name is Lucie. And it would seem she’s out for blood.”

Bonny’s complexion drained into a somehow paler tone.

I breathed a sigh of relief. “Phew. That feels good to get off my chest.”