Chapter 29: Home is Where the Heart is.

Jimbo-no clapped softly. “Well isn’t that nice. Spiney made a new forever friend!” The sailor skeleton then approached me to talk confidentially. “Ethel. Granny. Darling. Look me in the eye. See how serious I am here?” He spoke in a tone I’d never heard him use before. The look in his eye burning brightly. “Don’t ever, ever put me in time-out lady soup. I like having my little Jimbo bone, if ya know what I mean. I don’t care how badly this body gets fucked up. I’ll walk it off. I’ll work the Wild River ferry if I have to. But don’t ever take away my manhood. Ya hear?”

Spinemess folded their arms at that. Both sets of them. “You don’t have any manhood,” they said. “That fell off years ago.”

“Doesn’t matter! It’s all in how ya use it. And believe me, I still can!”

“Oh hush, child,” I said. “I’m not sticking you in the Pot.”

Not yet. Anyways.

“Thanks the gods,” Jimbo-no exclaimed. Then he slumped on the couch, next to Brill, and placed a hand upon his shoulder. “You understand, right?”

Brill glared at him. Then brushed away Jimbo-no’s hand and scooted away. He shared a look with me. I could only shake my head in sympathy.

I continued, “Besides, this was Spinemess’s choice. I had no control over how they would turn out. As far as I can tell, the Neverwatch Pot cooks up ingredients like my Gardencraft. I can water and nurture a seed into a tree, but it’s up to the tree to decide on how it wants to grow. And speaking of which… Spinemess, earlier you had no say in the matter when you got roped into this mess. Now I’m giving you the choice. If you’d like, you’re free to go and live your life.

Jimbo-no exclaimed, "Hey! What about me? I had no say!"

"Hush! You’re sticking around, Little Jimbo.” I smiled up at Spinemess. They dwarfed over me like a scarecrow on a pole. “Feel free to take your time. Because you might need a lot of it. I don’t know how to exactly go about releasing you from being my Minion. So bear with me as soon as I figure it out.”

Jellybee dropped a teacup. “Bear? Where?” He looked about frantically.

Surprisingly, I noticed Brill’s posture shift. He became more alert.

“Thank you, Ethel,” Spinemess replied. “I sincerely appreciate it. For now–until our mission is completed–I will remain. I have a duty to uphold.”

Jimbo-no grumbled. Then went back to kicking dust around with a broom.

Spinemess bowed to Bonny and Brill. The skeleton’s back popped audibly with the motion. “My apologies. It would appear I may have been mentally absent these last few hours. Excuse me, miss, but would you happen to be the owner of this home?” They asked.

Bonny replied, “That’s me.”

“I’m mage specialist Spinemess. The Marrowmar Squadron was sent on a mission to give you a message. I wish to fulfill that obligation.”

Her eyes grew wide.

“So,” Brill said. “That’s why the undead are here.”

“What does the Evergreen want with me?” Bonny asked. “I haven’t done anything. You must have the wrong house.”

“Are you not Miss Hattie Tanner?”

Bonny let out a sigh of relief. “I am not. I’m Bonny Kettleflar. Miss Tanner is the previous owner. I am the homeowner, now, yes, but only as of recently. Hattie Tanner has not lived here in some time. I’m sorry.”

“Ah, I see,” Spinemess said. “Then would you kindly deliver our message to Miss Tanner? If at all possible? It’s of the utmost importance.”

“Why? And who’s asking?” Brill asked. His eyes bore into the tree nymph skeleton. The hairs on his beard practically stood on end.

“Hattie Tanner is to make an appearance before the Evergreen Ossarchy board members in one month’s time.”

Brill stood up and crossed his burly arms. He reminded me of a bear standing on its hind legs to look larger. Despite this, the plant covered undead stood a foot taller. “And if she doesn’t?”

“Failure to comply will result in a forced retrieval and personal escort to Lo Patross, the company capital. And Poppymill and the surrounding settlements will be made an example of.”

Bonny shot up from the other rocking chair. “What, why?”

Spinemess stretched. It was quite the sight to see four long tree branch sized limbs stretching to their full length. “I was not told the reason. I presume, in my purely personal opinion, it would be because Poppymill had elected to harbor a known war criminal.”

“She doesn’t even live here anymore!” Bonny said.

“That is between her and the board to discuss. I am merely the messenger. Regardless of her answer, the terms are set. Plenty of warning was provided in advance.”

Brill scratched his beard in thought. “I can write her a letter, but it might not arrive in time. The guilds handle the mail. And I only have a vague idea of where she’s stationed. Is there a way to… make a request with the board? For an extension to the deadline?”

“I’m afraid not. Miss Tanner already ignored the last six missives. She kindly told the last messenger, and I quote, ‘Shove this letter up your ass. Next time send a whole squad after me. I don’t care. Send an army. I’ll fight them all. I’m not going.’ Thus, this is the squad bearing the final message. The only appropriate response for her going forward is to make an appearance.”

This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

Brill raised his eyes to the ceiling and muttered, “Yeah. That tracks.”

“Brill,” Bonny pulled him aside. She spoke to him in a whisper. “There’s no way she can travel to Poppymill and to Lo Patross in just one month. It’s impossible. She won’t make it in time.”

Brill placed a hand on her and raised a finger to his lips. He motioned towards my Core.

“She can’t hear us this far away.” Bonny hissed. She was looking at my avatar.

“She’s a Dungeon Core. She can.” He didn’t even bother to whisper.

And yes, I could.

Good to know. We were going to have even more company.

I winked. “I won’t be able to hear you as well outside the Dungeon,” I suggested.

Bonny turned a shade paler than my ghost form.

Brill nodded in agreement. “Let’s talk. Outside.”

After the two left, the walking humanoid vine trellis turned back to me. A hand was placed on the bottom of Spinemess’s mask, where their chin would normally be. “I get the impression our mission failed before it began. On second thought, Miss Merriweather, I will take you up on your offer.

“Oh? And where will you go?” I asked. “Back home? I suppose I’ll see you in a month when you come back to murder me?”

“No.” Spinemess said. They shook their head. “Believe it or not, I intend to go AWOL.”

Jellybee gasped. Jimbo-no almost tripped.

“And?” I asked. “After that?”

Spinemess held up all four hands in a shrug. “You know, I haven’t thought that far. Live. I suppose. At least for Rinafen’s sake. And my own.”

“Stay for a little while longer. At least until you figure out what you both want to do with yourselves.”

“I’m not sure what Rinafen wants. But for my sake, like all undead, I desire power. Which, ironically, in a roundabout way, is why I’m in this form now. My squad desired your Core and tried to take it for ourselves. Look where that got us. No,” Spinemess shook their head. A few leaves fell from their hair. “Staying here will only delay the inevitable. But I assure you, I’m truly grateful for what you’ve done.”

“Well, I’m afraid you’re going to have to stick around, regardless. I still can't find the blasted button that terminates your contract. You’re stuck with me until then, hun. Besides,” I smiled, “I’m sure the new homeowner would appreciate having a couple more pairs of hands around to help.” I nodded in the direction of the two that had returned from their discussion.

I didn’t think it was possible for Bonny to look even more pale. She was practically shining with fear.

“Thank you, Spinemess.” Brill said. “I will send her a letter.”

Spinemess took a bow. Leaves fell again and wood creaked. “Thus concludes my message. And my mission,” they said. “Gods be with us.”

Jimbo-no laughed. “Welcome back to the shitshow, buddy.”

Brill approached me.

“Can we talk? Privately?” He asked.

I followed him out into the garden. Bees were buzzing and Tiptap had taken to chasing frogs out by the river.

“I, uh,” he rubbed the back of his head. “I am not very good at being threatening.” He said.

I looked him up and down.

“Could have fooled me,” I replied.

“I mean I don’t know how to threaten someone. It’s not in my nature.”

“Is that why you’re here? To threaten me?”

“It was,” Brill said.

“And instead, you got threatened.”

He nodded.

“I don’t like the idea of my niece living in a Dungeon without protection. I was going to demand you make her Dungeon Master. Or destroy your Core if you refused.”

I had to admit, that term caught me off guard. I was only familiar with ‘Dungeon Masters’ in one kind of context. I had to assume he wasn’t referring to that.

I blushed. I almost didn’t want to ask. “Which means, uh, what, exactly?”

His brow furrowed in thought. “You don’t know? How long have you been around?”

Oh lordy. Perhaps he was referring to that! This criminal behavior isn’t what I signed up for! She was so much younger than me! The idea was revolting! What kind of world had I been reborn in?

“A day? Maybe two? I didn’t bring a glossary, so you’ll have to explain. Use small words.”

I dreaded his answer more than the thought of my Core being destroyed.

“I don’t ever use big words.” He huffed with a curled lip. I interpreted that as one of his few ways of smiling. “A Dungeon Master controls the keys. Makes ‘em steady; Locks ‘em down. No more new Minions. No more building new rooms. The Dungeon Master has full control.”

Oh thank God. Phew!

Wait, no! That sounds bad for me!

“...But?” I asked. “You aren’t threatening me? You changed your mind?”

He was silent for a spell. He looked out over the garden and watched Bedknob creep back into the Dungeon.

Tiptap didn’t notice the tomcat. One of her was in the fireplace. The other one was hunting a fallen leaf.

“My sister owned this place. Put a lot of heart into it. Hattie wanted it to go to someone that would appreciate it. I don’t know Bonny all that well, but she’s family. Which means she’ll be as pigheaded as the rest of us. It runs in our blood. She won’t back down without a fight.”

A Dungeon Master held the keys. They locked up my abilities. I wasn’t sure why I would willingly do such a thing. But he wasn’t asking for me to make her a Dungeon Master, was he?

I connected the dots.

“You think there will be a fight. You want me to protect her.”

Brill nodded.

“She could run. Or hide.”

He shook his head. “Poppymill is home,” he stated. “It’s what Hattie is fighting for.”

I understood the sentiment. I knew a stubborn old goat or two that would be willing to lay down in front of a bulldozer to save their home. One doesn’t pick up one’s roots that easily.

“I’m not sure what protection I can offer,” I said. “I’m too old to be getting into fights these days.”

He grunted. “It’s not your fight either. Which is why I’m asking you nicely instead. When the dead come a knockin’, can you keep Bonny safe? Can you keep my sister’s estate safe?”

I gulped.

What was I getting myself into? My Core instincts screamed in protest. That little voice was my guiding star. My only direction in this world I didn’t understand. I knew I should listen.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t good at following directions.

I had already decided to go the opposite direction of whichever way my instincts pointed.

“I can try,” I said.

Brill nodded. “Appreciate it.”

He went back inside to record the message for Miss Tanner’s letter. He left shortly after.

It looked like it was time for me to hit the books and learn a thing or two.

I had a few questions for Miss Kettleflar after Jellybee finished giving her a tour of the place.